WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Head Aches of an Epidural....

I was introduced to it like it was ice cream and the old way PCA (Patient Control Analgesia) was so outdated and barely worked as well. The Epidural worked OK the first day but by the second day I got the worst back pain ever on my left side; almost paralyzing and it even took my breath away. I couldn't breath and it was excellent that I was on oxygen.

The day after my surgery went went well except for one thing that could have offered cause for the amount of pain that I had been receiving all week. During the day there were several very, very busy nurses and at lunchtime it had appeared that all had gone to lunch at the very same time. I couldn't move around as much as I wanted to because of these 38 new staples and of course all these tubes sticking out of me and pinching me if they happened to not be controlled. One nurse had come in to check my vitals and had placed me in the chair next to my bed as she changed my bedding. She went into the bathroom to get something and then walked out of the room and told me that she would be right back back.

I was still very drugged up from to surgery and everything but needed some help to get back to my bed. I had this table that I wanted to move to the other side of my bed and I could not approach my bed from the side that I was on because of all wires sticking out of feet and in all I was tangled up. I pushed the nurse button and announced that I needed some help to get to get back to my bed and that there were too many wires in the way. I waited another 10 minutes and had even struggled trying to push the heavy table out of the way so that I could get back into bed. I push the nurses button again and this time I could barely reach it for being tangled and getting that table much further but it was stuck. I told the call nurse to please send someone to help me and she told me that she would. I was indeed very tired and just wished to lie down in my bed. I struggled to hold myself up until the nurse arrived for another 5 minutes or so and finally I awoke with my husband over me scared to death. I must have passed out or fainted because I had ripped the IV clear off my arm. My honey was very pissed and I was very disappointed that my calls for help were simply ignored. My honey feels I could have hurt myself this way instead of the Epidural.

On Tuesday night just after shift change 11pm, that intense back pain returned with out any vengeance for me at all; I cried agonizingly and could not get my breath. It took about 15 minutes of misery to finally get some pain relief. I looked into the eyes of each of those nurses and begged them to please watch the time; particularly at night (it was every 2 hours for the morphine) to be on top of it and to bring me pain medication and not wait until this to happen; to be awakened in extreme pain. Another serious problem I have been having is passing gas and in all my other surgeries; it would always takes sometimes up to a week to pass gas and it's worrisome for me most of the time after a surgery. I almost feel as if my butthole just completely closes because nothing comes out until after that first enema (which is usually days and days later)

One nurse really took to heart what I had said to her for she was on it with my pain meds; I didn't have to worry a bit about this happening again. She even worked on Wednesday night of which my honey spent the night (he spent several nights when he could) and I superbly impressed with her abilities. She really took it serious watching over me which is what a nurse is all about; caring and nurturing for patients.

On Thursday the epidural pain just got worse and I wanted it out in the worst way; also there was appearing to be a waste colored residue coming out of one of my 3 JPs; it was even filling up faster than than the other two. My doctor immediately started me on some more antibiotics and warned me of the possibility of another surgery.

On Thursday night after the night shift shift change I was disappointed that my dedicated nurse was not working. Instead another woman of Chinese descent, very short, with shoulder length unkempt hair; (she looked as if she had just gotten up out of bed and just arrived) her hair was not at all brushed and didn't really look much cleaner than mine (mine had last been washed on Friday) and her skin was very, very oily. I usually like to pay attention to how others pay attention or take pride in themselves and it even shows a respect for others. Maybe not all of us feel this way but while I am in the hospital it seems to just go out the window.

This particular nurse was very quiet spoken and mostly just did what she needed to get by or at least that's how I viewed her. She was kind of rough an inhumane while checking my vitals. For me, I take nurses very seriously. I depend on their care for me and I really do appreciate it; I want to me more than just a medical record number. Anyone who is there to take care of the sick inspires me and I love it if they are there to take care of me when I need it most and I needed it most.

My best friend Nikki had even arrived late in the evening to take care of me and to give my honey a much needed break. . Right when I started to feel pain I asked for relief just to see who would be in charge of handling the relief. This disheveled nurse had arrived at 12pm to give me my 2 hour dose of morphine. She also checked my vitals and also farted all over my room and it was so incredibly stinky and nauseating. I asked "did you just fart in my room?" I asked her point blank because I knew I was completely blocked still (and still am) and of course she denied it and said no. My friend Nikki denied it too and I just let the blame lay on me because the poor girl was already embarrassed.

I finally got to sleep at 1am and by 2:30am I was paralyzed in the worst pain I have ever experienced. Just when I think I have experienced the worst pain; pain can get worse? I couldn't breath and this was indeed a 12 going on 13. I cried and hyperventilated as I called for help. My friend Nikki held my hand and stayed with me until the slob nurse and another nice nurse arrived to help me. I kept thinking "why isn't this other nurse my nurse?". She was very comforting and the slob nurse had arrived with food all over face to give me my medicine. I asked her why she wasn't better prepared and fumbled that all patients must request medicine and I told her that I already did when I told her I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night like this feeling as if I were about to die. She then told me not to tell her how to do her job; being a little shocked at her response I told her "I'm asking that you please do your job better". I knew then I didn't want her to be my nurse ever and even told the head nurse the next morning to please not let her be my nurse again.

I didn't let it get to me; her immaturity but I hope she grows more as a person and doesn't treat another patient as she had treated me. Some people are lazy in life and they just let it go by them; and you really have to cease moments and grow from them. Don't fight criticism; learn and grow from it. I feel stronger every time I survive what seems impossible. Sure I still got some laughs over her stinking up my room and then blaming me but I couldn't help but tell my mom and family about this.

I thought this was a very interesting photo when I first took it and yes, I will be torturing many of you with disturbing images such as this. Another reason this is an adult only blog. It will be very interesting to see what my belly button will look like once this is all healing.



Today we did get to remove that stupid epidural and it feels so much better to be able to just push a button when I feel pain coming on. As of now, I am still blocked from all of these painkillers and am still unable to pass gas. I got to do an enema and that felt so great to release some of that pressure; I also got a blood transfusion and we are currently watching one of the other JP tubes or contraptions because bowel mixture seemed to be coming out. It's still a time bomb but I'm doing my best and following doctor's orders in hopes I won't need another surgery. More waiting and almost seeming like walking on Pins and needles. I still have hope despite all this and most of all I more prayers are needed!)

5 comments:

Free_Angie said...

Is this really your body?
My GOD!!!
I was feel creepy when I saw this...
I feel the pain..I feel the sympathy...
I'm following your blog quiet sometime already,but I never leave a comment.
I find your blog so very informative...
I'm hoping for your survival,about your fight for your health,and life...
I prayed for you... ^_^
There is always a reason,why you have it.
God has a reasons...
Maybe you touch alot lives,by inspired about your story...
Be strong keep on fighting....
Keep the faith higher and higher...^_^
Take care always... ^_^

Theresa said...

I am so sorry for anybody that has to go through what you have been through. I know how the hospitals can be, with nasty nurses that don't care about anybody,and I know how scary hospital stays can be. Cancer can only be of hell and Satan if you want my opinion.
Gods plan for us wasn't pain suffering and death due to sickness.
I hope that you get well very soon and get to go home to your own bed with no tubes and wires and machines.
My prayers will be with you and I will be patiently waiting on another update.
Do you know how long you are going to have to stay there??

Love ya girl!!!

montauksunset said...

Oh CJ - you have been through so much.n You are an amzing woman.

Keep The Faith!

ShoppingKharma said...

Yes, this is indeed my body for which I am so proud of. It's survived quite a bit. I really do appreciate all of the prayers and I feel they are indeed working.

Love to you all!)

l'optimiste said...

CJ! Keep going girl, don't let rude nurses get you down...you are the better person. We are missing you on the Facebook message, but everyone is following your progress and thinking / praying for you.

Think about the next snow boarding trip - love to you and your husband
x

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Disclosure

My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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