Me Depressed and Homesick in the Hospital?

Yes, it all hit me like a ton of bricks just the other morning when I was up crying in the middle of the night. I was wishing I could just go home and end of all of this torture. I'm so incredibly over getting stuck, poked, prodded, jerked on, tubes and stitches pulled on by nurses and doctors unaware that this might just hurt me. Please ask me before just grabbing at my abdomen; is that just too much?; not to mention grabbing at things at my abdomen and yanking on my poor bush! Yes I said it; my pubic hairs have been going through total hell when those sticky rubber things land on them and then they are jerked out and around. How completely hellish is that?

I addition, I was also getting stuck in the fingers 6 times a day at all hours of the night and day to check to make sure that my sugar level (diabetic test) did not go above 150 and in all it wasn't even getting above 100 and sometimes it got up to 121 in the beginning; whooo hooo! But now it barely even gets above 100-110. Let's just poke me with another shot just to see how pissed Jayne can get!

To tell you the truth I couldn't type for a few days because of the pain of getting stuck everyday, 6 times a day. I bitched and complained and now we are settled at twice a day (10 am and 10pm), oh and those aweful blood tests. The pick line that feeds me; they were able to use that for a few days and now it will not even allow for any blood to go through and my poor left arm has been suffering those consequences.

Now the only vein left in my left arm is on my wrist which feels exactly like they are poking a bone and then trying to squeeze out blood which barely trickles out. They could barely fill up 2 viles. It's so freaking painful and to have to fill up those same 2 viles every single day no mattter how painful.

I cried and cried and cried yesterday and I finallytold my doctor; is this ever going to end? Am I just a test to experiment with or are we trying to get me better? I was feeeling so much depression and homesick like I've never been.

Well now we are getting in to more hope. I lost the Foley catheter just 2 days ago, one of the 3 JP finally had to be pulled out, the other two are still emitting stuff but not much. One may get to go soon. I am being feed through another tube in my stomach and we have been trying suppositories to get my gas out and I farted a few times today! Yippee! They were the tiniest of the tiny farts; but at least some painful gas came out. I am getting out and walking and even dancing in my room a little bit.

I also forgot to mention that I'm extremely sensitive to smells and this one nurse; I just know that used this hair gel that really made me start hyperventilating and dry heaving. I was crying and at first I didn't want to tell her to please leave the room and let my room air out. I finally did tell her (only becuase I just couldn't hack it anymore) and she was completely appalled and pissed at me but I just couldn't help it.

She blamed my guests and my flowers but it wasn't at all true; it was her. I've been in points where I doused myself with stinky perfume and didn't get offended when a stranger told me it was too strong. You would think she would understand, but it was just like she wasn't listening to me at all. She kept coming in my room and reaking it up and making me sick. I think I'm not that completely dumb and I wouldn't blame anyone for anything I didn't believe were true. How come honesty can get you into to so much trouble?

Every time she came into the room I got sick and now I just hold me breath and breath through my mouth no matter how thirsty I am. It takes a few minutes for smell to linger away. How I wished I didn't loose that one nurses number so that I could request not to get her; she was a good nurse but she reaked.

I have had some great guests, lots of beautiful flowers, and great phone calls from friends and family and of course my honey and Blue Belle. I hope to go home in a few days (hours would be better!) Well this weekend I will be sure to request that she not return to my room when she comes back on Monday. I'm on my road to recovery and I could go home as soon as Monday or Tuesday!)