WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fun at the Park...and update

To be honest I had been feeling a little weathered this week. I stayed home and continued my vacation on Tuesday, healing myself of a cold (and cleaning up our pig pen!); not sure where I got it (was it=cold: from my honey or at work?). I thought I was getting a sore throat like he had on Saturday; mine was on Monday morning but it seemed to clear up just a little bit or at least it started but never finished; I got into some coughing fits on Monday, Tuesday, and some on Wednesday which really did not help my tummy at all. There was a little coughing today but not as bad. I had way more energy!)

I dragged myself into work on Wednesday (had a Theraflu the evening prior) because damn it I need to get to stronger and yes I am a hard head. I wanted to have fun, see my friends, get some heathy food in my system and just show everyone that just because I am going through the rough bouts of cancer that darn it Life goes on despite.

My moto to life; do your best and don't be lazy. Things have to be done right the first time and I learned this from my honey. He teaches and proves to me everyday and I'm always so impressed with his work ethic. I could never get tired of his stories!

I'm also very excited the family will be here tomorrow and I'm glad that he and I can spend time with them; and most of all with each other. All the many reasons I love him! He makes my tummy feel so much better!)

My poor honey is worried about me and I'm convinced that things will get better. We held each other one night this week and we cried together. We comforted each other and it just felt amazing to have that kind of strength with me to fight! We just let it out! You have to cry sometimes to feel better.

Check out this encouraging news which I have not seen in the major news (I guess they prefer to only report the bad news); well here is some good news!


Clinical Trials are supposedly 3 years down the road! I'm not watching the news (only the selective good news) because I don't need any bad news right now.

UPDATE: My tummy knot is still red and has been burning up for about 2 days (how weird?); so I am using some ice packs on it and that has been working like a charm. I should have been doing this at work but I forgot because I was so busy. No hot tub for me right now! I'm also drinking aloe juice, plenty of green tea, vitamin shakes, cooked vegetables, and soups (only things I know that will be easier on my system to try to digest). I already know that my system takes a good long while to digest anything (learned that from the scan!) and I just had a very green detox drink for lunch yesterday because I felt that perhaps the pain in my tummy could be because I have a block. I have lost some weight and am currently weighing in at 123 with my clothes on.

Well that certainly got rid of that! I had such a huge blowout and it felt absolutely wonderful to relieve some pressure off of my abdomen! In fact it was one of those that makes you go awwwwww!) We all have those (a good nice shit!) It felt so good and to know that I may have a limited amount of time before that right is taken away (surgery=colostomy bag); so believe me I treasured this one.

These photos that follow are different angles of the tumor on my tummy. Yes it will go soon (surgery)! The cool thing I have noticed about it; is that it can keep any pair of my pants on. Yeah that's looking at things from the bright side!) At least it can keep my skinny ass pants up!)

I had so much energy today and just felt incredibly amazing; I couldn't believe it. I had a good day and I got lots done. Now I have tons of housework to continue. That's why I'm not updating as much and of course my class! Yes, I dragged myself into work on Wednesday because of that Medical Terminology class which will save my life one day. I need to know what's going on and I seem to learn more and more each week or at least understand more and more. My grades may not be so good and I may not catch up as well but at least I am getting a few things out of the class. Knowledge is power!)

I'm also trying my best not to lift any heavy things and sometimes I can't help it but I do shift whatever I happen to be carrying to the most comfortable position possible. Every time I do any amount of exercise; I try to imagine those cancer cells dying.

So what exercises am I doing with that funky tummy? Well mostly Yoga stretches (gentle ones: tree, doggie, baby, lying on the ground breathing) and these particular evenings (yes ever since Sunday!)of throwing the frisbee at the park for Blue Belle. I have been taking her each day since it's now light. She loves it and so do I! My frisbee dog!) We almost didn't go on Tuesday (sick) but the look in her eyes made me not resist. We just went for a little while.

Well this evening after I dropped my honey off to watch his beloved Sharks (they have been having a serious loosing streak and just broke it the other night) We got to watch that game together at home as he was healing himself of his cold. Meanwhile, Blue Belle and I went to a different park (Mary Jane Park).

We normally go over to this dog park behind an Osh Hardware Store, and sometimes to this elementary school after all the kids are out and we get to play in a huge field. I feel that since we pay our taxes we should be able to use this field just for a little while. I always clean up after her (curb my dog) and also walk around the field and pick up trash. Yeah I know that sounds a bit insane; but it's the least I can do. The field can be littered with kid's trash. As we drove by the school; there were tons of kids in that field so we drove on by and I stopped at this little Mary Jane Park. There is a playground full of children having a blast, the dogs there were very sweet and I was surprised not one ran over to take away Blue Belle's frisbees. This happens often at this other park.

At this Mary Jane Park is this nice little field with some hills where I threw the frisbee for her perfect each time and she even caught quite a few. I did notice a few watchers.

We were playing with about 3 of 5 frisbees. Then Blue Belle walked up to me and looked like "I want my favorite purple frisbee PLEASE" which flies so perfectly and far too!) Well it certainly flew far and since there was this fenced in area right next to us with a 9 ft fence and no visible entrance (yes the frisbee flew in and Miss Blue Belle was devastated). She's going to have to loose another good frisbee! We have lost a few in back yards every now and then and in fences like this. It takes her some time to get over a loss like that. I had noticed these cute little kids ( a little brother and sister playing with a kick ball close by). The father was very sweet and was impressed by Blue Belle's ability to jump up and catch those frisbees. He could tell we wanted that frisbee back and there was no way in hell I would drag myself over that fence to get her frisbee. No way; not with that sore tummy; NO WAY! NO WAY!!!

With that, this sweet family goes over to where the frisbee had gone over and he picked up his 6 year old son over the fence gently as he climbed over and ran to get Blue Belle's favorite frisbee. We walked over when we saw this and thanked them as the children lost them selves in Blue Belle's fur. The little girl was about 4. We chatted for a little about my dream dog and my husband's dream dog (he always wanted a frisbee dog) and he told me how he had never seen a dog do that before. He thought it was amazing! I was proud! I wished them a good evening and thanked them once again particularly that little boy. I told him Blue Belle thanks you for getting her favorite frisbee back. The little boy was shy, bless his heart.

I got home and I dealt with my hot burning tummy in the best way that I could. Now I can actually tolerate this pain (red abdomen) as the pain level is only about a 3-4 while at work; but when I get off work; that pain just has to stop. I used the ice and relaxed on the couch this evening.

I also found some great thin, thin, thin paper in which to roll joints for my pain and I was able to breath in without coughing. It helps me immensely (saving my life) with the pain, nausea, and making me thirsty. I refuse to do any at work, but in my evenings and in the comfort of my own home; I now have a right according to the state of California!) I drank a whole vitamin shake that had lots of calories and I feel completely satisfied. These shakes are much better than Ensures and don't have nearly the sugar (feeding the cancer).

UPCOMING: Tuesday at 7pm; Blue Belle takes her TDI (Therapy Dog International). I have found her Canine Good Citizen Certificate and her test which was requested. She is much better with the distractions since she was only a pup when she took the test (there was circle but a check under that portion of the test.

On Wednesday, I get the results of my scan, my oncologists will get to examine that hot bump on my tummy and we can also talk about our options; get the surgery, more chemo, what ever; I'm actually getting better and better about the whole colostomy bag situation. At least I will be alive and there is no price for that!)

I can still function with that contraption if others can. After my surgery; I will plan to take more time off work to heal from that surgery and to get plenty of practice and experience on how to clean and do what I have to do with that thing. I'm so thankful for my job being so understanding of my situation. I live for right now and to make each moment count; no bad news, no stress; just doing my best which is the best I can do! Lots to life to look forward to!)

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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