Home sweet home!

Well I made it through my last night having to take a sleeping pill because of all the anxiety of wanting to come home. There is no way I was sleeping on my own. I talked on phone past midnight with my honey as we often do.

No fevers, no elevation in white counts but I still have to take care of that JP Tube and the GI tube which makes that swish noise when ever I happen to get up. I got the Pick line pulled out which is a line that I had to use for intravenous feeding and much, much more. Even blood draws, it had quit working earlier but started again mysteriously just yesterday. It was a miracle! Espy a very good nurse had made it work again. I had so many great nurses to thank for my recovery; Rosa, Sylvia, Adonis, Oliver, Avita, June, and so many others I can't remember all of their names. They loved me and I love them!)

I now walking around my own home with a cane because my tummy is still so very sore from having all of those staples taken out and from having these tubes hanging of me; the stitches do pull on my skin quite a bit. It's pretty trippy.

I'm so very happy to finally be at home and my pets can't even believe I am finally back home after 2 weeks and 2 and half days! I got to eat Sushi (take out) Yes, I can eat what ever I like but I will keep simple and sweet. Miso soup galore and simple rice with seaweed, salmon, and some tuna. YUM!!!! My eyes were so much bigger than my tiny little tummy. I couldn't even eat half of what I had ordered; just a few pieces but all of the miso soup. For dinner, I just made myself a simple protein shake with plenty of calories to hopefully put some meat on bones.

My honey went to watch another hockey game and so deserved it. He helped me in so many ways; cleaned the house, did laundry, cleaned my kitchen, vacuumed, and waited on me hand and foot. I'm hobbling around with a cane and having a hard time with these tubes. They are very painful and hard to take to take care of so far.

My bottom is finally working. Passing gas and pooing is a gem! I just can't get over that my body is finally working. I'm so happy I didn't have to get a bag and we were able to save my intestine. It's fixed for now; I just have to have to watch my tummy very carefully. There is a bump right at my belly button that we are watching.

Now the recovery and I'm so happy to finally sleep in my own bed!) Thanks so much for all the prayers and good thoughts! It's working and I got to go home and still can't believe it. Neither can my pets. Tonto has been following me around everywhere. I go upstairs, he's right there. So is Blue Belle; they are both watching over me.

UPDATE: I almost forgot, I downloaded my photos from my D80 and they are now posted with a little description of each dog in the post labeled "More Pet Therapy For me Please". Hope you enjoy!

Staples removed + 1 JP!

Well, the 1 JP and all 38 staples have been removed. I even took a photo of the 2 remaining tubes which go into my belly.

I swear to GOD that when every I get up, I hear this whish of air which I think might be coming from of these very openings. I think it must be the gastic (large) tube that's make swishing noise. Trippy huh?

If you look closely at this photo you can actually spot tiny little stitches on the 2nd tube further down and this is the 2nd JP which actually leads straight inside my stomach; actually both of these tubes go right into my stomach. I have to get these removed in about a week inside the doctors office and in case I go home tomorrow; I will be showed how to take care of these. I can take showers; just short and some water can get onto my huge wound. I just have to dab it dry; so everything will be OK.

I am being monitored overnight because of a small happening right on my belly just below my belly button. See you can actually spot that yes, my staples were just being removed right there. There was maybe 18 more to remove.

I was such a chicken monkey; my honey was there holding my hand while I listened to my iPod full strength as my staples were removed. The tube was the absolute worst. The one on my right was removed (photo down below with the juice in it). It literally felt as if an intestine were pulled through a hole in my tummy. OMG! It hurt like a Bitch!!!!( It sucked so bad but it's over and now the rest will be next week.

I think the big one will be hard but I'm not wasting any more energy worrying about pain, but instead seeing my pets in my home with my loving darling husband. How I love them all! And of course updating all of you as I send my love to all of you! Here's to more of my healing journey! Love and hugs to all!!!)

Not another night!(

Well, I am one step closer to going home. Just to warn you I do some very graphic photos which will continue to label this blog as Adult and only caring eyes shall see. I am posting these graphics in hopes that you will look within yourself and be thankful for what you do have.

Please don't me wrong, I'm still so very grateful to bealive, to be able walk around; even though I haven't left this place; I'm still, very, very grateful.

I have a very hot husband who I am so honored to be a part of his life and to be married to him. It's doesn't seem like 6 and half years yet for we still feel like newlyweds.

This photo here is of my stomach with the staples. See the staples are due to come out later on today and I hope to get a photo of them taking them out as well. Should be very interesting indeed. Now these little JP tubes thinky's - only 1 of 2 will be coming out today along with the staples and I'm kinda bummed that it doesn't come out and I may have to deal with it at home. You can actually see the hole where the other 3rd JP once was was. Pretty eerie huh?

This particular JP will get to come out today even though there is some fluids still coming; this clear fluid is OK. The other one we are worried that this lymph fluid which is kind of milky is coming out of the other one and we have to watch it carefly.

These JP things so got on my nerves in the worst way. I miss my underwear so much and having to wear these stupid gowns. I have to tape them shut to go out for a walk. I forgot last night to take the tape off and all of a sudden I felt a horrid pinch on my pubes and dog gone it I have a JP just situtated right there on it and then a piece of tape just stuch there on my pubes and JP tube. How freaking annoying is that? I go to reach to pull that stupid JP on my crotch and it is taped there. It's like god played a trick on me! I had to carefully pull the tape out and it was mangled in my crotch /pubes and on the stupid (one that's staying). I can laugh about this now but at the moment it seriously pissed me off. I hope you are too!)

Anyway tomorrow is my new tenative date for going home; sleeping in my own bed, finally seeing Tonto who I hear really, really, really misses me. He's been crying himself to sleep at night and really cries when my honey is on the phone with me!) So lots of prayers that I get better and hopefully go home tomorrow! Hopefully just this last night in this aweful hospital bed!)

Me Depressed and Homesick in the Hospital?

Yes, it all hit me like a ton of bricks just the other morning when I was up crying in the middle of the night. I was wishing I could just go home and end of all of this torture. I'm so incredibly over getting stuck, poked, prodded, jerked on, tubes and stitches pulled on by nurses and doctors unaware that this might just hurt me. Please ask me before just grabbing at my abdomen; is that just too much?; not to mention grabbing at things at my abdomen and yanking on my poor bush! Yes I said it; my pubic hairs have been going through total hell when those sticky rubber things land on them and then they are jerked out and around. How completely hellish is that?

I addition, I was also getting stuck in the fingers 6 times a day at all hours of the night and day to check to make sure that my sugar level (diabetic test) did not go above 150 and in all it wasn't even getting above 100 and sometimes it got up to 121 in the beginning; whooo hooo! But now it barely even gets above 100-110. Let's just poke me with another shot just to see how pissed Jayne can get!

To tell you the truth I couldn't type for a few days because of the pain of getting stuck everyday, 6 times a day. I bitched and complained and now we are settled at twice a day (10 am and 10pm), oh and those aweful blood tests. The pick line that feeds me; they were able to use that for a few days and now it will not even allow for any blood to go through and my poor left arm has been suffering those consequences.

Now the only vein left in my left arm is on my wrist which feels exactly like they are poking a bone and then trying to squeeze out blood which barely trickles out. They could barely fill up 2 viles. It's so freaking painful and to have to fill up those same 2 viles every single day no mattter how painful.

I cried and cried and cried yesterday and I finallytold my doctor; is this ever going to end? Am I just a test to experiment with or are we trying to get me better? I was feeeling so much depression and homesick like I've never been.

Well now we are getting in to more hope. I lost the Foley catheter just 2 days ago, one of the 3 JP finally had to be pulled out, the other two are still emitting stuff but not much. One may get to go soon. I am being feed through another tube in my stomach and we have been trying suppositories to get my gas out and I farted a few times today! Yippee! They were the tiniest of the tiny farts; but at least some painful gas came out. I am getting out and walking and even dancing in my room a little bit.

I also forgot to mention that I'm extremely sensitive to smells and this one nurse; I just know that used this hair gel that really made me start hyperventilating and dry heaving. I was crying and at first I didn't want to tell her to please leave the room and let my room air out. I finally did tell her (only becuase I just couldn't hack it anymore) and she was completely appalled and pissed at me but I just couldn't help it.

She blamed my guests and my flowers but it wasn't at all true; it was her. I've been in points where I doused myself with stinky perfume and didn't get offended when a stranger told me it was too strong. You would think she would understand, but it was just like she wasn't listening to me at all. She kept coming in my room and reaking it up and making me sick. I think I'm not that completely dumb and I wouldn't blame anyone for anything I didn't believe were true. How come honesty can get you into to so much trouble?

Every time she came into the room I got sick and now I just hold me breath and breath through my mouth no matter how thirsty I am. It takes a few minutes for smell to linger away. How I wished I didn't loose that one nurses number so that I could request not to get her; she was a good nurse but she reaked.

I have had some great guests, lots of beautiful flowers, and great phone calls from friends and family and of course my honey and Blue Belle. I hope to go home in a few days (hours would be better!) Well this weekend I will be sure to request that she not return to my room when she comes back on Monday. I'm on my road to recovery and I could go home as soon as Monday or Tuesday!)

More Pet Therapy for me Please!

This little girl has made such a tremendous difference to my spirits in being in the hospital. This little moments spent petting her last a while. I can smile for hours just thinking about it. She sure brightened my spirits.

My honey has brought her in a few times; doctor's orders. Her little smile even brings cheer to the nurses and doctors which can alleviate quite a bit of stress for them as they loose themselves in her soft delicate fur. Oh she is worth ever lint roller we own; nothing compares to what she does for both me and my husband.

Anyway, I have also gotten some other furry visitors here in the hospital. I had a huge lab visit yesterday who started vacuuming my floor of paper and little plastics from the various medications I have been given. The owners were able to retrieve a few of those items but it's so funny how labs can eat everything in site.

I have had 3 other dogs visits just a few days ago as well; Dante, Boston, and Leo. They were all so mellow and were nice when instructed to jump up onto the chair next to my bed so that I could pet them. I took photos of all the dogs; only they are on my D80 and not my iPhone. I have nothing here to download them.

Be sure to look for them in the coming days as I plan to add those photos to this very post. Yes, I do edit posts many times; especially when I see mistakes or if there are updates to what I had posted.

As for my health here; I am slowing making progress each day; walking the halls; doing my laps; everything that I can to get stronger and to get the hell out of here. Yesterday, I was walking and walking into the very worst old lady perfume I have ever smelled and I almost started dry heaving with my staples; whewwww I got through that but I have noticed being very sensitive to smells in here and my stomach turning; remember the farty nurse?

Here with me is Dante. Now Dante has visited so many children in the past and he is a legend. I have heard many who have told me of their visits with Dante. He is a gem. My next door neighbor Amanda was even visited by this very dog when she was going through her brain cancer treatments. In August she will be a 10 year survivor. Now if that doesn't give anyone hope and faith; I don't know what else will.

My face has been also been breaking out so horribly from lack of sleep and of course all of these antibiotics and drugs. It's even worse than my teenage years!

One of the strains in my JP is resistant to the antibiotics so a disease expert will be called to examine my case. I may also get to start eating on Friday and the earliest I may get to go home would be Wednesday (next week). A whole other week!!!!!!! I'm staying strong and looking so forward to sleeping in my own bed!

This dog is a retired seeing eye dog which the volunteer who brought him over and his name is Boston Armstrong. I was amazed this dog worked excellent for his wife who is legally blind. She now has another seeing eye dog. My husband's sister; actually my sister in law works for Guide Dogs for the Blind in Portland Oregon. I'm so proud of her and she is a completely amazing woman. How I love her so!

My honey has been bringing me Netflix and it's nice to watch movies with him. We just watched "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" which was much better than I expected. Very cute movie with Drew Barrymore as the voice of Chloe. It was great to just get away into a fantasy land of cute dogs.


I do appreciate all of your support and prayers most of all as it does mean a lot to me. Many of you wonder what does CJ stand for? Well my full name is name "Charlotte Jayne". I got so much hell in school for my first name Charlotte that I decided to go by Jayne when I moved out here to California. I hated my first name for so many years and I think I still do. It was the hell I went through that caused me to hate my name. Kids can be so needlessly mean and I always thought that I would have the opportunity to make sure my kids were nice to others. At least I can influence everyone else to be nice to each other. Peace and Love!)

Well now I go by "Jayne" my middle now and how appropriate for sweet, sweet Jayne as my honey calls me all the time and even refers to me that way. A new life for me and life is good despite this hell called Cancer.

Now this dog is Leo. He is a lab and very gentle. See I told you I would include all doggies who visited me in the hospital.

I will get to spend many more seasons out in the snow! This surgery was a success and we are getting through some major hurdles and I do have faith, many friendships, and miracles.

Infection in my JP? & another Blood Transfusion..

I had a better night on Friday night/Saturday morning with the pain and the Epidural being taken out really made a difference. I was still getting some back spasms but it was nothing like having that Epidural; my pain level is now maintained at around 6-7 and yes getting used to the pain.

My doctor was concerned about some infection coming out of my bowel from one of the JPs (a brownish goo was coming out of one of the suction thingys) so we doubled up on the antibiotics and then turned back on the feeding tube.

I did everything I could (Doctor's orders) to get better. I used this Triflow Device of which there is absolutely nothing at all on the internet about this device so I will explain it.

This Triflow device is supposed to help strengthen my lungs after after having this major, major surgery and preventing my lungs from callapsing.

I am to use it 10 x's a day and to keep the breath even. You suck in air and try to keep little yellow plastic thingy in the Happy Face area. My honey had me doing it all wrong in the beginning and was even cracking whips to get me to do this every 5 minutes = 10 breaths. He felt so bad when he found out this wasn't so. I wasn't really showed how to do this thing but I figured it out on my own and therefore feel that I am getting stronger.

On Saturday, I had the most wonderful sweet nurses ever; can't ever remember their names!( She was amazingly supportive and at 7am I tried my best to get up for a walk. I didn't understand it, but I did a tiny little block lap (maybe 20ft) and I was exhausted. I had no energy and completely out of breath.

Then the old OBGYN doctor arrived shortly after to check on me. Now a couple of years ago, I had an anxiety attack before when he had arrived as guest speaker to my Cancer support group. Most of us were all new to the treatments and diagnosis just wanted to have faith and hope to beat this disease and he basically got in front of the room and practically spit on all of us. He basically told all of us that we would all die in just a few short years from this disease and spoke of all the unsuccess stories of curing this disease. I was appalled at how negative he was and still is. Back then I was hyperventilating and crying when I got home from my meeting and I never went back to another meeting ever again.

Anyway, this same old doctor came into my room and didn't recognize me right away until I told him I was a 6 year survivor and who I was. He remembered me and I am so incredibly thankful that he has never worked on me and that he was never my doctor. My ashes would already be spread on Homewood Mountain years ago if he was. I'm so grateful that he isn't. He really does have the most horrible bedside manner of any doctor I have ever met. He had this air about him when he came to see me and it was superior and not in any words did he did say but it was his reactions as if I were on my death bed but it just appeared that way.

I told him my surgery was great and he interrupted me to tell me that I had a bowel infection and something else, but once he left the room; I started panicking and crying and couldn't get a breath in. I pushed my call button and the nice nurse along with another one came in and comforted me, giving me oxygen and then an Ativan to calm me down. They both just held me in their arms and comforted me until I calmed down.

I did try to walk around again after that anxiety attack and then I napped for a couple of hours. I also felt as if I had coughed up a few fetuses which really freaked me out. The nurse reminded me that this was indeed from the surgery and the tubes that had been inserted down my throat.

Another nurse came in to check my vitals and they realized that I was incredibly anemic and in serious need of another blood transfusion. I got the blood transfusion all night long on Saturday and of course suffering from horrible insomnia I got in all about 4 hours of sleep. The doctor did not wish to give me any ativan for sleeping because of my hallucinations. They weren't scary at all; just fun!

The infections seems to be clearing up but I am still getting low grade fevers at night. It frightened me that it had climbed to 100.8 but since the JPs are starting look clearer and bowel sounds are getting better. I am just starting to be able to burp but passing gas has not happened yet. Oh how I wished I could fart!!!)

Check out my bag of milk which I am getting nutrition intravenously (no pressure on my intestines). Also this morning I got extremely pissed at my nurse for just giving me a burning shot right in my tummy. We have been reserving my legs for this Anti-coagulant (twice per day) those tend to have the most fat for my body. My poor tummy and I shrieked in pain and in shock that she would do such a thing. Everyday that I have been in the hospital and having to get these shots, we had been doing them in my bony arms but they are all bruised and in pain so the legs are a must. I got not warning at all and I stayed mad at her all morning long and finally I called her in and told her that is no way to treat a patient such as me. I have been opened up 5 times, I'm drinking food intravenously, because my intestines just happen to be where she shot me. I accepted her apology and I feel she had to had to have learned a valuable lesson.

Yes, determined to get out of here and begin that new lease on life. OK, yes, I have had quite a few of those; but in all just very grateful to be alive.

I will update in a few days as I plan to get better with each passing day! My honey and my pets wish for me to be home taking care of them and I wish to be as well!)

The Head Aches of an Epidural....

I was introduced to it like it was ice cream and the old way PCA (Patient Control Analgesia) was so outdated and barely worked as well. The Epidural worked OK the first day but by the second day I got the worst back pain ever on my left side; almost paralyzing and it even took my breath away. I couldn't breath and it was excellent that I was on oxygen.

The day after my surgery went went well except for one thing that could have offered cause for the amount of pain that I had been receiving all week. During the day there were several very, very busy nurses and at lunchtime it had appeared that all had gone to lunch at the very same time. I couldn't move around as much as I wanted to because of these 38 new staples and of course all these tubes sticking out of me and pinching me if they happened to not be controlled. One nurse had come in to check my vitals and had placed me in the chair next to my bed as she changed my bedding. She went into the bathroom to get something and then walked out of the room and told me that she would be right back back.

I was still very drugged up from to surgery and everything but needed some help to get back to my bed. I had this table that I wanted to move to the other side of my bed and I could not approach my bed from the side that I was on because of all wires sticking out of feet and in all I was tangled up. I pushed the nurse button and announced that I needed some help to get to get back to my bed and that there were too many wires in the way. I waited another 10 minutes and had even struggled trying to push the heavy table out of the way so that I could get back into bed. I push the nurses button again and this time I could barely reach it for being tangled and getting that table much further but it was stuck. I told the call nurse to please send someone to help me and she told me that she would. I was indeed very tired and just wished to lie down in my bed. I struggled to hold myself up until the nurse arrived for another 5 minutes or so and finally I awoke with my husband over me scared to death. I must have passed out or fainted because I had ripped the IV clear off my arm. My honey was very pissed and I was very disappointed that my calls for help were simply ignored. My honey feels I could have hurt myself this way instead of the Epidural.

On Tuesday night just after shift change 11pm, that intense back pain returned with out any vengeance for me at all; I cried agonizingly and could not get my breath. It took about 15 minutes of misery to finally get some pain relief. I looked into the eyes of each of those nurses and begged them to please watch the time; particularly at night (it was every 2 hours for the morphine) to be on top of it and to bring me pain medication and not wait until this to happen; to be awakened in extreme pain. Another serious problem I have been having is passing gas and in all my other surgeries; it would always takes sometimes up to a week to pass gas and it's worrisome for me most of the time after a surgery. I almost feel as if my butthole just completely closes because nothing comes out until after that first enema (which is usually days and days later)

One nurse really took to heart what I had said to her for she was on it with my pain meds; I didn't have to worry a bit about this happening again. She even worked on Wednesday night of which my honey spent the night (he spent several nights when he could) and I superbly impressed with her abilities. She really took it serious watching over me which is what a nurse is all about; caring and nurturing for patients.

On Thursday the epidural pain just got worse and I wanted it out in the worst way; also there was appearing to be a waste colored residue coming out of one of my 3 JPs; it was even filling up faster than than the other two. My doctor immediately started me on some more antibiotics and warned me of the possibility of another surgery.

On Thursday night after the night shift shift change I was disappointed that my dedicated nurse was not working. Instead another woman of Chinese descent, very short, with shoulder length unkempt hair; (she looked as if she had just gotten up out of bed and just arrived) her hair was not at all brushed and didn't really look much cleaner than mine (mine had last been washed on Friday) and her skin was very, very oily. I usually like to pay attention to how others pay attention or take pride in themselves and it even shows a respect for others. Maybe not all of us feel this way but while I am in the hospital it seems to just go out the window.

This particular nurse was very quiet spoken and mostly just did what she needed to get by or at least that's how I viewed her. She was kind of rough an inhumane while checking my vitals. For me, I take nurses very seriously. I depend on their care for me and I really do appreciate it; I want to me more than just a medical record number. Anyone who is there to take care of the sick inspires me and I love it if they are there to take care of me when I need it most and I needed it most.

My best friend Nikki had even arrived late in the evening to take care of me and to give my honey a much needed break. . Right when I started to feel pain I asked for relief just to see who would be in charge of handling the relief. This disheveled nurse had arrived at 12pm to give me my 2 hour dose of morphine. She also checked my vitals and also farted all over my room and it was so incredibly stinky and nauseating. I asked "did you just fart in my room?" I asked her point blank because I knew I was completely blocked still (and still am) and of course she denied it and said no. My friend Nikki denied it too and I just let the blame lay on me because the poor girl was already embarrassed.

I finally got to sleep at 1am and by 2:30am I was paralyzed in the worst pain I have ever experienced. Just when I think I have experienced the worst pain; pain can get worse? I couldn't breath and this was indeed a 12 going on 13. I cried and hyperventilated as I called for help. My friend Nikki held my hand and stayed with me until the slob nurse and another nice nurse arrived to help me. I kept thinking "why isn't this other nurse my nurse?". She was very comforting and the slob nurse had arrived with food all over face to give me my medicine. I asked her why she wasn't better prepared and fumbled that all patients must request medicine and I told her that I already did when I told her I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night like this feeling as if I were about to die. She then told me not to tell her how to do her job; being a little shocked at her response I told her "I'm asking that you please do your job better". I knew then I didn't want her to be my nurse ever and even told the head nurse the next morning to please not let her be my nurse again.

I didn't let it get to me; her immaturity but I hope she grows more as a person and doesn't treat another patient as she had treated me. Some people are lazy in life and they just let it go by them; and you really have to cease moments and grow from them. Don't fight criticism; learn and grow from it. I feel stronger every time I survive what seems impossible. Sure I still got some laughs over her stinking up my room and then blaming me but I couldn't help but tell my mom and family about this.

I thought this was a very interesting photo when I first took it and yes, I will be torturing many of you with disturbing images such as this. Another reason this is an adult only blog. It will be very interesting to see what my belly button will look like once this is all healing.



Today we did get to remove that stupid epidural and it feels so much better to be able to just push a button when I feel pain coming on. As of now, I am still blocked from all of these painkillers and am still unable to pass gas. I got to do an enema and that felt so great to release some of that pressure; I also got a blood transfusion and we are currently watching one of the other JP tubes or contraptions because bowel mixture seemed to be coming out. It's still a time bomb but I'm doing my best and following doctor's orders in hopes I won't need another surgery. More waiting and almost seeming like walking on Pins and needles. I still have hope despite all this and most of all I more prayers are needed!)

A 5th major abdominal surgery...

Finally a laptop that works inside a hospital so that I can finally update my blog properly. I couldn't see what the hell I was doing with the stupid iphone and the comment that posted didn't get posted.

So what really happened that Saturday evening when my husband drove me to the hospital? As we walked in the door I was crying in pain. There were 1 man and 2 women ahead of me and my husband was sure to to a hospital doorman that I was indeed an emergency case. He announced that I was a 6 year survivor and that have a serious radiation burn on a tumor on my stomach. I pulled it up for all to see. Both women walked over and hugged me and then another nice lady from behind the desk immediately brought me over to get me a room (my very own in emergency). I sat in emergency all night long and then was brought to my very own room upstairs around 8am. We were told by our doctor that the red hot fried tumor was instead a fistula which was about to burst (emergency surgery needed). The nurse had marked the area which was red. iphones don't tend to pick up those colors in certain light situations.

By 9:15am I was wheeled into emergency surgery and had been told of the consequences of having such a surgery but we had not choice. We were indeed frightened of me having to get a bag and all but in all I just wanted to live. I didn't care what kind of bag I got; I just wanted to live. We were wheeled into surgery and the rest was a success except the mistake of getting the epidural.

The doctor was able to cut out the whole fistula itself, and of course this was cancerous and had become entangled in my bowel; it took a whole team to work on me and to make this 1 and half surgery (what was initially thought) a successful 9 hour surgery. This surgery included resewing bowels, debulking several small and large tumors, and resectioning intestines; an even bigger surgery than my very first surgery. It was a tremendous success in that there was no need for any bags (puke or shit bags).

Fluoroscopy / Radiation Burns and more....

This hot tumor on my tummy now makes more sense. Since it has been feeling like a burn (sunburn or scalding burn) I put 2 and 2 together. I got lots of x-rays that day I was getting my fluoroscopy scan. Heavy, heavy lead is used to protect only my legs and of course the radiologist having to go into a totally different room to take the photo ("Breath in") What about protecting my boobs? Nothing I remember was even put on top of them? Yes, I am just thinking of this just now. Just my hips and legs protected?

I am just thinking of all this but the burn has gotten progressively worse as the week has wore on. I wonder about the poor tissue inside that may be burned? I don't care much about the tumor but what about my poor bowels? Here are a few articles I just researched on x-ray burns or fluoroscopy burns.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/health_science/articles/2004/05/11/radiologists_warn_of_needless_x_ray_burns/

http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/118784873/abstract

http://www.ajronline.org/cgi/content/full/177/1/21

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=2103107

Well back to this hot swollen spot. I have been icing it and it seems to help some but the burning is just unreal. It's also very swollen and looks as if I have an alien in my tummy. My temperature is normal and we didn't freak so bad with it being normal (thank God!)

My honey's family is here to visit and its so wonderful to see them again. I haven't traveled in a few years mostly because of my medicine and worries that the stress of flying might cause some problems in my intestines or being away from my dog. How stupid right? She calms me and it would be nice to have her with me calming me and all those around me with her cuteness.

Anyway its always great to hang with family and of course them seeing my tummy was a little uncomfortable and scary probably for them. My honey was convinced I needed to go to the emergency room and I just didn't feel like spending my evening waiting and waiting even in pain thirsty, hungry and knowing that I won't get to eat or drink for days. That's how I always think of the emergency room. So many things in life to do and to be stuck here. I cried a little in front of the family and assured my honey I felt OK and I just want to experience this tour and not be spending all night in the emergency room. Yes, my tummy looked exceptionally bad but I just wish to live on no matter what. Pot will make it OK for right now and it did.

Well anyway we went on our flashlight tour of the Winchester Mystery House at 11:59pm group 48!) last night. I had eaten a hash oil brownie (a piece of one)just prior to leaving in order to help me with the pain and to get me through this tour with out feeling as if my guts were going to fall out. Oh and did that work so great! We had a good time; it wasn't the hype but I can say I have done it (a midnight flashlight tour of the Winchester Mystery House!)

As you can tell from the photo of my badly burned tummy it appears to be going down some (using ice and aloe). We will see and till them more fun to be had!)

UPDATE: We are heading to ER tonight. My temperature is at 101.1 and we will be waiting and waiting and waiting for as long as it takes. Here's to another recovery!)

Fun at the Park...and update

To be honest I had been feeling a little weathered this week. I stayed home and continued my vacation on Tuesday, healing myself of a cold (and cleaning up our pig pen!); not sure where I got it (was it=cold: from my honey or at work?). I thought I was getting a sore throat like he had on Saturday; mine was on Monday morning but it seemed to clear up just a little bit or at least it started but never finished; I got into some coughing fits on Monday, Tuesday, and some on Wednesday which really did not help my tummy at all. There was a little coughing today but not as bad. I had way more energy!)

I dragged myself into work on Wednesday (had a Theraflu the evening prior) because damn it I need to get to stronger and yes I am a hard head. I wanted to have fun, see my friends, get some heathy food in my system and just show everyone that just because I am going through the rough bouts of cancer that darn it Life goes on despite.

My moto to life; do your best and don't be lazy. Things have to be done right the first time and I learned this from my honey. He teaches and proves to me everyday and I'm always so impressed with his work ethic. I could never get tired of his stories!

I'm also very excited the family will be here tomorrow and I'm glad that he and I can spend time with them; and most of all with each other. All the many reasons I love him! He makes my tummy feel so much better!)

My poor honey is worried about me and I'm convinced that things will get better. We held each other one night this week and we cried together. We comforted each other and it just felt amazing to have that kind of strength with me to fight! We just let it out! You have to cry sometimes to feel better.

Check out this encouraging news which I have not seen in the major news (I guess they prefer to only report the bad news); well here is some good news!

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/88262/Cancer-cure-is-step-closer


Clinical Trials are supposedly 3 years down the road! I'm not watching the news (only the selective good news) because I don't need any bad news right now.

UPDATE: My tummy knot is still red and has been burning up for about 2 days (how weird?); so I am using some ice packs on it and that has been working like a charm. I should have been doing this at work but I forgot because I was so busy. No hot tub for me right now! I'm also drinking aloe juice, plenty of green tea, vitamin shakes, cooked vegetables, and soups (only things I know that will be easier on my system to try to digest). I already know that my system takes a good long while to digest anything (learned that from the scan!) and I just had a very green detox drink for lunch yesterday because I felt that perhaps the pain in my tummy could be because I have a block. I have lost some weight and am currently weighing in at 123 with my clothes on.

Well that certainly got rid of that! I had such a huge blowout and it felt absolutely wonderful to relieve some pressure off of my abdomen! In fact it was one of those that makes you go awwwwww!) We all have those (a good nice shit!) It felt so good and to know that I may have a limited amount of time before that right is taken away (surgery=colostomy bag); so believe me I treasured this one.

These photos that follow are different angles of the tumor on my tummy. Yes it will go soon (surgery)! The cool thing I have noticed about it; is that it can keep any pair of my pants on. Yeah that's looking at things from the bright side!) At least it can keep my skinny ass pants up!)

I had so much energy today and just felt incredibly amazing; I couldn't believe it. I had a good day and I got lots done. Now I have tons of housework to continue. That's why I'm not updating as much and of course my class! Yes, I dragged myself into work on Wednesday because of that Medical Terminology class which will save my life one day. I need to know what's going on and I seem to learn more and more each week or at least understand more and more. My grades may not be so good and I may not catch up as well but at least I am getting a few things out of the class. Knowledge is power!)

I'm also trying my best not to lift any heavy things and sometimes I can't help it but I do shift whatever I happen to be carrying to the most comfortable position possible. Every time I do any amount of exercise; I try to imagine those cancer cells dying.

So what exercises am I doing with that funky tummy? Well mostly Yoga stretches (gentle ones: tree, doggie, baby, lying on the ground breathing) and these particular evenings (yes ever since Sunday!)of throwing the frisbee at the park for Blue Belle. I have been taking her each day since it's now light. She loves it and so do I! My frisbee dog!) We almost didn't go on Tuesday (sick) but the look in her eyes made me not resist. We just went for a little while.

Well this evening after I dropped my honey off to watch his beloved Sharks (they have been having a serious loosing streak and just broke it the other night) We got to watch that game together at home as he was healing himself of his cold. Meanwhile, Blue Belle and I went to a different park (Mary Jane Park).

We normally go over to this dog park behind an Osh Hardware Store, and sometimes to this elementary school after all the kids are out and we get to play in a huge field. I feel that since we pay our taxes we should be able to use this field just for a little while. I always clean up after her (curb my dog) and also walk around the field and pick up trash. Yeah I know that sounds a bit insane; but it's the least I can do. The field can be littered with kid's trash. As we drove by the school; there were tons of kids in that field so we drove on by and I stopped at this little Mary Jane Park. There is a playground full of children having a blast, the dogs there were very sweet and I was surprised not one ran over to take away Blue Belle's frisbees. This happens often at this other park.

At this Mary Jane Park is this nice little field with some hills where I threw the frisbee for her perfect each time and she even caught quite a few. I did notice a few watchers.

We were playing with about 3 of 5 frisbees. Then Blue Belle walked up to me and looked like "I want my favorite purple frisbee PLEASE" which flies so perfectly and far too!) Well it certainly flew far and since there was this fenced in area right next to us with a 9 ft fence and no visible entrance (yes the frisbee flew in and Miss Blue Belle was devastated). She's going to have to loose another good frisbee! We have lost a few in back yards every now and then and in fences like this. It takes her some time to get over a loss like that. I had noticed these cute little kids ( a little brother and sister playing with a kick ball close by). The father was very sweet and was impressed by Blue Belle's ability to jump up and catch those frisbees. He could tell we wanted that frisbee back and there was no way in hell I would drag myself over that fence to get her frisbee. No way; not with that sore tummy; NO WAY! NO WAY!!!

With that, this sweet family goes over to where the frisbee had gone over and he picked up his 6 year old son over the fence gently as he climbed over and ran to get Blue Belle's favorite frisbee. We walked over when we saw this and thanked them as the children lost them selves in Blue Belle's fur. The little girl was about 4. We chatted for a little about my dream dog and my husband's dream dog (he always wanted a frisbee dog) and he told me how he had never seen a dog do that before. He thought it was amazing! I was proud! I wished them a good evening and thanked them once again particularly that little boy. I told him Blue Belle thanks you for getting her favorite frisbee back. The little boy was shy, bless his heart.

I got home and I dealt with my hot burning tummy in the best way that I could. Now I can actually tolerate this pain (red abdomen) as the pain level is only about a 3-4 while at work; but when I get off work; that pain just has to stop. I used the ice and relaxed on the couch this evening.

I also found some great thin, thin, thin paper in which to roll joints for my pain and I was able to breath in without coughing. It helps me immensely (saving my life) with the pain, nausea, and making me thirsty. I refuse to do any at work, but in my evenings and in the comfort of my own home; I now have a right according to the state of California!) I drank a whole vitamin shake that had lots of calories and I feel completely satisfied. These shakes are much better than Ensures and don't have nearly the sugar (feeding the cancer).

UPCOMING: Tuesday at 7pm; Blue Belle takes her TDI (Therapy Dog International). I have found her Canine Good Citizen Certificate and her test which was requested. She is much better with the distractions since she was only a pup when she took the test (there was circle but a check under that portion of the test.

On Wednesday, I get the results of my scan, my oncologists will get to examine that hot bump on my tummy and we can also talk about our options; get the surgery, more chemo, what ever; I'm actually getting better and better about the whole colostomy bag situation. At least I will be alive and there is no price for that!)

I can still function with that contraption if others can. After my surgery; I will plan to take more time off work to heal from that surgery and to get plenty of practice and experience on how to clean and do what I have to do with that thing. I'm so thankful for my job being so understanding of my situation. I live for right now and to make each moment count; no bad news, no stress; just doing my best which is the best I can do! Lots to life to look forward to!)

No Snowboard Adventure for me....

Everything was set; doctor said it was OK, I had everything washed and ready to go and then my honey started getting a sore throat. Colds just happen to be going around so we didn't want to chance it. I took good care of him making him Chicken noodle soup and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, going to the grocery store for other items he needed, made him his TheraFlu and some tea for his sore throat. I did everything I could think of for someone I love so dearly. I have to take good care of my honey!)

Relatives will be arriving on Friday the 13th and our house still appears to be inhabited by pigs. We still have tons of cleaning to do and a snowboard adventure just wasn't realistic enough for us this weekend. It just would not have been responsible to go.

Oh I wanted to go and had even considered just a day trip by myself but the snow report doesn't look so good and there isn't any fresh snow or hasn't been for at least a couple of days which means most of the fresh snow is either tracked out or frozen. No ice for me! This would have been dangerous for me since I do prefer the fresh powder over the ice. The temperature these last couple of days has been warm; exceptionally warm; more like t-shirt weather. I had to take off my hoodie both Saturday and Sunday and today is a little bitter cold and windy. Not like yesterday or Saturday.

I did get to have a few enjoyable shopping trips with Miss Blue Belle as I picked out a whole new bathroom theme for our downstairs bathroom. We are retiring the old Sun and Moon Celestial Theme and in with the Bay Area themes. The downstairs bathroom now features a Pigeon Point theme with some light houses, beach, and seashell.

We have a Bay Meadows Photo to hang and have also been looking at tapestries; mainly Thomas Kincaid (I'm obsessed). He supposedly lives just a few miles from us in Los Gatos. Why not and his kids happen to go to the same school as a former car pool buddy of mine?

We already have a golden gate photo that I took a few years ago of the Golden Gate Bridge. I photoshopped it to the point that it looks like a painting and then picked out some matting and a frame. It's our home together and it's small but we love it!

Now to my health.

Well it has taken several days to get the barium out of my system. I've been going number 2 quite often and it's so incredibly weird to be shitting out white matter that looks like Soft Scrub with Chlorox Bleach. Sorry for the honesty but at least my system is still working!) It sure would be ultra cool if that Barium could clean my toilet like the Soft Scrub.

I plan to call my doctor tomorrow to find out when we can get together to discuss our next plan of action. My system has been making the loudest noises ever while trying to digest and I pray it keeps working. It kind of reminds me of a scary movie where the pipes keep making loud noises (like grinding up bodies or something). Yeah! That's exactly what my intestines are sounding like!) The gases built up can be scary in that the burps are still rather loud at night. I'm not passing gas as well and that usually takes work and it's painful on my abdomen to try to do. It's still quite sore in that spot (yeah it's still there).

If that's the case; why the hell did I want to go snowboarding in the first place? Because I'm one crazy cancer patient who just can't get enough fun!) I guess I would rather die having fun than to die sick in a hospital and my doctor knows this very well. With this disease it's best to cherish your good days as much as possible.

We had sushi last night and I didn't eat a whole lot but I did moww down on the ginger and the miso soup. I also ate some salmon and some California rolls. A cheap date I was.

Almost forgot: I did get to take Miss Blue Belle to the park to play some frisbee which was very fun. We even gathered a little crowd cheering at each frisbee she caught. These little kids and their parents were entertained more so that the usual of going to the park. Blue Belle got 4 Days in a row; getting exhausted at the park!) She's one happy pup who has 1 more fun days to go! Yes, I am still taking my Tuesday off! Lots to do and icky taxes!!!!!!

Something else to look forward to....

A dream of mine has been to get Miss Blue TDI (Therapy Dog International) certified. Yes, I went to this website and saw exactly where the tests were being given. Since there is one being given on the 17th of March. I was able to place the Date, Time, and location into my new iPhone. It's such a trusty little device that I am able to make plans and keep them right there. I won't have an excuse of missing an appointment ever again. This is the very first step to getting your wonderful pet certified to do therapy work. It has to be satisfying because I will be sure to write about all the following subsequent steps involved.

I had a wonderful conversation with Toni Hyland who will be meeting me at the Camden Community Center with my CGC (Canine Good Citizen) where she will go through the test and do everything else involved for the TDI Certification.

I told her to look out for Green Prius, my Obama bumper sticker when we meet her on the 17th of March. (OK that elimates lots of Green Priuses in San Jose and then my Shetland Sheep Dog sticker (that will help) or my Sheltie looking out the window for her and Blue Merle Sheltie at that. I briefly told her (like any proud mom) how Miss Blue Belle helps me so much to drive my Prius!. Some drivers hate bad Prius owners. I happen to be a very good Prius driver (very considerate of others)!

OK sometimes I can be a butthole, but I am worth being a butthole driver and I mean that in best possible sense! OK enough about being a butthole driver!) I also told her about how many drivers don't like Prius Drivers and how sometimes I will turn on my left blinker and how some drivers will just speed up and be like "Pius People are not allowed in front of me! I wish to inhale toxic fumes and not your fresh air!"

Well anyway, if they feel that way I usually try my next weapon of choice. I still need to turn left and they try blocking me and they want me to miss my turn. It somehow makes them very satisfied for someone to just miss an exit? I will open the the left back window and will tell Blue Belle "left window please". She will get up, look out the window at this aggressive driver who wish not be behind a fresh air Prius. Blue Belle will look them right in the eye with her very cute face and then they will automatically slow down on the brakes because the signal is very clear. I wish to turn left! Thank you Blue Belle! Same goes for the right!

Well anyway, once she gets her TDI, we would be qualified to visit together in many facilities to bring her in for patients. She would also be my very own certified and not just Doctor recommended.

So what began this? My husband had told me about a TDI certification that was held held a few days ago near his job. It just sparked something inside my brain. I must make a dream come true; to get Blue Belle certified. We all have them (dreams) and sometimes in life you have to jump at these opportunities and this is an opportunity to be helping others; even if I am only able to do this just a couple of times. We will see.

Every since I was a child (just like the Sheltie things); I had this vision of a rest home in the country where many seniors are unable to take care of themselves and hopefully loving souls are helping them and me bringing a pet and visiting with them. I could finally go visit a place such as that with what better than Miss Blue Belle.

I watch reactions and there you notice so much more. Dog people are not all bad; we at least know how to share. I always remember those who have helped me get by so many years not having a dog. I have lost myself pet a cute little puppy or just a beautiful dog in general. I will write about my experience here in hopes that I will inspire my readers to do something fun and for helping others in your own neighborhoods. I'm a sick person in medical terms but dog gone it I can still live my life and follow my own dreams while I am still around?


UPDATE: I had sent that cone tumor photo from my previous post to my oncologist. He sent me an email back for me to go snowboarding and to call his office when we return to go over the scan. So there! I get to have fun tomorrow and Monday! I have Tuesday off to recover and get a massage! Yes, I will get one!) I'm treating myself anyway and then cleaning the house some more! So yes, we are going boarding in South Lake Tahoe so me not posting a new post will mean I'm only out have a blast and later on I hope to add a video or something hillarious!

Here is a nice lovely conversation with a painfree cancer patient:
I did go to Starbucks this morning and made a mistake. I got the Grande Expresso Truffle. God that read out to be very fantastic. I bet it would be so yummy I thought! I had the munchies for something good! I should try that! You only live once right? Well wrong! That was a completely and totally a nauseating experience for me. It tasted exactly like a greasy, greasy donut?

Expresso (what the hell!( How do you come up with a big fat greasy donut for an Expresso and Truffle? I didn't know that truffles tasted like big fat greasy and totally too sweet donuts. What a horrible experience! Ewwww! I was hoping for so much more than that! I'm only telling others that the "Expresso Truffle Latte" is not at all a good experience if you happen to go to Starbucks. I only had a sip for that horrible price ($4.05). No I did not go back and stress myself and the workers out by demanding my money back. The poor girl took the time to make me the nasty thing. Oh well we all make mistakes and have to move on! It was amusing enough.


I didn't post any photos because for some reason my blog is very slow with all these photos (I may not be able to resist!) and videos to enjoy while here!)

The Big Scan....

Well this scan definitely did not take thousands of photos as I was told but it is called a Fluroscopy Scan and it basically takes photos of the digestive process. My process takes much longer than just 2 hours. To start with I had to consume 2 1/2 bottles of Cherry flavored barium stuff. They seemed half full compared to the usual banana flavored CAT scan barium solution. They also gave me a funky big straw as if I were wanting to have fun and pretend it was a Big Gulp!

I almost had to wear a gown but instead I wore my CAT scan pants (warm comfy pants with out any metal) and just a little t-shirt. It was so freaking cold but thank god I wore my sweat shirt and a jacket. I would go in and lie on a cold cold table with just my tiny little t-shirt. After 3 times (1/2 hour in between); I asked the nurse? (not sure what she is called nor did I think to ask!) if we could place a sheet over that extremely cold table and she obliged but little did I know I would need a bunch more photos/scans. In fact after the 3rd scan; and that was at 10:30 they really thought that the whole digestive process was over because it appeared that the solution was indeed going through my large intestine.

Oh! but no! It wasn't, I had to go to another x-ray machine thingy for about 3 more scans each 1/2 hour apart. Now these were exactly like an x-ray. I had to hold my breath while they shot 1 single image at a time. I think in all I must have taken about 12 shots or more (is that what they call them?) It sure seemed as if they were shooting photos; just 1 at a time. I was there until 2:30pm (8am -2:30pm); so 6 and half hours is still better than the 8-10 we thought it would be!

Now during all that time; I got to massively almost catch up on that Medical Terminology class. I was so seriously behind (2-3 chapters) I actually had fun with all that waiting. I had more than enough to do with all that free time. I was learning about all kinds of fascinating stuff and I did cry just a few times just worrying about that cone shaped thing on my tummy. I was mostly afraid that I might need some emergency surgery and I would have to have a colostomy bag. I know it's not the end of the world, but why can't I cry about that? Those little 30 minutes waiting in between each of the scans just wasn't enough for me.

I did pray to god when I was walking the halls trying to get the solution through my system that I don't die sooner and in hopes that my husband and I will get to grow old together. I hope he doesn't think that 40 is old because that is my next milestone I hope to make. June 2010! Then it's 45 and 5 years at time after that! They are all gifts!)

I did get to talk with a real doctor too who examined my funky little cone shaped thingy on my tummy. He felt it and asked me lie on my left side and even touched it (cone shaped what ever) with this bad minton paddle looking thing with this half ball looking thing. It almost looked like a bad mitten paddle; only it had a half ball looking rubber thingy on the paddle part.

I was lying underneath this scan thing or x-ray which had another huge off - white half ball under it (actually his was blue). The doctor then placed the heavy duty curtains (short heavy rubber ones) up as he peered through at my intestines (probably on a camera). There was no bowel in what he felt protruding out so it must be a tumor.

Now that cone shaped thingy on my abdomen (not sure what it is and more than likely it is a tumor); it isn't obstructing any shit (no pun intended) so we are not going to worry about it. It does still sort of feel like its burned and pinched but I'm OK to wear my girdle on Sunday and Monday when we go snowboarding! I have plenty of weed to get me by thanks to Good Kharma! That so helps me! Thank god!!!! I'm not going to get arrested either because it's legal for me! It should be for other patients as well especially if they too are facing GI problems and have that occasional "cancer pain".

Now at first, many of the radiologists were a bit concerned with that potruding thing coming out of my tummy and I'm so relieved that the head doctor spoke with my oncologist about this funky thing. They actually had a conversation together about the whole thing. Not worried about it!!!! Yeah!!!!!) We will be scheduled an appointment sometime next week to go over the results of this scan but for now I get to have lots of fun and I am not about to worry! We also have to clean up my piggy house for our family coming to visit!

A very brief update...

Since my last post I have been faced with some abdominal pain in the lower region (closer to my pelvis). There is a large lump just above my pelvic bone and I've been wearing my girdle to work mostly for protection and support. It almost feels as if I am having a hurnea if I do not wear support. Yes, scary shit; at least I have been shitting!)

Here are some photos of my tummy. The area where the gut is hanging over the pants feels very sore as if I have a horrible burn and bruise just inside there. It hurts to get up out of bed or in a seated position; but it's just a temporary pain and nothing a little joint can't solve at night. There is actually a knot there (where it looks like fat drooping over the top of my pants) as big as my fist.

I sure wish it was fat instead of the scary shit that it more than likely is. I can get through this and since I am going quite regularly and I farted a few times today (Whewwww hoooooooo!) This photo is not me sucking in or out; it's just the way that I am right now. That scary tumor thingy hanging over my pants is pretty scary but I do hope and pray I get through this.

OK the cool thing is (a girdle!), Yoga, a joint, relaxation, good conversations with good family, friends, relaxing mellow music, petting Blue Belle, Tonto, and loving my husband, and so much more to get me by this little rough patch. I still have enough energy to enjoy 2 full days snowboarding at Kirkwood! I'm excited just thinking about it and of course the girdle will stay. I must enjoy those good days as much as I can no matter what! Be spontaneous and fun!)

My honey took me out on a date this evening and we went to my favorite organic, healthy, inexpensive restaurant in Campbell (Aqui) for their Thursday Special "Blacken Mahi, Mahi with mango salsa, mashed sweet potatoes, and a cilantro cole slaw! Now I have to fast for my scan tomorrow!

I got through 4 days in a row at work; only sleeping 6 hours one night and up all night long pooping the other 3!) Yes, the insomnia is quite bad but with a little hope I can get some sleep tonight prior to the big scan!

The Next Snowboarding Adventure....

Well I'm working Monday - Thursday this week; with Friday being the day of the huge scan (do I need a shit bag or a puke bag?) I'm hoping and praying I need neither. I am hopeful for a miracle and that all of these vitamins will be the answer. The scan will be scary enough but I have a snowboarding adventure to think about but not that I won't be scared shitless of the results of this scan or how long will this scan actually take (2 hours or all day long)? Will I have time to wax my board, or clean up the house some more so that my visiting relatives don't think my husband and I live like pigs.


Kingsford Goes to the Beach

Hope you enjoyed the cute piggy video one of my carpool buddies sent me! Too cute not to include especially since my husband and I will be rushing to get our home cleaned in time for our family (brother, sister, niece, and mother= hubbies side) arriving from Wisconsin on Friday the 13th. We will be doing a Flashlight tour at midnight at the Winchester Mystery House that very night! We don't have much time to prepare and to plan our snowboard adventure; but I sure as hell need one!

I just started taking the vitamins just a couple of days a go because I got too impatient to wait to ask my doctor. Reason being is that I was mostly scared of the pain I have been feeling in my lower abdominal region and just took things into my hands. I'm just not ready for surgery just yet and things are starting to feel better although I have been having a few restless nights in a row (Sunday night and Monday night) of waking up every 20-30 minutes to go to the bathroom and waking up in a puddle of sweat. Yes, it all scares the shit out of me (really shit was coming out of me all night long = that's actually good news!) At least it was coming out; to be quite honest and I really have become more accepting of my funky body functions which are not so easy to understand; especially for me. In the meantime of experiencing them; I do try my best to not focus on them (because in all honesty it does scare the living shit out of me); I try breathing exercises, even denial of even having this disease, dreams, and hopes just to help me get by.

Some side effects I have been somewhat worried about lately is the heartburn (it hasn't gotten much worse) but there is the addition of more gas in my stomach. It's not painful gas but more or less heartburn pain. Sometimes I am able to pass gas (very rarely= I even strain to get out a little pathetic pooooof) but I do have to watch it or else it's a shart!) but most of the time I have been burping (man I have I been letting those go and loud they are!); especially at home. I've actually been having loads of fun burping at my honey, laughing as he tries unsuccessfully to out burp me! Yeah they are loud!

I don't usually burp as loud as possible at work - sometimes in the bathroom I might let one go if no one else is around; but most of the time I try to silently. These burps have been heavy duty (super loud) stinky burps which usually smell like something acid-y that I must have eaten previously (sometimes up to 2 days prior or more). This is worrisome and makes me almost loose faith that my intestines just might be failing as my doctor had been guessing. Could my doctor be right but I really do hope he is dead wrong. I still have faith, but the fear is really hard to shake.

Just to change the subject of the loud stinky burps

One cool thing I saw this morning on my way to work I saw a full rainbow that extended from the San Carlos hills over to my work (all the way over highway 101). It was magnificent and I made a wish that these vitamins will work; the power of the mind and prayers. I just need to get my immune system strong enough to kill those S.O.B. Cancer cells and for my intestines to heal on their own. One friend of mine suggested I get the Pacman application installed on my iPhone so that I could zone out and gobble up cancer cells. What a fantastic idea! Die cancer cells! Die!

Back to this Colorado storm that's happening; California is finally getting some much needed rain which also means that since this storm is originating from Colorado; the Sierra's will be getting lots of excellent powder for me to play in this weekend. Yes, we are planning another snowboard Adventure in which we will be leaving early, early Sunday morning for Kirkwood Mountain Resort in South lake Tahoe. I'm hoping to enjoy at least 2 - 3 days of fun powder! Well actually the energy level I have is amazing.

Every time we go snowboarding I feel absolutely wonderful for several days and the exercise and fresh air must make that cancer completely miserable. Serves it right too; because this weekend the S.O.B. better note that I have plenty more days in which to make it miserable. Get the F*&@# out of my body!

Life is so wonderful to be feeling so much pain sometimes (it's not all the time). I don't feel it now but sometimes I do and its so great to be able to do something about that pain. It's there still when I do something about the pain but at least I have this plant which enables me to also do other things to get my mind of of the pain. It's the reality of this disease which should have a cure.

Now for the political portion of my blog.

I'm very hopeful of this new administration and each day I am relieved when I read that he is doing something about the wrong that is going on (people loosing jobs, laws that or stipulations that were passed wrongly) and so much more. He is making right so many things that I believe in especially protecting animals and nature. People will finally be working and that's a good thing. See I only read the good news and if it's bad (TV=off),

Rich people and poor people all pay taxes and we should all be paying an equal share as far as income that we have to live off of and I'm so relieved that taxation will once again become fair. You have to work your share and pick up your own weight. That rich dude in the big house in Los Altos or Los Gatos will be paying the same percentage as my husband and I pay; finally. It costs money to have more money and that's life. I just want what I do and earn to not be wasted.

I'm OK paying a little more in taxes as long as my taxes go towards making my country better and helping others to get good jobs or health coverage. I do know how important health coverage is and there is nothing wrong with having it. My husband and I make no where near $250,000 together and we qualify for a cut in taxes which is a good thing but even if we had to cough up more; I'm all for bettering my country. I would rather have people working than not working and getting unemployment staying at home. His campaign was certainly run successfully and why could he not run our country with that much success? He is basing much of this budget on the New Deal that Roosevelt passed getting our ancestor's out of the Great Depression. I have faith and I intend to keep it!)

Healthcare reform is also in the works and so is stem cell which really gives me tons of hope. So much hope to look forward to and yes there are many who are praying for failure as sick as that is but mostly for their careers in that they hope America will fail. We do ultimately survive hard times; they just make you tougher and more resourceful. Here's to all of us working to make our Country great again! That's the hope I am talking about and all of us working together!)