WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Cabin Fever! and a great Christmas!


Well I did end up cooking an excellent meal with my honey on Christmas day. We woke up at 9am and started our day. My honey woke up and flushed my lines and then I went over to the store to walk Blue Belle and get last minute things. It was stressful at first; had to walk over to Rite-Aid since it was the only store next to Blockbuster Video that was still open. (Safeway was closed!) Everything looked so barren but it was nice to be able to shop with Blue Belle and to be listening to Willie Nelson Christmas songs as I shopped for the last few things that we weren't able to get at Whole Foods yesterday. I had to make do with some things and get some things that were not organic but my goal was to make the best meal ever and it was close. I got started at around 10:30 and finished cooking by 2ish. I had everything all set up and beautiful and my honey delivered the most beautiful prayer that brought tears to my eyes. "Thank you God for this meal and thank you for sparing the love of my life!" How blessed we feel that I made it this far!  There were so many times this year where we actually doubted that I would live to see Christmas; well now it's officially going to be my 40th Birthday!)

We ate the whole day; just a little at a time through out the day (the way that I am supposed to eat) and my honey even had to flush my lines 3 times; hook me up to the IV fluid for 3 hours and I had to decompress my tummy too (hook the gastro tube to the disgusting puke bag a few times). We opened our gifts after we got our fill the first time (almost forgot about opening them this year= 1st time ever), but everything we got from each other was very special.   This year just being alive for Christmas was enough of a gift for each of us.  What a rough, rough year this has been for both of us.   This year has been full of uncertainty and of course making the most out of each day that we have been given!)

I have thinking that it would be cool if my life were  one of those lives that could change health care and that health care for all could mean that medicine would be more about saving lives rather than thickening pockets and poisoning patients; preventative health care and using techniques for chronic health problems that would strengthen immune systems for fighting those chronic illnesses such as cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc rather than having to take disastrous and often poisonous chemotherapy treatments that often kill patients much faster than the cancer ever could; thinking more about the long term side effects of these drugs that have often not even proven to be effective for treatments of many illnesses.; hell I have taken enough of them to know.  OK I did get ahead of myself here but I really do feel that after having gone through this whole journey and feeling like my doctor might just be giving up on me; that we really do need to find cures rather than utilizing these dangerous treatments.  I still feel that my life is worth saving and that I still have hope in beating this monster inside me.   I'm not loosing that or giving up!  I'm too young and I have so much to live for!

There really are patients that have been cured of their late stage cancers with Natural Treatments and we need to research what is less disastrous on the patient and what really works and makes sense.  To me it  just does't make any sense that you can actually kill cancer with poison; it's not a mouse; it is cells that are growing out of control and the body just needs the fuels and antibodies to be able to kill and to  recognize those disastrous cells so that it can rid the body of those cells.  I feel like I am the poster child of failed cancer treatments.  The only cancer treatment that had any promise for me was an accident that put me in remission for over 3 years (Peritonitis).  Avastin was a great drug and it was only temporary that it would shrink those tumors and eventually cause my body havoc but it did nothing to make my body stronger in order to fight the cancer.

What if it is true that Cancer could be cured by getting the body to the correct Ph levels or hormonal and chemical levels? More research needs to be done on Natural Therapies because I feel strongly that they hold true promise of success.   If only Researchers and Doctors could more easily place themselves in to the shoes of what Cancer Patients must endure or these CEOs for Pharmaceutical Companies; if they could only care more about the patients and finding a real cure rather than treating the disease they could cure a disease?  I only hope that this world will become more caring and that health care will be provided for all hard working Americans and that no one should be afraid of loosing thier homes or everything they own in order to save their life.  I strongly feel that if there really is a GOD; he is probably rolling his eyes in disbelief at Congress and lawmakers and the likes  of what is going on here; we really should take care of the sick and dying; not stress them out further or their families? 


OK to get back to my wonderful Christmas and to steer myself away from Politics and Religion I will tell you about one of the best Christmas's I have ever had.  I think the best Christmas I ever had was in 2000 when my younger brother came out to visit and our good friend Tim had let us use his wonderful big kitchen (he had to go out of town and insisted on us using his place) instead of using our tiny little  kitchen in our 460 square ft apartment that we had lived in at the time. Yes, we had lived in a very tiny little apartment for a little over 4 years and we didn't kill each other; only loved each other more and more (so what does that say about us?).   It was in Mountain View, CA and there was so much fun all around us to do.  The tiny apartment was the least of our concerns; our love was so strong and still is.  The kitchen in that old apartment was literally as small or smaller than my downstairs bathroom.!  Well, everything had turned out perfect that Christmas (I was such a great cook that year- I think I had even caused everyone that year to gain at least 10 lbs and I could sure use that now!) and I will never ever forget that  first Christmas after I had been diagnosed;  my honey bought my mom a plane ticket to visit me when I first got diagnosed. My hair was just falling out at the time and my mom had never flown ever before.   She got off the plane and panicked and froze.  I had to go get her and my immune system was highly compromised; but I made it through and found her I think about 2 and half hours after she had landed.  I thought she had gotten lost in St. Louis and it was so scary trying to find her in that airport.  It turned out to be such a wonderful Christmas and my honey did every thing in his power to make it that way.   Those were the best Christmas's ever as a married woman; actually every Christmas I have ever had with my honey has been great. I can't complain about any one of them.  He makes everyday worth living!)

The day after Christmas I slept most of the day away; I think I must have over exerted myself because I had no energy to get out of bed.  I was still in bed past 4pm and it worried my honey; he almost wanted to take me into emergency.  He waited on me hand and foot yesterday; flushing my lines, connecting me to the gastro baggy thing a few times when I was hurting; trying to get me to eat and to drink plenty of fluids, getting me pain medication and recording it all in my spreadsheets, and hooking me up  and disconnecting me from the IV (he had to do this everyday).   What a busy, lovely man he is!  I felt so guilty and depressed for wasting away a good Saturday but it had rained all day and I was super depressed because I would have rather been up in Tahoe enjoying a few good runs down the mountains just a few good times; only I don't have the energy to do so.  I hope to be able to soon.  He did get me out of my funk and I had a much better day today.  We both didn't sleep well last night and mostly cuddled and tossed and turned throughout the whole night.

I got up early and researched making him Biscuits and Gravy.  I made him an ultra special breakfast right before he left to go watch the Packers kick butt.  I was happy when he returned after the game to tell me that he bragged about his special breakfast that I had made him.  Oh and the Sharks kicked Anaheim butt last night 5-2!  I love when my honey is happy when his teams kick butt!

OK I still haven't had the heart to take down Tonto's tree; he loves it so much and he still just sits up there and relishes all the lights, the pretty decorations, and how pretty it must look being up at the top of his pretty tree.  It may just have to be after the New Year when I take those decorations down.  Sorry Tonto!
 
I hope he brings you all smiles as  much as he does bring laughter to our house.  He is the clown of all cats and can heard galloping around  our home more often since the addition of  Christmas lights and  the empty boxes (he loves to play in them) from all kinds of gifts but he does get rather loud when he gets into a full blown romp.  We just don't have the heart to get rid of all these toys and lights because he has been cooped up in the house because of all the rain we have been getting these last couple of days and I like to keep the floor somewhat clean and free of the thousands and thousands of kitty cat prints from him playing in the puddles outside and then tracking all over my shiny floor inside.  He does get bummed when I have to keep him cooped up and has been getting more loud and demanding so the boxes and his tree have to stay until it dries up outside.  We have to keep the bored cat busy!

I have also been thinking that I will ask my doctor if I can return back to work in March rather than July as he had suggested or perhaps we can make some sort of a compromise.   I feel that's just too long for me to be out of work!  I have to be healed much faster than that I could only hope! That is over a year and half of being out of work and disabled.  This is where I am getting cabin fever; I miss everyone at work so bad and was really looking forward to returning in January and still am.  I really did hold on till the end to see if I could return in January but I am actually worse off than before so I do have more healing to do but hopefully I will be ready in March instead of July!(  We will see!

Peace and Love to all of you!


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5 comments:

TC said...

Glad to hear of your wonderful Christmas and now you have done it, I'm hungry for biscuits and gravy!

Dee said...

Happy to read you had a fun Christmas. We had biscuits and gravy the day after Christmas.

It is great to celebrate another holiday with our loved ones isn't it?

nat said...

Tonto always makes me laugh! I think you should leave the "tree" year round!

I'm glad you and your husband had a nice holiday - and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

POD said...

Great to read about so many fantastic memories that you made in addition to the fave Christmas in Mt. View. And glad, so glad you are still alive to celebrate each day.
I'd leave that darn "tree" up forever. ;-)

Girl Holding On said...

I am so glad to hear of your good Christmas. Tonto always makes me smile.I love your pictures friend.

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Disclosure

My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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