1st Full Day out of the Hospital...

I hope this will finally keep me out of the hospital (Gastric Tube and new stint for right ureter). I was told that my tummy should heal in about 2 months average by my doctor and I should be able to lead a normal life. This is the absolute craziest thing I have been asked to get used to and you tell me how you would do it? It almost looks like a funny looking penis depending on which direction the nurse tries to position the end!(

The week that I was out of the hospital (Nov. 29th Dec. 6th) was very painful because there was really no way to relieve pressure on my abdomen after eating. Most people are able to fart naturally; I can sometimes; but most of the time its in the hospital. In the hospital, they seem to seem to be able to manage that somehow and it's only been for like an evening at a time.

I was able to walk across the street today to go and get more Blank DVDs (for my home movies) and the stupid Drug store (Rite-Aid) had the dumbest way to line up cattle (we the shoppers). It kind of makes you not want to spend money and shop when you are treated that way. They have adopted the DMV mode of lining people up; at least at the pharmacy; you pick a number and go sit in a nice comfy chair and wait your number is called (no that's the lab!); you do have to wait in a super long line except at certain times. I kind of miss farting sometimes in line at the super market or at the drugstore. I couldn't today and this dirty dude was crowded up on me; if only I have my little anti-bacterial spray to spray him away from me but I didn't wear the right jacket; (I really need one of those in each of my jackets!) I couldn't fart so why not spray him? Where are these things when you need them?

That's kinda the way life is. You have to cease your moments; like when you will actually need that something at the right moment and to justify buying a gift for someone in that same way? When are they actually going to need what you buy them? Christmas shopping is so hard on a fixed budget; so most of my gifts will be home made (from the heart). It used to be so hard to just go out and to buy gifts for others but why not just give them the gift of memories you have created with them? That is one thing that cancer is giving me right now. I am kind of having fun making DVDs of my photos for my friends and family when I am not in the hospital and while in the hospital I have more time to give to others; my writing. What I would normally spend money on others (yes I love Christmas and get others whom I love at work something nice) I haven't been around this year but I will try some DVDs (my own movies of my life). I love to Shop but this year I am creating a gift from my heart; everything that I do personally is from my heart; just like this blog is. It's a channel to let my loved ones know how I am doing.

Since being released from the hospital, I'm really confused on which way my body is going. I have this Gastric tube that needs to be flushed 3 times a day and I'm not so sure if what I am eating is actually going to get to where shit is made? It's been a struggle this last day or so of eating as I watched helplessly at the one thing I ate today which was an Ensure; go through that Gastric tube. I was told about some other shakes that are like 700 calories online. I'm not going to stress over my weight anymore; I have hit a plateau of 106 lbs and as long as I'm not loosing anymore; I guess I'm OK with that.

My 1st night home; I puked and puked and then realized I should let some pressure off the stomach tube; so we just opened the end where puke came out of my mouth, the hole in my stomach and then out of my nose. I was a complete mess but things have turned around some. I'm not at the point of being able to go places (just across the street or down the street).

My honey has such a huge responsibility once again. At first I always go into a depression where I feel like I'm not even worth him having to take care of me and that I am burdening his life with more crap. He has no complaints and helps flush my disgusting tummy 3 times a day and my pic line 3 times a day and even hooks me up to an IV fluid bag to me for 3 hours at a time. Now that's true love! How I love that man who continues to take good care of me! Peace and Love to all!