WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Inserting a Gastric Tube in my stomach....

Meet Tonto, ShoppingKharma's Blogging Mascot (he's wearing a cowboy hat!)

Goooo Cowboy Tonto!! Yeeee Hawww! I could actually hear this fella purring up a storm from the other side of this Skype Call. I can't begin to tell all of you how wonderful Skype is in being able to talk to loved ones. I wished so much my younger brother would get into using it and so many others; it's free and it's a great service for those wanting to keep in touch in the hospital. I almost feel like I am in my own dining room here with this big furry fellow. It was funny that I researched why a cat purrs and what he is saying is "things are good or about to get good!". Tonto has such a powerful happy purr and he was happy to see me here or may be it was just to hear my voice.

Well to get back to nurse Liar Liar; I did speak to Patient Services yesterday evening and a very, very nice young man (he was about my husband's age and a big guy with a heart of gold) representing Patient Services came into my room as was absolutely wonderful and very supportive of me when I told him of each of the incidents that I was concerned about; particularly the missing Fentanyl Patch and of her leaving the door wide open while seeming to laugh at my reaction as other patients were walking past my room looking in while I was naked changing clothes. I think he might have been a bit appalled but very apologetic that I even had to go through this. I told him everything that I could remember that bothered me about her and that I had reported her back in March for stabbing my freshly stapled wound with a needle and in fact I had actually reported that same incident with him. Long story. It's not certain to me that she is actually dealing with a full deck in her interactions with me; well that's just my humble opinion. She seems more like a mean child is to small animals; like she doesn't understand pain threshold? It's just kind of weird this woman is a nurse but yet kind of cruel. I sensed that about her.

Well this morning; she was still on the morning shift as being my nurse so I called the head nurse who happens to be a total sweet heart. I know she loves me and of course I love her; hell I have been here so many times and most great nurses know of my fighting spirit. Anyway, she was always very accommodating to my needs and had Liar Liar switched to another area; as long as she wasn't close to me. With her behavior yesterday, I almost feel like she should not even be serving any patients; maybe I'm just young and she just wanted to have some fun. I am concerned about where that pain patch could be because it was not even in the trash (we even sifted some of the trash); that patch could not be found anywhere. I don't even remember her throwing it away so maybe she put it on herself? I really do wonder if she did. I don't like to just assume things but she does act kind of kooky in my opinion. Well anyway Mary (not her real name = head nurse) also told me that she had told Liar Liar to not even come into my room and disturb me further which of course Liar Liar did not even listen to her boss and she still came into my room very awkwardly after she was told not to.

Liar Liar defied her bosses wishes and she did come into my room just minutes later; she walked into my room with this blank stare; so I was shocked and mad at the same time that she didn't listen to her boss and she wanted to know what she had done wrong (that list is long) so had to tell her (exact words)

"Look I just don't trust you and I don't want you to be my nurse anymore; its nothing against you; I just don't trust you". "If I were to need any medication; I would not be able to count on you". I'm a very sick patient which you obviously don't understand and I need someone who will be able to provide me with good quality care and I know that is something that are are clearly incapable of doing. When I first got here on Monday, you left me for 2 hours with out any pain medications what so ever when the doctor had already approved intravenous medications for me until the PCA pump was due to arrive - that means that while the PCA pump was not in my possession; I should have had access to intravenous pain medications; instead you chose to not give me anything for pain; instead you gave me a worthless piece of plastic for my troubles".

Well she laughed when I said that; but I wasn't laughing at all. She still just stood there so I had to just ask her to please leave my room. It was so weird to be put in that situation; but it sure felt good to stand up for myself. I hardly ever stand up for myself and allow others to walk all over me but my honey has been making me feel like I am worth more than a pot of gold and that I shouldn't ever sit there and take abuse. He has given me the confidence and I feel like a better person because of him. I love you honey if you are reading this! I love my readers too!)

Well I also told her boss what she did and what I had told her. I was just being very honest with her and had been. I don't deserve that kind of treatment at all. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve to be treated less than human.

I did get very a nice nurse to take care of me for most of the morning shift and she was a total sweetie pie; like most of them. She had been around a long time and even remembered me from over the course of 7 years. She was very down to earth and no job was too big or small for her; what a hard worker she was & always proved herself to be; she changed my bed and of course my pee hat when needed. I got medications when needed; no fighting; no ignoring and best of all; no interrupting. (I don't know what it is, but interrupting is one of my bigger pet peeves) She even got to meet Miss Blue Belle!)

Wow! Does my hair ever need washing anymore than it does right now. This is right after I got the NG tube taken out and now my hair looks kind of mullettish greasy pie dirtbag.

I was so happy that my first surgery was a success and that I was peeing like crazy; I even peeed my pants twice in one day and this other nurse was there to help me change. It was finally time for my next surgery which was to insert the gastric tube into my stomach. I was so scared but thank god I didn't have to get naked and wear one of those horrid hospital gowns that cause me danger. I almost fell off the bed yesterday in one. I got to keep on my jammies and was brought downstairs to interventional radiology where they would be inserting the gastro tube.

Well anyway I got to meet with the whole team who would be participating in helping to make this surgery a success. One of the ladies totally shocked me that she admitted to hated animals? I could not for the life of me believe that any one could hate animals; well she later admitted she didn't hate them; she just didn't like to touch or be around them because of germs; she's a germaphobe. Well she didn't have any kids either and was a cervical cancer survivor; good for her! She was really nice but I couldn't help blabbing my mouth about my Blue Belle. I for one can never ever understand why any one would not want this wondrous medicine in your life.

Life is way too short to not experience living with an animal. Animals really are medicine for the soul. You have a lousy shitty day where everyone mistreats you, you are told you are going to die soon, you do something incredibly embarrassing, you shit your pants in public, or what ever; but you go home and no matter what; this wonderful loving being is in your home that just can't wait to see you; is wagging their tail or meowwing at the door for you to hurry up and get inside. You are the most important focal point at this very moment; no that shitty day doesn't matter anymore; you have the furry fuzzy, cute, funny, lovable pet there ready to love on you!) I don't know why I feel that everyone needs to be around animals for a just a little while to help keep stress low and to give others the compassion that they need to succeed in life.

I was awake during this surgery which was kind of a trip but I could use as much pain medication as needed to help with the pain. It did feel like my tummy had just been burned like crazy and having a hole in my tummy. I do have a lot of learning to do with this thing and I have to admit that I am a bit scared of it still.

So this is what the new Gastric Tube looks like. That kind of looks like my belly button (no it's not a butthole!) but it's not; this tube actually goes into my stomach and if I start to get nauseated; I just have to hook that tube into a bag that looks kind of like a pee bag and then nasty gastric juices will fill up the bag. from what I understand if I start getting that feeling of being blocked and the pain is horrid; this will also help relieve much pressure off of my abdomen by hooking it up to the bag. I don't have much room for the photo of the nasty bag but I promise in the future there will be one. I don't really understand it all that well but there goes showering and well deep baths, no hot tubs, no swimming for now. I did get a very sweet email from another reader that has a young son who has one and he is able to go swimming so that gives me lot of hope. I have to heal first but for right now; no nice indoor swimming pools in Reno (shit!). Swimming is such great therapeutic exercise and to not be able to do it this winter; kind of bums me out. I do want to go snowboarding and my doctor is all for me doing that. It will help strengthen me and since snowboarding is my passion; I should be able to at least do that. Life is short for me and I have to enjoy all that I can from it.

After my surgery, I was wheeled back to my room where I napped out and awoke in my bed full of snot and drool. Ewwww! I was so grossed out. I had to totally change my clothes and my nice nurse came in to help me; she didn't mind getting her hands dirty as I thanked her so much for her help. How accommodating and very thoughtful this nurse was compared to Liar Liar. It really makes you appreciate a good nurse when you the taste of a bad one.

Well after the surgery, I got back to my room in time for my honey to bring in Miss Blue Belle to visit me. I was so happy to see the two of them that I cried happy tears of joy! We got to talk with the social worker about me going on Social Security until July. My doctor does not feel that I am strong enough to return to work in less than 6 months. I just had 2 surgeries just this week and am still in danger of another surgery(s). My weight is 30 lbs less than what it should be and he does not feel that I could handle a 40 hour work week just yet. I'm pretty bummed because I really do miss being at work. I was given the necessary paperwork to start filling out and while she was here I had the worst time just moving around. My tummy was so sore from this surgery; it burned and ached like I had a serious sun burn on my tummy and then I decided to do 5000 sit-ups non-stop. Oh God it hurt and still does.

Hopefully I can start feeling better and can start to volunteer with Blue Belle this month. It really means a lot for me to be able to do this because I see the looks on many senior's faces when they get to pet on Blue Belle and it just warms my heart to no end. It might even be like a drug for me; just to see others being cheered up or bring them lasting memories. There are a few websites that have Senior Living Centers where I can go visit with seniors and I would love to be able to visit with Soldiers coming back from Iraq or Afghanistan. I just want to make a difference in my own community since I am getting this public assistance which will be helping me quite a bit; I need to pay back this money in my own way.


Now this hunky hot cowboy is what I will be dreaming about tonight. He is my special cowboy and I can't wait for us to be able to race across a field on horseback one day. We have done this years ago; but we are due again! OMG is he ever sexy! Wow! I can't believe that I married such a hot handsome man and he digs me? He loves my teats, he loves my bony ass even though back in the day; I had a nice big bootay; not anymore. We love each other no matter what and sorry that I have to get all sappy towards the end of my posts but I just can't help the love that I feel for this wonderful man. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Here's to many, many more happy years with this hot man of mine! Peace and Love to all!



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3 comments:

MFA Mama said...

Sweet girl--

I just sent you an e-mail. Don't give up on the swimming just yet! xox

onthebit said...

CJ,

Tonto looks like such a cute little space kitty on skype! Sooo cute! I am so glad you have the love of your cowboy and animals to get you through this.

Good for you for standing up to liar liar and getting her outta your room today! I can't believe they still had her being your nurse.

It will be so cool to volunteer with Blue Belle, but until then, don't forget--you are already making such a difference and giving back with your blog!

Hugs to your tummy & the rest of you.

l'optimiste said...

at last!! I can get to your blog! Liar Liar needs a slap!! If I were there, I'd do it for you and not feel remotely bad about it. I have never heard anything so horrid about a nurse. How upsetting. Maybe Blue Belle could bite her? heheh - not a remote possibility I know, but a chuckalicious thought. ;o)

Anyway girl, glad you're coping, how I don't quite know, but seems you are.

hope your tummy feels better soon. Love those jammies by the way :o)
have a good weekend
x

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Disclosure

My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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