Back in the hospital on my honey's birthday....

I will start with the Holiday Christmas party since we were able to make the party and we really had a great time and no problems at all that day. Now on our anniversary; I was not feeling good at all for going out so we had decided that we would save what little energy I had for the holiday party and just celebrate our 7 year Wedding anniversary at my company's Christmas Party. It worked out so well and not once did I get sick or feel any pain. Everyone was so warm and friendly to me and my husband; I really had no idea that I had so much of an impact on so many people. I have been out since March 15th which is pretty much most of the year and I sure hope and pray that I am able to go back to work in January. (it's not looking good right now!(

It was so good to see so many of my co-workers and to see some are starting families and so much going on in their lives and I'm so very happy for many of them. Oh how I miss so many of them and see them looking so good at this party was amazing for both of us. I'm so proud of my hot husband; he looks so incredibly handsome in his suit. I could not have been more proud of him!) This whole year has been a struggle for me as the chemo has been literally tearing my body to pieces.

On Sunday, I slept for most of the day; I did not have any energy at all and could not for the life of me get out of bed until after 4pm. I made myself a juice with cantaloupe, apple, and orange, then I ate a pear and then an orange. My poor tummy just blew up and the only reason I ate the fruit was to try to get myself to go potty. It usually works but this block was worse than usual. The pain was so unbearable; and by 9pm; I started puking my brains out. I could not stop and then the dry heaves started and the pain got up to a 10; so we drove to the ER. My poor honey has been having to go through so much with me and now he feels he needs help. I may have to go on hospice care but we will see.

When we got to ER; I was screaming and crying with cold sweats. I think I actually went into shock and could barely control my body from convulsing and I was struggling to even catch a breath. I thought for sure that I was going to die. Nothing could calm me down; even my husband trying to relax me by rubbing my back and shoulders. It took a little while to get the IV and then the doctor to prescribe some pain medication but I was screaming out of control. I was in so much pain and agony and I felt so horrible to be behaving in such an uncontrollable manner. I tried to calm myself down but the pain was just too great. I struggled so hard to breath because I was so scared that my heart would just stop beating. It was as if I was struggling just survive through this ordeal just so that I could be alive for my honey. His birthday is tomorrow I kept thinking and this is an aweful way for my honey to have to spend his birthday.

Sometimes I feel like he is too good to be going through this hell with me and that he deserves a healthy beautiful wife. He always gets mad at me when I think this way but I help it sometimes. We have both had such a hard year this year and I sure hope next year will be much better for both of us. I definitely don't wish to die anytime soon and am so glad that I made it through last night. I was so happy when the pain medications finally started to work. I had to get a chest x-ray and then I was admitted shortly after my honey left to go home. He had stayed with me for a couple of hours and wanted to be there when a doctor was able to see me which was almost immediately. Once again we got great service in ER; just one snotty male nurse who forced me to take off my shirt to wear one of those choking gowns. (I always get tangled up in those stupid gowns because they are one size fits all and up to 400lbs). He grabbed for my picc line arm (even though it doesn't have a picc line in anymore) and my honey grabbed his hand immediately and told him to not grab at my arm so forcibly as he was doing. Right away he snapped at my husband; and I was mad. What a little SOB I thought to myself. He continued to man handle me out of my shirt and into the choking gown so I was practically topless with the door sometimes wide open for all to see my teats (I don't have tits; instead they are teats). The other nurses were absolutely fantastic; just this one young jerk nurse and I'm so glad I didn't see him again. He had a horrible attitude for working in an emergency situation. I'm so glad he wasn't around when I was having my pain episode; he might have made the situation much worse for me. The doctor that was on call was amazingly very nice and understanding of my situation. He made sure I had plenty of medication and of course I had to be admitted.

Right after my honey left; I had to be wheeled into my own room upstairs. Pain medication was brought to me hourly throughout the night and I also had an NG tube placed into my left nostril. This morning I had to have a new picc line inserted into my left arm. The picc line nurse had tried three times to insert one in my right arm but it just wasn't going to happen.

My doctor came in later on and told me that I would need to have my ureter surgery tomorrow to replace my stint in my right ureter. On Wednesday or Thursday I will have another surgery to insert a gastric tube into my stomach in order to keep me from going into the ER so often. If I start having pressure in my tummy; I can learn how to use the gastric tube properly in order to relieve pressure. I think puke actually comes out of the gastric tube because it is after all a hole inserted into my stomach. I'm a little scared but anything to keep me out of the hospital; I'm all for. I asked the doctor if I could still snowboard with my gastric tube and he said yes; if I cover it correctly. We might even start using IV bags at home to help hydrate me and I might go back on TPN just for a little while until my weight starts to come up. I'm at about 100lbs right now which is kind of scary for me.

My honey came by with a nice lavender smelling Blue Belle; (oh God did she smell good!) and she knew it. She jumped up on the bed and was so happy to see me. It's so sad that I'm here on his birthday because I really wanted to have a special day with him today. My honey told me that Tonto had driving him crazy crying all over the house as if he were calling for me. He misses his mommy so hopefully I can go home by Thursday or Friday. I do have an appetite and am very thirsty but I am restricted to ice chips only.

Well here's to me healing and hoping that I finally recover! Let's hope and pray for a cure to horrible disease! Peace and Love to all!