WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month...

  According to the CDC,  "Among women in the United States, ovarian cancer is the eighth most common cancer and the fifth leading cause of cancer death, after lung and bronchus, breast, colorectal, and pancreatic cancersOvarian cancer causes more deaths than any other cancer of the female reproductive system.  Ovarian cancer incidence (new cases) and mortality (deaths) rates are higher among Caucasian women than for women of any other racial group."

In 2006,*
  • 19,994 women in the U.S. learned they had ovarian cancer, and 14,857 women died from the disease.
  • It is estimated that more than $2.2 billion† is spent on the treatment of ovarian cancer per year in the U.S.
 This month there are many walks going on all over the world in order to raise money for awareness and or treatments for many patients who may not be able to afford treatments.   Here's to a cure in this lifetime!)  So many thousands of women are diagnosed too late as I was.  When this disease is in its advanced stages; it is a killer and it doesn't even have to be.  I would love for 2010 to be the year we find a cure; if not next year. 

Well this happens to be one of those days where I'm not feeling all that great and it's a reminder of how serious this disease is.  My tummy feels all cut up and I bet it's from the radiation treatments I had in July.  Wow! Still suffering from those and the radiation burns are now moving up my body.  The area that wasn't so pleasant has healed but now my tummy is red, burned, and parts of it pealing a bubbling like a horrible sun burn.  It's pretty uncomfortable. 

As for it being rough myself; we are facing another ER run and I'm fighting it with all my might.  Last night my honey tried changing my gastric tube dressing and for some reason the hole where the tube sticks out is pinching like a MF.  With just the slightest touch; I'm screaming and crying in pain because it literally feels as if my flesh is being pulled off the bone and right there on my tummy where it feels even more vulnerable.  All he is doing is cleaning the area very lightly and barely touching the area; but for me it feels horrid (as if the tube is being pulled out).   I'm also puking up a storm and the tube seems to be getting blocked with food so that in turn is making me so sick that I'm having trouble breathing normally.  If I try to get up, I feel horrible pressure on my abdomen; like the tube is being pulled out.  I wonder if my tummy hole is infected?  My husband feels horrible as he tries hard to  change the dressing and clean the area as best he can, I can't even find a comfy way to lie there so that he can do this more easily.  I feel so guilty that I can't even take this pain like a man would but I can't; it is just way to painful to even comprehend.  I can't believe it.  My breathing becomes more labored (uncontrollably) as I scare the living shit out of my husband.  He is very worried about me and this causes so much unneeded stress on his system.  I wish at this point that I could take it all away and my frustration only leads me to crying more tears.  Maybe I could learn to massage him better so that his stresses are gone, gone, gone! He has stress from work and even more added stress from my bullshit.   I wish so much I could control this much better and just pretend that I'm not in any kind of pain.   I wish the pain was not great; sometimes they are sharp piercing pains that take my breath away and all I can do is squeal. Why does this pain have to hurt so?  What did I do so wrong that I have to be in such horrible horrible pain?

We need a vacation so badly and his extended leave from work involved no type of relaxation; it was all about me healing from more surgeries and/ or preparing for the end of my life.   Well the doctor did say that I had less than six months to live so my husband felt that he would like to spend those last six months with me.  Well I have survived that and much longer than expected.  I keep surprising those doctors; so now I'm just a walking medical experiment.   It's so amazing that I'm still alive and that I keep waking up despite all odds.  I don't even know what's in my body or what my body can handle.

I do hope one day I will be able ride a horse despite all of my problems in my tummy.   Horses are such amazing animals; they are prey animals and depend on the rider for security and leadership.  Well here is a youngster who deserves a second chance.  This is Big Mac who happens to be another blue eyed beauty and an appaloosa.  He was born on July 17th, 2009; so he's a little over a year old.  He is 1/2 thoroughbred with a mixture of Shire, Percheron, Appaloosa, and Paint.  He was born at the Animali Farm and his adoption fee will many many foals like himself.  $3000 for this little boy who is going to be a big boy when he grows up. They have another one named Charlie who is a few months older and was born in May 2009; he is a bay Draft Cross and he only $500.

Here is Charlie doing a full gallop!)  Oh how I love horses and could have all of these wonderful horses who deserve nothing more than a second chance in a good home!  It sucks that my townhouse just won't do; but for now I have visit with my friends who are kind enough to have horses for me to visit with.  I have to have my horse therapy every once in a while.  Their smell and their presence does something for me that dogs and cats are unable to.  My honey is promising me some horse therapy this weekend!) Let's hope we can do just that; my health is so crazy we never know day to day if I can do certain things.  This is something I really feel I have to do; pet and /or brush a gorgeous horse and he has friends who happen to have gorgeous horses!  Oh I can't wait!)

It's hard to believe that labor day is just around the corner and I sure hope that all of us are able to enjoy this weekend!  Peace and Love to all of you!

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l'optimiste said...

hey - have a good weekend, and I so hope that pain gets sorted out.

Hugs to you and your honey babe

Washington US Doctor said...

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Anonymous said...

thinking of you jayne, i am so sorry you suffer so much i would take soem from you if i could. that beautiful horse was born on my birthday, i wish i could buy him! love your hubby, and you best two friends on four legs, they are there to comfort and love you through all of this. i wish i could be there. big hugs to you and much love. amy

coffeemaiden said...

Precious Jayne, I so hope you and your honey get a relaxing holiday weekend. You both deserve some relaxation. I've got both of you in my prayers. You guys are a dynamite couple and, when you add your wonderful pets, the sky's the limit. Take care. I hope the pain hides for a few days. Love ya both. Deb

Anonymous said...

hugs & love from your friend in sac.

feel better. hope you get some horse time!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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