WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My Hero is my husband - The Best Caregiver I know...

This is my favorite photo of my hot husband!  You can see the love in his eyes for me.  It's absolutely beautiful and was taken by an amazing young woman just a few years ago.  

In this post I am going to talk about the man behind the woman who fights this horrible disease.  I wouldn't be where I am today if it were not for him and I certainly wouldn't be sitting here writing this post.   This amazing man is my caregiver and my husband.  He is my super hero with out a doubt!   He always continues to amaze me more and more with his courage and  determinations each and every day  as we walk these miles together; hand in hand.  We are talking about a man who chose to stay and fight this disease with me instead of run and complain like a lot of unfortunate boys I hear about when other women  are diagnosed similarly.   I feel all cancer patients deserve a good Jimmy by their side.   It's so sad for a woman or even a man to have to go through a diagnosis  alone and I have no idea how those who leave these souls can even live with themselves.  Would they wish the same is the roles were reversed?  How would they feel if their spouse /lover left them after such grim news?  How can they be so selfish?  I don't understand it nor will I ever.  I know my situation is bad in so many ways but I still feel so incredibly lucky each and every day to have the most wonderful husband /caregiver I could ever ask for.

I have actually read that some women have been left because their man at the time of diagnosis wanted children and cold heartedly left a woman after a cancer diagnosis because of this selfish needs.  Yeah, how would he feel having to go through all that alone and I'm sure he couldn't dare do it!  Not having kids is not the end of the world or even someone's life.  There is always adoption after 5 years of being with out the cancer.  I hope this post will make those who consider leaving think again.  Yes, it is a lifetime commitment and we do have many days which are hard on both of us.  I think all couples do even when it comes to raising children together.  What we have gone through together; I would never want to put a child through w; it's hard enough on our pets.

My wonderful man wanted to get married right away before I even started chemo.   Here we are signing our Marriage License at City Hall in Santa Clara County.  He knew we had no time to waste and because of his good job and my great job; the benefits of being married would help me greatly and it has!  I didn't get much of chance to grieve or be sad about the whole diagnosis (well I did cry and grieve but this amazing man was there for me to lift my spirits!) because I was busy planning my dream wedding.  We got married exactly 9 days after being released from the hospital; 1 day after getting my staples out and 2 days before my first chemo treatment.  We didn't have the usual wedding night that so many couples would dream about; we had to rise and shine early the next morning and be at the hospital lab at 9am for my pre-infusion blood draws.  There is so much about Cancer that most don't learn about until after they are diagnosed and it can be such a total nightmare and it was for both of us; but we got through it together with lots of love.  Love can get anyone through anything; it conquers!)

Well nearly 8 years later; we are still going strong and his pace has never dropped even once.  He has gone through so much training that he could make a very good nurse and does many things that nurses do even better.   He has mastered so many medical tasks such as  everything there is to know about caring for and flushing picc lines, giving Neupogen shots and other kinds of shots as well, change bandages, care for wounds, prepare meals, set up IVs and so much more!   What a hero, my man is!)  He is also my eyes and ears for all doctor appointments and he makes sure he is there for  each one of them, he asks great questions that I wouldn't even think to ask and even researches everything that we are faced with having to do.  When he found out what kind of chemos I was going to be on; he was up late into the morning hours researching them and finding out what kinds of side effects I would be experiencing and what we could do about those side effects.  I'm so incredibly proud of him and his wonderful abilities in taking care of all of medical needs at home; even better than most of the nurses and they too agree!)  They are just as amazed at miraculous abilities as I am!).

He has also spent countless hours in the ER with me and in the hospital sleeping in uncomfy chairs or cots and sometimes we have taken nice sweet naps on the bed together (at the hospital).  He would go home just to take care of the animals (taking Blue Belle out for a walk and so much more!).  He made those hospital stays all the more special as he would sometimes bring in Blue Belle or just himself.  He would make sure I had all the amenities I could ever ask for; he would bring me my special toilet paper and we would be on the phone as we sorted details about which facewash, shampoos, and moisturizers and face masks to bring.  At night he would always be sure to Skype me with both my kitty and my dog and of course he makes me laugh at so many silly things; yes, he brings me lots of laughter and just his ways about him just make my heart skip a beat because he is so incredibly romantic.  I couldn't ask for anything more of a man!)

Of course the dreadful night of my initial diagnosis (I hadn't woken up yet from the surgery); he went home and researched Ovarian Cancer and especially other survivors who had beaten the odds.   He spent many nights up researching this disease and the next mornings after his researching we would either be spending hours on the phone discussing all that he learned or in my hospital room.  There always something new and possitive that he would want to share with me so that I wouldn't cry.  He does hate seeing me cry and won't let some people even be around me if they make me cry too much!  AWWW! I don't think I could ever say enough about my amazing man and how much I love him so.

We both cried so much during first couple of months and he didn't dare tell me what that doctor had  told him (while I was in that first surgery) that I would be lucky to survive another 10 months to 2 years maximum; not until my 5th survival anniversary did he tell me this.  I made it past age 35 which was supposed to be impossible and now I am at age 40.  It doesn't even seem real.

How does this Caregiver do it all so well? How does he sets up his work space?  Because he used to be in the Army; he has the best organizational skills that I totally lack!?  He has brought so much to the plate and has given me everything I could have ever asked for in a husband and a caregiver.  He does inventory each week and makes lists of items that need to be ordered and seems to always be on top of his game (my care)!

His typical responsibilities for each day I am alive include all of the following:

He is the first person to give me my freedom from the TPN.  He hooks it up at night and then he unhooks me.  I know that's doesn't seem like much but I haven't even started on all the tasks just yet.  When I take the TPN downstairs and plug it in to charge for the next feeding; I always notice this nice little neat pile of syringes all ready for    the next morning.  After unhooking me from the TPN, he also needs to flush the picc line properly.   Then he goes to work; gives me a kiss and we have to tell each other how much we love each other before he goes to work.  I don't hear from him sometimes until he calls me around 3pm to remind me that I need to pull out the TPN bag so that it can sit at room temperature for 3-4 hours.  He will get home from work and immediately give me a kiss and then veg out on the couch for a few moments before taking Miss Blue Belle out.  Once he gets back from that; he begins the long process of getting the TPN ready to hook me up.  This is now my only way of getting nutrition.  The sad thing is that while it is feeding me; it   is also feeding the cancer and I have tumors that are growing in my bowel and causing blockages.  I try to use mind over matter that they are shrinking and then Meg Whitman on my back has been stabbing me pretty horridly.  My Volcano Vaporizer does do the job on Meg pretty good.  I am trying hard to stay clear of the dangerous drug medications that I am prescribed.

Cannabis just gives me the quality of life that I so need.  Having cancer sucks and I'm so thankful to have medicine that doesn't have to be so dangerous for my body.  My honey makes sure that I have my medicine and reading about caregivers who do just that gettting arrested is Unconstitutional.  Yes, I said it; caregivers do so much for those they care for and why the government or polititions who obviously have never suffered in such great pain could choose to end a life (putting someone in jail is the same as ending their life as they know it) should be a crime.  The only crime that these caregivers are doing is helping their love have a quality of life with out  the pain and horrible side effects.   That is why it is Unconstitution to keep this plant illegal from other patients who really need it.  I that is why so many die each year and the amount of pain they have to endure and only be able to use those dangerous constipating addictive drugs.  It really does provide me with a good quality of life even though I tend to laugh a lot while on it; but at least I'm not crying my eyes out and being depressed.   Life is too short for suffering in any kind pain.

Another thing my honey does is that he protects me from danger and will not stand by if someone does me wrong.  I can't open the door at night if he is not home and he will fight anyone that tries to hurt me.  He is very protective of me and the best caregiver I could ever ask for.  He even does healthy shopping at Whole Foods for me.  It's really precious because my lists often contains items that I may have researched on the internet and stuff that he might not know what it is but he can find it or call me and I can help him find what ever it is.  He's so cute when he does call me and very concerned about getting everything that I need!) Oh GOD he is so cute and loving; I just can't ask for anything more and am so very thankful I have him in my life.    What a team we make!  We are a Power Couple all the way and I do know we are not the only ones out there!

Another thing I love about him is that his bandages are the very best; he takes great pride in doing  the most excellent job in all that he does for me.  He takes great care in pulling off the tape and then cleaning the wound (making sure that I'm not hurting he does it extra, extra gentle!), and then the best bandage job every time.  I have never seen a nurse do a better job than he does with everything that he does for me!)  That's what a caregiver must do and he does all that and so much more!); My love also encourages me to get out for exercise in order to heal myself; "get off your lazy ass!"  I get lots of encouragement from him and I appreciate it more and more each day!)  I do my Yoga stretches and even ride my bike or clean my house and do laundry.  My pot is not dangerous to others and I only do so in the privacy of my own home.  Well enough about my excellent medicine and my love for my hero; my husband!  I love you honey with all my heart and soul and I appreciate EVERYTHING you do for me and I know everybody else does too!  You are a hero to all of us!)

Peace and Love to all of you!  If any of you can think of other things your caregiver does for you; please do leave a comment about it!) It's so romantic what they do for us!   It's ALL about True Love as we know it!)  Love Conquers All!)

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MFA Mama said...

You're a lucky, lucky girl to have such love in your life :)

Anonymous said...

Jayne, I too have a great caretaker/husband. They are the best because they do it all with love. I was in the hospital for 16 days for my de-bulking surgery (and the preceeding bowel obstruction, and the post-surgery complications). My husband stayed with me day and night, leaving only when he had to eat or go home to shower and wash my jammies. I didn't ask him to do that...he insisted on it. And he is 6ft plus, so the little foldout chair thing they provided for him to sleep on wasn't the reason he wanted to stay, believe me! Bob is the most committed husband anyone could ask for. He never considered running away from any of the ugliness that comes with this disease. I truly do not know how I would have managed without him.


Janell said...

A beautiful tribute to your handsome caregiver. Can he make the heat go away???


Pharmgirll said...

You two make a truly beautiful couple.

Anonymous said...

3 cheers to you and your hunny!

your friend in sac

coffeemaiden said...

That's quite a testimonial. He appears to be all that you say.......but that may be partially because you are an incredible woman. I'm so glad you two have each other.Paths through like can be pretty rocky, but if you have someone to help you and be your rock it makes it more bearable. (And he's very photogenic.) Prayers and hugs for both of you, from the Mama.

Pateeta said...

Thank you for sharing that! It really warms my heart to know you have such a wonderful person taking care of you. We should all be so lucky. Blessings to you both.

Mischa said...

You and Jimmy have something magical!

Alli said...

Jayne I read this and I had tears streaming down my face. You have a wonderful man in your life that loves you wholely, and you he..
Thank you for the honesty..

Love Alli....xx

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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