WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Overcoming chemo brain with new devices and knowledge...

My husband and I have been so incredibly close lately (actually we always are). We have these cute little spats that don't really last long and always end up with us laughing our asses off at each other. One example is that we have these pool keys which I sometimes will loose. I put them in a pocket but it always ends up "well which pocket did I put them in?" Sometimes he looses them and it always seems that I am the one who lost them in the first place each and every time because of this chemo brain.

I am convinced each and every time when something does go missing; it must be me that lost what ever it is. I love to put things in pockets (yes coats and pants), in purses (which ever purse that might be). Women do have so many accessories and I'm no different. They look great, and they hold all of the things we can't possibly carry in our hands all of the time!) Anyway back to the missing pool keys; I had to call my neighbor to let me and my friend into the hot tub. I must have looked inside each and every jacket of mine and my husband's, pants I had worn, purses I may have used. I could not for the foggy chemo brain remember where those keys must be. My poor patient husband is helping me look and of course nothing.

The next day, my husband goes to work and then finds those keys in a pocket in his jacket that perhaps I had never even known he had; his secret pocket. The problem is neither of us can remember or even know which of us is responsible for loosing those keys. It totally does not matter to either of us. Move on!) We just cracked up when he produced them and told me he found them in his jacket in his secret inside pocket. It was either me or him? We had no idea but didn't care. He had checked the mail one of these days and I did too. I wore his jacket one cold, cold morning to take Blue Belle out for her morning potty break (could have had the keys then, but don't know). His coat is so warm and smells just like him that I just can't resist wearing it sometimes. I just remember his outside pockets which I always use but who knows? We were just so tickled that we found those keys. What a relief!

Chemo brain seems to be a big thing for me and many other cancer patients like myself. It happens sometimes where you feel this fog covering up your brain when you are either telling a story, trying to remember where you put something, or explaining to someone something you did, etc. It happens and sometimes when you try to figure out and to learn new things it takes many times of memorizing for anything to really sink in. Don't get me wrong, I still feel smart at times, just frustrated when I forget things. Things do eventually come to me whether its seconds, minutes, hours, days, and sometimes months. You never know.

Well I am doing new things for this New Year to improve my brain skills and I already feel great about it. For instance, I am taking that Yoga class which I can tell is helping me in other ways as well. I also signed up for this Medical Terminology course which really excites me and will give me a great challenge. Maybe I can find out what's really ailing me; yeah its the cancer but hopefully I can fix myself, myself. Wouldn't that be cool? Yeah that's a dream, but I can also make myself more useful in this world by learning medical terms, what they mean, and more.

I also just got myself a new iPhone and its so far pretty fun and I can play with and learn how to use on the way to work! Oh boy! So far so good with the learning how to use; still getting confused with the menus but I have a feeling this will be a good experience for me. Oh,, it's a fun one!)

I just shipped my mom her new phone (my old phone). It will be so good if we can get back to talking to each other every day or every other day again. I hate doing the weekends or once a month. That will not work. A woman's gotta talk to her mom as much as she can or least every day , right?

TGIF! Don't get me wrong, I love each and every day and have found new purpose in going to work in that I do have fun, I get to work with some people who really do have hearts of gold, they do good things for others, would be more than willing to give the shirt off of their backs, and what ever they can do to help out. Their work involves creating drugs which can save the lives of those with debilitating diseases.

However lately, I have found it really sad when others at work tell me of how others make it really hard for them to deal with work (making them very miserable) and while it does make me sad to see others so sad, I just hope that my presence makes going to work so much better and tolerable. I just do my best to cheer others up with my problems. It seems to work with my mom and it makes me very happy to be able to do that for her and for others. I catch myself laughing so hard at myself that I get others laughing too. That always seems to make me feel wonderful!) There might as well be some positive in my seemingly constant bowel problems.

I decided after this experience in the hospital that I just want to just do my best at everything I do. Yeah, it was a close call!) I made it!) So now, I just give everything I do my all! Yeah I have been doing that all along, but never have I felt so strong about it; actually perhaps I always have. I really do like to make those around me appreciate their lives so much more than they do or just to feel great just being around me and maybe I am able to influence others that being miserable is no way to be or to live your life. Live a little, laugh a little, give a little.

I was at work early today and I only got around 3 hours of sleep; if that. I did have some very painful problems today (not until after noon) which honestly does worry me. It was good for me to be at work and to get things done, but in all actuality I was pretty scared today about my doctor's appointment yesterday.

Work actually helped me get my mind off of those problems, but once that pain started I had to sit it out for a little over 2 hours. Yes, I had a bad case of diarrhea which happens sometimes too often; I'm still very, very happy as can be that my butt hole still works!)

I almost felt as if I had dry heaves in my butt hole and that my intestines felt as if they might just come right on out (that I might shit out my intestines). How unpleasant that was and I for sure could not go home while this was all happening. I couldn't get it to stop a few times; like all the food I had eaten was now coming out. I didn't have any appetite for any food and was fearful that it too would come rushing out. That's another thing my doctor had been concerned about was my weight. I need to gain some! I'm still loosing weight but still within the 120lb range. With my clothes, jacket, boots, and a set of keys I had in my pocket; I weigh 129.

I still managed to get things done and all that I had promised I would get done. I felt great about that but was still in lots of pain. I tried some aspirin, then a few hours later some Ibuprofen. It was just like I had taken some sugar pills, so I just tried some breathing techniques, thinking about Blue Belle and what every I could do to rid myself of pain. I tolerated it quite well and NO that does not happen all the time. Just 1 day out of 4 which isn't that bad. No pain the rest of the week.

Finally, it (butt hole dry heaves) stopped, peacefulness but still quite painful! I drove home and then decided that I needed to go to Whole Foods to find me some stuff that could put some real meat on my bones. I called my mom on my new phone and my new hands free device with does not have one of those ear barrettes (torture devices for your ears) just to tell her that her care package is on its way.

How wonderful it was just to hear her voice and that I was indeed cheering her up. I was parked and ready for my shopping trip (all except that feeling of intestines coming out of my butt hole). She told me I needed to smoke a bowl and I did. Within 10 seconds; the pain dissipated. How amazing that felt and my mom got to witness all of this on the phone!) Actually she has witnessed it many times. I sometimes will call her in pain and she will always tell me "You need to go smoke a bowl". How cool is that for my mom to say that to her own daughter? She knows it works and it really does. I would be arrested if I lived in her state (South Carolina) and dared tried to get rid of that pain and uncomfort. Well now I could walk to and inside the store without any pain! What an awesome plant and medicine!) I guess my ancestors weren't at all stupid.

I got all kinds of great stuff at Whole Foods including some Aloe Vera juice, Fish oil (w/out mercury), stuff that had no gluten, soy, or dairy. Maybe diet can help me and perhaps this others stuff can help regenerate my intestines. I told the cashier of my hopes and dreams that I will cure myself one day. After she had bagged up my groceries, she walked around the counter and told me that she just had to give me a hug, so she gave me a good solid hug. It was very sweet. Here's to hope!)

When I got home, my dear sweet husband had fixed the water heater (actually he bought a new one and a friend of his helped him install it). Yeah! We have hot water!)


test said...

yay! hot water AND an iPhone? wealthy woman! ;o)

I got an iPhone recently too - it's hilarious, I love it. If I wake up at 3.00 in the morning I can surf the internet without getting out of bed...better than thinking sometimes.

And a GREAT way to deal with the chemo brain - I have all my reminders & little notes [for everything it seems] in there, so wherever I am I can access everything that my poor brain forgets. VERY useful. Chemo brain is pretty tedious...but it's quite nice to forget some things some days :o)

I hope you're having a pain free day

Tori C. said...

Saying hi via BSU. I'm in Cali, too! :)

Sending your thoughts of peace of comfort.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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