WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Feeling better & meeting with doctor...

That hot stone massage really proved to be a miracle in that the abdominal pain in my stomach slowly disappeared through out the week and my back and muscles are still feeling relaxed. Wow! Was that the best massage I have ever had? I really think it is!)

I had my yoga class on Wednesday and I had no problems with any of the exercises. I felt more limber and balanced and I know that too was due to that wonderful massage Aerial Ascher gave me on Sunday.

So what's next? Well I went to see my doctor today and he examined my abdomen for further complications and to see if there was much improvement. For now we are just going to enjoy every God given day I am provided with where I get to go pee and poo.
It's the truth!)

NOTE: This is definitely not me, but kinda sorta where my tumor is located only I don't have any ovaries, omentum, fallopian tubes, etc. I'm more spayed than my dog!)

The tumor that is located just inside my abdominal wall and could very well grow and eventually obstruct my bowels once again and it would need to be removed but the problems with me is that this is an extremely risky surgery. It may need to be performed in the near future; we don't know when but intend on prolonging that as long as possible. He explained to us the consequences of having another abdominal surgery in the future and the certainty that I will need a stoma or a colostomy bag. This would be permanent because of the damage done to my bowels. I like anyone asked if there was such thing as an intestinal transpant or from a donor or man made.

Not sure which type of stoma I would get; one type is an iliostomy which disposes of digested food and the other fecal matter (colostomy bag). I wouldn't get the nutrition that I needed so I do plan to try my very best to get as healthy as I possibly can. It's so incredibly scary to think about and how I wished I had normal problems just like everyone else; oh, wait I do on top of all of this. I just don't focus on those other problems nearly as much. I just wish to live a happy life with my soul mate and of course I am; right now!)

That's exactly what I'm doing; is living for right now. It's all I can do and I can't just live in fear of the inevitable. I can still be active with one of those contraptions but in all reality of what I am facing is living with this terminal disease. I can still live; don't get me wrong and that I will!)

My doctor wants to do this type of scan where it takes about 8 hours to perform and this scanner is able to photograph multiple photographs of this solution that I will need to drink all day (no food or water and I'm getting pretty used to that). This scan will record with photographs all the processes for which my body deals with food and or stuff that I intake. It should be quite fascinating; however he is suspecting that my intestines are incredibly fragile and once I am opened up it might be it for them. They are closing in somehow or narrowing which evidently happens to lots of patients who have survived the recurrent cancer for as long as I have. We have had many who have survived for as long as 9 years and a patient with stage 2 alive much longer.

God it just gets me how incredibly deadly this disease is that I am dealing with. I need a miracle and lots of prayers and I just have faith in my heart that I WILL get through this. I have to get my intestines stronger. I will research and there has to be a way to get my intestines stronger and more resilient. It doesn't hurt to try because I know it does to not try:)

After the doctor appointment, my husband took a nap and I left to go to the AT&T store to get my phone working correctly and to get my mother's new phone (my old phone) working before I send her a care package. I included all kinds of great teas (green, ginger, black, and white teas), vitamins, popcorn, and more. Everything to make my mom feel good because I know she has been feeling very depressed about my state of being. I try my best to be as upbeat as I can with her and not to worry her.

My mother does suffer from severe depression which is another thing that I have in connection to our President. His own mother also suffered from severe depression. She could never be happy in one place and seemed to always be looking for happiness which unfortunately many people actually do instead of just enjoying the ride. It's right now is where your happiness is and it is a choice. You can either complain and feel sorry for yourself or you can just do your best and I always count my day in how many people I can get to smile or laugh.

I am very, very scared of my future, but that doesn't stop me from attempting to enjoy every moment that I can whether it's laughing at myself, my husband, having fun with my dog, talking to my friends or family or just writing right here, right now.

Sorry I got off the subject. Anyway, I'm sending my mom this phone and care package tomorrow morning. Miss Blue Belle got to hang out with me at the phone store and many employees did not even know she was there the entire 40 minutes it took to deal with SIM cards, multiple phones lines on my account, what phones for which, and getting all my phone numbers into my new phone. As she was walking out with me, that's when she drew a small crowd of smiles and pets.

I got home and my husband had freaked out because he awoke at 6:30pm thinking he had to hurry and get ready for work. Mass confusion and of course laughter!

An hour later, a good friend of mine stopped by to see me and she shared her problems with me and we also got a good cry out which you really have to do every once in a while. We got to soak in the hot tub and relaxed. We talked about all kinds of things and how I plan to research making my intestines stronger, more resilient, and perhaps they can improve and perhaps I can even focus more energy on killing that dam tumor and that darn cancer in my body that is supposedly growing inside me. Could this be possible? There really has to be a cure. We got back to the house and watched the rest of the Sharks game and also tried to figure out my new iPhone. Yeah, just got one and hope it can help stimulate my chemo brain.

My husband arrived shortly after the game and we all got to talk, and of course laugh right before she left to go home. I went to bed shortly after and then at midnight was awakened by my husband. The water heater had just bursted, water was leaking everywhere, in the walls (or so we thought). It was 12:30am and we needed to call our dear sweet neighbor Nick to help us shut off the water and to try to turn some bolts (I don't understand those things as well), we got everything shut off and then we turned on the water (not the hot water of course). I was wishing that today had been the day I was to wash my hair because I wasn't all looking forward to washing my hair in the sink with cold, cold, water.

On to choose to enjoy another day!)


Kia Taylor said...

This is such a ridiculous disease, it seems so senseless...i too work very hard to stay in the moment and enjoy what's right in front of me. Please know that you are not alone in this journey, I will be adding you to my prayers now and always...


l'optimiste said...

I don't know anything about this, but I found an interesting article about a tea here:

It says "Herman and Cornelia Aihara originally developed this medicinal tea for cancer patients. It is designed to strengthen the stomach and intestines, and to help you create a more alkaline condition in your body."

I am always thinking of you, trying to send lots of healthy thoughts your way. Yes you're struggling, but you're doing an amazing job of staying positive - I hope you had a great day!

ShoppingKharma said...

Wow! I am going to try this tea for sure now! Thank you so much!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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