Mystery Illness Revealed...Hospital Admission..

Well as the morning hours wore on after around 1am in the morning, I was to drink that nasty CT scan fluid that tastes so godly awful (not the Barium but the clear liquid stuff). I had to drink it every half hour. I had such a brilliant nurse this time who suggested that a shot of the yucky icky stuff concentrated and the a glass of water which I was completely craving.

Normally over the years as I was hospitalized and starting in the emergency room, nurses would always bring me a glass of water with the icky stuff already mixed in; this other way of taking the shock and drink plain water was wonderful. After just 3 swallows of the water, the icky taste was all gone and I had the rest of that little styro-foam cup of water to enjoy and savor.

I had taken all 3 of the required sips of the CAT scan yuck (1 shot, 1 sip) and boy did I savor each and every glass of water I was given. 1 hour, then another 1/2 hour the nurse returns with another one and apologizing for forgetting to take me to get my CAT scan. They that same nurse wheeled me back for my CAT scan. Only I got forgotten about and had to do another 4th shot which the water so worth it. What a brilliant nurse! I love her!

Once we arrived at the CT scanning spot, there was a very nervous thin but very compassionate and sweet old Asian man in the back to give me my CAT scan. He was very quiet spoken and seemed very stressed and at the same time very sad. For me, I don't like to see anyone who is helping others to be sad. I told him that I really appreciate him being here and thanked him for being here to help take care of me. He smiled at him and helped me with my CAT scan. It was hard to stay still because the morphine had already worn off and to hold my breath was nearly unbearably painful. I did my best and then he wheeled me back to temporary holding spot. By then the little boy that was crying so loudly was finally sound asleep.

Once we got back just a few minutes later; an older nurse came in to administer my IV medications including morphine and to check my vitals. She was so very kind and very southern sounding. I can't begin to tell you how comforting it is as a patient when there is that nurse that really truly cares. She was tall and blond and very beautiful for her age. Yes, she was over 60 and how I wished that I would get to enjoy her age. Her voice calmed me and she was so very sweet and compassionate; all of the qualifications that you look for in a nurse. In all someone there to make you feel much better than you are. It's the power of the mind!) How lucky Kaiser is to have her on their staff.

She asked me if there was anything she could do for me and I felt complete solace in her genuineness in wanting to help me. I nearly begged her to please move the IV off of my "Old Faithful" vein and she was very glad to oblige. She didn't want to, but she did it anyway. I loved how she looked over at my vein and then into my eyes and agreed to do so. I think she could sense pain in my eyes especially surviving 6 more years of this disease.

She found a vein on my left arm and very quickly at that. I was quite impressed with her and thanked her profusely. One stick and that was it; most it takes an average of 5 pricks to find a vein, but she was great. She unplugged "Old Faithful" and told me that if the lab needs blood, they can easily access here. Oh how thankful I was for her. She was an angel nurse without a doubt!

I sat in my tiny bed for the remainder of the night and tried my best to catch mini naps through out the night. Every time, once I had started REM, another awakening moment whether it be a nurse to take my blood, check my temp, vitals, or the beeping of that stupid finger thing, or my IV? I think it beeped too? It was in all a long, long night.

That morning I spoke with another doctor on the Oncology team as I explained that I indeed had some sort of infection, I wasn't sick, but the good news was that my immune system was very strong. I didn't have too many white cells which would indicate serious infection. They were ready to send me to a room. One had just become available.

I was wheeled up to the 2nd floor and was the only patient in this 2 person room. Right then a huge singe of pain hit me and it was as if someone shot and arrow at me and tried to pull it out. I cried as it felt as if I were actually dying. I started to hyperventilate with tears streaming down my face. That pain was at least a 10. Also my temperature shot up to 102.9 but I saw on the digital thingy that it was 103. "Oh God Please Let Me Live!" I thought. It was a very scary situation. The nurses struggled with me and yelled "get the doctor!". I ended up peeing all over myself and then struggled with a bed pan with the rest. (Hey I stopped midstream!) OK that showed some strength!

My doctor came right away to give me results of the CAT scan and to examine me. I was surprised at how quickly he got here and I was very relieved, but still feeling the serious, serious pain. He felt my very swollen tummy as I peed on myself just a little bit. He explained that it was indeed the side effects from the Avastin and that I may at any time have to wheeled into emergency surgery. Right now, we are skating on thin ice and will try our very best to avoid the surgery.

The CT scan had showed up OK in that it didn't look too terribly serious but there was a cloud of suspicion. Could it be infection? More than likely it was and it could even be a tumor implant that is causing this pain. I wasn't opened up so we couldn't really tell; just hope for the best.

I kept thinking and so did my husband, if only I could go back to last Monday. I wouldn't have had my chemo and my husband had even warned me; "are you sure you want to go to this chemo and not just end it right now?" I wouldn't be in this situation. I wished I hadn't even come in for that blood test. That would have disqualified me for my chemo. How could I have known that this was the last chemo treatment my body could handle? That's it; you don't know.

My tummy was really swollen and he felt something and that we would need to be prepared for a 5th major surgery. How frightened was I at this very moment? Immediately I started crying. "Oh God!" I thought! What if I die during this surgery and it sure is possible. Could I actually survive another surgery?

My doctor could also tell that my bladder was getting full really fast from all the fluids I was given. He even figured out right away that I needed a foley catheter because of all the fluids I was receiving and the fact that I could not get myself out of bed very easily. It actually helped quite a bit that I stay here and rest while my body recovered; that I was also starting some serious antibiotics. This would not be at all comfortable but it would make things easier for me to get a little stronger while the antibiotics do what they need to do.

I did what I could to try and imagine all a cut inside my intestine just like a cut would be on my leg. I imagined it healing and telling myself how strong I am to get through this. That the antibiotics were right away administered and of course those symptoms of going to the bathroom every half hour or so. Right when he left I just bawled like a baby. I cried and cried and just tried to talk to God about what's happening right now. Please give me the strength to make it through this.

Right then I heard another woman being wheeled in from her surgery. How pleasant that must have been for her to hear me crying and praying to God! I kept repeating it and trying to focus as positive as I could as the nurse struggled to give me a shot of morphine. It (the morphine) worked just a little bit, but not a whole lot. It was now a 6 and I was still crying.

The lady next to me tried to talk to me and I couldn't hear her at first because I was crying for so long. Finally I heard something and it was her; the lady from across the room. That voice behind the curtain. I kept hearing her phone ring as she talked lovingly to her family. I then listened and instantly calmed myself with her voice listening to her talking with her loved ones. She then talked to me some more and asked how I was. We both talked about our situations. She had just had a total hysterectomy and had just come in from surgery. I told her I had everything taken out and that I was more spayed than my dog. She laughed a little and she told me about how much her Puggs help her cope.

I got to tell her all about my Miss Blue Belle and how good she makes me feel and plenty of others. It was cool to talk about our therapeutic pets as the pain was slowly dissipating.

I finally konked out and then was awakened that I would be moved to a private room. I tried to tell the nurse that I'm OK being here and that I didn't need to move but she instructed me that I would definitely need my own room since the next symptom would be happening soon (the extreme antibiotic or was it the CT scan shits?). They opened up the curtains as her and her visitors smiled at me. I almost felt their spirits were clapping for me. I heard her say I want to get a good look at her. What a brave one.

I got to my new room and immediately right away needed to go poo! Oh god where they bad, but I was going and getting rid of stuff. I was glad for a little while until I realized that all I would have to use to wipe myself was the extremely cheap fiber glass toilet paper. It burned my butt in the worst way. Total torture! Oh and the toilet paper was not on the roll correctly. You had to struggle to get to the fiber glass toilet paper. It was under not over!) (you can laugh if you would like= I know I am;)

My husband came in a short time later with a good friend of mine to talk me up that yes indeed I am one of the strongest woman he knows. He brought up my spirits in a way no one but him can; oh and Miss Blue Belle too!) He made me feel that I had the strength to get through this and many more surgeries.

My husband left for a few hours and then returned with Miss Blue Belle which really helped lift my spirits in ways that only nurses and doctors can explain when they see the excitement and love in my face. I didn't have internet access but I did have my dog!

As the day wore on and I was on more and more antibiotics, my stomach started to calm down a little more and more and the pain finally subsided some. The last dose of morphine was given at 11pm which also helped me sleep into the night.