What is really inside the heart of cancer survivor?

Most of the thoughts that run through your head when first getting diagnosed with advanced cancer, given a specified time of survival, is why me? I have to be honest I did for a while and in many ways, I felt well maybe I deserved to be. I'm not perfect in any way but I hope to improve myself as a person. Many have a sense of hopelessness when faced with this grim reality.

In reality, no one really deserves to go through such pain and suffering and it is pain and suffering to have to go through numerous surgeries, chemotherapies, radiation; all the medical methods offered here in the United States. We don't have the best methods, & we certainly don't have the funding to beat cancer. Don't get me wrong, there are so many great advances going on that I can't even begin to tell. I work for an amazing company with amazing scientists who are dedicated to finding cures and or treatments for many diseases. Me coming to work each day puts a face into what they are doing.

In order to survive cancer; you have to have hope in your heart that you can beat it. If you feel you will die from the cancer, you will. I saw this just working in a vet's office. Animals have this sense about them that if they don't feel well, or they know something is seriously wrong with them, most will crawl and hide somewhere just to die. Some people have this about them as well. They get the diagnosis and they just give up hope.

To be quite honest, I don't have it in me yet to just give up. In fact I know I don't. I have gotten close to the other side on numerous occasions and it just isn't time yet. What made me much stronger, was my loving husband by my side. He picked me up so many times when I felt I was loosing hope. He helped me realize so many things and most of all a purpose.

I feel strongly that I have a purpose in helping others to beat this disease. I am doing something right to have survived this long with odds against me. Not all cancer is the same, some can be more aggressive, some slow growing while being hard to get rid of, and some just appear out of no where as it had been dormant for sometime. Either way you look at it, its all different, much like our DNA. We all have a way of fighting it within our bodies.

We don't get cancer, because we did something bad. I have heard Cancer being called, the nice person's disease. Most nice people end up getting cancer. It could be that they care about others more than they care for themselves. We just haven't quite figured that out.

I have just learned to live with my cancer and I might just make it miserable in the ways that I take care of myself, utilizing nutrition, diet, exercise, yoga, and even meditation. I like to think that I do make it miserable. Positive thoughts can get you far in life and that's one thing that cancer has taught me. Utilize your mind as it is powerful and can help you win this tough battle. Scientists are just beginning to understand the power of the mind. If you are going to fight this battle, I hope you will check out my Cancer Support Page as I plan to update it often.

Needless Pain sufferered with relief provided....

I do have to warn you that this post may offend some, but it is honest, real, and heart felt. It might even seem politically charged, but these are my true feelings.

Being a cancer patient, I do know what kinds of pain is felt. Does anyone really know for sure what that pain really feels like and that they can make an unknown decision that a cancer patient deserves to be jailed or put in prison for trying to relieve themselves of pain?

OK, what exactly does the pain really feel like?
Well here is the real honest pain that I suffer and not to worry, I live in California where I hope and pray that I can continue to relieve myself of this pain in the most natural way possible; a way that for thousands of years my ancestors were able to relieve themselves too. There are several ways and in combining those ways, pain relief is possible.

You see, I have had 4 major abdominal surgeries and each time, my intestines were placed on an operating table 4 different times. The 1st surgery was the painful cancer debauking surgery in which several organs were removed and cancer was scraped off. 1 surgery was paritonitus and the other 2 were painful bowel blockages of my intestines.

Do the intestines ever get back to normal after going through something like that?
No they don't, but I am blessed with an herb that has no side effects such as constipation, stomach cramping, and pain that returns with a vengeance. OK, you can count laughing, a case of the munchies, incredible thirst for water, and relaxation as side effects that are not at all harmful. In fact, that thirst for water is what gets the system running again.

How exactly does it feel when that pain is occurring?
Well, at times, I have a pin like pressure in my intestines and sometimes it feels as if there are beetles eating me up inside. Have you ever walked into a forest and heard crunching sounds? Those sounds are beetles eating up the insides of the trees. It kind of feels like crunching inside and those are the less serious of the pains.
Now if my bowels get kinked or twisted, then the pains that I feel become more serious, more like spasms inside my intestines that feel like a crushing pain. Those types of pains will come and go and sometimes I am on the floor crying because the pain is so great. My husband and I have sometimes felt like filming me in this pain in order to prove this point and to show how effectively and quick we are to relieve this pain naturally.

Those types of pain almost feel as if my intestines are going to burst through my skin. At times I have even felt like that scene in aliens when the alien was bursting out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach. The scary truth of it all is that feeling happens every once in a while and it is rare when that does happen.

I'm a tough cookie and I won't ever give up and not to worry, I am able relieve myself of this pain nearly instantaneous whenever necessary. Thanks to the California voters who d for Proposition 215 back in November 1996. It doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. I feel that I don't deserve to suffer in pain like this which is why I utilize the natural medicine when necessary. I am a good person and god provided me with this miracle drug for a reason. My oncologist also supports my decision. It helps keep me out of the emergency room (most of the time) and I am able to enjoy a good quality of life.

What I am talking about is medicinal Cannabis for pain. I know the government is against using it and has even filled the Supreme Court with justices who have no idea about the pain and suffering of cancer, AIDS, and other patients who suffer needlessly. This drug was legal for thousands of years and only because of a newspaper company was propaganda utilized to make it illegal. It isn't a gateway drug at all. I don't feel like a criminal at all attempting to help others with cancer. I am just being honest about my experience with the drug or plant.

Ok, what about alternatives for pain? Well, I could use Vicodin, which on numerous occasions caused a temporary relief for the pain, 45 minutes to take effect, 30 minutes of pain relief, then the pain returned with a serious vengeance. We also have morphine which is what I am giving when hospitalized with a bowel blockage for which Vicodin eventually will cause me. In Canada they have a spray that is supposed to work well and I will utilize it when it becomes available here in the US. I tried the pill Marinol which didn't work at all for me. It did cause a tummy ache, but that's about it.

What's really disturbing is a country that can't work together and it seems that this administration has done just that. We all need to work together to find a cure and to help those affected by pain. I voted in the primaries in California for Obama, not because he is a black man, but because I felt his heart was in the right place. He has true compassion and understands what is like to suffer. Hillary is OK too even though she isn't as in touch with the rest of us. McCain is more than willing to jail patients and is mostly interested in continuing war instead of peace. Please do look up each of the candidates view on Medicinal Marijuana and vote with your heart.

Here is McCain Views on Medical Marijuana and he does state that he will continue to uphold the current laws against Marijuana and that it continue to arrest patients. To me, that is out of touch with reality and placing politics ahead of lives.



Here is Clinton's view:



Finally Obama even more convincing and of course hope for those suffering. He seems more of realist in approaching this subject and he is right. There are far more important threats to tackle than arresting people for smoking marijuana.



To find out more on this subject, I am also working on my other Blog "Sex and Cancer" in touching more detailed on this subject in answering much unanswered questions about Medicinal marijuana. It's very controversial and the government is so against its use and for no particular explained reason other than it is a gateway drug.? This other blog is by invitation only and it is currently under construction. I plan to get other writers involved with various levels of expertise. Please email me if interested at sexandcancer@shoppingkharma.com.
Because life does go on after and/or with cancer.

Thank you Mother Earth!

There are so many things that we do each and every day that involves our Mother Earth. It might be that we are out skateboarding, snowboarding, riding a bike, riding a horse or even out in a car. We are enjoying life everyday and should treasure it! The fresh air that we get to breath and hopefully continue to. Granted many places don't have fresh air to breath, but if we all work together, we can make it happen.

We need to appreciate what nature does for us and to not take more than we need from it. We all know that we will be learning and becoming more sustainable in the future. We can be positive about this learning experience and embrace change. Change is good and we all know that we need it.

Right now is very important; what we do right now affects our future. We are having a baby boom right now and it means more than anything for this future to have a good future.

One day soon, we won't need to kill others for oil which really isn't worth killing others for. There are other ways to get around or to fuel our planet. I know that if I lived in the country, I would go back to the way that my ancestors traveled and utilize a horse. Unforturnately I live in a concrete jungle in San Jose, CA where instead I drive a Prius, ride a bike, and roller blade for transportation.

One great way that we can all learn about what we can do to help the future generations is to get a monthly membership from Earth Cinema.

Earth Cinema will bring you the best of thousands of environmental films screened every year

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Please read the Spring Good Kharma Newsletter for more on Earth Cinema. You can also feel free to check out some of my other pages that I worked so hard to create such as the Organic Gardening Page, the Conservation Page, and also the Road Rage Page which also features some great ideas on conserving gasoline and just mellowing out on the road.

What are the causes of cancer?

I recently had someone review my website from Linkreferral. Linkreferral is an excellent site to go for good quality traffic and it is a wonderful community of webmasters, new business owners, novice business owners and much more! All walks of life. I did get a review today that I have to be honest, confused me some. Don't get me wrong, I did get all 5's but I don't understand something about this review and here it is word for word.

"I am not sure about the drug perscribed fr cancer. But cancer is such a dreaded disease best left to surgeons and that too first stage, radio thery nd chemotherapy. Main cause of cancer is misuse of human body! ."

For one Cancer is not caused by a misuse of the human body. How on earth could I misuse my body? Not sure if I understand that correctly. Cancer is actually caused by a weakness of the immune system. To begin with, we all have some cancer cells in our bodies and cancer cells are often mutant cells that didn't form correctly. They can eventually grow and divide on organs if the body isn't strong enough to fight off those mutant cells. Cancer cells travel through the bloodstream or the lymph system to other parts of the body where they grow and replace normal tissue. This spreading process is called metastasis.

Now this was taken from the National Cancer Institute.org website (I have to credit them for this wonderful explanation)

"Cancer is a term used for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and are able to invade other tissues. Cancer cells can spread to other parts of the body through the blood and lymph systems.

Cancer is not just one disease but many diseases. There are more than 100 different types of cancer. Most cancers are named for the organ or type of cell in which they start - for example, cancer that begins in the colon is called colon cancer; cancer that begins in basal cells of the skin is called basal cell carcinoma.

Cancer types can be grouped into broader categories. The main categories of cancer include:

• Carcinoma - cancer that begins in the skin or in tissues that line or cover internal organs.
• Sarcoma - cancer that begins in bone, cartilage, fat, muscle, blood vessels, or other connective or supportive tissue.
• Leukemia - cancer that starts in blood-forming tissue such as the bone marrow and causes large numbers of abnormal blood cells to be produced and enter the blood.
• Lymphoma and myeloma - cancers that begin in the cells of the immune system.
• Central nervous system cancers - cancers that begin in the tissues of the brain and spinal cord.

All cancers begin in cells, the body's basic unit of life. To understand cancer, it's helpful to know what happens when normal cells become cancer cells. The body is made up of many types of cells. These cells grow and divide in a controlled way to produce more cells as they are needed to keep the body healthy. When cells become old or damaged, they die and are replaced with new cells.However, sometimes this orderly process goes wrong. The genetic material (DNA) of a cell can become damaged or changed, producing mutations that affect normal cell growth and division. When this happens, cells do not die when they should and new cells form when the body does not need them. The extra cells may form a mass of tissue called a tumor."

I do know that if we strengthen the immune system, it can give the body more artillery to fight the darn stuff! I know in my heart that I did nothing wrong to deserve this disease. I do take care of my body and have always. OK maybe I indulged some on a piece of carrot cake, cheese cake, donutsHow did I misuse my body? I eat right, I know cancer is in my family. I never liked red meat (since I was a kid). When I was child, I do remember when planes would fly over head with DDT which may have contributed but I never did anything to deserve this disease and neither has the billions of others who have been affected by this disease.

Now that we understand Cancer a little more and its not often a death sentence each and every time, because you can still live with the cancer. I know I have, and I don't think my life is bad at all. I thoroughly enjoy it! Hell, a little cancer never stopped me from living every day! In fact, the last 10 years, cancer deaths have declined. It used to be that if you were given a cancer diagnosis, it was more or less a death sentence. Some types of cancer it still is and that's mainly because we need to fight this war and not fight for oil anymore. Here is some more hope for all of us!



Now I must work on more content for my new blog "Sex and Cancer". If interested in have access to this blog, please email me at sexandcancer@shoppingkharma.com. Once again there are lots of adult subjects covered and you must be 21 years of age.

Learning to enjoy the moment....

So many times we are in a hurry to get to where ever we are going to while not enjoying the true gift of right now. When you are in a hurry to live your life, you end up missing our on what I feel are true gifts; things we may never see again! Those moments could be enjoying a good conversation with a loved one or a friend, a great song on the radio, or even a good program where you are learning something new or something you have never experienced in your life.

Do you feel that right now will be remembered in 10 years from now?

See this bug pictured above. I had never seen anything like it before and I thought I would share it with the rest of you. It could have easily been overlooked in this huge world, but I found it. It's just one tiny little example of what a difference right now can make.

Let's say you are worrying about something like your finances, your job, a small portion of your job, what ever it might be. Will that small thing in your life make a difference in 10-15 years from right now. I guess it could, but for the most part your decisions are what do make a difference. What's really important is asking yourself the question, "what can I do right now, that will make a difference.?".

When we are worried, stressed, or just watching propaganda on TV of something that maybe the media feels that we should worried about, it's doesn't make us any healthier. What makes us healthier is doing something that makes you feel good consciously. (following your conscious) Something that you know is the right thing to do. Something in your heart and your soul that feels just right.

If you happen to be stressed, meditation is a great way to take care of the whole worrying process. Worry can cause unneeded stress which can in turn lead to illnesses. This video below should be a good start. Please take care of yourself or someone you love!





I hope I was able to help you become less stressed today!

Electing the Right Person to lead us into the right direction....

I started in some yesterday on how important it is to elect a president who can lead our country in the right direction. We really need to go in a different direction more so than ever before. Now these are just my hopes and dreams for a president of "The United States of America". We have to have a president who can unite us with the rest of the world. As I said before, Unite us, not ignite us into disaster as this current administration has done. This administration is so secretive and covering up blunders more than is acceptable. It seems nothing is really being done to stop their criminal actions.

If we elect the right person to lead our country, we can finally educate our children and us too because without education and knowing about how our system is supposed to work can lead to more people in prison. With out an education children and adults become criminals, which it seems lately schools are closing and more and more prison all over the world are popping up.

We can finally afford to pay our teachers, instead of decreasing the pay even more because we have to build more high security prisons. We have more prisoners than anywhere in the world. Why is that?

I also feel that Laziness is not acceptable,; you have to experience life, put forth and have a purpose for life. A purpose is not sitting around watching TV and having life go on around you, while you take, take, take, without any kind of giving whether it be a job to earn money for your family or for a purpose. I understand that sometimes we suffer through hard times, but those hard times are put there to make you stronger, to make you fight, to live, and to survive.

There are so many video games that replace living life such as ones where you can fish virtually without needing to go outside and experience what it's like to experience nature and to catch a real 8 lb bass, playing tennis, or even golf. Not that these are really bad inventions, but there is a need to go outside and experience life as it was meant to be experienced. Go outside and see a real sunset or a sunrise!

So What are Family Values?

To me family values is about being a family that is close enough to talk about anything with each other; open communication and understanding, while trying hard enough to please other and most importantly is respect for one another. If you don't have respect, you have lost. Its not strictly about just a man a woman together; its about working together, loving, caring, and respect. No hatred or discrimination is ever acceptable.

My husband and I are best friends and we meant it deeply when we said our vows on our wedding day. In sickness and in health we walk strong together and have for the past five and half years of marriage. It hasn't exactly been easy living with cancer those years either, but our bond is unbreakable. We are there for each other to love, to accept, to cry with, to laugh with, and most importantly, we help each other out when in need.

This photo should say it all. A very close friend of mine took this photo and it has to be one of the most beautiful photos I have ever seen and most importantly it is of someone I love and care very deeply about; my husband and best friend. You can just see the love and concern in his eyes as well as the suffering that he has endured. If this isn't a testimony of true love, I have no idea what is. I love him as if he were a family member and actually he is now. We are family and most importantly we are friends too. Love, Family, and Friendship.

As far as family bonds, it does seem that these days with the advancement of technology, texting, video games and all the things that take the personalization of a simple hello away sort of adds more distraction and less communication with families. It's still the same each generation with teens knowing more how to operate all the advances in technology, but less and less how to drive; ok granted they can still figure out how to operate the stereo, gps, and so on, but driving is completely different. It always comes with experience and making mature decisions; much like life.

A good friend of mine told me about this young boy that was dating her grand daughter and how his family life differed. His father was always very friendly downtown with all the ladies. It seemed he knew just about everyone and the son just thought his father was a very popular guy until one day when he was around 13 or so, they just driving down the road together when they saw a young boy walking on the sidewalk. The father points out to the boy that this is his brother. The son thought the father was kidding but the seriousness in his face proved otherwise. He then learned later that he had about 13 other brothers in sisters all over town. Where were the morals in his father that he could look up to? He cheated on his mother and lived more than just a double life. Respect out the window completely. The other brothers and sisters may or may not have gotten the fatherly support that they too deserved.

Having children is a gift and should never ever be taken for granted. Not everyone is able to have children and if you have them, consider yourself lucky. They each are individuals and they may get on your last nerve, but they are life and our future. Its so important to cherish right now with them if you have it; they don't stay young forever and its important that they too have future. We shouldn't be wasting our future away as we do with energy, oil, this endless war, and so much more. I only hope that our next president values all of us, that he doesn't just lower taxes for the extremely wealthy while forcing the middle class into poverty, draft our children into more wars for more oil, and most importantly has a plan for our future for generations to come.

Another possible cure for cancer....

I just found this article which I thought was quite interesting. It's about a cheap, "safe" drug that kills most cancers. I want some of that! Well anyway here is what is really interesting taken from this article:

"The drug, dichloroacetate (DCA), has already been used for years to treat rare metabolic disorders and so is known to be relatively safe.

It also has no patent, meaning it could be manufactured for a fraction of the cost of newly developed drugs.

Evangelos Michelakis of the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada, and his colleagues tested DCA on human cells cultured outside the body and found that it killed lung, breast and brain cancer cells, but not healthy cells. Tumours in rats deliberately infected with human cancer also shrank drastically when they were fed DCA-laced water for several weeks.

DCA attacks a unique feature of cancer cells: the fact that they make their energy throughout the main body of the cell, rather than in distinct organelles called mitochondria. This process, called glycolysis, is inefficient and uses up vast amounts of sugar.

Until now it had been assumed that cancer cells used glycolysis because their mitochondria were irreparably damaged. However, Michelakis’s experiments prove this is not the case, because DCA reawakened the mitochondria in cancer cells. The cells then withered and died (Cancer Cell, DOI: 10.1016/j.ccr.2006.10.020).

Michelakis suggests that the switch to glycolysis as an energy source occurs when cells in the middle of an abnormal but benign lump don’t get enough oxygen for their mitochondria to work properly (see diagram). In order to survive, they switch off their mitochondria and start producing energy through glycolysis.

Crucially, though, mitochondria do another job in cells: they activate apoptosis, the process by which abnormal cells self-destruct. When cells switch mitochondria off, they become “immortal”, outliving other cells in the tumour and so becoming dominant. Once reawakened by DCA, mitochondria reactivate apoptosis and order the abnormal cells to die.

“The results are intriguing because they point to a critical role that mitochondria play:

they impart a unique trait to cancer cells that can be exploited for cancer therapy,” says Dario Altieri, director of the University of Massachusetts Cancer Center in Worcester.

The phenomenon might also explain how secondary cancers form. Glycolysis generates lactic acid, which can break down the collagen matrix holding cells together. This means abnormal cells can be released and float to other parts of the body, where they seed new tumours.

DCA can cause pain, numbness and gait disturbances in some patients, but this may be a price worth paying if it turns out to be effective against all cancers. The next step is to run clinical trials of DCA in people with cancer. These may have to be funded by charities, universities and governments: pharmaceutical companies are unlikely to pay because they can’t make money on unpatented medicines. The pay-off is that if DCA does work, it will be easy to manufacture and dirt cheap.

Paul Clarke, a cancer cell biologist at the University of Dundee in the UK, says the findings challenge the current assumption that mutations, not metabolism, spark off cancers. “The question is: which comes first?” he says.

Cancer - Learn more about one of the world’s biggest killers in our comprehensive special report."

I did write in order to find out more and will post as soon as I do. This is actually very good news and hopefully not too good to be true as suggested. What a break it will be if it does prove true. There are too many people in this world that don't deserve to die this sick and I feel I am one of them and I know of countless children as well who don't. In fact I would die for one of them if I had to. I hate seeing children sick. It breaks my heart.

Don't forget your SPF Sun Protection...

I love being my very best customer and I hope others can enjoy my products. I feel they are making me look so much younger than what I would look like being on chemo. I still IDed at nearly 38 years old and this is consistently. My husband also uses my products and he too gets ID'd at 42. Not only that, but you also have to protect your skin these days from free radicals and skin cancer and that is one thing my products do offer.

My favorite is the Mineral Tinted Moisturizer with an SPF of 20. It goes on flawlessly and also prevents me from getting sunburned. I like it much, much better than ProActive's Tinted Moisturizer with tends to leave a residue on your pores where as the SeaOra Tinted cream appears that you don't even have anything on and even covers small skin imperfections.
The Sulfur soap is great for preventing future break-outs and for lightening age spots and scars. I also carry a skin lightenment treatment which really helps make you appear much younger for lightening scars and or skin discolorations.
Another cool thing I carry is the Mineral Facial Cleanser with Exfoliating Facial Salts, follow that with either the Dead Sea Mud Mask or the Mineral Facial Peel, afterwards go to sleep with the Mineral Lift Serum and the Mineral Eye Gel. Check out how much youger you will look and feel! I love it all!

We should all dream but good ones help!

Well last night I had the most horrible nightmare ever! I dreamed about my childhood horse Graple, a very gorgeous white Appaloosa which was out of racing stock in West Virginia, part thoroughbred with a heart of gold. He was so intelligent that it almost seemed that he had the soul of one of my mom's parents. I know that has to sound whacked, but when you are around a magnificent animal such as this you could only begin to understand. I know for a fact that if I lived in the country and not in the city, I would definitely get a horse and that would be my mode of transportation. I wouldn't need those soldiers dieing in Iraq so that I could drive around. It would just be one less person who needed gasoline.

For thousands of years, horses served as transportation. As a child, I rode my horse every single day rain or shine; it didn't matter. I guess it was kind of my mode of transportation at the time. The horse was like my co-pilot and if I talked, his ears would go back; not in a mean way, but in a way that he was listening to me. Very, very cool.

Anyway sorry to drift away, but in the nightmare from last night, I dreamed that I went into this barn that literally looked like it was falling apart. I heard some noise coming from a stall. I opened this door and inside to my horror, I found about 10 horses, some cows, and dogs all in the same stall starving to death and I saw Graple dead with this huge cow laying comfortably on his carcass. It was so horrible, I was struggling to get all the animals that were still alive out of the stall at once and you know that feeling of being sound asleep lying on your side, but you can't move anywhere inside a dream? Well that just continued for hours as I slept. Of all times to want to forget about a dream, now would be a good time. I hate nightmares like this. I was like crying in my dream, not in reality, but in my dream I was crying. Oh, how I hate those kinds of nightmares!

Well, now for my advertising portion of my blog. These horses all need homes and are rescues. If I had a dream come true, this horse would be the one I would want to train and use as my mode of transportation. She is Palomino colored with dapples; absolutely stunning. If I were to have a dream of horse I could have it would be this one. Her name is Apple Delight. She just had a baby Graple in October and he is pictured next to her. I also have them on my "Horses in Need Page". Her foal in on my home page. They actually are not technically rescues because they were bred for pure enjoyment, but on a PMU Ranch in Canada.

Spring is in the Air!

Well here is proof it is officially springtime. Actually these aren't the same exact little babies that I saw today, but I figure they look just like the ones I saw today.

I worked a very long day at work from 6:40am till 5:20ish. It was still a good day and I was doing things I enjoyed doing; being creative and of course I saw the little baby ducks and that got me smiling for a while; actually most of the day. I walked past and saw the cute black and yellow tiny babies and one of them looked over at me with his little head tilted to the side so that he could get a good look at me as he was trying to figure out what I was. I think it was his first day of life in the big world. They looked so peaceful just sitting there resting and napping on the side of the lake.

Spring is in the air I thought as the temperature go up past 75 degrees. I don't know what it is about spring babies, but I just can't get enough of them. Even baby horses, baby calves, all babies (furry preferably). I love spring babies what can I say! I'm not even bummed that I can't have my own babies because there are so many cute babies all around me!

When I finally did get off work, it was so nice this evening that I ended up taking my beautiful Blue Belle, (my dog), to this church next to our house that has a really nice lawn that no one I have seen uses; so I use it to play frisbee with my dog.

Now I am not a huge fan of going to church at least lately with the hatred of gays and not allowing them benefits as married couples. Fine let's not call it marriage, at least let them have the benefits! Judging others without knowing what is in their heart, I have a big problem with, but hey I was at church in my own way.

Now at this church, I do see people walk by occasionally and a few have given me dirty looks for just being there, but most usually ignore me. I saw a woman today in a white Mercedes ( it looked brand new), she got into her car just as Blue Belle was relieving herself (#2). I had a bright pink bag ready to pick up after her. The woman must have seen that I wasn't dressed quite fancy or perhaps she was discusted that my dog was doing #2 at her church; anyhow she stopped and just glared at me as if I were low class. I ignored her and just concentrated on the beautiful surroundings and I also cleaned up after my dog. We continued to play frisbee and right as the woman was driving by, Miss Blue Belle caught the most amazing frisbee as the woman just glared at us. If looks could kill right there in a church! Imagine that! I guess we weren't supposed to be there, but Churches don't pay taxes and I feel that I pay the taxes for the church so I have every right to be there just like anyone.

I also have a very close friend of mine who would be proud that I actually went to church. She has been trying to get me to go with her for ages or just go to church period. but I just know in my heart that I don't belong there, I belong in a church within nature as it was intened, at least that is how I view it. I'm not one to push and push to go and besides that it (church) just doesn't interest me.

I am very hard headed and I am getting along fine appreciating god in my own way. I'm not the church going type and this is actually a huge step for me. I know it sounds bad for me to think or even suggest that, but I feel god would rather that I enjoy every day and that was my way of being at church in peace. It was nice just enjoying the beautiful evening with my dog and soon to be with my loving husband. How I love Spring!

From A Chemist's Point of View B17

I wrote a dear friend of mine who used to work with me and he has his PhD in Chemistry. I showed him the videos and here is his take on the videos and this Vitamin B17.

"I have viewed the videos that you provided.

Unfortunately the chemistry; pharma; and medical literature is replete with citations showing it is not a vitamin at all. Based on its chemical structure, it is a labile compound which essentially generates cyanide.

http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/reprint/32/5/1121

Continued from my friend's email: "While I am a firm believer that a proper diet rich in vitamins and the lesser risk of cancer are related, I am of the view that promoters of "B-17" could be cashing in on peoples need to try anything to get cured from cancer. During my medicinal career I have noted no conspiracy to shun inexpensive cancer treatments in favor of more expensive ones.

Please continue to undergo the use the most up to date treatments (traditional and nontraditional) available."

Well, being the hard head that I am, I still want to try this while I am on break from chemo. I won't do much of it but at least some of the foods involved. Sometimes I have to learn the hard way. I won't over do it, that's for sure and if I feel pain or loose energy, I will definately stop. What I don't understand necessarily is that the first time I was on chemo, I felt like I was going to die at times. I faught hard then and I will continue to fight.

I also plan to try this Water Alkalyzer because it looks to be convincing enough.

It is incredibly expensive (over $1000 for the cheap one and $5000 for the more expensive better quality one). I plan to purchase the cheaper one.

It is evident that I will need to start hard core treatment eventually and I will have to say good bye to my hair but I do plan to donate it so that this time it doesn't go to waste.
I guess it's true, I am one of those cancer patients who is just willing to try anything to be cured. I just love life so much and am just not ready to go. I don't like living with this disease at all, even though it has helped me to help others, changed me in so many ways, and of course I appreciate life more than most.

Hell if I go to the bathroom it is a wonderful day! I just don't take little things in life granted, that's for sure!

I'm Liberal! So What!

I just found out that according to Wikipedia, what makes a liberal a liberal is our value on our individual freedoms and individualism. We aren't cows in other words, although there is nothing wrong with cows; I absolutely adore them, which is why I don't eat them.

We value Equal Opportunity. Now is that soo bad? Liberals tend to give everyone a chance, its innocent until proven guilty which is supposed to be the law. Although lately it has been guilty until proven innocent.

I 'm just not ready to give up freedom for safety just yet. I have lived through quite a bit in my short lifetime and terrorists don't really scare me as much as my own government. I've learned to live with Cancer for the past 5 years and if that doesn't scare anyone, I don't know what will. My own government seems to be impeding progress on a cure. It's killing nearly a million people per year and yet we are more concerned about running out of oil. It's very, very sad that we are using the lives of nearly 4000 people as an excuse which it's obvious what the real reason is.

Well to get on with my blog, I won't get too much into me being liberal. I still value our freedoms and I hope we can keep them away from the conservatives who have us scared to death and on the edge with this terrorism scare tactic. Being frightened all the time is no way to live. We will all die eventually and there's no sense in scaring us until we get there. Enough is enough. Please let's just vote for the less evil, the one that can unite us with the rest of the world, not that one that can blow up the world, but can unite us, not ignite us, but unite us.

Now with the content for my next newsletter. I spoke with an editor of Ladies Home Journal about reprinting and /or rewriting an article that was printed in the February 1985 issue. They will attempt to find that article and I may need to go the library to get the microfish version of the article. I know, why in the world would I want to do that. Well, my mom and I wrote an article together for Ladies Home Journal about my mom getting attacked by Jaguar. Ok now it sounds rather exciting huh? Well if they can't located the article, I will resort to rewriting it myself with the assistance of my mom. It will be hard, but all the while well worth it. It will be easier with the guide of the article, but if not the world will have an electronic version of this amazing true story of heroism at its best. A 120 lb woman saves at 170 lb man from a 230lb jaguar. Well go ahead and sign up for my newsletter if you really want to read it.

I am also starting my diet of searching for B17. I cut up some apples and ate the seeds inside, I also drank quite a bit of ginger in my carrot and pear breakfast juice. (I hope that kills the cancer cells!), then I had Indian Food, then a Detox drink with Water Cress (has a low level amount of B17), beets (some beat tops-high level B17), bright reddish purple cabbage, cucumbers, and carrots. I spoke with the nice chef about how to make a delicacy of peach or nectarine pits and he suggested an interesting idea of breaking open the pit, getting the vitamin inside and then grinding it up into a paste, adding olive oil and garlic to make a salad dressing. Wow! I think I am going to cure cancer, I hope! If these recipes are really good, I promise to share in the next newsletter!

Do this make any sense? .....I hope so...

This entry may loose you if you don't follow it closely and then again it may ramble some, but it's my honest assessment of life and living here in the United States of America.

Religion is one thing and I try not to touch on it too much because it comes in all forms and if I just named one, it would offend others who worship another. I respect all religions because sometimes it helps others to live their lives as long as it doesn't cost lives (killing others). There isn't really one god because each one of us worship one special god.

"God" whoever he/she may be is special to each of us although some choose not to worship a god, but they still manage to get by without one. Some of us may believe in just one god, but others worship another god that makes their world go round. In all, it provides us with hope and inspiration as well as strength. It helps us get through rough times and it makes us appreciate the good times even more. When we have the freedom to worship, we have the freedom that can help us to improve in life. It shouldn't be up to us which god another one worships. We should be busy enough to enjoy the gift of life. We can't change others and it isn't our responsibility to do so; they have to want change. We can influence others, but don't do it forcibly. Use the power of suggestion in what every creative way that you can.

For some of us, God may even be an angel or one divine being. For me, it just makes sense for it to be a Guardian Angel. I meet angels all the time even on the internet. To me, they are the people that share their kindness, their wisdom, and even their generosity of their time. True there are some gods that are evil and cause much loss in life. I won't even discuss those because they are not at all relevant to any of my points; besides that, there are so many outlets who are more than willing to focus and discuss those types and I am proudly not one of them.

Angels come in all forms, particularly "Guardian Angels". I'm sure you have seen one before. It's that person that may prevent you from making a serious mistake, gets you out alive from a dangerous situation, a turning point in your life and so much more. At times I feel like an angel when I am able to help others. I hope others battling cancer or even another debilitating disease can draw from my strength. I want my words and or advice to make a battle seem not so hard to battle.

I have a strong Native American heritage which stems from my mom and my upbringing. We believe in Angels and spirits. We are given gifts from our gods and/or angels that watch over us. It can be an uncanny ability to communicate with animals, or the ability to sing and/or play an instrument, we can even bring enemies together as friends. It can even be in the form of mother nature who sends us a rain that we so strongly needed or a rainbow that lifts the heavy rains. Yes, I know Mother Nature has been violent lately at least according to the media and so has government, but does the media ever say anything about a beautiful spring day? Sometimes in life we may fret over little things that in the big picture of life, doesn't really make a difference and we sometimes take for granted that small things that we are given the ability to do. Sad it is that we don't realize those gifts until we loose them. Our bodies prove to be a miracle and with it the gift of life.

In life everyone deserves a chance and they are given one and or several. Some choose the power of money and with it can come evil which turns material possessions ahead of lives. Some are given money and they turn things positive with it, a chance to improve other lives for generations to come.

I don't like to talk of bad kharma, but I feel that government should be kept separate from Religion. I don't think we should ever want to mix religion with politics. There are too many consequences. I have come to the conclusion that my own government is proving itself to be evil. My reasons for this conclusion: I don't understand at all why we are in Iraq other than money and oil. Countless lives are being lost and we are PRO LIFE? I have no proof at all that Iraq was the country that attacked us on 9/11 and my government has failed me miserably in proving this. They have disappointed me greatly by lying.

I believe strongly in honesty and I feel that we need to dismantle this broken government and fix what is wrong. I don't feel money will fix anything, I feel that discussions of their intentions of wanting to lead our country and explanations (with a lie detector) will. We need people that we can trust to fix this government. We have had nearly 8 years of evil and lies and I pray that who ever is elected next, will repair the wrong this administration has wronged. I hope that this makes sense. I only want my country to do what's right for all of us. We have to share the world together!

Hoping for a cure and living every day!

From what I gather from my posting below is that there is a lot of money at stake for a cure for cancer and many other diseases that we never even considered possible. Diabetes, Parkinsons, Alzheimer's, MS and so many countless others.

I have done some elaborate research and this is what I have found "G. Edward Griffin marshals the evidence that cancer is a deficiency disease – like scurvy or pellagra – aggravated by the lack of an essential food compound in modern man's diet. That substance is vitamin B17. In its purified form developed for cancer therapy, it is known as Laetrile. Because B17 is bitter to the taste, in man's attempt to improve tastes and flavors for his own pleasure, he has eliminated bitter substances like B17 by selection and cross-breeding. It can be stated as a general rule that many of the foods that have been domesticated still contain the vitamin B17 in that part not eaten by modem man, such as the seeds in apricots. Listed below is an evaluation of some of the more common foods. Keep in mind that these are averages only and that specimens vary widely depending on variety, locale, soil, and climate." taken from VitaminB17.org.

Here are the ones that range High according to this website and those will the ones I will consume most often my own personally funded cancer study featuring me as the only subject. I plan to post some photos of my tumor that was taken out over 5 and half years ago as well as what was removed during my invasive Debauking surgery.

Here are the fruits that carry high range of B17: Wildblackberries, Wild crabapple, elderberry, Swedish Cranberry

Now the Seeds: Apple seeds, Apricot, Cherry seeds, Flax, Millet, Peach, Pear, Prune or Plum Seeds
Beans: Fava and mung

Raw Nuts: Bitter Almond, Macadamea which ranges from low to high (good I love them!)

Sprouts: Bamboo (where to get those?) They are the only ones that contain a high enough level but those that contain a medium level which is above 100 mgs per 100 grams of food
Alfalfa, fava, garbonzo, and mung

Leaves: Alfalfa, Eucalyptus (where can you buy these leaves fresh to eat?)
Spinach, Watercress, beat tops all scored low on content which is below 100 mgs per 100 grams of food

Tubers: Cassava scored high and Sweet potatoes and yams are low in content

So is there really a cure for cancer?

I found out about a substance which is found inside the seeds of many fruits which contain a very important vitamin for our diet, Vitamin B17 "in its purified form developed for cancer therapy, it is known as Laetrile" and here is info on that. Now I do plan to try this out for myself and have already ordered it. Since it is technically syanide, I plan to use extreme caution. I will be writing an article for a future Good Kharma Newsletter about all that I am experiencing, taking it each day and I live and experience each, one day at a time, what I am feeling, results of my PET/CT scans and much more. I'm hard headed and I have to experience things myself. People tell me things all the time and I usually don't believe everything I hear because of my hard hardheadedness.

This will be the essence of true true journalism in its purest form of honesty, how it was meant to be because I will be writing this; me, a cancer patient, with advanced Ovarian Cancer who is also refusing further treatment (for right now-never say never), will try this vitamin/compound. This will be about my first hand experience with this compound and of course what it is like to live with cancer. I hope it does works for me and I will be able to write about this experience in a positive way that proves whether there really is a cure.

I just want a cure and I want so many others who do not deserve to die young or old from this horrid disease. I have gone to too, too many funerals for this disease. I went to support groups and lost a large number of awesome great women to this disease. This disease and many others that claim the lives of millions is the true terrorism we face; its corporate greed which has put money ahead of lives.

I sincerely hope this isn't the truth but I did find this website which I will research further. QuackWatch is a site that I recently found which dismisses many claims of miracle cures. Despite its findings, I will continue to update on my own personal experiement. It would be very, very cool if it did.

I included all 6 videos from YouTube about this supposed cure so that you could judge for yourself. Below is the information about those short films in its entirety.

What you are about to watch does not carry the approval of organized medicine. The Food and Drug Administration, the American Cancer Society, and the American Medical Association have labeled it "fraud" and "quackery". In fact, the FDA and other agencies of government have used every means at their disposal to prevent this story from being told. They have arrested citizens for holding public meetings to tell others of their convictions on this subject. They have confiscated films and books. They even have prosecuted doctors who apply these theories in the effort to save the lives of their own patients.

The purpose of this movie is to show that this great human tragedy can be stopped now entirely on the basis of existing scientific knowledge. The information you are about to watch marshals the evidence that cancer is a nutritional-deficiency disease, like scurvy or pellagra. It is not caused by a bacterium, virus or mysterious toxin, but by the absence of a substance that modern man has removed from his diet. That substance is Vitamin B-17, also known as Amygdalin or Laetrile. If that analysis is correct, then the treatment and prevention of cancer can be made simple. All that needs to be done is to restore that easily obtained and inexpensive food factor to our daily meals. An increasing number of doctors all over the world are now are testing and proving in their own clinics that the vitamin concept of cancer is true.


















I plan to research this further and have found many websites that support this theory. In all I know for a fact that it can't be any more dangerous than the chemo that I have already put inside my body which has caused hair loss, severe pain, nausea, and has nearly killed me several times causing my intestines to become ruptured, surviving Paritonitus (which actually killed more cancer cells than the actual chemo did).