WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.
This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.
This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!
Well my Camera is on its last leg as you can clearly tell from this photo of my toilet and of my tummy and more. Yes, I left the lid down, it was just that kind of day. I have been patiently waiting for a camera (Nikon D80) from RazzPhoto since June 9th. (DO NOT ORDER FROM THIS COMPANY) Yes they have great prices, problem is they don't have any products.
My dad tried his best to order me this camera, but its been on backorder since June 9th and chances are they never will get that camera in. I think its a front for bait and switch. They tried to sell my father an expensive battery pack with the camera which I had already purchased for $71 and have already received, but the battery pack they wanted to sell my dad was for over $250. If you type in this company, there are dozens of complaints and I just checked out the Better Business Bureau and they more than enough complaints. Sorry to got off track.
To get back to my beloved toilet; well the last couple of days have been challenging to say the least. Remember how my life always seems to revolve around me shitting? Well I am definitely not kidding. Saturday night, all day Sunday and part of Monday were extremely painful for me as I endured yet another painful bowel blockage. It really doesn't take anything to get my bowels blocked but with just a little effort and patience, they can get unblocked.
I really have to get it together soon so that I can go back to work on October 21st. I need to get a good diet and program that can get functioning back to normal. It could be the chemo that is affecting me but now that I am off of it and just have 1 more infusion, I should be OK by then; just have to be positive.
Well to begin with Sunday night of all the nights, was the one night that really seemed like an emergency room night as I continued to cram more Prune Juice, Miralax, enemas, Poopy Teas, suppositories and even laxatives for the pure desperation of just wanting to take a shit so that I wouldn't have to go through having an NG tube stuffed up my nostril. How incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant! I often wonder how people can actually sniff chemicals up their nostrils like meth and coke because truthfully, I can't even begin to comprehend how incredibly painful it must be and to torture yourself voluntarily like that?
I think the NG tube experiences have more than crashed any of my inclinations to even try stronger drugs. The chemo and pot are plenty enough for me. In all, I try my best to limit the amounts that are given to me by my physicians. I'm completely fine with my doctor choosing not to prescribe heavy narcotics for the pains I have been experiencing. Narcotics are what cause me extreme constipation in the first place. I would just be forced to endure living in a hospital with an NG tube and an IV for morphine. What kind of a life is that? Sadly in some states, that would be my only option. Thank god for California! I can have a quality of life for a young person like me! I don't have to live in the hospital!
Well to get back to my blockage, I stopped eating on Sunday part of Monday (I had 1 Ensure). Sunday was the day of extremism (Prune Juice, Laxatives, Poopy Teas, Enemas, Suppositories). I really wanted to take a dump now more than ever. Wow, on Monday, no let's just call that day Shit Day because that's exactly what it was for me. Monday, was literally Shit Day.
I really wanted to video tape the experience while this was happening (no not me poopin) but the actual blockage. I literally looked as if I am about 5 - 6 months pregnant with my stomach so swollen from a painful bowel blockage, but I just didn't feel like being on film. I was in total misery from the pain. Here is a photo which clearly shows how swollen my stomach gets. Sometimes it feels as if my stomach is going to explode and it even makes explosion sounds. One day I promise I will film or at least try to record the sounds of my stomach.
When my stomach swells like that and makes so much noise; it really is fascinating. I sometimes wonder how I can still be alive with all that happening and all the pain that I experience during all of this. I was very close to filming (need to charge batteries on camcorder, then the downloading which is quite slow) doing just that, but I was just too incapacitated and in severe pain. I also don't like how I look in film but I will get over it soon, I promise.
Poor Miss Blue Belle didn't get to go on any long walks and we seriously tried to, but we did get to run really, really fast back to the house for a good poop! Hey, at least it was coming out!
Tuesday was just another day for pooping, but I couldn't really eat anything because I was feeling nauseated and feeling the start of a sore throat. I tried to eat some chicken and rice soup but I could tell a cold was just coming on.
My husband called me yesterday and told me that he got the OK to take starting today through a week from Monday off! How happy that made me! That means that we get to take a romantic get away that we seriously need. He has been overworked and hasn't taken a vacation in nearly 2 years. What a great day!
Well last night was a hard night to sleep as I was restless the entire night. My throat officially felt as if I were swallowing razor blades. I took several Sucrets that I had bought at Safeway and those did not work in any way shape or form. They just tasted bad and made my teeth feel as if they were rotting. How do companies get away with making products that are so inferior to what they advertise them to be? I finally got up at 4am and gargled some hot salt water which kinda sorta worked. Well I do get to enjoy hanging out with my husband these next two weeks!
In all, I just hope my experiences will help countless others to appreciate their lives a whole lot more as I fight this battle. I love everyday of life even though I struggle in so much pain sometimes, I just have so much in my life to live for!
I LOVE ANIMALS
Almost forgot, am many of you already know, I am a serious animal lover and will stand up to anything I feel is wrong being done to them. I am also an avid supporter of Defender's of Wildlife and what they do for wild animals. I thought I would help them out by posting this video of Sarah Palen support for Aerial hunting. Aerial hunting is a barbaric sport of hunting wildlife from aircraft. It doesn't give an animal the chance that the real sport of hunting should be about. From the aircraft unfortunately the hunter shoots from a further distance at the animal than from ground and many times may hit the animal and then loose it. What happens is that this animal will eventually die a slow painful death. Fact of the matter is, Sarah Palen wasted tax dollars on a Propaganda campaign to hunt animals that were supposed to be protected and also paid hunters $150 bounties for left hind legs of these beautiful animals.
My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.
I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.
Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.