WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.
This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.
This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!
One thing I have forgotten to mention in this blog is that I suffer from severe insomnia. Maybe its due to chemo brain, but it is something that frustrates me. I have for several years since my diagnosis. I don't think about it much through out the day because I am too busy enjoying all of my waking hours. Imagine that?
I usually don't sleep well with out any medication or at least lately I haven't. The medication I normally take is Benadryl around 4 days a week (starting about 2 months ago), sometimes skipping days and around once a week or twice, I will sometimes but rarely take an Ativan (Lorazepam). I had heard from other patients (ones who have since passed on), that they took around 2 per night. I was thinking I was taking too many until I had spoken with these other patients. With this drug being a narcotic, I really can't take any more than 2 per week. I fear constipation in my case and that is real.
I am a bit frightened of all the chemicals that I am prescribed so I try my best not to take too many and to keep it as natural as possible.
Sometime Cannabis works for my insomnia but not all the time. This could be due to the type that I normally get which is the Indica. Indicas are normally used for pain and the Sativas are more for relaxing and or sleep.
My doctor prescribed the Ativan drug to me for my insomnia and for unpleasant anal spasms. Yes, I have no shame in talking the truth about this disease. I just hope my talk of my experiences will make your life experiences much easier to deal with. I have talked with others who have it far worse than I do believe it or not. There is always someone out there in this world who may have it much worse.
Now if I don't take anything for sleep, I often just roll around for all hours of the night, going to the bathroom every half hour or so and it can be completely miserable. I really want my body to get adequate rest without any (chemical) help but it just doesn't occur naturally as often as I wish it could be.
When I was working, this became a big problem because sometimes I wouldn't get to bed until after 1am then awake at 5:30am. Being tired at work was often hard but I am pretty tough and I dealt with it. I hope to get a good sleep pattern by the time I get to back to work on December 1st. I will try my best! That's all you can do in life is do your best; right?
Today, I went to have a romantic lunch with my husband at the Olive Garden. Right before I picked him up and he was outside with a co-worker when all of a sudden a huge 6 point buck walked up to them and stood there for about 15 minutes just looking right at my husband. We both thought of that baby that died on Saturday when we had gone on our motorcycle ride. It was site to see I am sure! Hearing this story on our way to lunch made me love him all the more! I guess I just love him more and more each day!
At lunch I ate some salad which I hadn't had the pleasure of having for at least 2 months. My doctor feels I can't digest salad because its "too much roughage" and my system will have problems. It was worth it and we even splurged and had some Pumpkin Cheesecake!
Well, currently I am suffering from yet another abdominal blockage. The sounds from intestines have been increasing steadily with each passing hour. It must be tiring to read about all of these blockages! I must seemingly get them all the time! It seems one after another will happen and it's all due to trying to digest food. Well, I should know they are tiring to have. I know, I need to eat better things but sometimes that excuse "You only live onces" happens.
So what else has happened this week? Anything interesting? Well yes and no.
On Monday, October 20th, I had taken Miss Blue Belle for her walk and had gone to get coffee and donuts for my husband. I had my hands full when walking in the door and Tonto was crying and inquiring as to why he didn't get to do, so with that prior to me slamming the door shut; he takes it upon himself to rush out the door as I am slamming it. I realize immediately that "OMG! I just slammed the door on Tonto!". He didn't seem bothered by it at all at the moment.
The rest of the day he just hid and I didn't see or hear from him until after 3pm. I was upstairs and saw him sitting on the edge of the closet. He didn't look very comfortable and when I walked over to pet him, he cried and showed me his swollen foot. I picked him up to see if he could walk on it. He cried and limped forward. He really seemed to be hurting, so I called the vet. The vet had no available appointments and it really seemed like Tonto was in serious pain. He was crying and wanting me to do something. The vet told me that emergency charges would be upwards of $200 or more and having to watch our money, I decided to try to take care of him myself.
I was scared that his bone was broken because he couldn't walk on his foot at all. I cried blaming myself for hurting this poor cat, so I took him into the bathroom and tried in the only way I knew how to get of his pain. I got my cat stoned with the vaporizer. I also got some frozen pees and massaged him and placed the peas on his swollen foot. All that effort to get him better seems to have worked.
He just fell asleep and slept the rest of the day and then the next morning, he was walking on his bad foot until I ignored him after he had already been fed. He just wanted more food and of course he is on a diet; I refused, so he started to limp again. I imagine he was just milking it for all it was worth. He knew I felt bad for slamming his foot in the door.
The swelling in his foot went down dramatically. and I knew I wouldn't have to bring him to the vet. It was obvious that his bone was not broken. I was thankful. He is much better and doesn't limp at all anymore and its almost as if his foot was never hurt. He doesn't rush to escape out the door anymore!
I also went to a local bicycle shop on Wednesday to go look at Beach Cruisers! I road a few bikes and finally settled on one. It was so comfy to ride and road just perfect; not bending over and falling off the bike because of it being too big and bulky or confusing gears. I told my husband that I went looking and found the bike I wanted.
He was excited that he finally found something sweet to get me. He was so excited as he looked all over the internet finding pretty ones and then calling me to look up websites with all kinds of pretty bikes. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had the store (Hyland Family Bikes) hold that one because he was just so excited about the opportunity to pick out a bike for me. This place has been around since 1963 and it is a family owned business. I have purchased a bike here before for a good friend of mine and have sworn to come back and get one for me. This should be interesting to see how it plays out. I did call my accountant and it is something we can write off as a business expense being that I do wish to own a green business and would utilize the bike for dropping off orders.
My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.
I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.
Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.