My Awesome Pain Pump...

This photo more than says it all for my tiny petite size.  Only weighing in at 101.5.  Whoo hoo!  I'm pretty damned bony and I can't do anything about it!  Can't eat a damned thing!(  It totally sucks! I'm mortified to be this small and while some girls are starving themselves to death to be this small and much smaller baffles me to no end? I wished so much that I could just have their ability to eat and to gain about 50lbs; that would be awesome!   That Hockey puck is my pain pump and it more than shows itself through my bony ass! At least they can find it with out any problems?

  

 Well Tuesday I was able to get my pain pump turned up but I'm still going through the horrible, horrible painful heartburn pain that even results with just drinking water. I've given up on eating anything or sometimes I just eat just about anything but deal with the suffering no matter what.   I have a puke fest at least once or twice a day; sometimes more.  It's when I have to puke so bad that it burns my throat, comes out of my nose and almost drowns me!  That's the kind of puking; I get through it each time but its so annoying that I have to go through this every day no matter what?; if I don't eat or do eat?  Definitely if I do eat anything.   I've skipped eating more days than I can count and sometimes I will break down and make myself some mashed potatoes and gravy.   What pain I have to go through just to have just a little bit of pleasure.  My tummy hurts when I'm hungry and especially if I am full! 

Ok back to my pain pump; it is an amazing medical device and it did make quite a difference just turning it up just that little bit that we did.  I'm still having to take more pain medications but nothing orally.   Don't mind my Skeletor legs here!)  The little palm pilot thing is what the doctor uses to punch in calculations that provide me with a certain amount of pain medication.  Pretty fascinating, huh?  Next month we get to change the formulation and maybe get a different drug added?  We will see!)

The little mouse looking object fits perfectly on my pain pump while it beeps to my pain pump (inside me) to "turn up the medication!".   I would highly suggest this device for other patients who are suffering as I have been.  It makes all the more difference in not having to take medications orally when I suffer as I do.  It's no big deal if you are bony like me; they can definitely find it much better and it literally  takes no time to refill it.   In order to refill it; a needle is inserted into the skin where the device is. 

Ok the surgery to insert it was a bitch but now more  than ever after seeing the big picture and the quality of life it has helped me live; it was worth it.  The pain doctor or neurologist can usually find the right spot with that little mouse contraption; like he's doing here.  I' m supposed to get it refilled early next month and since they turned it up it only brings the refill date up maybe a day or two.  It's very convenient to have your heavy duty medicine dispensed this way.  Hey its made in the greatest country ever!  The good Old USA!

So many of you were concerned about me going on to hospice/palliative care with me not being able to get my feeding tube.  Well hospice has agreed that there is no problem at all with me getting my TPN, my medical supplies and everything else I need to fight this battle.  I'm about getting as much good quality time here as I possibly can and that is my ultimate goal in life right now.   I hope this will be a great experience that I can share with all of you!)  I also would like to touch as many souls as possible through my experiences and hopefully help many to see how wonderful life can be if you make it.  You can either wake up and agree that this is going to be a great day or this is going to be a shitty day!)

The other day my TPN bag exploded and we had to skip a day on my bag and of course I lost a few pounds but I'm getting over it.  I haven't hit the dreaded 100lb mark yet so I'm not going to stress all that much.  Tonto helped clean up some of that mess  (behind the couch)  and what a mess that was.  Good thing it only leaked all over my old rug and floor; had to move the couch to clean up that mess.  My honey and I are such a team we got it up in no time; actually he did most of the work. Since the stuff is so high calorie; we will have to watch his waistline more carefully so that means more walks for Tonto!

I might be going through hell as many might see it but I'm so thankful for everyday I am given with my honey and my loved ones.  I don't care how much I have to suffer or puke! because that has been the way it is lately.  I'm getting used to it; (somewhat?).  Hate it when it's happening and so does my sweet honey!   He is such a man!)

Peace and Love to all of you!)

Here is another beautiful horse who needs a home or some bales of hay bought and paid for!  I have to pay these horses back for helping me get through those horrible, horrible hot flashes, that I used to have back in the day; but then I find out that those pills are made from horse piss!  I was pretty mortified to find that out and how the mares are kept pregnant and not able to move much with contraptions attached to them in order to collect their pee?  What a gorgeous colt BIG MAC is.  He was born on the Animali Farm   on July 17, 2009 and should grow up to be a big boy since his mommy was big. He is a mixture of 1/2 Thoroughbred with a mix of Percheron, Shire, Appaloosa, and Paint.     His Adoption fee is $1800.  Please contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes if interested: animali@aol.com (805) 938-0174