WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

My Awesome Pain Pump...

This photo more than says it all for my tiny petite size.  Only weighing in at 101.5.  Whoo hoo!  I'm pretty damned bony and I can't do anything about it!  Can't eat a damned thing!(  It totally sucks! I'm mortified to be this small and while some girls are starving themselves to death to be this small and much smaller baffles me to no end? I wished so much that I could just have their ability to eat and to gain about 50lbs; that would be awesome!   That Hockey puck is my pain pump and it more than shows itself through my bony ass! At least they can find it with out any problems?
 Well Tuesday I was able to get my pain pump turned up but I'm still going through the horrible, horrible painful heartburn pain that even results with just drinking water. I've given up on eating anything or sometimes I just eat just about anything but deal with the suffering no matter what.   I have a puke fest at least once or twice a day; sometimes more.  It's when I have to puke so bad that it burns my throat, comes out of my nose and almost drowns me!  That's the kind of puking; I get through it each time but its so annoying that I have to go through this every day no matter what?; if I don't eat or do eat?  Definitely if I do eat anything.   I've skipped eating more days than I can count and sometimes I will break down and make myself some mashed potatoes and gravy.   What pain I have to go through just to have just a little bit of pleasure.  My tummy hurts when I'm hungry and especially if I am full! 

Ok back to my pain pump; it is an amazing medical device and it did make quite a difference just turning it up just that little bit that we did.  I'm still having to take more pain medications but nothing orally.   Don't mind my Skeletor legs here!)  The little palm pilot thing is what the doctor uses to punch in calculations that provide me with a certain amount of pain medication.  Pretty fascinating, huh?  Next month we get to change the formulation and maybe get a different drug added?  We will see!)

The little mouse looking object fits perfectly on my pain pump while it beeps to my pain pump (inside me) to "turn up the medication!".   I would highly suggest this device for other patients who are suffering as I have been.  It makes all the more difference in not having to take medications orally when I suffer as I do.  It's no big deal if you are bony like me; they can definitely find it much better and it literally  takes no time to refill it.   In order to refill it; a needle is inserted into the skin where the device is. 

Ok the surgery to insert it was a bitch but now more  than ever after seeing the big picture and the quality of life it has helped me live; it was worth it.  The pain doctor or neurologist can usually find the right spot with that little mouse contraption; like he's doing here.  I' m supposed to get it refilled early next month and since they turned it up it only brings the refill date up maybe a day or two.  It's very convenient to have your heavy duty medicine dispensed this way.  Hey its made in the greatest country ever!  The good Old USA!

So many of you were concerned about me going on to hospice/palliative care with me not being able to get my feeding tube.  Well hospice has agreed that there is no problem at all with me getting my TPN, my medical supplies and everything else I need to fight this battle.  I'm about getting as much good quality time here as I possibly can and that is my ultimate goal in life right now.   I hope this will be a great experience that I can share with all of you!)  I also would like to touch as many souls as possible through my experiences and hopefully help many to see how wonderful life can be if you make it.  You can either wake up and agree that this is going to be a great day or this is going to be a shitty day!)

The other day my TPN bag exploded and we had to skip a day on my bag and of course I lost a few pounds but I'm getting over it.  I haven't hit the dreaded 100lb mark yet so I'm not going to stress all that much.  Tonto helped clean up some of that mess  (behind the couch)  and what a mess that was.  Good thing it only leaked all over my old rug and floor; had to move the couch to clean up that mess.  My honey and I are such a team we got it up in no time; actually he did most of the work. Since the stuff is so high calorie; we will have to watch his waistline more carefully so that means more walks for Tonto!

I might be going through hell as many might see it but I'm so thankful for everyday I am given with my honey and my loved ones.  I don't care how much I have to suffer or puke! because that has been the way it is lately.  I'm getting used to it; (somewhat?).  Hate it when it's happening and so does my sweet honey!   He is such a man!)

Peace and Love to all of you!)

Here is another beautiful horse who needs a home or some bales of hay bought and paid for!  I have to pay these horses back for helping me get through those horrible, horrible hot flashes, that I used to have back in the day; but then I find out that those pills are made from horse piss!  I was pretty mortified to find that out and how the mares are kept pregnant and not able to move much with contraptions attached to them in order to collect their pee?  What a gorgeous colt BIG MAC is.  He was born on the Animali Farm   on July 17, 2009 and should grow up to be a big boy since his mommy was big. He is a mixture of 1/2 Thoroughbred with a mix of Percheron, Shire, Appaloosa, and Paint.     His Adoption fee is $1800.  Please contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes if interested: animali@aol.com (805) 938-0174

Bookmark and Share


Servivorgirl said...

Hi Jayne,

Glad to see your post and relieved that the pain pump seems to be helping. Terribly sorry that you are puking all the time. I hate it when that happens. Just happy to see a post. I hope the next few days bring you some peace and time for enjoyment with your hubby. God Bless.

l'optimiste said...

hi sweetie - wish I could send you a few pounds!
Keep on kicking ass!

Kiwigirl NZ said...

Hello. Your pain pump is amazing. We don't have that type here in New Zealand. My mum is hooked up to a pain pump (external) that is connected via a sub cut needle. The problem with that is her site fairly quickly gets infected so they are having to change needle locations all the time . Her arms have big red bumps from each sub cut site that went bad. They even use her tummy and shoulders to put the needle in. Hospice visits everyday to check the sites, draw up boluses for my dad to administer to mum when she needs them and to give advice etc. I can't believe my dad has turned into quite a proficient "nurse". He's a builder and the beer drinking outdoorsy type so this is something he's never done before. It's amazing what h
e has done for my mum. Helping her change her ostomy bag, measuring bag output, hooking up new fluid bags etc etc. You are so lucky too because your hubby is amazing too! I don't know if you have talked with a counselor? Hospice may be different in your country but here in NZ Hospice patients have free access to specialist counselora who provide patients facing end of life issues. Well hugs to you! And thanks for sharing your journey.
Bye from Tanja in N Z

S'ovary Ellen said...

Hi - following your blog here and also Inspire. Everytime I hear this song, it makes me think of you and your honey...
Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros - 'Home'. Have been unable to paste the youtube link. There are several listed but the one video link is the youtube video playlist by JVTP(40 videos). Hope the pain pump gives you relief. Sending some warm sunshine - NCBluebird/ Ellen


Levi said...

Maybe I missed the part where there was a good reason not to give you a pain pump until now.

The puke sounds like a party. NOT.

Bob Myrick said...


You are a beautiful woman. Not just spiritually but everthing. The smile that you so proudly wear is contagious. The use of Hospice will hopefully give you plenty of time with your wonderful husband and all the animals that you love. Glad the pain pump is helping you. It was great to see you post on Inspire too!

Holly said...

I'm 18, have had 51 brain and spinal surgeries and am looking at getting a pain pump installed. Does it hurt to refill it?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Hi Holly, the refills are relatively easy going. They might be bothersome for you at first, but eventually scar tissue builds up, & you won't even fill it. It also depends on the nurses technique. My doc just got a new pump nurse, & the 1st time she refilled me, she was a bit off, so she had to poke around until she found it. It was uncomfortable, but second time, with my new pump, she was 100% accurate, & it didn't hurt at all.

辣妹護理師俱樂部影片 said...


Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
© 2010 All Rights Reserved

[Valid Atom 1.0]