WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

An Over Due Explanation in the hospital...

Well I'm here (hospital room) and well rested; I was going to try last night (to type up this update) but was way too emotional; perhaps I still am.  As I went in Monday for my final 10 zaps on Palin; I had to see a nurse first because we had gone through many fevers for the entire weekend; (even a few that totalled 102.3; the ER run amount) it was mainly stressful for my honey who was wondering whether we should be in the ER or trying to fight this BS at home.  Of course I always favored the two of us against the world; no ERs for me; or at least I thought.  I can be so freaking stubborn sometimes; but when we went in for my final treatment on Monday; they weighed me; then  they took my vitals, temperature and then it was agreed that the best place for me was in the ER so they took me there.  It was a very long wheel chair ride over there while my honey was outside waiting for me; the nurse and he walked me over to ER and right into a room almost immediately.  I was quarantined for fear that my immune system was very low and I had infections in my blood.   I had to had to wheeled down for CT scan and it was confirmed that I do have an abdominal block; I had tried to take several sennas through out the weekend and of course they were not working; what a first; I hadn't been constipated in months!?    I was beside myself and just knew that I would go sooner or later.

I absolutely love this photo of my beautiful husband and dog together; this should be on a greeting card; but instead; it's on my blog; the best place ever!

We finally got to talk with my Oncologist whom I keep surprising; he makes these outlandish predictions and I seem to go the opposite of what he expects; that's OK;  I hope and pray that I will keep surprising him and many others; we have a good run this year; it wasn't expected at all that it would be this smooth; OK maybe some of it wasn't so smooth but in all it wasn't at all expected that I make it this far; we might have a few weeks is what I understand but I have this very strong will to survive so we will see.   My apologies for not making this update any sooner.  

Well today I expect to get a nice visit from my beautiful sweet Blue Belle whom I don't have too many photos of. Forgive the dirtbag photo of myself; I haven't had the pleasure of washing my hair since Saturday and it's hard being hook up to my gastro-tube and IV (well I have to admit it sure it nice to not have to hooked up to a nasal gastric tube (NG)) That is the best part of it all; instead it's just a little tube in my tummy that has almost come out a few times??; they rarely give you the opportunity to be free of  many, many tubes; but I did put in a warning that I would like some clean hair finally? Hello!) 

 My honey is staying home today as it is a very emotional day for both of us; we have to enjoy every day that we have together as much as possible.  I still feel very strong inside but it puzzles me that this thing could kill me.  I'm still holding onto hope that my intestines are not the toast that the doctors are saying that they are; it seems the radiation may have done them in; I do have a serious kidney infection; bladder infection, and some blood infection which could be from the picc line being in my arm for so long.  The dressing is due to be changed sometime today.  Perhaps I can add some updates as  I receive them.


I did have the worst nausea ever while I was in ER and we were able to calm it down  some; it is now.  While in ER they attempted by hooking up my gastric tube to a container deal that didn't quite do the trick because it wasn't hooked up right? Go figure?  How does that happen?; they hook it up and forget that I'm just there suffering somehow but I just sit back and look OK seemingly; this skinny little girl I am; I must look about 10 ish now with my girlish or boyish figure. and old lady face.   Anyway, as for the nausea; a young man nurse had suggested that I get a shot of this drug that actually had an active ingredient found in cannabis known to stop nausea in it's tracks; I was like "bring it on!" and he did.  He had to give it to me in a huge needle; in the right ass cheek bone; GDAM did it hurt!: "OMG!   What the Fuck just happened?"   I cried a little bit; tears did come out; I have to admit; I was a chicken monkey at first; scared, yes, ; and some more an hour later, 2 hours later; 3 hours later, why is it still hurting just as bad?  it mostly just felt like someone kicked my ass really, really, really hard or ran into me with a moving vehicle?  It didn't even touch my nausea at all; perhaps it was meant to distract my nausea by causing at that wretched ass pain?  

How horrible it hurt and it kinda still hurts to some degree if I put any weight there; didn't feel the anti-nausea at all. but I sure felt the pain with out any doubts.  It sure don't hurt like that when I smoke?  How it that harmful? and that fucking stupid shot isn't?   Now this kind of medicine needs to improved; as a tester of this drug; I do give it 2 thumbs down and I would never ever subject myself to this kind of torture myself in this manner ever again; believe me; I have tortured myself in many ways with this stupid cancer shit; hell I am continuing to with stupid Palin!  The Tumor of Society who knows just as much as my bloody tumor does! OK that was bad; but how true could that be?

& As Always;  Peace and Love to all of you and more updates to come!

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Donna Sawyer said...

You Amaze Me.. What a brave woman you're.. +PRAYERS+. Love Uuuuuu :)))))

Anonymous said...

I send visions and prayers for Eudemonia for you and Jimmy.

No wonder you were on my mind Sunday.

Love Elaine

BJ said...

Damn, Jayne! I am just heartbroken about your setback. I can't tell you how many prayers I've said for you and your hubby. I won't stop either, I'll just double up. That bitch, Palin is a tough one, but you are tougher. I want more than anything for you just to resume your life with your hubby and furry kids and for Palin just to be a bad memory. I'm here for you. Oh, how I wish I could do more.

Love you kiddo,

coffeemaiden said...

Precious Jayne, your fighting spirit and heart of a warrior are awe-inspiring. Your love of life is a strong force but I still shed a mother's tears because you have to go thru this. I think of you at quiet times & say a prayer frequently for you and your wonderful husband. Hugs & kisses.
Love ya,

Janell said...

What a freaking ordeal you're continuing to move through. I'm sad to read about this though you seem as you say so strong and that's reward in itself. I think that's the tricky BASTARD cancer. We can't even conceive that this thing could kill us when we're bound and determined to fight so hard.
You are a lesson for all of us, courage, strength and the end of each post with Peace and love to all is truly uplifting under the circumstances.
You are so often in my heart and thoughts. Peace and love to you. Give 'em hell!

Anonymous said...


Hopefully your care team is letting you get some sleep, hospitals are the worst places to rest. Hope you get to go home soon.

Love ya!

your friend in sac

Shopping Kharma said...

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I feel so good to have so many wonderful souls out there reading my blog. I have one other update to add so I will proceed to update the blog!

nat said...

Ouch CJ! I hope your butt feels better from that shot. I'm sorry about your intestines and the trouble they continue to give you. I hope that they are wrong about the radiation damage. If they are damaged, are they recommending a colostomy? I know you don't want one, but I also know a lot of people who have gained relief (from blockages) with it.
Blue Belle is such a joy - and so is your hubby! Your will to fight inspires me and (I'm sure) everyone who reads your blog and knows you.
Big hugs - and healing to you!

Kim said...

Hi CJ,

Dropping by to give you, hubby and Miss Blue Belle a big hug :-)

Aroma Fields said...

I think of you often and have so many wishes for you to continue life cancer free. I'm saddened by this latest setback but know that your strength and determination will once again prove the doctor wrong. Please continue to kick ass, Jayne!! Sending love, hugs and prayers.


Diane said...

Dear Jayne,

What a pain in the ass, huh? A long time ago I had an intestinal blockage and that nasty fucking ng tube. I made them take it out, Did they fry marinol with you? I take it now for nausea and pain and it is really helpful. I have something written up about that time I was in with the blockange and the amazing events that happend that led to it being cured and will send it to you when you are feeling a bit better. Hang in there and get some real rest and don't let yourself get all stressed out. Hang in there, we are all pulling hard for you!

Anonymous said...

Keep proving the doctors wrong. You are an inspiration!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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