WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, July 2, 2010

CAT Scan for Radiation

Well this bulldog looking anticat was deadset on getting his walk late last night; so we took him; my honey and I were walking him and Blue Belle as Tonto shot ahead; he also marks his territory in the most hillarious way; he does this little dance as if he is wiping his ass on the object he is peeing; usually a lavendar bush, then I think he know mom needs more exercise so he takes me down this other path that I normally take in order to dispose of Blue Belle's poo (she doesn't like to go #2 when we walk Tonto = I think she gets pissed off or jealous that Tonto gets to go too?) Anyway, Tonto wants to just walk there and back for some odd reason so we walk and my honey waits at the end of the path with Blue Belle for us to get back; suddenly Tonto decides to act as if he gets startled (it's a game he likes to play); well he runs back, forcing me to run just a little bit (I am getting better and better with this apparatus in my tummy. All of a sudden Tonto jumps and climbs up part of tree and looks over at me like "look at what I just did!"; he had such a cute look on his face and how I wished I had brought my camera; he was such a gem!  He only climbed up about 3 feet; then jumped down into the bush of jasmine below; he must have gotten all kinds of sticky stuff from the jasmine plant.

OMG is my husband ever handsome!  Wow! He always makes my heart skip a beat because of his extreme hotness!  Sorry about that; must say something for that hot dude holding the silly kitty!)

After that jump into the tree, he decided that he needed to hurry up and beat Blue Belle at her game of getting ahead in the walk; my honey and I were then just walking together behind the anticat as he looked for me things in the path to get curious about; he had to stop and smell that someone else had peeed on one of his many pee spots and he tried to cover it up and then ran ahead again and then he saw the perfect big tree to sink his nails in; he tried to drag me and I ran just a little bit toward the tree (mind you it was close to midnight); he immediately dashed at the tree to get a good running start and got up to 3 feet before he look down; (oh but he wanted his dad to see what he had just done; he looked over at him before jumping back down); we both just cracked up; it was completely hillarious.

 We had a hard day yesterday; the bone scan had been completed and we got to see some tumors (not as big and huge as the one we are hoping to zap (yes we even talked with my radiation doctor); and we scheduled a CAT scan to see how dangerous it would be to do some radiation on the particular tumor that is located just to the left of my hockey puck pain pump.

Wow this probably is what my pain pump actually looks like and yes the wiry part is more than likely stretched out to my spine; I don't know it looks like it could have made some kind of a boob for me; It's round enough?  I just hate having so much crap near my abdomen; I already have the tumor growing there and this thing is near my bladder which makes me pee like all the time; I have to wear a pad so that I don't have any accidents.  Well after the radiation; I may have to resort to wearing Depends (shit, crap, fuck!(  for a little while but it shouldn't be for too long and a slight chance that it might be permanent damage= GOD I pray it is not!).  We don't know but I'm willing to do what ever it takes to kill that little bastard tumor! I'm kind of bummed about that; but go to hell you shitty little tumor; die, cancer die! Only it's not really a small tumor; it's kinda big if you look on my left side right next to the Hockey puck looking thing on the right side of my abdomen; it's actually just below my gastric tube. 

For some odd reason, I'm not really all that scared about doing some more radiation or the whole pooping problem deal.  I'm already dealing with some crazy intestinal problems anyway;  many parts of my days are spent on the toilet and with a puke bucket (my honey's former Green Bay Packer popcorn bowl)  always in hand for painful spasms that happen in my abdomen and my asshole.  Sorry just being honest; it's just the way things are. Anyone's asshole would hurt had they gone through all the surgeries I have endured.   To be quite honest; sometimes it feels like someone is sticking a dagger up my ass!  How unpleasant is that?  Anyway enough about my butthole problems; although we are expecting quite a bit since the tumor will soon one day block my intestine that is being used for a colon?  so I say let's blast it and hopefully it won't hurt my homemade colon.   I will have problems in the beginning but everything should settle down soon.

Am I ever going to fully recover from this?  Well maybe not all the way; but hopefully I will be able to do so much more; July 4th is just around the corner and my doctor has approved that I ride my gorgeous Old Lady Bike (3 Speed Cadillac Bike); it doesn't cause any kind of strain while I am riding it; it's almost like being in a wheel chair only much more comfortable; maybe even my fat horse Skippy that I used to ride every day as a young teenager.  He was this heinz 57 variety horse; part Mongolian, part Appaloosa/Mustang and then there was the prominent Arabian face that is never, ever mistaken; even his gate was like an Arabian; but he was chubby and fluffy  (it felt like I was riding a big gigantic comfy pillow) enough to ride barebackSkippy was so gorgeous and so fun to ride!  We bought him from a slaughter house and even paid by the lb as required; he was about $100 but he could tell  that we had saved his life.  His only problem was that he was near sighted.  I had fallen off of him dozens of times in the beginning but I refused to give up on him; we would be at a very fast gallop and then his near sightedness would get the best of him.   Finally he grew to trust me and we could go for a gallop across the field with no problems; my dad even got to ride him.  He was a good horse that I will never forget.  He did get a good home when we finally had to get rid of him; it was hard getting rid of the horses but we got through it.

I had hoped that one day I would have horses again; but that just hasn't been the case; I'm still happy as can be that I found my true soul mate.  He makes me happy every day and gives me more reasons to smile.  It's not fair to anyone if you sit around and feel sorry for yourself; nobody really wants to hear that bullshit; find something good that did happen and its more interesting to listen to especially if it's funny.  Well I should go for now; hope everyone has a fantastic 4th of July! I know I will riding my gorgous bike that my doctors have told me that I can!  Peace and Love to all!

For all those Tonto fans; here is another video of him taking me on a very short walk; hope to post another longer walk with him getting into hillarious little troubles and such!  Hope you all enjoy!

PS: I also found this awesome article that tells the real truth of why cannabis has been legal.  It's not quite what many would think; its corruption and lots of racism; which I feel we should be over by now; Cannabis just is not a dangerous plant; its actually got quite a few uses; you can actually use the entire plant for many important things.


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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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