WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy 4th of July Everyone!

Well this time I am trying my best to give all of your more updates as I get them.  I am scheduled for a CAT scan at 2pm on Wednesday in the Cancer Treatment Center.  If the tumor is too close to the bowels; there could be trouble and/or we may not be able to treat the tumor with radiation; 3rd choice might be for me to research into chemotherapies that maybe can be injected right into the tumor (now that would be nice now wouldn't it.  

Well I finally got my very first peace of hate mail directed towards me and I thought I would share it all with all of you,  but I'm decided not to; I have made peace with this person I am happy to say.    I will tell you a little about it but both of us are over the whole misunderstanding and apparently he was a she; that kid was an adult;  The email was horrid and it did hurt my feelings but now that we have made peace it is time to move on to more fun things that happened today.

I had recently joined a group on Facebook in order to promote the legalization of cannabis  where I found several places to post my opinions and also what I have learned from my own research on Cannabis.  Well anyway I had posted just below another person who  had posted that they believed it to be less dangerous than alcohol ; I then posted directly below with some my research (I was having fun spreading word on something I knew a lot about and that I am very compassionate about!) Hell it is what is saving my life!  Well then I saw a post from another user who had posted a poor me scenario, that he has no money for weed, that he is addicted and that he is very moody and basically it just seemed this person was just feeling sorry for themselves  Maybe this person was mad that we were trying to get it legalized (just like all other drugs pharmaceutical and/or alcohol, food (arrest all people who are addicted to food?), or shopping (yes, people get addicted to shopping= should we outlaw shopping?) in many ways I think that could be a good idea for many,  and then cigarettes; people become addicted to all kinds of things; why should we further punish this amazing plant further; it's not harmful; it is a fact that there are no deaths in all of history that resulted from Cannabis ingestion; I mean more people die from suicide resulting from finances, and caffeine) really no reason to not legalize right? It's wasting taxpayer dollars locking up stoners who really don't harm the environment, themselves or others.

Oh and I did tell this person plenty about me and that at least he/she isn't going through what I have gone through (I would think that would cheer just about anyone up; at least I always hope it does; I don't like to think that I am going through all of this bullcrap for nothing?), maybe I should have told that person; the next time they feel all depressed or what ever that they try walking down a children's chemo ward or adult IV Center to better change your mind about all the awesome things in your own life.  Don't get me wrong; I still have so many things in my life that I am very thankful for!

Here is me and Tonto having a nice snooze together (taken earlier today and just downloaded)!  I'm also draining my gastric tube at the same time; imagine that!  I'm still fighting to stay alive; no matter what!  He was pretty pissed for not getting a walk (too hot), and for not getting a bath; he would have loved the coolness of being wet on a hot day like today; it was so freaking hot; that even I had to show some skin!  Wow I almost look like I have a butt for a change; most of the time; I just look all skin and bones! Finally! Gotta weigh myself now! 116.5! Wow!  OMG!

 Now in talking about this child; look at this child in the photo?  That Prepubescent child is actually this 40 year old woman?   I'm even flat chested like child!)  Imagine that?  Looks can be extremely deceiving!)   Maybe that's why I still get IDed when trying to purchase alcohol for my honey.  That's not my husband in the photo; just a very good friend of his and mine.  He's like family to us!

 Well after I got the horrid email (I think it must have been a first for me!); I had this person's address blocked (because somebody else told me to do so) from ever sending me anything but I  made the mistake of adding their alto personalities as friends too (before I left to go have fun but I had loving friends watching out for me and they were able to stop the person from spamming my entire facebook page and this person was able to write all kinds of crap all over my wall and junk my inbox too; (I'm over; don't worry!) I had to take all of those  angry posts down and then I re-edited this blog post because  I honestly did mistake this person for someone who could have been potentially dangerous to others; well it just seemed that way since no regard for my life was ever made in that initial email and even the Discussion posts in reply to me.  I also decided to delete all  posts in response to him (the ones I had written; Oh I like what I wrote; always do); I kinda wish I didn't because they were awesome posts  that many patients could have been inspired by. 

I also got many long, emails in my inbox (from this same person) and tons of spam on my facebook page and no I refused to read all of that; but they did threaten me with a lawyer and I really don't have anything of value except my gem husband (he is worth more to me than any amount of money; I will fight tooth and nail for him), my service dog (I will fight tooth and nail for her too and she for me and of course my honey will too), then my cat Tonto (I think he can take care of himself).    We are poor; why would anybody want to sue us?  Sue someone rich for a change; I don't make a dime from this blog; not even from all that advertising; maybe $10 a year if I am lucky; but I promise not to spend it all in one place; the sole purpose of my blog is to inspire and to get stuff off my chest as I battle this beast called cancer.

(I thought this photo had lots of artistic possibilities)

I was completely and totally misunderstood about this person and how they handled themselves towards me in this short amount of time we had taken to get to know each other.  I had no idea and as far as I was concerned; this person could very well have been a child abuser thinking those kinds of thoughts about a cancer patient who really just wanted some peace and love in this world.  Hell we need it; too many awful people out there and not enough sweetie pies.  I want everyone around me to enjoy life; you never know what tomorrow brings; it's always a surprise.  Things always happen for a reason;  just be very thankful for what you do have; oftentimes so many of us get so involved in trying to get to tomorrow that you don't get to enjoy what is right now around you or what this very moment brings.    I didn't know nor did  I understand the situation at all and mostly assumed due to a hate mail and some pretty messed up responses on a  Discussion Forum about Cannabis vs Alcohol.   I did get a sufficient apology from this person so I will not post the email; and will simply delete it and never look back.  Just move forward and enjoy this day and all the fireworks and that our country is still strong because of it's people and definitely not because of all those stupid silly politicians!

I don't really care what I have had to go through in this journey; I just don't want it to be all for nothing; if I can affect other lives  in many positive ways or just to help others see the light and to not be so depressed about their own lives; well then my life is worth living and I have certainly done some good with it.  I never claim to be some  Mother Teresa in any sense of the word (I'm definitely not that perfect and I do have my own faults which also includes being hard headed, extremely stubborn,  and yes very opinionated too; I just can't help it), but I do try my best to be there for my family and friends and do what I can to help others who really need it.

Anyway enough of that; we have had such a great day to celebrate; I got to ride my gorgeous bike later on today after it had cooled off; Tonto did not get his bath.  I got to show off on the Indo Board just a little bit and still rocked it almost as good as I used to.  My honey looked so very sexy on his skates as we rode along together to a very fun 4th of July party with plenty of loved ones.  We had a blast today; no matter what!  Peace and Love to all!

Will hopefully provide a video update soon!

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BJ said...

Read your post. What an immature, gutless, spineless jerk that dared to corresponded to you! I cannot understand why someone like that gets to have kids and has what seems to be only superficial (not REAL) problems and is allowed to take up precious space on this earth. A question I will be asking my maker when the time comes. I'm glad you blocked him and I hope he's not anywhere near where you live. I'm glad you shared the rantings and profanity of this useless scum with the rest of us. I think sharing helps to get things out of your head. He is obviously severely disturbed and not worth taking up space in anyone's mind. Enjoy your Holiday!
Peace, love and jerk-free day to you!

Shopping Kharma said...

Thanks so much BJ! That meant a lot; not that his meaningless, immature, spineless email had any effect on me; but it did help me a lot to exposed the little shit to the world! Let everyone know what a coward he is.

Anne Delina said...

I have to say, you have a lot of strength to fight with your research. You are right not to take it personally. You are not doing anything wrong. You have a terminal illness that is stealing your life from you. I wish you many more successes and more strength in your battle. You have inspired my best friend, who is also fighting Ovarian cancer, which they believe has gone to the brain. Thank you for keeping everyone posted and updated. You are truly a courageous woman.

TC said...

You know what I feel? I don't take your illness lightly and I know you are fighting to stay alive but you are more alive and vital than most of us and will outlive us with that sense of humor and vitality you have. Did that make sense?

coffeemaiden said...

Thank you so much for keeping us updated on your health. I think of you many times each day and wonder how you are feeling. As for the jerk, he's obviously a worthless piece of protoplasm that has no life and nothing better to do then harass someone like you, who has so-o-o much going for her, like your will to live, the love of your husband and pets, and all of us out here who check daily to see your updates. You're right not to fret over someone who seems to relish trying to make people unhappy. Let us know how the scans of your bowel turn out. I'm sending lots of prayers and hugs. Love ya, Deb

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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