WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Tonto Day and its a rainy lazy day!- & more epic bearded man!

Well the last few days have been more predicable for me lately.  I do know that my intestines usually act  up in the evenings; so planning my day is sometimes easier but I always seem to manage the problems and have cured that fear of using public restroom by a long shot.   When I was much younger; if I had to go number 2; I couldn't for the life of me go in a public toilet and now it's just not a problem at all!  In fact I sometimes feel I have lost all of my shame (that's good; at least I don't get embarrassed anymore of farting in public!) in fighting this disease and don't really care much if people are offended at my honesty of what I really am facing or not.   I don't feel I need to hide anything in this battle called "Cancer".  I hope one day I can post that there is a cure for my cancer and that Hospice Care is not needed for me anymore!

So please be very thankful for your working intestines and try really hard not to piss them off by eating food that you know is not good you or them!  I also have plenty of antibacterial wipes for the toilet and even carry my own doilies, TP, and Hemi wipes all in my purse; pain medication is also available if we travel to the mall which is right down the street.   I am noticing that over the last couple of days, I have not been taking medication in the mornings or afternoons; usually its well after 3pm; the pain will start unless I don't eat anything but it is not at all healthy for me to starve myself.  It almost feels like someone is pulling and squeezing my intestines in order to empty them out both ways; just like getting toothpaste out of a tube; that's kind of how my intestines feel when the spasms start.  The muscle spasms begin in my tummy and the squeezing sensation will start; it's so not pleasant but I am alive and doing OK despite.   It hurts like an MF because in all honesty; it does start with me having to race my ass to the bathroom as quick as possible; then what ever undigested food comes out burns like crazy and then the spasms which sometimes make me puke; so it's like my intestines are doing two things at once to get rid of what's in my stomach.   I hope that I am at least getting some nutrition.  It just doesn't seem like food is in my system all that long and I do eat before I go to bed (high calorie stuff like cereal or waffles with syrup).  I'm maintaining above 110 which is OK with me for now.  I get really happy when its above 115.

I think I had mentioned in one of my other videos (god they are so bad; sorry about those!) My doctor does want me to consider taking Doxil but I'm against it. Actually after the last bit of chemo that I had; I'm afraid that it just might kill me. Ovarian Cancer has proved that it has no effect with chemicals or chemotherapy.  I'm going to continue with my diet and exercise, positive mind and body and just hope and pray that it all works!  Now if I do get stronger and the cancer looks like its going to do more horrible damage, or the tumors grow too much more; I might consider more chemo.

Well here is a good photo I took today/yesterday of Tonto watching the rain from the back door (doggie door is shut so that he doesn't go out and splash in the puddles then get my floor wet).  He fell asleep and started making these really strange snoring noises!  It was so hillarious that we woke him up laughing and he just looked at us as if we were demented

Back to us traveling, we just haven't mustered the courage just yet to go further than the hospital at all this year.  We did go to the SF airport just once but we had to go there and then race back home. I am also hoping and praying that we will be able to go and visit my co-workers this week or next week.

  I figured that I needed to dedicate this post to Tonto since he has been at it full force in being the silly funny cat that he is; Tonto in Spanish (according to the Spanish Dictionary means silly or foolish and that's pretty much all we can see in this cat!)  He can't go outside because of his desires to play in puddles and muddy up my floor and I hate walking around the floor in my socks and then onto something wet (ewwww!**(  Oh how I hate that feeling of all of sudden having on wet socks!(

He does makes lots of noises and I was just sitting on the couch vegging out with my gastric bag as he slept and snored like crazy up on his cat tree; I quickly grabbed the camera but instead got this. It woke him up and he just looked at me and yawned a few times and gave me a look like I woke him up.  His snoring is absolutely hillarious and I hope to catch it soon!  I hope I don't need to get him those snore strips for his nose or should I tell the vet?  It is really funny!

Speaking of silly cats, (my brother posted this on his Facebook account: do check out this video which did win Fat Boy Slim's video contest and congrats to Mrs. Shiner from Millbury Ohio for winning this contest; what creativity! How I love to watch kittens play! Embedding this video is prohibited so here is the link for those interested:

We have also been following the drama surrounding the "Epic Bearded Man" and bless his heart; he had me in tears with this interview of him telling his side of the story to a news crew and then talking about his mother dying and having to go to her funeral and that he needed his boy to shine his particular brand of shoes in order to go to her funeral.  Evidently the little punk dude went off on him because he had mentioned his boy who was to shine his shoes and because of that remark started calling him out as a racist.   You could actually hear other people on the bus  who also influenced the young dude to go beat him up for those remarks.   I had believed the old man's story that the young man that he had beat up was a convicted felon/ murderer and that he would be facing time (the old man is on medication may have been a bit mistaken about that but do we really know?) right now that little dude is busy working it, gaining fame and notoriety for the whole video on several radio stations where is he telling his side of the story and really has no shame at all that he was purely beaten up and humiliated across the net  (he even says that he knew that he was going to get beat up) and even saying the old man  had started the fight with him when you can clearly see in the video that that young man did get what he asked for when he walked back up to the front of the bus to sucker punch the old man and boy did he get a good ass whooping!)  It was pretty funny for most who have a sense of humor; this old man is now an iconic figure now.   I could not believe all of the racist comments on the videos from both sides; this better not ignite a stupid race war!  Instead; I hope it brings us all closer together and that finally something will done in Oakland about the mounting violence.  My honey and I don't see those kinds of colors in people; we see their souls and most people should at least take the time to know people before they judge.

The Old Man is glad bush is out of office  and he wants Obama to end the war.    I bet that young dude needed that wake up call his whole life thinking he can just take advantage of anyone and beat up on just anyone.  He did deliver a weak sucker punch first to the old man on the right side of his face and what the old man did was clearly self defense.  He was used to fighting in jungles of Vietnam and even had a Marine Tattoo on him as a warning (don't fuck with that old dude!); oh and not to mention his shirt "I am a mother fucker".   Well in life we are given signs and that little dude had plenty of signs prior to getting is ass kicked.  It was also cool that he got most of his stuff back and that the cops have been giving him rides around town to get coffee and stuff in the front of the squad car instead of in the back of the car.   My honey and I also found a taser video of him drunk at an A's game and to show how tough this old is; it took several times for them to taser him before it even affected him; they had to go up and touch him to even knock him down.

My honey did tell me that this old man is on medication for post traumatic stress disorder  (maybe that is why he said what he did about the young man who accosted him) from his experience in Vietnam and unfortunately we are going to have quite a generation of kids already who are already suffering from that just in Iraq.  Hell women who have been violently rape also suffer from their tramatic ordeals for most of their lives.  It's really sad; I wonder if me and Blue Belle could go visit with rape victims too?  I hope me and Blue Belle can make our small difference even if we only get to visit them just a few times. This would be therapy for me to know that I am helping them as well and I know Miss Blue Belle would love it just as much.

I really liked this song about the young girl sitting next to the young dude who just got his butt kicked as she is in her own little world where this guy is bleeding right next to her; so many young men are now in love with her.  Apparently she is a foreign exchange student from Russia?  I could be wrong but she is beautiful and very, very calm in light of circumstances on the bus.  She appears to be in her own little world listening to her iPod as life around her is very interesting and entertaining as if she were watching this in High Definition right in front of her.

Here is what I got most of my information when I researched the video and I'm not sure what's really true but I am very sad for the old man to have lost his mother and my condolences go out to him.  That sucks!  Here I am complaining about my own and he just lost his mother whom he loves very much and I love my mother too!  I just can't spend a whole lot of time with her before she  sometimes makes me feel crazy.  I don't like her being mean or bad mouthing my honey;  I just can not take that.  My honey is so good to me, in fact I don't like hearing about anyone being mean to him.  I bet I would fight tooth and nail for my honey just like that old dude "Left, right, then left and right, Muhammed Ali punches!)"  Don't mess with my lover boy!

OK enough about the "Epic Bearded Man" which we can't seem to get enough of; I just hope that he is having a happy life now and I hope the other dude has learned his lesson and becomes a more respectable citizen in Oakland; maybe more of his homies will too.  The apology by the young girl who had originally taken his stuff and filmed the video was very insincere and I could tell she was being very dishonest.  I hope she is learning her lesson too on becoming a better person and treating others the way that she would like to be treated!   Would she want someone else to go through her own bag, steal her cash, ID, keys, and wallet?  How much would she enjoy that or if someone decided to steal her ID as well?   She seems to be acting like a victim in the case of stealing his stuff because so many people have apparently threatened her via email and even  her video taping herself taking his stuff and egging the punk to sue him.  Yes, it's bad in Oakland and I hope now it will change because of "Vietnam Tom!" , Tom Slick, or just Epic Bearded Man!)   I hope other punks like the one who got his ass kicked change their stupid punk gang banger attitudes and start becoming the good citizens this little guy claims to be that he is on these radio shows.

Well we have a meeting later on today with Transitions about me getting some massages and maybe some Raiki? work done on me.  I do qualify for the program and we will be meeting with the director of the program.  I update you all on how that goes and if I will be able to have volunteers volunteer with me and Blue Belle as we visit patients at either hospital (Kaiser or San Jose Veterins Hospital).  Maybe some of this will even cure me; as soon as this rain stops (it's has been pretty sad to not be packing up and going to Tahoe but I am still doing my Indo board a few times a week).  Here's to a cure!  Peace and Love to all of you!  Even Vietnam Tom!)  Even though your stories are ever changing; it doesn't change the fact that you whooped ass and we all loved it!  That punk deserved it!

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stipeygirl75 said...

Tonto is such a sweetheart! I love his expressions. I'm sure he provides you endless hours of entertainment. In exchange for food and shelter all he has to do is be charming and cute - seems like a good deal to me - LOL

Those spasms do not sound fun :( Oh we watched the movie The Beautiful Truth the other day. It was really really good - thanks for recommending.

Levi said...

You look really sleepy in your photo. I hope today (Friday) finds you more rested and comfortable.

I love your sentence. "Please be very thankful for your working intestines and try really hard not to piss them off by eating food that you know is not good you or them! "

We really don't appreciate these every day things until we have either lost them or lost ourselves in trying to find them again.

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Anonymous said...

Hi Char. I hope you are doing well. My prayers are with you. Accept my friend Jamese online. jen

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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