I'm Finally Taking down the Christmas Tree!

My husband took this photo of me last night konked out in lala land.  I had been having horrible, horrible bottom spasms for which we really don't have much relief for me over.  God how I hate having to take drugs!  See I did get the Christmas/Cat tree taken down!  If you are up for it, feel free to check out my video on YouTube of me taking down the Cat Tree.  I have to pre-warn you; it is very, very, very, stupid and dumb.  I will try to make better video blogs in the future!

Do I get an award for my keeping my Christmas tree up the longest ever?  More than likely not, but we had to keep up until past Tonto's Birthday (Feb. 10th) and I didn't even wish him a Happy Birthday on his birthday!(.   Sorry Tonto anyway thought I would include this loving photo taken by my own true love on Valentine's Day.    Anyway, just thought I would do another video blog only while video taping; I'm taking down the tree. and I had to utilize my energy in all ways that I can.  I'ts hard for me to do if I am lying on the couch in severe pain which I did do some parts of today and last night.  I just don't feel that a video tape of me just laying around would be interesting enough although it would be real of what I go through daily.

& Part 2

Please forgive the cheesiness of both of the these videos. At least I was pain free in both of them and that black packpack can be heavy at times and we had forgot to turn on the pump (it holds my Liquid IV so that I am fully hydrated). For some reason I am unable to get completely hydrated (maybe I pee way too much but I can never drink enough water?). If this is what it takes for me to stay alive than so be it. It's not like I'm some old dog that needs to be put to sleep; I do have fight in me to stay alive and I intend to do so for as long as I can.

We did have a good Valentine's day until later that night when I  had the most horrible anxiety attack I have ever had and my honey held me tight and helped me get through it. I was shaking all over and just crying; not making any sense and becoming obsessed with cleaning the kitchen.   How much I hate having to pop pills during crazy ordeals like that.  I so wish I could just be normal and I could go back to work and not have to worry about my life anymore!  It's so scary to not know your body as much any more or what it's going to do.  For now I just hope and pray that I can will myself well and perhaps beat death at least for a few more years.

I have never had that kind of discontrol (is that even a word?) over my body in all my life; OK maybe I have a few times in the hospital but this was bad.   I'm very, very thankful for my husband knowing just what to do and for him holding me tightly as I squirmed and cried; he pet my head and kissed me; I know we also had a spat but its all good because we know in each other's hearts that we love each other more than life itself.   I hope he never has to send me away to live in a special facility because that anxiety attack was horrible.   I would give my life for him and hope he would never do the same for me.   I couldn't live any amount of time with out him; I just can't even fathom it.  So many military wives do everyday and I admire their courage to be able to move on; I don't think I could.  My husband is extremely strong in taking care of me each day even though sometimes my health will deeply decline or sometimes I feel OK and can go outside and have fun.

Anyway, enough about our Sappy somewhat scary Valentine's Day.  I do describe some of it in this video.  My apologies for the quality and my not being such great subject matter for video; just wanted to kill two birds with one stone and do this video for all of you; Tonto did help me a little bit!
Anyway, Peace and Love to all of you!