WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I'm Finally Taking down the Christmas Tree!

My husband took this photo of me last night konked out in lala land.  I had been having horrible, horrible bottom spasms for which we really don't have much relief for me over.  God how I hate having to take drugs!  See I did get the Christmas/Cat tree taken down!  If you are up for it, feel free to check out my video on YouTube of me taking down the Cat Tree.  I have to pre-warn you; it is very, very, very, stupid and dumb.  I will try to make better video blogs in the future!

Do I get an award for my keeping my Christmas tree up the longest ever?  More than likely not, but we had to keep up until past Tonto's Birthday (Feb. 10th) and I didn't even wish him a Happy Birthday on his birthday!(.   Sorry Tonto anyway thought I would include this loving photo taken by my own true love on Valentine's Day.    Anyway, just thought I would do another video blog only while video taping; I'm taking down the tree. and I had to utilize my energy in all ways that I can.  I'ts hard for me to do if I am lying on the couch in severe pain which I did do some parts of today and last night.  I just don't feel that a video tape of me just laying around would be interesting enough although it would be real of what I go through daily.

& Part 2

Please forgive the cheesiness of both of the these videos. At least I was pain free in both of them and that black packpack can be heavy at times and we had forgot to turn on the pump (it holds my Liquid IV so that I am fully hydrated). For some reason I am unable to get completely hydrated (maybe I pee way too much but I can never drink enough water?). If this is what it takes for me to stay alive than so be it. It's not like I'm some old dog that needs to be put to sleep; I do have fight in me to stay alive and I intend to do so for as long as I can.

We did have a good Valentine's day until later that night when I  had the most horrible anxiety attack I have ever had and my honey held me tight and helped me get through it. I was shaking all over and just crying; not making any sense and becoming obsessed with cleaning the kitchen.   How much I hate having to pop pills during crazy ordeals like that.  I so wish I could just be normal and I could go back to work and not have to worry about my life anymore!  It's so scary to not know your body as much any more or what it's going to do.  For now I just hope and pray that I can will myself well and perhaps beat death at least for a few more years.

I have never had that kind of discontrol (is that even a word?) over my body in all my life; OK maybe I have a few times in the hospital but this was bad.   I'm very, very thankful for my husband knowing just what to do and for him holding me tightly as I squirmed and cried; he pet my head and kissed me; I know we also had a spat but its all good because we know in each other's hearts that we love each other more than life itself.   I hope he never has to send me away to live in a special facility because that anxiety attack was horrible.   I would give my life for him and hope he would never do the same for me.   I couldn't live any amount of time with out him; I just can't even fathom it.  So many military wives do everyday and I admire their courage to be able to move on; I don't think I could.  My husband is extremely strong in taking care of me each day even though sometimes my health will deeply decline or sometimes I feel OK and can go outside and have fun.

Anyway, enough about our Sappy somewhat scary Valentine's Day.  I do describe some of it in this video.  My apologies for the quality and my not being such great subject matter for video; just wanted to kill two birds with one stone and do this video for all of you; Tonto did help me a little bit!
Anyway, Peace and Love to all of you!

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Shopping Kharma said...

Sorry All!
Apparently I have to break up the video into 2 parts which I hope to post tonight. To be continued this evening (Pacific Standard Times!)

l'optimiste said...

love the videos! :o) And the Christmas coffee mug heh heh

Anonymous said...


Tonto is hilarious. What a movie star! He cracked me up in the first video by sitting in the cat tree while the decorations were being taken down. And his well-timed conversations were priceless.

I might or might not have told you, I have cats, so I especially loved seeing him play.

I have so much respect for you and your courage and determination. I'm glad you are not worried about addiction, that is silly of you MD to burden you with that idea.

I love you CJ!!!

your friend in sac.

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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