WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Monday, February 1, 2010

A Slow Painful Week....

Tonto still loves the tree and I still have not had the heart to take down his Christmas cat tree.  I think he will be devastated if I do so I have reserved President's day (February 15th) as the day I will take down the decorations.  So Tonto you get to enjoy those decorations for just a few short weeks and my mom really wants to see my tree.  She has been so concerned that my honey did not get me a Christmas tree and to be quite honest; this tree made me plenty happy.  I laughed like crazy over Tonto enjoying this one so much and he didn't damage any gifts (only gifts for him).

Here I am in my jammies and not sure why this always happens with jammies but I will wash them and after one washing they are instantly too short for my long legs; they fit perfectly the first time I wear them and then they shrink and become prepared just for  me in case there is a flood.  I guess it has been raining lots lately but it's not like I'm going outside to go wade in it?  Why do pajamas always shrink?  What the hell?  Even my favorite Paul Frank PJs have shrunk!

Oh how I wish I could go snowboarding and the weather has been so perfect for it.  If I have to get some depends; we may just make it up to Reno or South Lake Tahoe for a nice little Romantic weekend.  We have been talking and talking about getting away but it's just been so impossible with so many problems with my insides.

I found this wonderful photo of father and daughter which was taken about a day or two before my dad left.  I sure miss him and so does his grandpuppy.  She sure loves her grandpa.  Well to update you all on some things.

I am still on IV fluids in the evenings and on heavy pain medications; I still have a home nurse who comes out to check on me; I'm still trying to get stronger and stronger so that I can hopefully return back to work in March but it may not happen the way things have been going lately (a few close calls for ER visits).  I'm not loosing any hope or faith that I will get better.  The social worker that visits with us knows the reality and has seen it so many times.  I am one who believes in miracles and prayers.  I have lots of people out there praying for me and I have lots of positive thoughts and energy as I do my easy yoga stretches.  I just got my honey to do (only 3) some yoga stretches with me.  This is hard on him too watching me in pain.  It's the reality of this disease and sometimes he cries and I of course cry at least a few times a week because I am scared.  This could very well be a slow painful death for me but so be it; life is worth it for me. 

Here is Blue Belle enjoying her Snuggie (she absolutely hates it with a passion).  She feels that her beautiful coat is too gorgeous to be covered with a Snuggie.  It's just not worthy enough to cover that gorgeous coat of hers.  Look at her; she looks as if she did something wrong to have to wear the damned stupid thing!  It's kind of complicated to even put on but she sure does hate it.  She thinks it sucks and one of the worst gifts she has ever gotten.  She would have rather had a toy or a snack!  Well, I also got one for Christmas too that I too (just like Blue Belle) am not into wearing. I have plenty of snuggly blankets and such and the best Angora like afghan (Got it in North Lake Tahoe in a neat little village) which I love and wouldn't dare replace.  I will keep that stupid snuggie in the closet in case it is ever needed.  I always thought those Snuggie commercials were the dumbest commercials ever.  It's like they think this will some how catch on as being the latest fad; just like stirrup pants will make a come back!

It seems lately that Comcast Cable is not worth at all what we pay. With the amount of commercials; we should be getting paid to have to watch all those endless stupid acting and stupid loud announcements that we should buy, buy and spend, spend, spend.  What about recycle and be happy for what we already have?  We don't need Aggressive (Progressive) Insurance.   Progressive Insurance is the most expensive insurance out there?  They have to pay for countless stupid commercials and charge us for them?  It makes no sense.

Enough with Commercials but we did get Comcast solicitors asking what changes we would like to see with Comcast.  I would love to be able to pick and choose which stations I would like to have; not some package that forces me to have to have unnecessary programming like Fox Noise or Home Shopping Channels and so much more I could totally do with out.  Most of the programming is just 5 minutes of a program and 15 -20 minutes of commercials or at least it seems that way.  I do get lots done during commercials (sometimes I get so much done that I miss the program!) and we do have to mute because the commercials are so blasted loud at us that it almost makes us have an anxiety attack or fall out of chairs or even get mad at each other for turning up the TV just to hear the TV program that we happen to be watching.    What is with that?  That is no quality of life  that these stupid advertisers do to us.  What cruel and unusual punishment that they spawn upon us with their junk!  If they treat us right and don't put harmful chemicals or products or rip us off; let's just go with word of mouth advertising; no more aggressive loud commercials with horrible actors, no excessive spending and then charging us a fortune for that expensive advertising.  Sorry just venting.  I hate having to sit on the couch in pain watching television because I'm in so much pain that it hurts to move. and then being abused by annoying manotonous advertising of junk that I certainly do not need.  Been having plenty of evenings like this but I still get to enjoy some of them with my honey.

Well a whole week came and went just like that; Yes I am lagging on my blogging; many apologies for that!  My friend had come over last Monday and we had planned on going over to the VA hospital but it was raining so incredibly hard and she didn't want to drive my Prius in the hard rain and of course we didn't wish to cart around a smelly wet dog in her car so I figured I might be able to get another errand done and do that errand just  another day this week or next week.   I hope to get that done sometime this week or next week or how ever long it takes! It must get done! Instead we looked up some natural products on the internet for her own health problems and of course mine.  We drove over to Saratoga to a Natural Chinese Health Store and a nice little Cafe for some lunch.  I finally got myself this Essiac Herbal Supplement extract formula which I will try in a few weeks (after I am done with some mushroom vitamins and such).

Here it is a week later; weekends seem to last as long as weeks lately because I sleep through so many days with my pain.  I thought I would do something a little different with my blog.

What I am trying to explain here is that I'm not supposed to be out riding my bike or I become disqualified for home nursing or even hospice care?  I would need to ride my bike to the hospital in order to get my vitals, pic line dressing changed, and much more.  I am on heavy medication which limits me in driving; I refuse to drive on those heavy medications but I am able to ride my just around my neighborhood and besides it does act more like a wheel chair for me since I am unable to walk long distances in taking my dog out for a walk.  If I walk for too long; my intestines start to stir and then they feel as if they are about to come out of my asshole and trust me; that does not feel good at all.  I can't handle very long car rides but I am able to ride my old lady bike with a huge comfy seat and its like I am sitting down and just moving my legs in a circular motion; most of the time I'm not even peddling; just coasting.  I love it and I hate that I'm not supposed to be riding my bike?  I'm not supposed to be out trying to get myself healthy?  I don't understand this whole hospice thing or what is going on with my health insurance but it could just be that they are ready for me to pass on since I may just be too much trouble for them to have to take care of me.  I hope that isn't the case but I love my bike and it's another great quality of life that I love being able to do.  It isn't like I am pushing myself too hard; I just can't walk far distances and I need to be able to exercise my dog.  Part of the fun of me owning my dog is exercising her and she is so much fun on a bike!

Oh almost forgot; the Sharks did beat Minnesoda 5-2; so I made my honey some Sharks Victory cup cakes (teal cupcakes).  Check them out; the whole process.  I lost count of how many I ate, boy were they good! My honey ate quite a few too!   I'm still trying to get some more weight on my boney little ass.  and an extra surprise the next morning; we all had teal poo the next morning! Anyway as I said in my video; peace and Love to all!

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nat said...

I love the video blog CJ! It is so nice to hear your voice :) You look so strong on your board! I would probably fall right on the floor even trying to get on that thing.

I'm sorry that the Chicago Blackhawks beat your Sharks the other day - I watched part of that and thought about you.

You are right about not feeling guilty for resting when in pain and when your body needs it. Just keep on doing what you are doing, and love those wonderful animals and husband of yours!

Big hugs!

Anonymous said...


I loved your video blog. You are beautiful and have the most beautiful voice!

Too bad I don't live closer, then I could be a real friend instead of just a virtual one.

IMHOP, they are treating you like a child by saying you could lose hospice for riding your bike. That is so patronizing. Dumb!

I want you to know, you are such an inspiration to me. I have some yucky chronic intestinal thing and I feel sick a lot lately. Still trying to figure out what it is. You are absolutely my role model for living well with a challenging health condition.

Take gentle care,
your friend in sac

l'optimiste said...

I love the video!! It's great to see you [I agree with Nat - I'd fall on my ass if I tried that board at all!] and hear you. Now when I read your blog I will be able to imagine it in your voice. Great idea. And less hassle than typing ;o)

Not being allowed to ride your bike is so pathetic...maybe you'll have to get a disguise ;o)

Way to go sweetie, you are a amazing! Hugs to everyone,

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Kia Taylor said...

I too love the video blog, you are so beautiful and strong, way strong...that board would be lying under me in no time...clearly they need to rewrite the hospice manual....I think we should all do a video blog at some point, that would be really awesome!

POD said...

I watched the video last night. It is fantastic and you're in a helluva lot better shape to be doing that board than I am!
You were killing me!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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