WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Chemo beginning to kick in....

I still manage to smile despite the pain that I feel everyday. It's been getting progressively worse especially since the chemo has started. I have been feeling pretty sick (nauseated) and in a great deal of pain all day today and am now realizing just how lucky I am to have started my Medical Leave. There is no way I could function at work in this amount of pain.

I finished the completed paperwork on Friday just prior to getting ready for the A's Game.

This Medical / Disability Leave that I am taking is well deserving and it does ease the stress part of dealing with this. I spoke with Mom today and she at first was extremely concerned that I was going on welfare. All my life, my mother has been too proud to accept any hand outs from the Government. She would rather work hard and perhaps work herself to death than to accept any of it. She is very, very proud woman and despite living in poverty, she still manages to be hardheaded just like me, except this time, I took exceptance. She lives in South Carolina where there are a lot of people on Welfare and / or disability. Some are on Disability for just being over weight, having headaches, having children, or psychiatric problems. To her, this acceptance of government funds is a sign on laziness and or weakness. I for one, have been anything but weak going through this.

I had to explain to her that I really do deserve this time off and I am not a person who is faking my illness and going onto disability for being lazy. In fact I'm not that lazy at all, despite my house being a little unkempt, I do work hard at my job and give it my 110% and more if I can. I love my job and I love all the people that I work with. I sometime work myself too hard because I try so hard to please.

There are a lot of people that do go on disability for all the wrong reasons, but there are also a lot that we never ever hear about that are on disability and rightfully so, such as soldiers who are wounded in battle, or other cancer patients in my situation. I am not one of those who is going on Disability for a wrong reason by far. I plan to take just 2 months off while I am going on this chemotherapy regimen. I paid into the system many times over and since I am on Chemotherapy and heavy duty at that, I am taking advantage of what I have already worked hard and paid into.

My husband and I just watched the Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman last night and it really got me thinking and thinking about this Bucket list; that it might be a good idea to do. It was all too familiar and I too often wonder how much time I have. I don't necessarily want to know and they said in the movie that around 94% in a survey said they they don't want to know how much time they have while Morgan Freeman's character kind of wanted to know. I hate to say it, but I have an idea about my time and its not that good; I hope I am wrong, but it doesn't seem to me that I will live long enough to make it to my 40's. That's just because of how my system has been feeling over the months.

My insides feel as if they are rotting and have been slashed with razer blades and then infected. It's so incredibly painful to be quite honest and I would never wish this pain on anyone except our President or Dick Cheney because of what they have done to our country. I feel these evil individuals deserve to suffer; maybe it would make them less selfish and then in turn they would lead our country for us and not for their personal interests. Sometimes I will close my eyes and imagine them feeling the pain that I am suffering and it just makes me feel a little better. I know that might sound bad, but it works sometimes.

If I do survive into my 40's or even longer, it will be a blessing as each new day is.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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