WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, December 3, 2010

8 Years with my soul mate....

Last night I had a good old friend from school visit me;  whom I have not seen in at least 20 years and we clicked just as much as we did way back then; mostly just talking great music, shows, skating, and what we have been doing these last 20 years.   I love all my old brothers from way back then; they were mostly my younger brother's friends; but since my brother was my best friend back then; we just shared friends and always hung out together. Most of us never did hard drugs; it was all about the adrenaline rush; whether it be music or mastering a new skateboard trick. 

My honey always enjoys meeting all of my friends that I grew up with because those friends seem to really have some real heart and soul about them and we always have the best conversations about all the fun we had way back then!  It was great to see my husband and  good friend get along so well and have plenty to talk about since both had been in the military!)   It felt so good to reminisce all those old but very good memories of skate jams, finding new and better punk rock or hard metal to listen to and even go to some real shows! Oh the fun we have had and  now my honey and I still do!)  Over the years I have introduced many bands to my honey who loves my music about as much as I do!  We have seen some amazing shows together and of course we both learned to snowboard together.  It's always great for me to be able to talk my music with someone who knows what the hell I'm talking about when I name of some of the bands I have seen over the years!)

This morning I awoke with the most beautiful card just sitting there in front of my computer screen; it made me tear up and I thought hard about the last 8 years of my marriage.  He always picks those kind of cards that just tug at my heart and remind me that I picked me a special one!   (He also got me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers!  They are pictures down below!)We seem to have grown so much closer with each passing year unlike many couples.  Our love is rare; I found myself a real man and I'm so very proud of him!)   He is the best!)

In those eight years, we have had some tough times fighting this horrible beast called cancer but most of all, we have had so much fun together in the last 12 years together.   I will never forget how cute both of us were  as we nervously got ready for our special wedding 8 years ago today.   What a frantic day that day was that started; running around with our heads cut off practically and then the wedding just going on perfectly as if we had planned it years ago.   My dad was in town just to walk me down the aisle and to be there for my first chemo just 2 days later.  No time for a real honeymoon but definitely a gorgeous sunset to be enjoyed by everyone who came to witness our special day together.

We decided today to go see  a movie together and since I have never in my life witnessed seeing a real 3 D movie; today would be the day.  We went to see Megamind and it was totally amazing.  I was so in awe of the 3D and kept checking the screen out with and with out the glasses; I had a blast just watching everything (well I also had to taken my medicine before the showing so that more than likely enhanced my viewing pleasure even more so= I didn't get sick the entire time!) with such fascination much like a young child would.  It reminded me of those old 3D books; when those came around or cards that had the plastic with those thick lines where it would change images; yet look so multi-dimensional?   

We both had such a blast and we also had the entire theater all to our selves!   We were the only people watching this movie so we got to laugh as loud as we wanted to  and  to sit where ever we wanted,  both of us are a little challenged with some of our eyesight; so we sat kind of close and right in the middle where we both jumped a little at some of the special effects like explosions and things getting close to us that we felt we could almost grab at things!  It was pretty trippy and amazing at the same time!)    I'm so glad I got to experience that!  After wards, we ordered some Thai Food from Krung Thai practically across the street from the Century 24 theaters; maybe just under 2 miles at most from our home.  I thoroughly enjoyed eating that yummy Thai Food even though I just can't hold anything in my stomach for very long; I ate, vomited , and smoked a joint, then ate again, vomited again, and then smoked again; it was kind of an endless disgusting cycle; that only I could enjoy.  It's quite unsettling I'm sure to have to witness my vomiting.   Yeah it's pretty damn nasty!
Smoking my cannabis just made it much more tolerable for me to do (you know the bulimic thing I do?).   I was able to eat once again and of course vomit some more; does that really make me bulimic?  Yes, I suppose it is a waste of food for me to try to eat some normal food, but I just love food so much and wished so much that I could just gain some weight, as much as possible would be very nice?  I wish so much that I could keep it all in because damn do I need to gain some freaking poundage!  I'm so damn bony!  It still freaks me out to see how tiny I am when trying on clothes.  It's like I practically fit into the smallest of small clothes.   Right now I have this tumor on my right side (it seems to be growing) and I'm calling my Angel Wing because it looks so much like I have this wing that's growing in size or spouting out of me?.  Seeing this kind of stuff happening to me which would be downright terrifying for most but it's not really scaring me that much.  It's like seeing a silver lining in everything that could be scary like the tumors that just never seem to stop growing?

Well I didn't have to endure the painful heartburn because my vaporizer rocks!)  I'm so glad for this miracle medicine and thankful to have made it this far with my honey.   Thanks to  pot, I got extra time here to spend with everyone I love including all of you!  I do know that this miracle plant has helped me through so much when other medicines have failed.  I just can't take pills anymore. Another great anniversary that we got to celebrate together!) 

Peace and Love to all of you!)

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Pateeta said...

Oh Happy Wonderful Anniversary to you and your Honey! Thank you for sharing your day. Old friends rock, don't they? And how cool was that to have the theater to yourselves? Sending you peace and love-


Anonymous said...


Your friend,

Lakeland Jo said...

Peace and love to both of you- an amazing couple XX

Denise said...

Happy Happy Anniversary, so glad you got to really enjoy the day together.


exitwithdanskin said...

You are absolutely amazing. To be fighting such a hard disease...yet you are so positive, thankful, rejoicing in life.

It amazes me because there are so many people who are healthy in body but there spirit is lacking.

You are my inspiration. I wish you many more days, months and years with your husband, family and friends.

mishall magarzo said...

Good thing I don’t have any errors with my ears.

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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