WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Everyone deserves another chance?...

Well that one nurse who had come over last Sunday (yes, she freaked me out initially), but I gave her some more chances to redeem herself and tonight I actually got along great with her finding out that she is  a cat person who does likes my unusual kitty with a very round face.  She's actually very sweet and my honey tends to be a very good judge of character and he felt that she may survived something major in the way that she walks.  I walk pretty funny with my chicken legs and my cat walks pretty funny with his big feet and tummy that almost drags on the floor.    None of us are perfect.   I feel bad that I practically judged her as being someone different all because she more than likely was just shy or just acted a little weird towards me.  Hell I like weird people; all kinds of people make the world and country great. Sometimes, I love to  just sit in public areas  and just people  watch; its kind of facinating to me. 

Well because I am on this antibiotic; I have to get my blood drawn every couple of days and it totally sucks that my picc line is not working for blood return and we were there just last week to see about unclogging it and sure enough that nurse was able to get a blood draw out of both catheters?  How in the hell did she do that?  I had to get some more blood samples done today (yowie, owie!).  I totally despise needles; especially needles intended to be used on my poor defenseless little veins.  Oh they do roll like crazy; more rolling than Blue Belle does for a treat!

My picc line is not working at all for blood draws and she actually did a wonderful job getting blood out of my tough ass veins and I was pretty impressed; less so that other day as I was still a bit wierded out by her.  I'm glad I gave her some more chances before saying I didn't want to see her again; she isn't so bad?   I can forgive and forget pretty easily these days.  I know most people I am around genuinely care about me and how could I remain mad at anyone over stupid shit.    The blood samples have been  needed because of my antibiotic baby bottle looking thing.  It's hard to believe this little contraption actually  dispenses medicine with out the use of some pump? I have to take it twice a day and it does take about 2 hours to diffuse into my system.  Did I even use the proper terminology for that? 

This photo is of what it looks like after it has been diffused; the balloon is totally deflated and it almost looks phallic?   The photo above this one is what it looks like before it is diffused; that kind of a huge balloon in there?  I seem to be learning more and more each day about this dreadful disease that my body continues to fight with out the aid of more chemo and radiation.   All these little weird contraptions that do things for my body!)  I'm done with all that for now.  I may or may not get better; but either way I do have a journey to travel and not sure where I will be going after all of this?   I hope this antibiotic can kill this Staph Infection; there is no guarantee if it will work for mine. 

Now for the rest of my blog.  Check out my beautiful Christmas Tree!  I love it!  Tonto really loves it; he likes to see it from all angles of the house; he has been tripping a little on the lights but you can tell by his face that he loves it!)

  I do know that my blog may be incredibly scattered as I tend to write so much about how I feel and what's clearly on my mind; especially things that bother me.  Well this post will be incredibly scattered at many tend to be.  It's a rant, bitch fest if you prefer to call it that?!   It really  helps me to get everything out there and if what's in my mind could possibly help others; then so be it!  Feel free to speak your mind too in my comments section.  You would never be judged!) OK sometimes my posts might even annoy many of you but I can't help but vent about what's on my mind.   If there are those who don't like it, get offended; I am sorry,  just close the window!)  I'm not about to shut my thoughts off as long as I'm still around!) 

I'm not much into being Politically correct in any way; I don't understand why.   It just seems that many people get offended way too easily and therefore more and more rights for many of us are  then taken away.  We can't do this and we can't do that and we can't say this and we can't say that?   Are we supposed to walk on pins and needles in order to be around some certain types of people?  Why can't we just be ourselves?  We do still live in a free country supposedly?

OK, I'm not at all  about people name calling and being mean to others, but I am about making others laugh; because laughter is so important!  Life should be about happiness and enjoying our lives here!)   I feel that most people should just  get over it and not having any sense of humor or understanding of others?.  They should at least learn how to put themselves in others shoes (NO Being totally selfish and self centered!= teach kids that too!)  to better understand them rather than to be totally intolerant of them.  That's how we can better get along with others!  Give everyone a chance and if they screw up then they screw up!     Greed is what is harming our country and if people can learn how to be more giving and considerate of others perhaps then our Country can return to being one of the best countries in the world!)

Because so many have too much time on their hands, they tend to think of things that annoy them rather than "what can I do to make things better?".  If they have so much time; I do know that hospice and some animal shelters, hospitals always needs volunteers.  It would make so many of these bitter individuals feel so much better!  Giving yourself to those who really do appreciate it really feels amazing.  I felt great every time I was able to take Miss Blue Belle to visit with other patients. I can't really do that anymore and oh how I wished that I could!) It almost lit me up like a Christmas tree just to see their happiness and smiles.  Shoot, I just walk her in a shopping center and the smiles I get are just amazing!)  Yes, do something good for a change for those who feel like tromping on others rights to be free in this country!)

  Many people here in CA are mad at Motorcyclists for having such loud pipes and what scares me is that 2011 is the last year that you can get a motorcycle with loud pipes (from what I understand).  Loud pipes, as annoying as they may be (its only for just for a few seconds as they pass by= hey their lives are so totally worth it despite what many look like!), THEY SAVE LIVES!  You can't hear them, they don't get noticed and then someone looses their life.  How fucked up is that? (excuse my language but really! We are talking about someone's life.   That's the harsh truth to those in their huge SUVs with their loud children with all kinds of noises and disruptions inside their vehicle as they try to get where they are going in a rush.  I just hope and pray that there  isn't a huge spike in motorcycle fatalities because of the silly stupid law.   Hey its a very stupid law!   It's sad but I really don't feel that those lawmakers passed that law with out any considerations for those poor riders.  What about all that so many do in their cars and all of their distractions.  Phones, GPS, many have blue tooth devices and can't hear low sounding motorcycles or even notice smaller vehicles on the road.  Until their distractions are taken care of, those pipes should be LOUD!   There that's my vent about that!)

I can't believe all of the silly laws that occur when much are what we would do in the privacy of our own home is our business! What business is it of theirs if I have to use my medicine when I'm in pain? or others for that matter?  We are talking about my favorite wonderful miracle plant!)  Yes, I'm totally against raping children, taking advantage of them (actually taking advantage of anyone), harming their innocence, but as long as it doesn't involve the harming of a child.  One sitting in their own home, alone after a long hard, stressful day at work; they would be able to relax  and smoke a joint, or  even watching a good porn movie with a lover should not be a crime?   

Some people actually want to outlaw Pornography completely because they feel that its harmful for society? Just because its bad for one person; doesn't mean it's all bad for all of us?  I'm OK with Pornography that is legal (disease testing, of age participants who are willing= many have fun?)  What really is wrong with that?   Many men become addicted to pornography just as many become addicted to coffee, alcohol and cigarettes.   I don't believe that it's totally harmful for all; much of it actually helps many marriages and at times it can also end a good marriage.  Hell it's helped my own!) You can just look at the Catholic Church to find out the harm of NO sex.  In reality, most men really can't live with out it unless they get castrated.   Many are wired for sex!  I do believe that we should absolutely castrate all rapists and child molesters in my opinion= we have to castrate all male dogs right?).   I don't feel  that many are no better than dogs when they rape young children or anyone who never asked for it. 

Maybe sex is bad for one person but great for others?  Don't feel you have to ruin it for everyone else if it sucks for you?   We really shouldn't have to deprive the rest of us?   What will we be if people can't speak their minds or do fun things in the privacy of our own home?  We should have a right to our own bodies;  our own homes, they are not the property of the State or the Federal Government?  OK maybe we are?  

Punishments should fit the crime and having a joint and getting a year in prison is not at all about fitting the crime in any way.  The real question is how does that joint harm society and warrant a one year prison stint?  Do we really wish to train more violent criminals?  That's what happens when you put someone who might be very young, inexperienced in with hardened criminals who have killed and the only thing this person has done is smoke a joint?    Many states really need to rethink and rewrite their laws and do consider those draconian   punishments?

I also don't feel that drug addicts should be treated as criminals when it technically is an illness.  You can just look at a drug addict and see that they really are sick.  You can't even see their soul if they are consumed so much by addiction.   Arresting a total junkie and putting them in prison, treating them as a criminal will make them a more dangerous criminal, but if we give them treatment they will ultimately get better if they don't relapse (everyone deserves a chance), but if they do, treat them again but please don't create a more dangerous criminal!  Treatment works for most alcoholics  so why not with all non violent drug offenders?  We could actually make more room for real criminals (murderers, thieves (yes, some addicts do steal for their habits and that's not right; that's where the law get broken)  and save our states from having to cut so much into Education or health insurance.  

Despite all that I am going through; I still can't help but feel horrible for all of those patients in all of those other states where Cannabis is illegal.  This weekend was a very trying time for me.  I suffered so especially in the late hours of the night with serious, serious pain.  I could not have gone through it if it were not for my beloved "Volcano Vaporizer".   What an amazing investment that was!)  I can't say that enough.

It's even illegal for growing for industrial use even though those types of plants don't even have enough traces of THC (no one can get high on Industrial Hemp); now that is pure ignorance on our Government's behalf!   Industrial Hemp could totally revolutionize our country and get most of us back to work and even making enough money to have a home or keep their homes!)  It's green, its good, its smart, and we should NOT be importing it from other countries!  We have an excellent country where we can grow it here!)

I do know the pain and suffering that so many patients are going through and it sickens me that so many worry about those poor murderers and pure animals that are on death row?  They worry more about their rights than the rights of these poor patients it seems.  These poor patients should be offered the best medical care and if cannabis would benefit them in any way; it should be made available to them.  Denying good medicine to anyone who needs it is wrong and I have no idea how those who do feel they should be denied can even sleep at night?  This medicine has been used safely for over 10,000 years; what was so horrible that happened to this miracle plant in the last 40 years?  That's just me.  I don't feel Health Care should be a privilege as so many feel it should be (only the wealthy and not the sick?).  I would much rather pay for health care for all rather than to continue to support the failed and dumb ass War on Drugs! It's so clearly not working; just as Prohibition in the 20's and 30's worked.  It makes our country less safe than it was over 40 years ago.

Many of those on death row have NO conscious, no love in their hearts and pure hatred for life as they have clearly proved (what about the rights of those they murdered, raped, or seriously hurt?) and we worry more so about them suffering than the many hundreds of thousands of Cancer patients going through horrid chemical treatments with serious side effects that is actually real pain and suffering; not pain from being stuck by a needle; they get stuck hundreds of times.  I still cry sometimes just by getting stuck by a tiny needle?  Many patients end up dying from the treatments rather than the cancer?  I still wonder if Elizabeth Edwards died from her treatments more so than the cancer; she really was cheated out of more time.   This is just my opinion but I will be researching this further as my curiosity has grown.

I still consider myself very lucky even though my days are numbered.   One gift I hope to have by Christmas is an end to this  staph infection in my bladder and kidneys; here's to those baby bottle thingies working.  OK, now this posting was incredibly scattered and I apologize for that; but I got everything out of my mind for now; until tomorrow!  It will be a blessing once again to wake up again to another excellent day!)  Peace and Love to all of you!)

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Colleen said...

You are so sweet, I believe you changed that nurse for the better. She should be thanking you for letting her take care of you. My family has five nurses in it and not a one would make a patient feel bad for any reason.
The world is a better place with you in it and I can only hope to have your dignity and outlook when I get closer to the end of my journey with this horrible disease.


Colleen said...

Love the pictures !


Denise said...

You really do have a heart of gold. Thank you by the way for the info on juicing mowee wowee.

God Bless you and your hubby and as Christmas approaches, I pray that pain and misery subside in order for you to relish the love of the day.

Peace and love

coffeemaiden said...

Precious Jayne and wonderful husband. I wish for you both a wonderful Christmas together. I hope your intestines behave for a while, Jayne, so you can taste some good flavors. Love to you both. Merry Christmas.

Tutte Peever said...

You are a gal with a philosophy similar to mine. I respect and admire your spirit and find it very inspirational as I go through my own struggles.

I hope your Christmas is filled laughter. I know it is filled with Love. What else is there?

mishall magarzo said...

Good thing I don’t have any errors with my ears.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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