Wow! We went to Santa Cruz....

I haven't been able to go anywhere outside of San Jose, CA at all this whole year.   Well that doesn't bother Tonto not one bit!)  Well right here, he was a bit bummed that we did end up going and leaving him behind.   We will see how long he will be able pull this one off on us!)

He freakin loves that we have been so close to him now; he still goes over to visit with my neighbor; which in turns  provides him with  very essential kitty therapy.  I always have to make sure that I groom him once a week, shave his ass (he does get poopy butt = well I did get the dog for one reason I had thought (she could clean his behind for me!)  and we just broke her of that with Bananas and this stuff that you pour into the water that is supposed to clean out Salmonella out of their mouths (well isn't that what causes poop diseases?) , and clip his nails, and we wash him once a month with this hypoallergetic shampoo, comb him up really good and then put the anti flea stuff on him and he has to be locked inside for at least 3 days so that no one touches him with that stuff on him.    It would break my heart if Tonto were to scratch my neighbor hard by accident or even cause him to become ill.  I just love my neighbors; most of them are very sweet to me and try their best in their own ways to make living with this disease even more tolerable.  Well Tonto is pretty spoiled and we have trade things now;  in order for me to his nails short, he gets a treat everytime I clip his nails.  What a good kitty Tonto can be at times!)

Well now back to me on why I haven't traveled too far; we have been afraid of my bowels acting up (well they did that very evening of going to Santa Cruz= when we got back and most of the day today; we guaged it just right!).  Well living in San Jose; it isn't the cleanest of cities; my immune system (but I do live somewhat in the ghetto) isn't the strongest in that I can get a cold very, very easily and it could easily turn into pneumonia (that's just the doctor scaring me!);  I do use sani wipes and Purel all the time. I have been too weak (maybe even like a new born baby or puppy).  I get so tired so easy and I hope it's not from the cancer: that is one complaint that I do have is being tired a lot of the time.

My pets have been helping me more than ever and it's like I am in the perfect place that I don't have to go anywhere else.  Everything that I need is right here except  that I just saw the Pacific Ocean just a few days ago.  We do plan to go again soon on the motorcycle but today (or tomorrow) we are going on a test run to make sure it's running alright.
 
I did get a massage on Wednesday from that wonderful organization (Transitions)  that provides all kinds of services for  free for terminal cancer patients and that was awesome.  I think that might have been why I handled to trip to Santa Cruz so well.   I don't even think I had to go to the bathroom even once except on the way back I started complaining.  I should plan these activities around the same time every 2-3 weeks.   My next massage is scheduled for the 17th and I'm very excited about it.  I am going to call and see if they can offer services where someone can go with me to volunteer having my sweet dog visit with other patients.  I just feel that would be very healing for me to spend time with my dog and to see someone else enjoying her as a healing experience for them.

Here I am relaxing in Santa Cruz with my friend's dog.  It was great to see each other after all these years.  We have both been through quite a bit and now we are like brother and sister in that we both have faught a war that many unfortunately have to fight; Cancer.

I have no idea how my system will be from day to day and  it was just a blessing that I wasn't sick or could not get out of bed.  I am trying so hard not to be scared and it's hard.  Being around my old friend helped me on a really strong level.  He beat stage IV Lymphoma and that's pretty heavy duty.  It sucks that Recurrent Ovarian Cancer can be  like Pancreatic; I will continue to fight and mostly just try my best to have as many good days as possible.  No days will ever be taken for granted.  I even enjoy those days where I get to sleep in with my honey. 

Anyway back to our trip to Santa Cruz and visiting with my friend.    (my memory is so horrible and it sucks that I now realize how horrible it is that I can't remember some of my teenage and early 20's)  I do remember that my friend and I got to see some good concerts together and  that  I was such a little tom boy chick back in the day and I guess pretty darn cool being down to earth and knowing what I wanted in life and that most of what I cared about was having a good time and having fun!) I just knew that I did not want to live in South Carolina.  We had both moved to California around the same year; 93.  It was like I had this magnet in my body that just drew me to California; I handled being in South Carolina for all that I could;  I just couldn't take it anymore; hearing the southern accent of my first name "Charlotte" was just one of  big the reasons (I think I just hated the sound of it and it nauseated me so),  Oh the sounds of that name "Shur lott, Sher lette, Char rot (pronounced precisising Charred rot?) ewwwwwww!", need I go on?   The Southern Accent wasn't so bad unless it involved them trying to pronounce my name, then it really bothered me.  I think that is one thing that annoyed me the most and may have caused me to hate my first name as much as I do.

I had to get out of there not just for that,  there really wasn't all that much to do; after I got enough speeding tickets trying to make it to concerts back then; always being the designated driver for these concerts; I didn't mind; but we had to drive live 4 hours for a concert where as it is now it could be 1 hour tops (San Francisco, 10-15 minutes San Jose, or 35-40 minutes in Santa Cruz and not just that.   After I moved to CA; I never got another speeding ticket; my record remains clean.  

We do have quite a bit of fun things  to do and our food is freaking amazing; so much healthy food out here.    In South Carolina the food just wasn't all that good for you; it was all about Fast Food and Fat; nothing healthy.   Also in South Carolina I also didn't like all those horrible, horrible humid hot summers (where you take a shower, go outside for 3 seconds and realize that you need to take another shower), then there were those june bugs hitting me in the face really did it for me;  sticky bugs and webs hitting your sticky face would also creep me out!  I couldn't take that at all and now they make scary movies about just that?  I couldn't stand those things, oh and bats flying everywhere in the evenings.  Your friends will throw rocks twards you so that the fat will end up chasing you instead of the bat; I hated every bit of that!  I once got a bat stuck in my hair when I was driving one humid hot night and I felt that I nearly lost my life on a dangerous  stretch of highway.  I did manage to stop the car, but I jumped out even before I could even get the seat belt unhooked from me.  It was making these awful shrieking noises in my ear; I swear it was making these awful noises! it scared the living shit out of me!  When I washed my hair that night, my hair had all this black stuff coming out of it; like dried up little bugs!(    ewwww! I was completely and thoroughly disgusted.    There was a combination of all these things and then my very, very, very, very, very, extremely controlling mother too; I wanted to get as far away from her as possible; definitely at that time;  I despised quite a bit about South Carolina. I just couldn't live there anymore; there wasn't really anything there to keep me.   I was so happy to get away and then to start a new life where I could finally go by my middle name as I had always wanted to do and of course so much more; I just knew my soul mate would never ever be found in South Carolina; I sure found him here; I know that is another thing that drove me here!  I will definately reveal the very night my honey and I met either here or in a book!)  Very romantic indeed!)  

Well,  I did know that I wanted to just have fun in my 20's (did not want to waste them in South Carolina) and to just enjoy life while I had the stamina.  I was very athletic as a teen playing softball, riding my horse  everyday, and then riding a skateboard and then becoming athletic into my 20's and early 30's.  For some reason I don't feel as athletic even though I have to ride my bike daily sometimes, do my yoga, and still miss snowboarding like crazy.  

  I am so thankful as I recalled some of those memories to my honey on the way down to Santa Cruz to visit my old friend.  I can't believe that my friend and I have lived in California practically the same amount of time; well actually he was born here and  then moved to South Carolina; I was in Missouri as a baby and then moved to Virginia.  I think we had moved to South Carolina around the same time in our preteens.  We both hated our first names? wow!  How in hell did I get to have such a southern name for which I despise?  Why do I hate my first name so much?  I guess because in all reality it does remind me of shit and well now that I am shitting quite a bit lately and is  this god's way of telling me that I should consider my first name more?  Sorry, NEVER!!!! it still reminds me of shit so I will continue to go by my middle name Jayne as often as I can get by with it.   In life sometimes what feels good feels good!   I do feel more like a sweet Jayne than a shitty Charlotte.   Just because I shit my pants  more times than most doesn't necessarily mean that I am a shitty person "so those of you who know me personally "please call me Jayne!"    I so hate the name Charlotte!(  My parents will always call me Charlotte no matter what but anyone else that does; I just get those hairs on the back of  my neck raise up and then anger hits me; not sure why!(   I have no idea why I hate my first name so much but I think it's related to the shit?   I have had kids call me shitty Charlotte in middle school; but my hatred for my first name started  way before then because when I started school in the first place; I didn't like the way that it sounded at all.  It could have been moving to a place where everyone talked kind of funny.   That's me at about a year old, I was known as "Honey Bear" in this photo because of my baby bearish ways of getting into things.

Well anyway my friend also hates his first name too, we both have hick first names and he preferred to go by his middle name too! What a parallel universe this is!  Now I know we won't ever loose track of one another.  My honey and him got along great and one day soon we will all be able to ride motorcycles together! I can't wait.  There is just something about being on the back of a bike that just makes me feel so free!

Anyway enough about that shitty first name I was given by birth but had no control over.  At least my middle name is cool.   Well today I hope to go on a ride on the back of the motorcycle and perhaps get a few errands run.  I had also hoped to be able to get a hold of my mom but that never happens at least lately.  I haven't talked to my mom in a few weeks (I still pay for her monthly cell phone bill but she still refuses to use it or to call me).  We sometimes go through weeks of not talking to each other and then sometimes we will get to talk to each other every day.  I do love my mom but she can try to be very controlling and it sucks that she doesn't yet realize that I am an adult now and I'm hard headed and will continue to make my own decisions.  Anyway this was a great week and I hope all of you enjoyed and continue to enjoy this weekend.  Peace and Love to all!