We did speak with the radiation doctor on Thursday (3/18) and everything is turning out to be positive only my back (left side) which had been hurting like a bitch. I could not get up very well (actually through out this whole ordeal I have needed help to get off the thin little hard metal table= sometimes even our couch) especially lying down with out someone helping me. Well they also had to weigh me and on that day I proudly weighed in at 120.5! Wow! Well today I am at 122 (3/19) (with my heavy shoes on, my cellphone and keys in my pockets) but still I'm going to do everything I can to keep gaining the weight on so that I can continue to survive. I still can't believe that I hit the 120 mark! I thought that would never happen; now returning back to work seems so much more possible now. If I can go over 125; I should check with my doctor and see if I can return soon?
Embarrassingly, I still keep watching worthless TV on VH1 like Celebrity Fit club; watching them loose weight as I am inspired more than ever to gain weight; how funny is that? I'm not sure what has helped me gain this weight and I'm going to try not to change my regimen at all since it is working for now; I'm cooking with coconut oil, drinking coconut water and even using using coconut milk in all my cook of foods which require milk like pastas and breads. I have been stuck on the couch since we went to see a pain specialist early last Tuesday morning (3/16) before my daily Radiation appointment. It was so early (9am) as I struggled to keep my eyes open during the entire appointment. I couldn't believe the strong pain medications I needed to take and they really have made me totally sleepy. He gave me this sheet of paper on one of the medications which is Gabapentin 300mg. I really hate that it makes me so sleepy but I can't that I will eventually have to work my way up to taking this much medication (every 4 days add more pills)? OMG! Wow! On this note of instructions on how I should use this pill I saw that I needed to incread another pill every 4 days; that just seems like way too much too me; it seems I will just turn into a pill if I take that much?. Imagine having to take medication like this more than once a day and eventually the doctor would have me taking it 4 tablets in the morning, then 4 tablets at lunchtime, then 4 tablets in the evening? I can not imagine taking that many pills? WTF?
I try so hard to fight what I am feeling but my head is so heavy and it hurts and so does my back. (March 13th at it's lightest - 17th), my kidney on the left side was hurting so (9/14) I'm was really worried that my other kidney might be having some trouble since every time that I coughed, sneezed, or breathed in heavily had caused me to jump out of my bones; it hurt like total hell! I would jump and scream every time I sneezed, coughed, yawned, or had to breath hard; jumping almost off the couch and screaming, crying like hell; it was as if someone wearing spurs was riding on my back (no just kidding); it really felt like that person wearing the spurs; kicked me in the back in just a split second; the pain was horrid and my honey felt like taking me to the hospital for all the horrible sounds I was making! OK some days are good and some days are bad and that is just what I have experiences in this whole week and half of not blogging.
corn syrup = sorry Ocean Spray; no can no do!) Even their sweetened cranberries can't even use real sugar? What's up with that. I just know in my heart that corn syrup is not designed for digestion in our bodies; it just can't be. I think its far worse than sugar. We have been using sugar for ages to sweeten our foods and never have we seen the amounts of diabetes, heart conditions, cancer, and so much more since we introduced such unnatural foods to our diets; its like we are eating dog food or hamster food; I mean some of that stuff might have been reduced to going into the landfill but instead; lets save some money and feed it to the peasant population? The pain in my back finally subsided and I don't feel it so much anymore.
Well with all the doubling up (cranberry juice and water and tea) and of course eating lots of berries in my breakfast cereal (Kashi = now that tastes like horsefeed but at least its healthy) and of course the thick coconut milk mixed with real Organic Vitamin D milk, and of course the cranberry vitamins too; that horrible, horrible back pain finally relieved itself after several days; I'm so glad and so relieved in fact when we had seen the Radiation Doctor that Thursday (3/18 = 1 week ago today) I had been so relieved to be gaining weight or at least maintaining at around 119 for several days and hopefully I won't go less than that.
Fentanol (200mg) and Liquid Dilaudid. (I so hate having to be on pain medication especially watching Celebrity Rehab and how these once stars loose everything they have in their lives because of some of the very drugs that I am being prescribed (Ativan, Percocet, Dilaudid); well I am not being prescribe "crack", "methamphetamime", but my doctor does what he can for me so that I don't have to suffer in so much pain; who would know that cancer could be so painful to treat? I am very grateful to those Californians who did vote so that we could legalize Cannabis for medicinal use because currently that is what has been saving my life. I wouldn't be eating at all if it weren't for those nicely rolled joints. It really is saving my life and it does keep some of the pain down; but most of all I drink enough water in order to handle enough of those icky pills!(
Well that evening; it felt as if my stomach were going to split open (this is when I utilize pain medications and try my best to get the pain level down); it seemed it was almost ER time. We were both scared and hated times like these. I cried and apologized for being such a burden to him as he told me that I wasn't at all a burden; that he loved more than anything to make sure that I live as long as I possibly can; he does this lovingly every single day; that I beat those doctor's expectations of me; I'm tough as nails to be able to handle this kind of pain. He knew in his heart that this pain was horrid and he sure hated hearing and witnessnessing me being in it. I also took 2mg of Dilaudid (that had also been approved increased at this time by the pain doctor we had seen (3/16))
My faithful husband worked for several hours trying to get rid of the juices inside my intestines; I was about to start puking out of control which would have been worse because that shit coming out of my nose and throat would have burned like a bitch! We managed to get over 1600cc (600cc before he went out to eat = I wasn't strong enough to go out out of my tummy thanks to his magic and this was over 2 sessions. So I guess that means that every time I do gain weight; it could dangerously mean that my intestines are holding onto toxins and I did notice that I wasn't pooping as much as I should have been. God it just sucks that my life always has to revolve around me shitting; how embarrassing and unfortunate. It really does and that's the sad thing; so be thankful for that if you are worried about what others are thinking of you because I couldn't care less; I'm beating cancer.
Well another very, very, very important thing that has happened is that Healthcare has finally passed. I can't believe the media and the Propaganda Machine that is out there right now misinforming more innocent tax payers? How can those people sleep at night knowing they are doing this only in order to fatten their stupid wallets that they can put a price before someone's life? Just so they can get a little extra money to tell a lie? I'm fighting so hard for my life and if I were given a price on what my life is accurately worth and what I feel I am doing for so many other lives? What are those other lives worth that I am affecting by writing this blog? I just feel that no one's life is ever worth any amount of money or just to take someone's life for. I do believe if that person takes someone else's life (only in self defense do I feel differently); I don't feel that life in jail should be an option for murdering someone else over greed. Most murders are greed related and others are monsters or psychopaths; they should live out their eternity as a lost spirit wishing they had lived differently. Capital punishment has been around since the dawn of time and still believe that there would less murders if the punishment fit the crime. I won't get into that but I was happy as could be to see Obama's cool speech relating to all of the lies and propaganda out there; and I keep seeing more but I will still keep his speech fresh in my mind. I feel so much better now that it has passed and things will get better; I'm not going to stress like so many who are naive enough to stress out over the media machine. I do believe things will get better and I trust the judgement of this president so much more than the other one. My honey and I laughed so hard at his sense of humor over all the lies that continue to come out of these corporations and the stupid media stations that report those lies. I'm am very glad that health care has passed and there is so much to do to fix it; I'm just glad this hurdle has been done!)
Now many of us might not have to live our lives as guinea pigs and that perhaps more lives will be spared over cancer; let us find a cure; don't lock up someone who has found a cure FDA! I hope they dismantle the FDA when they go as far to lock someone up over saving a life. If there is not a cure yet for cancer; then let there be? I know I deserve to live longer than 7 years; hopefully longer. Anyway, my sincere apologies for not making this video sooner here is Tonto celebrating that his mommy has just finished all 10 of her radiation treatments to my right side. He seemed very happy indeed; I did take this video last night and made it today. (I did try to use that Selfport service but I have no idea how to upload; so YouTube it is. Well it was very cool indeed when I finished all 10 of those treatments and the staff makes a big deal for you when you do. I walked out to hearing some of the staff ringing cow bells when I walked out and then I received a diploma where all the staff had personally signed. I also received my Daffodils; usually I get them at work but this is the first time I have received them at a facility where I just so happened to be getting radiation; they may have given them out for chemo.
Peace and Love to all!