WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Interventional Radiology and my G-Tube....

 Well last night, I got really scared because my G-tube was pulled almost to the point where it was about to come out.  My tummy will seal in hours if this happens and then I have to have another surgery to try and drill another hole in my tummy.  I did make an appointment today in order to fix it on Thursday, Aug. 12th.   I have another appointment tomorrow to check on my internal pain pump.  It seems that it's not working.   I did go to interventional radiology today to see about fixing my G-Tube, no it's not a G-String, but instead a tube; much less sexy; anyway they were swamped and I was really happy that we walked back with these older sisters.  One was in this amazing wheel chair which was almost like taking the lazy boy out for a stroll; it rolled, it almost went backwards and I would have freaked out and thought it was going to throw me backwards it was in it but the lady seemed so relaxed. She had 2 nephostomy bags which she was going in to try and internalize like I did my 1.  I got to give her hope; she was amazed that I had made it 8 years.  She didn't have the same Cancer I had, but it's always great to give another person hope.

 We waited and waited and finally had to leave because I do need to go on my feeding schedule which I did get to do today.  We made that other appointment for Thursday.  They did get a good look at my G-Tube and felt that I did a superior job in pushing it back in my tummy.  How did I do that?  Another amazing thing that has just happened to me!)  anyway here is my very, very, very choppy video.  Originally it was over 17 minutes and I had to cut it down to only 10 minutes since YouTube has the 10 minute rule so please forgive this video for its choppiness but it is real and what I am experiencing as I go through this Cancer journey of mine.  

   In this video, I do talk about a real thing that I have been experiencing and as hard as it is to believe; sometimes I feel guilt in surviving this disease much longer than expected.   With each passing month more and more stuff has to be done in order to keep me alive.  These huge white food bags  costs $3000 per bag and I have to go through one ever 24 hours. 

We had been preparing ourselves for the inevitable by speaking with a social worker every month about the possibilities that I may die sooner than expected but these days turn into weeks and then into months and Whala a year has nearly passed since my doctor came into my room to give me the news that I did not want to hear.  I think the guilt is the processes of keeping me alive like the expensive surgeries, hospital stays, drugs, artificial contraptions to keep me alive (G-tube, pain pump, Nephostomy bag and then internalization to a stent, drugs, etc.).   I even feel guilty for being on Disability for so long; I have worked my entire life (since I learned to walk= we lived on a farm).  I know it's silly to feel guilty for all those things beyond my own control; I even feel guilty for missing work for so long and wished so much that things could be normal again when I know in my heart they may never be.  Hope you enjoy this video labored with love for all of you.  I will try to make some more videos for upcoming blogs.

Peace and Love to all!

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Anonymous said...

PLEASE do not ever feel you are a burden to anyone! You are not a burden to anyone, you are a joy to everyone that crosses your path and we are all here with you and for you no matter what happens. YOU are loved and treasured by Jimmy, your family and friends and your two babies. We all need you and love you.
Dont hold anything in, feel whatever you need to and know that its ok. Love and hugs, Amy

Anonymous said...

DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A BURDEN. That is money you have paid in from working all those years. You are such an amazing person. I want to hug you threw this computer. Love you, Laurel Colt :-)

Bob Myrick said...


You will never be a burden. I visit your blog but not as often as I should. That was a very good video that you just posted and I thank you for the info. I read your posts on Inspire and "am not offended in any way." I do not think that I should reply to you on this one. The love you have for your husband shows through and for that I am thankful for also. BTW, you do look good in the video that you just posted. Keep the fight going, we all depend on you.

BJ said...

People that have no choice, but to accept public assistance in order to maintain their standard of living are NOT a burden. You can have my share of all the public assistance you need. You have given so much to so many of us by sharing your life so honestly. I never take anything I have for granted after my cancer, and your Blog has helped keep me in check. Heal, sweetie, heal!
Peace, love and hugs, BJ

Anonymous said...


your friend in sac

BJ said...

I forgot to mention how cute Tonto is laying on his back. Blue Belle is a pretty girl too!

Anonymous said...

Guilt seems like a given with cancer and we all should remind ourselves of that. You feel guilty thinking you are a burden...to your husband, to society and you really aren't. I'm at no evidence of disease with ovca and i often feel guilty about that. why am i ok and you and others aren't? you remind me not to feel that way so i'm returning the favor :) Thanks for the blog...it really has helped me alot.

oh and I make my cat Butter watch the videos with Tonto in them because the meowing makes him look. Both your furry buddies are adorable :)

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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