Toonces may Rest in Peace Now.....

Toonces the Driving Cat
(It's Official)
Rest in Peace you wonderful soul
6/98 - 9/13/08

I finally got the phone call from the Silicon Valley Humane Society that I had dreaded getting should it happen. Toonces was humanely euthanized this morning. Despite this news, I have to say "bless their hearts", the staff really made the news seem not so bad and they were so incredibly caring and thoughtful. I choked up and agreed with the girl on the phone. He did have a wonderful life and even though my husband and I felt guilty, we knew we made the right decision. We could not let this wonderful cat suffer any longer just for the sake of him surviving and breathing.

I will continue to support this wonderful organization and I will even dedicate a whole page to them and the wonderful things that they do for animals in the upcoming Good Kharma Newsletter. You will be able to download a copy on this blog as well as the Website ShoppingKharma.

I was told that they had came to the solution of euthanasia after a few professionals consulted on what really was best for Toonces. It came down to the fact that YES he was in fact in pain and surely he did not deserve to suffer. Well, he isn't suffering anymore, he's at the Rainbow Bridge, where all animals goes when they pass on. What a wonderful cat he was; he had lived a wonderful loving life with us and we will never every forget him!

My First Poker Run?

Well not yet. My husband and I were considering going on a Poker Run but we ended up going to see a good friend of mine's son play in a little league game. We rode my husband's Harley up to see the game and it was a smooth ride. We rode on the highway (280 N- 85N, to 101 North) which was a big challenge for me. I didn't freeze up in fear on the way there; it was actually an exhilarating ride. Her son's team won the game and afterwards we continued on our motorcycle ride back to the South Bay.

I had one terrifying moment on the bike when I moved back a little far on the seat. I thought my butt might have slipped off the seat a little too much and I froze in terror. I held onto my husband as tight as I could without messing up his balance on the bike. At one particular moment, I thought I was about to slide right off the bike. I got over the fear shortly after by thinking of other things. I got through that one terrifying moment by gently sliding up once we had slowed down to switch highways. I really wish my husband had a Bitch Bar (I think I heard it called that before - It's that bar on the back of a Harley that the back passenger can lean on without falling off the bike) on the back of his bike!

Once we got off the highway, we then stopped for a biker party at our local pub (Ike's Lounge). There must have been over 200 bikes parked there and so many beauties! I saw one bike that looked like it had a very comfy Bitch bar that I wished was on my husband's bike. We got inside and a live band was playing. The singer sounded a lot like Janis Joplin and she had some serious lungs. I was impressed! Afterwards, all who had tickets were awarded with awesome prizes. One guy even got some really cool Harley Boots in his actual size of boot, another woman won the coolest leather jacket, and tons of other neat prizes.

The afternoon spent with my husband, was wonderful that we made some good memories together despite loosing old Toonce. In all we got to enjoy some real quality time together. These days, its important to take one day at a time and to enjoy each and every day as a blessing! Sure, you can feel sorrow but do move and live on!

Was I Wrong? It's all about the cat.....

I called the Silicon Valley Humane Society yesterday around 3:30pm completely nervous and on the verge of tears. My heart was just ready to stop at any moment. I still feel completely guilty for having to relinguish my beloved pet, but it was for his own good. Right now, he really needs some special care that I am unable to provide him with.

In addition to all the care that he requires, he needs to have his bottom cleaned several times a day (he had a sex change operation due to Cystitus) from the crystals that still form in his urine. He is also over weight and I had tried for years to get him to loose weight with no success. He also needs to be the only pet in the household because of his extreme jealously issues.

He was also very angry that we had even brought home a dog several years ago. It was stressful for all of us that he peeed in the house. We would get mad at him for peeing in the house, by yelling at him and sometimes regretfully popping him on the butt which is completely wrong.

We would always feel guilty and for a right reason after our anger would get the best of us. He would continue to pee in the house and in front of the TV and even just in front of us and it was no way to live. I need to reduce stress for me, not create it.

We also had to make sure that we put a tarp on our bed each and every day or he would jump up on the bed and accidentally pee on the bed. He didn't mean to pee on the bed, he just leaked most of the time due to his operation. He leaked pretty much every where and it was very stressful for all of us that our house smelled just like a litter box no matter how much we tried to clean it up. Its just starting to smell like a house again now that he is no longer in the house.

It was time to do the right thing for him and believe me, we thought of many ideas for solutions just so that we could keep him. I even considered getting a kitty cage for him but the weight issue was the hardest. I couldn't for the life of me get him to loose a third of his weight. Cats are hard like that especially when they get up in years. I couldn't get him to loose weight to save my life or his!

I had just found out that he passed his health examination for which were not at all prepared for! When I dropped him off, the girl at the front desk nearly assured me that he would not suffer anymore. More than likely if he was in pain for which I was extremely convinced that he was; he would be humanely euthanized. I pretty much assumed it and my heart nearly stopped as I was awaiting to find out about Animal#62767.

After he passed his health examination, the doctors felt they could help improve his cystitus disorder. He is on a different form of antibiotics, a different diet (Hills CD diet), an exercise program, and is currently being tested for any behavior flaws which might jeopardize his potential adoption. He now has a chance now at a new life as a senior. The Silicon Valley Humane Society is giving Toonces (Animal ID# 62767) a chance to loose weight, a new diet, and a new home. This cheered me up for once on September 11th. What a great way to end my day as I was saddened as well about September 11th.

Here he is just after I had finished my first round of chemo (Taxol and Carboplatinum). You can see my hair just starting to come back.

He helped me so much through out my initial diagnosis. I will never forget him and I hope someone gives him the best home he could ever ask for. He deserves so much and I feel bad that I couldn't offer that for him but it was the best thing for him and for me. We already have a cat and a dog which is plenty for us to take care of.



The other two (Blue Belle and Tonto) are doing just fine now. I have been walking Tonto several times a day with Blue Belle because he doesn't quite like being in the house alone just yet. He has to loose a third of his weight too and I feel that it will be easier for me to get him to loose weight now. Tonto also used to go and try to eat Toonces food once Toonces would leave his bowl and I think this helped contribute to more weight. Both animals are just now accepting that Toonces is gone.

It really was stressful for both of them when ever Toonces was bad and peeed in the house. They would hide when ever we got mad at him and sometimes when Toonces would squat to pee, you could see both of them hide as if they were the ones peeing in the house. In all, I feel a huge weight has been lifted of my back and I'm really happy that Toonces gets another chance. I am still working on the article in the Good Kharma Newsletter with a huge spread on Toonces the Driving Cat!

Hair Falling Out Slowly

I am just noticing that my hair is starting to thin a little more each day. I still have hair legs but it looks a little like my hair in all places is starting to thin a little more. In the shower a significant amount came out in my hand this morning. I knew I had to face this soon and I'm still thankful for so much! Its really not a big deal and I'm still the beautiful person I am inside as my loving husband continues to assure me.

Despite a very devastating day.....

Rest in Peace "Old Toonces". I certainly will miss this old Man. He was the dominant force in our household all these years.

Toonce the Poonce! R.I.P.
6/98 - 9/9/08

I had to make a very hard, hard decision yesterday to put this old man to sleep. I took him to the Silicon Valley Humane Society so that he could have a least a chance at a new home. It just wasn't fair for me to keep him if I can't give him the care that he needs. The girl that I spoke with, thought too that he might be suffering in pain.

The good thing is, that he isn't suffering anymore and its a shame that this form of humanity isn't performed on more patients who are miserably suffering in pain. Some people and animals are ready for their next journey and they certainly have a right to keep their dignity and to end their suffering. What are we to say, what is best for them when they feel it in their hearts?

This old guy is no longer suffering and I miss him so. I just wrote a really long good article in the Good Kharma Newsletter which is due out September 21st. A tribute to this old fellow for whom I will never ever forget and I'm sure so many others who have met him before won't. Rest in Peace Old Man!

I was able to go and get my Etoposide pills yesterday and took one last night. I smoked a bowl right after I started to feel nauseated and that nasty metal taste started coming up and hurting my throat. I no longer feel it and am able to drink some more water, cranberry, and MyraLax.

I also had a friend from work call me to let me know that everyone is thinking of me and that they are wishing for a full recovery for me. It does make me feel good that others are thinking of me so positively. I have others that tell me that I inspire them and I'm glad that I do! The better others feel about the life, the better I feel. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, just feel happy for what you do have and I assure anyone that I am happy for all that I have (not the cancer), but all the wonderful people and animals in my life that make me feel better.

RESULTS OF MY DOCTOR VISIT (Today at noon)

My husband and I walked hand in hand to see my oncologists today. He had some very good news for us to hear and what we so desperately needed to hear.
The chemo is working so far, so good. My CA125 was at 77 just prior to the chemo treatments and on August 28th, it was at 35. (These results were from the last blood test)
On September 2nd, I had a treatment of Avastin and yesterday, September 8th, I had my 1st Chemo pill of Etoposide to start my 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Before my next treatment of Avastin, I will get another blood test to see if the chemo has knocked the cancer count down some more!

We also looked at my most recent x-ray to find out if he thought that I would require another colonoscopy due to the blood in my recent fecal sample (I get to loose all dignity here). He showed us the x-ray to prove that most everyone has an intestine which handles digesting food much like and accordion; however mine is much different, just as everyone else's bends around in so many ways, mine takes a long time to move things around. The tumors blocked the movements needed for my intestines to actually digest foods. The simple foods like the smoothies are easier for my system to digest so I will have to continue to keep it simple. Just can't eat all that I want right now, but I am still alive! We can travel if we want to but we must be careful. I personally don't wish to fly without my pain meds for fear of the severe pain and of getting arrested for having to alleviate my pain. True I don't pose a danger to anyone, but government bureaucracy poses a serious danger for me. For now, my family will have to visit us.