One Hard Wasted Week....

I had chemo on Monday and all this week has been complete energyless for me. I could barely get out of bed even on Wednesday and also Thursday. I almost feel like I wasted a whole week except that I did get to ride my bike twice today so that was an accomplishment. I think it must have been my biggest accomplishment for exercise this whole week. To say that has been a struggle to try to get rid of nausea and to gain some weight is a major understatement. It seems I have been loosing an average of about a lb per day. I am already down to 111 again and facing going back on the TPN (intravenous nutrition); again.

It was such a gorgeous day today and it was awesome to finally gain some amount of energy to get up and out of bed; off the couch; no painkillers except a few hours ago (none yesterday) I had some horrible spasms in my intestines. It felt so good to get on my bike and to ride around the block that I had to do it again an hour later. Blue Belle finally got some good quality exercise and looks beat right now.

Well Wednesday night we had some neighbors come over for just a little while as they dropped off some food for us. We invited them in for a little while for a glass of wine and we were just sitting there talking and laughing at certain things said (my honey and I have that problem sometimes!). Well anyway; Tonto and Blue Belle go at it for attention (they are both competing). She keeps herding him out of the house and then he will go outside for about 5 minutes; then he would come back inside crying and crying and it was like a full-blown conversation of cat talk and it's loud talk (sometimes I wish I was a pet psychic)? Then she would run him back outside; he would be outside for another 5-10 minutes or so and then he burst back in the doggie door at a full blown gallop. It was so hillarious. We would eventually go back to talking and then all of a sudden the 4 of us with the exception of my honey look over at our fireplace and Tonto is cleaning himself while also pleasuring himself at the same time. We just lost it and we all were laughing so hard that it hurt. I had tried to avoid laughing like that for a few months lately and this time I was OK. (I had just smoked a joint too = nausea and the serious need to gain some weight and eat!)

Yesterday (Thursday); I went to see my Psychiatrist whom I see mostly every 6 months just to make sure that I am handling things properly in my head. I really do like my psychiatrist and trust her judgment; she always seems impressed with my desire to live and to help others. It did make me feel good but I still decided that I should go on antidepressants. I basically told her that I have been having a very hard time since I had that talk with my Oncologist. I can't even change doctors because he is the only Gyno-Oncologist around in my area that specializes in my kind of cancer. There is another one who is way more negative and way less promising. There seems to be quite a bit of interns but after a while the ones that I end up liking and trusting the most with giving me some amount of hope end up leaving after a few years.

Anyway, I really needed to get on something to get me out of this funk of feeling so hopeless and scared; happy pills or antidepressants. My doctor did ask if I ever felt like killing myself or wishing that everything could just end and I had to say "No Way". I cried at just the thought of that. I am fighting this with all my heart and soul and wish to be around for quite a few more years. So we will see if these happy pills actually work; so far the nausea side effect that I was warned about proved true. I did ask my Psychiatrist if smoking cannabis would interfere with my antidepressant and she did tell me that this particular drug would have no interference with anything that I was on. I was thankful she was able to go into the computer to look at everything I have and am on (pain and spasms).

I'm hoping that the nausea and lethargy are coming to an end and that I will have more energy in the coming weeks. My chemo is scheduled every 3 weeks and the Clearity Foundation is now testing my tumor to see what can kill the Cancer more effectively. I just hope and pray that Kaiser will be willing to let me try the drug that proves to be effective on my tumors. Here's to more possitive thoughts and wishes! Peace and Love to all!)

Another Bladder Infection fighting....

Well it is apparent that I do have another bladder / kidney infection to fight; I'm on Cipro now every 12 hours; although the sleep patterns are quite off. I have been working all week trying to get it right (my honey isn't making it any easier!). The Cipro must be taken at least every 11-13 hours; minimum and maximum and the ideal time is every 12 hours. I got the medication on Tuesday after 3pm and I needed to take it right away because that was when the pain was at its worst (kidneys). We had such a storm on Tuesday with water going everywhere. (up, down, sideways, you name it) It was horrible just to be out in that crap much less having to drive in it; but if you drive like Grandma as I do; you can get through just about anything!) With everything getting so wet; even my mail went to the wrong house and came back soaking wet from some neighbors; the pages were all stuck together from my disability insurance agent.

We had a new mail person on route and this happens often; we have had tons of mail lost in our complex. There are so many units to keep track off that often times our mail will end up in a stronger's slot only to be thrown out and I totally understand why; it's happened to me too. We have had total stranger's mail in our slots too from blocks away; I meant to stop by and drop it off but never had the chance too; you get too busy and you forget sometime; this happen many times and sometimes you just never get a chance to drop it off so you just shred it. (the ones I got were junk mail like credit card applications; nothing important!)

Well, I had more of wet cat to worry about than I did anything. With all the rain and the one trait that all Manx have is that they are indeed drawn to water like a duck. Tonto just played in puddles trying to catch every drop that landed and made fun ripples in the water. He wanted to chase all those ripples in the water and then he would come inside soaking wet; screaming and crying and then tracking all over my freshly mopped floor. We had enough of that; so we closed off the doggie door. Both animals were stuck inside with us until we remembered that Tonto's box is also outside. He was a good boy and held it for a good 12-13 hours; he sure squeamed and cried about going outside for the first hour and that was it; he most just chatted with us the rest of the day if we were listening.

It was a mess when my honey checked it out on Wednesday morning. What a mess he had on his hands and so far Mr. Tonto has not messed in our home! Oh God am I thankful! I hate cleaning up nasty animal poo messes especially with my appetite and my easiness to vomit while being on this antibiotic. Some smells can even trigger my nausea.

I did have to shave Tonto's butt and that's another thing about rumpie (totally tailless) Manxs and because of their double coat; they tend to get crusties (poopie butt) back there and one undignified thing that I have to do is to shave my cat's ass ever now and then. I used to work in a vet's office and am quite skilled at trimming nails, handling animals in the worst situations and even calming them down; I never fear furry animals; only wiggly squirmy ones. Anyway, my honey had to totally clean out the cat box while I had to clean and oil his (Tonto's) shaver and shave his ass.

While I shaved the cat's ass, my husband had the duty of cleaning out a wet cat box. It was clay and shit he had to deal with; what a mess that was; but he did it and we had to bring the cat box back in for the winter months; back to his little front closet. He got all fresh clean litter and nice clean butt!) Tonto got the royal treatment on Wednesday.

Well a manx cat does have webbed feet and my cat's feet are huge. Imagine these feet; going out into the rain and everything else that falls off of trees in this time of year (I had leaves and all kinds of dirt and shell pieces; you name it on my beautiful floor). I had to sweep that floor a few times before we decided to keep the pets in. The cat came in like 4 times soaking wet; screaming his ass off to dry him off. He loves to be dried off with a nice fresh towel; and yes, he's a bit spoiled.

Wednesday it was nice to be able to hang with my honey doing housework and pet work. Next week will hopefully be a week where we get to go to San Francisco to see friends we haven't seen in while; tomorrow is the big Dog show in Pleasanton, CA. Blue Belle is all cleaned up and just had a bath. I brushed and groomed her to the best of my abilities (I still remember what my brother Bill had taught me) Our neighbor's daughter is also very excited to go. Hope to post quite a few awesome photos in my next post. (We are going on Sunday for the "All Breeds" = Saturday is the "Rare Breeds"!)

As for my health; I am still going through my kidney/bladder infection; dealing with having to be close by a bathroom at all times; but other than that; still sticking with an excellent diet. I have had to stay home on a few occations and not go out with friends because of being on this antibiotic. (it's messing up my intestines). I am a little worried because on Monday; I am starting Cisplatinum. Yes, another chemo drug but only at the advice of this sweet doctor at the Clearity Foundation. She didn't feel I should sit on these tumors in such delicate places. I have friends who are donating more nausea medication (plant derived) for my chemo treatments since Carboplatinum is notorious for bringing about the nausea. I will be prepared and I won't need to go back on intravenous feeding. I did weigh in at 117 but hopefully I can get those lbs back if I munch around the house some more!)

The Clearity Foundation has agreed to pay for all of my testing since Kaiser will not cover anything they are doing. I was in tears when I received that email and shocked that this organization would reach out to me like this. What an awesome organization for women like me! I hope all of this will one day save many womens lives and I'm sure they already have. The founder is a survivor and I do have faith and much hope. The Clearity Foundation is a non-profit organization which does survive on donations and I felt that since this organization does much to help other patients like me to survive this disease much longer and is constantly working towards better treatments; I will be helping in my own way to help raise money for their live saving organization. If we all work together; we can reach solutions and even cures for this deadly disease. I have already made up my mind that I will survive this disease for as long as I possibly can. I want to help as many patients as possible; whether they are doing what I do or they have discovered something else.

I'm trying all kinds of things right now; a hedgeapple which has really cleared up my skin, Goat Milk shakes (goat is alkaline), living on sprouts, fresh greens, Liquid Zeolite, Yoga, Meditation, and of course my lifesaving Pot!) My Cannabis! It is saving my life like I never imagined it would and I hope that other states will allow patients to use what they feel is necessary to save their lives. Why arrest someone who is only trying to live as long as possibly can? Healthcare should be about saving lives and not just about making executives wealthier. We need to fix this broken system. Passing up lives that also deserve to live is wrong. (denying coverage for pre-existing conditions is wrong) - My sincere apologies for getting so political.

I can't predict the future; but I can do my best right now and cease those important moments! I hope that made sense; in other words; I will try not to waste any more time! Peace & Love to all!)

BAD JOKE WARNING: Well my husband and I were sitting there watching TV late one night when this annoying commercial came on for this website or tech company where you text your questions to them for answers and not sure how much each answer costs; probably $5 per question, but they had an example of what one would ask and it was supposed to be funny; A dude was trying to buy a bra for his girlfriend and he did not know what size she was when the store clerk came over to ask him and she was beautiful and voluptuous. When she asked the question he tried to compare to the store clerks boobs but she asked him to compare them to apples, oranges, melons, or even pumpkins; Of course his answer was Melons! I got a little disappointed since mine couldn't even be considered lemons or even limes; so I asked my honey so can we both agree that mine are crab cakes with a pine nut on each one? We laughed so hard over that one! Yes we tell each other dirty jokes everyday and I hope to tell you all the good ones and that one was not so good. I would give it a C. Laughter is also very, very, very, very important no matter what! We laugh at each other all day; every day most of the time.

Another Dream come true - Bob Dylan...

I have to admit ever since I was about 7 years old; I fell in love with Bob Dylan; not sure why; I think back then it was because he looked so much like Jiminy Cricket (that's what my mom would always say when she made fun of me for liking his music so much). His voice was so ultra annoying to most but for me; I loved just listening to the music; it wasn't just his voice but it was also his way with words or lyrics as they are more commonly called. He always seemed to have the very best lyrics ever! I wanted so bad to be able to see this musician live; just once in my life.

He toured around but his tickets commanded such a high price and were often in venues where they were almost always sold out. I did make it to several of Neil Young's Bridge School Benefit concerts for disabled children and I am not sure if Bob Dylan ever made it to one of those shows; it seems that you just might see him at one or so I thought I would but it never happened.

When my my husband and I lived in Mountain View near Shoreline Amphitheater; we would ride our bikes to the very top of the hill near where sometimes we could see the stage to sneak and listen; we could never really see the stage and they usually had these huge guards on horseback to keep people like us out from trying to watch the shows for free; at least we got to listen to the show for free while we were out riding our bikes. It was always awesome to do that; sometimes we were lucky enough to make sure some tickets didn't go to waste and those with extra tickets for their flaky friends who didn't show up; we would usually make sure those tickets were never wasted or that those individuals did not eat the tickets or walk in with unused tickets. It's a sin to let tickets go to waste!

Well to get back to one of my dreams and that was to actually see Bob Dylan in Concert. A very special friend of mine was not able to go to the show herself with her friend so she gave my husband and I the tickets for free. She wanted the two of us to have a special fun night together and for one of my dreams to come true. I got to see Bob Dylan perform last night and I was able to call someone on the concert line in order to ask special permission to bring my camera to take photos in order to document my fun life and that life still goes on for me despite my diagnosis. The person on the line was convinced that if I told my story to the people at the front office they would be sure to go for it. We didn't take a chance but I do plan to write Bob Dylan and those at the show that I did get to take these fabulous shots at the show.

Well I couldn't do this since there were so many people in line to check; I just kept it quiet. One thing I was incredibly thankful for was bringing my own toilet paper. I brought a big purse with my cosmetics, brush, toilet paper and an extra black hat with my camera safely tucked inside. We made it past security and I felt guilty at first taking photos but this is for my 2009 movie; hopefully not my last movie but I do plan to give it my all! I did have to go to the restroom a few times while I was there (right before we left for Berkeley, one of my neighbors had a place a huge care package on my front doorstep which included this wonderful little doggie flashlight) which worked out perfectly for finding my way around in the dark. I bought my honey two beers for $20 and they were tiny little beers. I could not believe the mark-up; 10 oz beers for $10, actually $9 for the beer and $1 for the tip. Wow!

Yes, we still had a blast except for trying to find a restroom in the city of Berkeley and Oakland after the show. I am still kind of fighting a small infection in my bladder but I was in such bad pain after the show just trying to find a restroom. We drove around and around and around and finally we got to this service station where they told me that their restroom was out of service; by this time I was crying; I couldn't help it. We finally found a place further down at this Korean Bar and Grill. They were nice enough to let me use the restroom and they were having a blast what ever they were doing in there. It was a happening place in the middle of no where in Oakland or Berkeley?

See told you I would have a nice surprise to write about and I have another one for tomorrow! I can't jinx myself with my health; NO WAY!

I also got a very sweet email from another fellow blogger who blogs about making music, album and music reviews and basically Rock and Roll! Here is the blog post for all who are interested in reading. I was very touched by his posts and his writings. I wish him much success!

I do have a doctor's appointment with my chemo doctor and paperwork for him to fill out from the Clearity Foundation. As we were filling out some of the forms over the phone; the founder who had called me; told me that we both shared the exact same birth date; WOW I thought; this is meant to be;! not only is she a Stage IIIC Ovarian Cancer Survivor and an MD; but we share the same birthday too! This woman really does have a heart of gold to be wanting to save my life and I am so honored by that!) The Clearity Foundation will be covering all costs that Kaiser will not cover; I am going to get the BRCA 1/2; HNPCC tests which are basically genetic type tests and it helps Oncologists to be able to find a drug which will work for my type of cancer since my cancer is not like the next persons.

All cancer is different as they are mutant cells that the immune system somehow was not strong enough to fight. Well my immune system is going to get stronger somehow (from all the healthy stuff I'm doing; something has to work!) I also have many awesome people praying for me and sending me lots of healing thoughts and prayers. I have faith in that. I will update on how my meeting will go with my doctor and if I can get all of the forms filled out. This whole process will be documented and hopefully can help many other patients for whom their doctors have given up hope on. I now have faith and hope that I can beat this beast inside me!) Peace and Love to all!