WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Sharing the world with others and road rage...

 Here is another photo by Elena Zhukova and her brilliant eyes at Photography!)  I'm still stoked that  I got to ride my beautiful bike with my younger brother and we had a blast; so much so that he bought himself a cool new cruiser so he could get in shape at home.  He will be back in 2 weeks.  I'm so glad I found him something fun to do at home.  I'm so proud of my brother for finding that one thing that makes him happy and that's grooming dogs.  He passionately loves his job.  I'm so glad he is happy.  He's done it for over 20 years of his life and I helped him.  I was working at this small vet clinic and he had been working his butt off at this fast food restaurant; I told him to come on over; I was bathing and clipping dogs there already and once he came, the rest is history.

I've also had a blast riding my bike with my dad; we even encountered a very greedy woman who was not the least bit interested in sharing a 5 ft wide side walk with a gorgeous, beautiful bike  ridden by a terribly thin, skinny, anorexic looking sick woman; she wanted me to ride on Winchester Boulevard (on the actual road where cars whip in and out and there's NO bike lane!  How freaking dangerous am I'm supposed to be taking good care of myself while Hospice is not there?  Why should I be risking my fragile life on that major highway with a number of crazy drivers flying past at all speeds; well both me and my dad needed to be on the sidewalk at this time sharing with the pedestrians; we had been riding with traffic or riding in the same direction as traffic so that we were better able to watch out for pedestrians and we also used our bells to announce our presence so that someone  like her could easily turn around and then notice  that we were riding up behind and that she could easily maneuver around us with her  walking legs.  It all started as she got off the bus and we had stopped to let her go and then we rode along behind her for a few uncomfy inconsiderate moments (she knew we were behind her but ignored us until I rang my bell) I finally decided to ring my bell gently to let her know that we were riding very patiently behind her and she turned around and scowled at me and then told me "you need to ride that on the street", I told her "No way, I have advanced cancer and definitely not with my skinny frail weight with out a bike lane",  "share the road with others" I told her as I forced my way past her! "End your Road Rage!" I chanted back to her!   I held onto a little bit of self satisfaction for my infantile reaction!)  At least I can laugh it off!)  Maybe she won't be so mean to the next person she crosses on her personal  sidewalk?

Well I have been hearing more and more about how road rage is popping up everywhere (it's been happening steadily more and more over the years) and how people are just going crazy getting behind the wheel and just owning the road from everyone else; when they need to share the world with others; they take driving right down to a personal level when someone seemingly cuts them off; then they take it very personal; as if this other person has some vendetta against them; even though they have never spoken to this other soul/ other driver who hates them and they have to show them some sort of life lesson? they feel that person's life is worthy of ending right there and they are the ones to take them out to learn a personal life lesson all the way from inside a car?

Now how in the hell is that going to happen inside a 5000+lbs car?    "Oh NO they just disrespected me!" when in fact this other person just saw an opening to an exit that they needed to take and that they feel that they have to cross here not realizing they are crossing in front of Mt. St. Helen's  (some angry crazy person who owns the entire highway; no one can cross in front  of me ; "NO" this person's life is not worth me putting on my brake so suddenly?   Sometimes we need that little wake-up call of someone passing in front of us to remind us that we are not alone in this world.  Sure that person's life is worth sparing; they don't have to miss their exit because of little old me.  So what, they forgot to use their signal?  They are not NOT using their signal to disrespect us; they have other things on their mind and you don't have to show them with those aggressive horn honking or protesting to remind them not to be so uppity towards you!) of this person; it messes up their order of respect somehow?  when in fact this other peaceful loving person is just  more or less just thinking of getting home early enough to catch their child's game of soccer, football, or a gourmet meal their wife has just prepared for the them; what ever it may be; its not as personal as you may think.  They didn't cut you off to sabotage your life?  I wrote this article a few years ago for my Shoppingkharma site which I closed down a few years ago as well but found it might be useful since I do have a passion for ending all Road Rage.  It's not much of the article, but most of what is important and of course I have updated most of it.    I think its very wrong so here it is!)

Road Rage - How to Combat Aggressive and even dangerous driving
I think my wisdom can be used in this subject matter.  I've been flipped off many a times for being grandma driver, or asshole driver?  I don't care, whatever!)  You get over it and you live on!)  Road rage can be extremely dangerous and even deadly.  1 second could change your life for the worst if you don’t get a handle on it.  Yes, imagine that; one second everything in your life is good and then bammm!  Your life can change just like that!    Imagine being sued for a life lost because of an accident that could have been prevented?  I hope I can help you if you find that you answered yes to any of the following: - but don’t worry there are solutions.
You like to leave much later than usual and you seem to always be in a hurry to get where ever you wish to go.  If this is true, think about this.  What is the worst that could happen to you if you are late?  Would being late be worse than getting into an accident, being shot by someone, getting into an argument, getting arrested, or better yet, cause physical damage to your car and further delaying you. I live kind of in the ghetto so this is reality in my neighborhood but I do have many wonderful neighbors who never even consider being so mean.  Yes, I said it; Road Rage is very mean and rude towards others.  I've dabbled in road rage and find it not to be very satisfying for my soul!) 
Are you in a hurry to live your life?  Well I sure as hell am not!  I hope you're not?  You shouldn’t be.  Life is something that should be treasured everyday wherever you are. Hell taking a shit everyday is a blessing to be thankful for!)
Do you often sit in traffic and take it personal when someone cuts you off (causes you to have to brake suddenly).  Always remember that when you do take the time to brake for that person and no matter how mad you are at that person for making you brake or doing something that may not seem that bright, that person’s life IS worth braking for no matter what; that person has a family waiting at home for him/her.  You may not know this person, but someone out there adores that person and if they are killed, someone will miss this person who ever that is.  Imagine if it were a young teenage who isn’t quite an experienced driver.   Many teenagers after just a few weeks feel they are experienced and don't feel you need to teach them any lessons; oh they will learn many lessons out on the road.  They may act like a little SOB hothead but no matter what there are those parents who love him/her no matter what and your life will change drastically if something horrible happens to this kid; so just be careful.  Driving defensively is the best way to drive and avoid any kind of accident.
Here you can see me sitting next to my "R2"; R2 sucks my gut when I get blocked which is practically all the time.  It can suck a lot out that I don't puke up.  I'm doing OK for now; handling pain on a daily basis and thankful for all the moments that I don't much feel the pain.  My tummy hurts horribly if I vomit more than 5 times a day; I combine 3 drugs for pain: Dilaudid, Methadone (both prescribed by hospice care), and Pot (recommended by my doctor and hospice care).  Those 3 work in their own separate ways.  Another reason why I don't drive anymore.  So all of you who currently drive; you are very lucky; don't ruin it with something as dumb as road rage.  Man I have seen some scary, scary videos of people with their road rage.  I had to say something because it is wrong and crazy. 

Back to this road rage:  If your commute happens to be a long one and someone keeps cutting you off to make it slower; don't yell or loose your patients; all time is precious.  Would you rather be sitting on the road waiting in traffic listening to your  ipod or MP3 player, with your favorite playlists, or Satellite Radio; they can seriously calm you  while in the car or would you rather be sitting in a hospital room?  Imagine the worst the worst place to be at that moment or is it enjoying time out driving?

This is another great photo of my honey's undenying love and devotion for me no matter what.  He has my back and I have his!  He takes care of my everyday; flushing my lines and giving me Zofran 3 times a day, hooks me up to my 10 hour meal and unhooks and flushes all lines the very next morning.  He also changes the catbox as often as he can which is something I can never do but he happily does. Our cat is awesome; why deny him!)

Just having the freedom to go anywhere you want is something to be treasured; there are so many out there who can't do the same; so consider yourself blessed if you can.    Time is never wasted even on the road; so just make the most of it; no arguing and cussing out people you don't know or threatening anyone with violence?   If someone else starts honking at you or tries to get your attention; don't make any eye contact with someone who is.   True there are so many great new technologies that make driving all the more fun and enjoyable as well as easier.   Don't ever try to reason with anyone while you are driving; it just can't be done.  The scary thing is they might just have a weapon.   I don't know I'm just thinking of better things to do in slow or dead traffic so it's not so boring or unpleasant; music seems to make everything much better especially inside a car!)   There are so many better things to do in a car than get mad and angry at people you have never met before; you think you know them just by being in a car behind them; sure as you call them fuck face, shit head, and every other name in the book?  That is not knowing somebody enough!? LOL

I'm still keeping on keeping on!  Each day is a gift; some days I have energy and some days are just spent in bed at today and yesterday have been.  I'm still trying to gain weight and am kinda sorta maintaining at around 88-90lbs.   I'm still doing the stupid eating and vomiting thing and the vomiting is totally involuntary; I hate puking with a passion but it happens and I can't help it.  It comes out of my nose if I do nothing to stop it.  That's so freaking disgusting!) LOL!  I'm also suffering from horrible, horrible ass spasms so if your day was depleted of those things then I say You had a pretty good day!)   Here is the most gorgeous photo I have ever seen taken by Elena of course!)  She really is an amazing artist!)

Peace and Love to all of you!  I hope one day there will be an end to Road Rage! What an ugly reality!  I still have all of you who are loving and compassionate souls!)

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Tutte Peever said...

I am so glad you finally made a post since I check every day to see how you are doing. Tonight at least, I won't worry more than I usually do. I love the photos you post. You appear so ethereal. An expression of the soul you are.

I continue to hold you in my heart and prayers.


Anonymous said...


I love reading your blog! Your friend's photos are amazing. I especially love the ones of you, then you and your family, in the leaves.

As always I admire your courage, determination, and spirit.

Your body might be small, but man, you live BIG!!! I hope you are very proud the way you have inspired so many people and contributed to the world. You should feel fantastic about yourself!

Love to you and your family.


Pateeta said...

Your pictures are so hauntingly beautiful; you look like an angel. I like your response to the sidewalk-rage lady. It made me laugh. I continue to pray for you, and for all of us with this ugly disease. I just entered hospice last week, too.
love and blessings upon you,

Anonymous said...

Jayne, you are like an angel to me. So beautiful and strong! I hope you feel better today soon,
Thank you for reminding about reckless driving, I used to do it when I was young and single. Now I have a family that I love the most and what want to be with my son and husband and make me think about each step I make, they make me resposible. People who drive crazy are probably missing something in their life that is why they dont value their life and others.

Denise said...

I love reading your posts.....and the photos show your joy. I think of you and your husband every day in my prayers......


coffeemaiden said...

Jayne, the photos of you with your dad and brother around the tree are beautiful. Your incredible beauty still shines thru. The pictures of your honey taking care of you are great, too. Sometimes I question why two people who make a wonderful couple and are so devoted to each other have to go thru this shit that you do. I'm so glad you had a good time during their visit. Hopefully some more good days are in the future.
Hugs & prayer,

Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful blog, beautiful photos. Hugs & thank you for sharing!

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My doctor said that my eyes can be affected too by my asthma?

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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