How can life be ruined?

This photo has an element of shock factor which I really like!  It's shocking how bony I am and all the medical devices on me; I would be a total nightmare in any airport; so I won't go there! LOL!  My good friend Elena took this photo yesterday (she is the most amazing photographer I know!); despite the element of shock value; it's a very beautiful photo of me fighting cancer pain the best way I know how; with my miracle plant; cannabis, marijuana; what ever you want to call it.  I think this photo might even win some awards!)  I'm not afraid of my cancer injuries and just want all of you to be thankful for all that you have.   I also have some hope in my heart that I might be able to help someone who might suffer from anorexia or bullimimia. I do know that even as sick as I tend to get; I can never fight off these darn munchies that I know they could not fight off so easily; I do know this because I find it very difficult to fight off.

My brother and I went across the street to buy some groceries at the ghetto Safeway across the street and I occasionally will check out the headlines of many of the trash zines as I  commonly call them.  They are the headlines that many celebs balk at as being untrue and many times they are; they basically make up shit in order to sell these "trash zines" like the "National Enquirer" or "Life and Style?"   One headline stood out most and it was an article about a teen girl who had gotten pregnant.   I did see how untrue many articles were on Michael Douglas and his fight.  He beat the beast and is now a hero to so many!  I'm really happy that he was able to do; I would not have handled another cancer death as well; instead it's a cancer miracle!

One of the headlines was of this teen who had gotten pregnant and it clearly said "Teen Pregnancy ruined my life"?. I was appalled and not understanding how can a teen's life be ruined when another life is just starting; including hers?  I don't feel a teenager should be taking care of a child when that much negativity is displayed in front of their child.   A  young child needs  more stability, including someone mature enough to take care of him/her; so I'm all for adoption in teenage pregnancies and abortion if the life of the child is in jeopardy.    You can make your life better and even better for the unborn or already born child by giving that child a real life rather than allowing that child to realize how ungrown up a child raising a child can be.  Eventually no respect is shown and that be toxic.  I have seen my share of brats in grocery stores; that's for sure!  Kids running around like little animals; knocking shit down, rolling around on the ground crying up a storm when they don't get their way,  bumping into people and so much more!   Kids do need good parents that care and are observant of their behavior rather than ignoring many situations.

I know I will never even begin to understand how words can even ruin someone's life or how can someone's life be ruined so simply?   Or how can someone else have the power to take another person's life?   How can someone allow their life to be ruined?  Just live your life and make it better?  We have a limited amount of time here to make special; so make your mark and seize your opportunities!   

 

Sure I could easily say that Cancer ruined my life and just complain about everything around me  (be a total bore and shit to be around!) but I wouldn't be honest if I did.  Cancer did change my life in many ways but it also opened my eyes to so much more in this world!   Some days I wake up and I have total pain everywhere and can barely get out of bed and then there are those fabulous days where I have just enough energy to get out of bed and attempt have a fabulous day.  I still have many days of fun as I have these past few days.   

This is a photo that I should entitle as "Love".  My husband is determined to keep me alive as long as I can live.  A friend of mine came over yesterday and took these amazing photos ever of me and my family; brother, my dad and a few of my husband; mostly family shots but some very beautiful photos meant for my blog; so I should have plenty of photos to last me for my blog!)   I thought I would show all of you what I endure as I use my pot to get rid of the serious pain I suffer from.  You can actually see wires connecting on me. LOL, that huge hockey puck or Skoal tobacco.

  You have to live your life in order to live and enjoy?  Life really is not that bad and it sure as hell is not all about money and greed!   You life will not end over money; I guess unless someone else is greedy enough to do so? I hope we can all learn to live with out so much consumerism and just learn how to enjoy the peaceful moments with each other as we are blessed to have.  We never know what each moment might bring and sometimes my husband and I have very scary moments of this cancer trying to take hold of me but we never give up hope.   

We actually had a little shakin going on just a few days  ago (a little earth quake, my dad and brother didn't feel it but my honey and my puppy sure felt it; it just lasted a few seconds; then the next day (on Monday) we went to see "True Grit".   It was a hell of lot better than that horrible bird/ballet movie!  I can't believe we sat through that entire movie!  What a bore! We enjoyed this one; it was OK for me.  I don't like a whole lot of bang, bang shoot em up!   I didn't like the snake scene towards the end or the scenes where horses had died. 

My husband will always take care of me no matter what.  We are there for each other and so is my father and my brother and so many of my friends.  My world is filled with love; what can I say?  How can I say that cancer has ruined my life when I have so much love?  My brother and I had grown up very close.  I took care of him when my mother wasn't able to; I did teach him how to drive too; so he is great driver and was able to take me to Santa Cruz in order to get me some excellent medicine which has really helped me with my cancer pain; check out those tumors and you can see the wire that extends to my spine in the photo at the top of this post.  I'm on hospice care taking the most strongest drugs ever; can't take any pills so smoking a joint and the pain disappearing in less than 5 minutes is a blessing for me.  I hope many other patients are able to do the same.  They too deserve to have more time spent with their love ones.  You can see how debilitating cancer can be on a soul but I'm still fighting and will continue to until the very end.  Well it's not really fighting; its enjoying life no matter what!)

I can't get over how much fun my brother and I have been having these past few days.  I have kept the pain at bay with the special medicine we went to get on Sunday.  It was awesome to see my other brother; he is a brother to me as a cancer survivor.  I had not seen my brother since my 39th birthday; so what a blessing it's been just to hang out and ride bikes together!).  I'm so glad we were all able to just let go have a blast with a photoshoot.  Everything turned out perfect!  So much fun we have had together!  Sure I scared the scared the crap out of them at times with painful muscle spasms (in my ass!-(.   I was able to control the pain so much better with this extra strong cannabis.   Thank you my brother in Santa Cruz! 

I'm still enjoying each day I am blessed to have.  Peace and Love to all of you!