WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How can life be ruined?

This photo has an element of shock factor which I really like!  It's shocking how bony I am and all the medical devices on me; I would be a total nightmare in any airport; so I won't go there! LOL!  My good friend Elena took this photo yesterday (she is the most amazing photographer I know!); despite the element of shock value; it's a very beautiful photo of me fighting cancer pain the best way I know how; with my miracle plant; cannabis, marijuana; what ever you want to call it.  I think this photo might even win some awards!)  I'm not afraid of my cancer injuries and just want all of you to be thankful for all that you have.   I also have some hope in my heart that I might be able to help someone who might suffer from anorexia or bullimimia. I do know that even as sick as I tend to get; I can never fight off these darn munchies that I know they could not fight off so easily; I do know this because I find it very difficult to fight off.

My brother and I went across the street to buy some groceries at the ghetto Safeway across the street and I occasionally will check out the headlines of many of the trash zines as I  commonly call them.  They are the headlines that many celebs balk at as being untrue and many times they are; they basically make up shit in order to sell these "trash zines" like the "National Enquirer" or "Life and Style?"   One headline stood out most and it was an article about a teen girl who had gotten pregnant.   I did see how untrue many articles were on Michael Douglas and his fight.  He beat the beast and is now a hero to so many!  I'm really happy that he was able to do; I would not have handled another cancer death as well; instead it's a cancer miracle!

One of the headlines was of this teen who had gotten pregnant and it clearly said "Teen Pregnancy ruined my life"?. I was appalled and not understanding how can a teen's life be ruined when another life is just starting; including hers?  I don't feel a teenager should be taking care of a child when that much negativity is displayed in front of their child.   A  young child needs  more stability, including someone mature enough to take care of him/her; so I'm all for adoption in teenage pregnancies and abortion if the life of the child is in jeopardy.    You can make your life better and even better for the unborn or already born child by giving that child a real life rather than allowing that child to realize how ungrown up a child raising a child can be.  Eventually no respect is shown and that be toxic.  I have seen my share of brats in grocery stores; that's for sure!  Kids running around like little animals; knocking shit down, rolling around on the ground crying up a storm when they don't get their way,  bumping into people and so much more!   Kids do need good parents that care and are observant of their behavior rather than ignoring many situations.

I know I will never even begin to understand how words can even ruin someone's life or how can someone's life be ruined so simply?   Or how can someone else have the power to take another person's life?   How can someone allow their life to be ruined?  Just live your life and make it better?  We have a limited amount of time here to make special; so make your mark and seize your opportunities!   
Sure I could easily say that Cancer ruined my life and just complain about everything around me  (be a total bore and shit to be around!) but I wouldn't be honest if I did.  Cancer did change my life in many ways but it also opened my eyes to so much more in this world!   Some days I wake up and I have total pain everywhere and can barely get out of bed and then there are those fabulous days where I have just enough energy to get out of bed and attempt have a fabulous day.  I still have many days of fun as I have these past few days.   

This is a photo that I should entitle as "Love".  My husband is determined to keep me alive as long as I can live.  A friend of mine came over yesterday and took these amazing photos ever of me and my family; brother, my dad and a few of my husband; mostly family shots but some very beautiful photos meant for my blog; so I should have plenty of photos to last me for my blog!)   I thought I would show all of you what I endure as I use my pot to get rid of the serious pain I suffer from.  You can actually see wires connecting on me. LOL, that huge hockey puck or Skoal tobacco.

  You have to live your life in order to live and enjoy?  Life really is not that bad and it sure as hell is not all about money and greed!   You life will not end over money; I guess unless someone else is greedy enough to do so? I hope we can all learn to live with out so much consumerism and just learn how to enjoy the peaceful moments with each other as we are blessed to have.  We never know what each moment might bring and sometimes my husband and I have very scary moments of this cancer trying to take hold of me but we never give up hope.   

We actually had a little shakin going on just a few days  ago (a little earth quake, my dad and brother didn't feel it but my honey and my puppy sure felt it; it just lasted a few seconds; then the next day (on Monday) we went to see "True Grit".   It was a hell of lot better than that horrible bird/ballet movie!  I can't believe we sat through that entire movie!  What a bore! We enjoyed this one; it was OK for me.  I don't like a whole lot of bang, bang shoot em up!   I didn't like the snake scene towards the end or the scenes where horses had died. 

My husband will always take care of me no matter what.  We are there for each other and so is my father and my brother and so many of my friends.  My world is filled with love; what can I say?  How can I say that cancer has ruined my life when I have so much love?  My brother and I had grown up very close.  I took care of him when my mother wasn't able to; I did teach him how to drive too; so he is great driver and was able to take me to Santa Cruz in order to get me some excellent medicine which has really helped me with my cancer pain; check out those tumors and you can see the wire that extends to my spine in the photo at the top of this post.  I'm on hospice care taking the most strongest drugs ever; can't take any pills so smoking a joint and the pain disappearing in less than 5 minutes is a blessing for me.  I hope many other patients are able to do the same.  They too deserve to have more time spent with their love ones.  You can see how debilitating cancer can be on a soul but I'm still fighting and will continue to until the very end.  Well it's not really fighting; its enjoying life no matter what!)

I can't get over how much fun my brother and I have been having these past few days.  I have kept the pain at bay with the special medicine we went to get on Sunday.  It was awesome to see my other brother; he is a brother to me as a cancer survivor.  I had not seen my brother since my 39th birthday; so what a blessing it's been just to hang out and ride bikes together!).  I'm so glad we were all able to just let go have a blast with a photoshoot.  Everything turned out perfect!  So much fun we have had together!  Sure I scared the scared the crap out of them at times with painful muscle spasms (in my ass!-(.   I was able to control the pain so much better with this extra strong cannabis.   Thank you my brother in Santa Cruz! 

I'm still enjoying each day I am blessed to have.  Peace and Love to all of you!

Bookmark and Share


Anonymous said...

Ji Jayne,

I loved this blog post. I love seeing you with your father and brother - you look so happy!! The person who took the pictures did a good job of capturing your joy. I also love the picture of you and your husband - that is LOVE!

I am going to keep a copy of this quote with me and remember it always "Just live your life and make it better".

You are amazing!


Lakeland Jo said...

such a candid look into the life of a cancer patient but still an optimistic one, full of hope and positivity

Janell said...

These photos are beautiful.

Pharmgirll said...

You humble and inspire me. You truly are beautiful in these photos. Even though you are obviously in the physical grips of a dread disease, your face shines with the joy of living. I want to be like you when I grow up! :)

Alicia said...

I have followed your blog since my Mom became sick from ovarian cancer earlier this year. Mom passed away on December 4th of this year, she was my light, my best friend - during my Mom's battle I would look to your blog for advice, for comfort, for humor and sanity. You are truly a strong, amazing woman and anyone would be honored to call you friend, sister, daughter or wife. Thank you for sharing with all of us, thank you for being so strong, thank you for defining and telling how shitty cancer really is, thank you for allowing so many to come into your life and give us strength thru your struggle. God Bless you and give you strength, you are inspirational.

Denise said...

Thank you again for being so generous and a blessing to us. You keep us grounded and honest and true. You are love dear. Thank God your family and husband are enjoying time with you, giving you moments of happiness and lots of smiles.

Hugs and peace, Denise

Anonymous said...


I am sorry you are suffering so much. : (

I love your pictures and I understand the need to document your journey. It's kind of like having a witness to your pain, which is very powerful.

May you be blessed and free from suffering.


l'optimiste said...

wow! amazing photos - shocking, yes, but a real insight for people. And you are still beautiful :)

Great to see you're making the most of every moment, I just wish you weren't in such pain. Yay the cannabis!

sixkats said...

You are so amazing. Hugs to you and your family

Mischa said...

Amazing photos! Glad you had a nice visit with your dad and brother. Such special times!

coffeemaiden said...

Oh, honey, your profile is so beautiful in the pics of you. The one with you and your honey is a complete explanation of his love for you. I'm so glad you got to spend time with your dad and brother. Blue Belle looks like she loved having her Grandpa visit. Peace & comfort, darling Jayne. You are a totally amazing woman.

Amanda said...

Thinking of you Everyday.

Dee said...

Thank you for using photos to tell your story.I love the one of you and your family walking down the street and you can see the love between you and your honeyin the photo of you and your husband.
Your strength and hope is amazing.

kirsty said...

Kharma, I so wish I could have known you better, in real life. The world needs people like you. With your strenght and ingenuity you have shown us all what can be done.
I wish you the greatest peace, the most serene happiness. I will always remember you.

Rohan Aurora said...

Nice read. God is walking with you & may he succeed u in every difficulty. Good luck & all the best for future. I am a Bimedical evangelist, would love to know the technology ur using for treatment. Do spend some time on my blog too.


Barman said...

Your Blog is really touchy and informative I followed you al the way from LinkReferral. Pls keep intouch with me I need to have private chat with you my email is hmsbarman(@)yahoo.com pls do not ignore

Social Weight Loss said...

Awefull.....Hope for fast recovery.
Dont lose hope and always enjoy life to the fullest.

Kiwigirl said...

Hello CJ

Your photos are breathtaking. When you write your blog you show such determination and strength. Your pictures show just how very I'll and frail you are yet the words that flow through your blog are so full of spirit and life.
I pray for you and your wonderful hubby every day. I will be so sad when I can no longer look to your blog for understanding and strength to help me with my mums ovarian cancer battle but I will be so happy that your pain will have ended.

Thank you for openly sharing your journey with all of us around the world

Tanja in New Zealand

mishall magarzo said...

My doctor said that my eyes can be affected too by my asthma?

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
© 2010 All Rights Reserved

[Valid Atom 1.0]