Excellent visit with father- surgery re-scheduled....

My sincere apologies once again for leaving you all in the dark about my health.  Well last Friday we were scheduled to have a major abdominal surgery in order to insert a pain pump about the size of a hockey puck!) inside me but instead of typing out everything; I'm going to be lazy and insert this video which will hopefully answer many of your questions as to what has happened to me lately; yes that surgery was postponed and I have surgery this Friday instead and yes; scared shitless as usual but I have my honey by my side which really helps me a lot!)  He is without a doubt my rock!) 

WARNING: this video is kinda cheesy and dumb but I do hope you all enjoy!

Here are the links on that pain pump that I will be getting inserted on Friday.

http://www.reddinganesthesia.com/itpump.htm

http://www.medtronic.com/your-health/cancer/device/questions-answers/index.htm

My sincere apologies for such a horrid video of myself but I am being real and honest.  Here's to a cure and more research on what causes cancer and so many other diseases?  

Can we at least find the causes of these diseases such as  poisons that we could be bringing inside our homes being used around out families?  It could be anything and even the foods and preservatives along with so many other things that are unsafe for us to injest.    I feel that makes perfect sense and perhaps companies could care a little less about their top profits and instead find ways to get rid of those chemicals that they know causes cancer; find an alternative that does not?  I'm sure there are plenty of alternatives that are much safer for us to use.   I think I might be getting off the subject a bit but it has got me thinking about doing what is right. 

Well here's to many safe and successful surgeries as I know for a fact there are many more and not just me getting surgery on Friday or even right now!)  Peace and love to all of you and I hope you all enjoy my photos with my dad.  

I can tell all of you enough about how wonderful his visit was with us.  He was such a great help (helping with laundry, cleaning, dishes, and especially taking Miss Blue Belle on long walks around the neighborhood and she enjoyed each and every one of them.  He even took Tonto on his favorite walks around our Condo complex.

Awwwww it was so awesome to be able to spend time with him!  I feel it really helped me and my honey a lot to be able to spend this quality of time with him.  I loved every minute of it!)   I can't wait for him to visit again!  He never once criticized me or my honey and it was just nice to be around him.   It was all about family love and support.   His visit with us was totally stress free; unlike the visit with my mother.  My mom's visit was so stressful for me and I know it's because she wasn't around for me when I needed her most and now she feels that she needs to boss me around and treat me like I'm 6; OK no more bad kharma, my dad is a gem!)

 Oh, and I almost forgot that I got an excellent massage  (a week ago today!) from an awesome massage therapist who works for (Hospice of the Valley) providing free massages to cancer patients.  Believe you me, I certainly enjoyed that massage!  Anyway here are some great photos to enjoy!

Happy Memorial Day to all the soldiers and their families who have faught for our country; let's hope Obama can get us out of this war so that we may spend our tax dollars in a more productive way such creating good jobs that will help our own infrastructures and invest in our own Country!) (Yes, I was not for this war; but we are in it whether we like it or not)  Hope that makes sense and we all deserve good health care; particularly those who work hard.  No laziness!  We all  have a purpose in this world!)   

UPDATE: I got a phone call today (5/27/10) that my surgery has been moved up to 10am so I have to be in Redwood City Hospital no later than 8am!  Nothing to eat or drink past midnight and all the nervous energies that I am getting as this surgery fast approaches.  I should be in the hospital all weekend long and will hopefully get to go home Monday or Tuesday, June 1st.  Peace and Love to all of you!

Here is another video that I found to be quite interesting and hope that some of you will get a chance to see it:  I sure hope that BP will do the right thing and not charge us taxpayers with cleaning up their mess; may they be responsible and remember what their mothers had always told them as a child; "clean up after yourself!".  Don't be a burden to society!

Pain Pump Surgery on Friday....

A week ago Monday I was in the ER suffering from intense pain (a 10 on the pain charts); my honey and I had just accidentally pulled out the gastric tube (again!!!!(     I can't bare to place all of the blame on him but we did dial 911 when it came out and we had been having trouble getting it to drain and for me to go to the bathroom (#2)  Yes, the tumor that is growing near my colon or what's left of it seems to be blocking shit that wants to come out; yes that's exactly the way it is; no pun intended.

Well anyway; I get to ER and they give me Dilaudid through my picc line /IV and of course this isn't doing a damn bit of good for my pain; I keep crying and crying in misery and it's like "why on earth did I even come to ER?"  why?  They can't do anything but put in the corner and hope that my pain would go away or even better; that I would mysteriously go away.   I told my honey to go home while I delt with this pain on my own; he needed to get some sleep so that he could go to work the following morning.    It was already known from a previous scan where the blockage was occurring so there wasn't going to be another scan; just wait the following morning for Interventional Radiology to fix my Gastric Tube.  Our weeks have been all about trying to get my honey's 20 hours in each week so that we don't loose our health insurance.  We need it now more than ever and are we very thankful for it now!)  It may not work at times but having caring nurses who at least try is comforting enough.  I am starting to understand more and more where my faith just might be heading; although I am still refusing to go down that rode; I just wish to live my life one day at at time and try not stress over things I have no control over.

Anyway I am still in severe pain and unable to sleep much; the gurney had been rubbing  up against a new tumor that was just found on my back (damn it!(   It hurt like hell and what we had failed to realize was that it was past time to change my Fentanel patches.  Yes this is why the pain was so severe and I even start convulsing and hitting myself uncontrollably.   I hate pain so much! 

I almost felt like I was put inside a tiny broom closet and ignored the whole night but I still managed to get about 14 doses of dilauded throughout the night which didn't do much to ease the horrid pain I had been going through.  The young nurse tech that was taking care of me on Tuesday morning (5/11) told the hard truth of what I was facing; he told me that with just 2 doses of Dilaudid he would have slept for 2 days and with 14 it could have easily killed him.  I thought to myself; "wow!  I must really be tough; I'm ready to battle the war called cancer; especially with the love of my life!"  

As far as my gastric tube was concerned; they were not able to stick the original tube back in; but they were able to stick something temporary in to keep the hole from closing up.  I felt that Interventional radiology had to know me enough to know what kind of tube to stick inside me; I am not one who eats my food with a feeding tube; I use it simply to drain shit out; I must have told them over 100 times and they had stuck the very same wrong kind in me before.   How I wish I would have opened my eyes during the surgery and not had the faith that I had in them that they would insert the right kind but for some odd reason I had trust.   

Well I got to go home with the wrong tube stuck in my body the next evening and that I was still in a shit load of pain as I got in the truck with my honey; I just so damn happy to be going home.  Hopefully the upped dose of Fentanol would do the trick and help with the pain.  It was only a matter of days before we were back in Interventional Radiology getting the correct tube put back in me.  They really did think my tube was for feeding?  Wow?  I told them it wasn't and they still put the wrong tube in?  It still really baffled me as I had told them that I needed it for just simply draining?  

I am going in tomorrow morning actually the major surgery is scheduled for 2:30pm tomorrow afternoon to put in an internal pain pump.  I won't be updating my blog for a while since this old hospital is with out internet access; I should be in the hospital through out the weekend and perhaps the week too since it usually takes forever for me to fart or shit after any surgery.  So here's to me farting and/or better yet shitting right after the surgery!  Peace and Love to all of you and may this surgery work.  I should be able to have a much more normal life and without so much pain.  I will explain the pain pump in a later post.

The Good People in my life....

My apologies for taking a little vacation from my blog; it seems lately I have been  having to take quite a few. The truth of the matter is that many of these drugs that I am prescribed for tumor related pain (of being eaten alive by cancer;  & dog gone it hurts!). The is the truth and while I am so thankful for all days that I am given; especially with my lover boy; even the most painful of those days ; I feel so guilty for stressing my love while he takes  such good care of me.!(  It totally sucks!  He works so hard as try to avoid going to the ER and he keeps on telling me to keep on livin and I will!.   These past couple of days have been hell with a very, very, very painful bowel blockage.  I can tell that it is about to work itself out.

I also just found out how much more my honey loves me.  I went into his bookmarks and there are so many about the many procedures that might my life much easier.

I am pondering an operation of getting some sort of device in my spine (does not sound good; I so scared!  The operation sounds like a fecal operation?  I will get the name right in my update soon! Here are some photos that might cheer some of you up as I provide a better update hopefully tomorrow!  

He just had a crazy day of taking me to many doctor office's in Redwood City and since there isn't such thing as a silent keyboard?  I can't update you all that much.  I actually started this post over a week ago.

These photos are from a lovely day off spent together a  local park.  I have been to the ER and will have the details on that visit soon! Peace and Love to all of you!