WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Is it arthritus or just bone pain?

How I wish I could spend more time outside instead of being stuck indoors a lot lately!(  Hope you all are able to get outside and enjoy all that nature has to offer!)

Well this time my blog may not be able to be updated as much as I would like but the bone pain in my left wrist has been unbearable; I will tell you more about that later, but it could possibly be related that I am left handed and this pick line has been in my left arm since December.  It is the worst kind of bone pain I have ever had and then again it could be arthritis.    It hurts just to reach for things or to carry anything with this arm; but I do it anyway as I have  to  everyday of my life.   I'm not sure if this is something strange from the radiation but no it couldn't be that; it has to be the other embarrassing thing I will admit later on in this post; at least I am laughing about it.  Well I do have what is most commonly an old lady disease so why not get more old lady problems like arthritis; right?  The cool thing about having an old lady disease is how many wonderful women out there are more than ready to treat me as if I am their daughter and that's fine and OK with me.   I didn't have much of one growing up and I am eating this up more and more.  I love each and every one them; no matter what.   It's great having so many moms who want to take care of me or just be there for me.   I'm there for each one of you!)  Some of you who read this might not have cancer, but I bet you do know someone who is touched by cancer.  We are all going through this disease together and hopefully it will be power in numbers that we do eventually find a cure.   The more the merrier, right?  

Here is a photo of my most recent picc line which was replaced 2 weeks ago last Wednesday (April 7th) in interventional radiology.  If you click on the photo you might even be able to see those tiny sutures holding it in; eventually the stitches will either break or absorb into the skin.  Well after that happens then I have to have a sticky, itchy thing called a StatLock to hold it in and that thing itches like hell!  It is so hard to not itch it and part of the reason why my pic line had to be replaced (I had itched so hard that the pic line almost came out!)  Now that is scary shit!    I guess you might learn something new everytime you visit my blog!)

Well today I had forgotten that my massage was not later in the day as I had thought it would be.  My best friend brought over her little rescue pit bull puppy name "Shovelhead" kinda late this morning so I was struggling for time trying to clean up and get everything ready for my massage.  He was a typical puppy; getting into  everything and my friend thought I was a little more stressed than normal.  I guess I was.

My friend's puppy did not look at all like a "Shovelhead"; but I guess that  is not what it is about when naming a dog after a motorcycle; it doesn't come off the tongue as easily when the pup gets into things like jumping up and almost catching his foot on my abdominal tubing.    Oh, maybe the round engine thingy could look like his head but what about the snout?  My friend had  come over to try to help me out a little and to see if the puppy could get some early sociallization with Miss Blue Belle since she is the best dog in the world for socialization except when a dog is way bigger than her.  She got to meet a huge 160lb Mastiff just the other day at the vet's office.

This little puppy drooled like a Great Dane all over the floor as he went from one bowl of water to the other (Blue Belle and Tonto's water) and we both tried to be on top of trying to keep the floor clean.  I had to hurry and reach for my slippers so that I wouldn't walk on the wet drools with my socks on. (ewwwwl)  Meanwhile Tonto was stuck outside getting wet and no where did I want to have that 7 month old puppy chasing around Tonto in my unpuppy proofed home; Tonto had some shade from the rain but it was very cold outside, but he had his double coat that is shedding tremendously  and it still keeps him nice and warm;  he and Blue Belle are very much worth every one of those lint brushes that we have to pull out and clean off the cat and dog hair off of.   I kept Tonto outside because I know how completely ruthless he is in a chase and he will usually knock things over onto an unsuspecting dog and I don't wish to have any thing broken or disheveled in my house right now.   No stress please; not now before my massage which I look forward too each and every week.  

OK lots of excitement as Miss Blue Belle didn't want to start a chase with this puppy  because he would reach over and knock her to the ground  with some great force and plus it was messing up her pretty Farah Fawcett hair; except her hair being "Blue Merle and White".     The dogs did try to play together outside but the puppy just got too rough with Blue Belle and it hurt her feelings.   I knew this because she would hide behind me and look up at me like "what did I do?" We finally had to go back inside because it was so cold (like a cold November day) and it started to rain.

Well also; it's appears that I may have sprained my wrist the other day by wiping my ass so many times (lots of severe diarrhea)   The scary thing was that it was all black stool; the nurse that had come to see us on Monday confirmed that it was old blood which could be from the tumor and/or all the surgeries and it's just coming out of my system.  We did get a blood sample just to be safe and the results had come back that I am borderline annemic and could at one point need another blood transfusion since one of the numbers on my blood test seemed a little low but not to the point just yet of needing a transfusion just yet.  Well that will explain all the damn sleeping!

Well this is what it is like to have a hot husband shopping for and with you.   What a nice butt he has!  I have to pinch it ever now and then; it looks so good!  He was with me every step of the way helping me shop.  We had our list and sometimes we added a few things but we did get the important things.  He helps me in so many ways and I will forever be thankful for all of his love and attention that he gives me.  He feels it is his duty as my husband to help me and to be there for me and that he is.  I do hate scaring him with my pain spasms  (the heavy breathing and crying) sometimes when the pain gets up to a 9 sometimes; I will usually try to pretend that it isn't so bad just so that we don't have to go the hospital; the tears streaming down my face is usually a dead give away but I'm still hard headed and stubborn and just don't wish to go back to the hospital.  I haven't been there all year except to get my tummy tube replaced and then fixed and then just 2 weeks ago to get my pic line re-inserted.  It's pretty amazing and I hope I don't have to go back for a long time!

Some days I am constipated and other days I have the shits; there just isn't any in between and I just wonder why?  How come my system can't just be normal just for one or two days?  I have to have this tube in my body and this pic line; so no showers for me and I haven't even had one since December for that one week!  No matter what my system; my honey loves and cares for me no matter what.   I still remember how it felt to take those showers and ever dream about them!  He doesn't seem to mind helping to bath me in the bathtub sometimes and everyday I am amazed by his love for me. 

With all the that shitting, it sucks not be able to go places on days like that and being confined to a toilet; it sure made the downstairs toilet seat purchase padded instead cold ass ceramic!(  Yes, we had to get a new toilet seat and I was super bummed that all of the soft seats everywhere on-line and at stores all seem to be light colored or white and damn do those seats need to be cleaned right away or you have shit stains for light and ain't no body who comes to visit will ever want to put their ass on that seat when it gets to that point.   Even bleach won't touch one of those vinal seats; why are they all light colored?  Do they not understand all the possibilities of what can happen under normal wear and tear?  It just sucks that we can't own a good quality padded seat.  I got some serious spasms with that cold ass ceramic seat!)  OK enough about the shitting and the toilet seats!

I have been feeling extremely fatigued and of course frightened that I might not wake up one morning because of feeling so fatigued. Well my fears have eased after that wonderful massage which also seems to have worked out the pains in my wrist.  While I was on the table; we kept hearing these popping noises; couldn't for the life of me figure what it could be; I kept thinking it was Tonto trying to open the locked doggie door from inside (we was all soft and dry and I just didn't have it in me to be cleaning the floors all day long; he goes in and out at least 20-30 each hour and tracks in mudd and little beaded pollen.  Well anyway a huge pop happened and I instantly jumped off the massage table to find that I had burned my honey's hard boiled eggs; bummer..... Well both of us were laughing at my chemo brain; it was funny and boy did it stink.  I did cover the smell with burning sage (worked like a charm!)

Well that was the end of that wonderful massage which I will look forward to Thursday, May 5th with my honey.  I think he needs one more than I do at times.   Last night my honey spent part of the evening together (after the Sharks win = now it's 2-2 against the AvalancheGo Sharks!
Here's to me getting better and finding my own cure for cancer.  Everyone's body is different so it takes their own remedy!)   Peace and Love to all of you!  My apologies for the short post & GO SHARKS!!!!

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Becca said...

Don't know if it'll help, but saw this on ebay
Much luck to you!


Becca said...

well, that didn't show well, but the good news is, you can find them online!

POD said...

I, for one, am honored and awed (shock and awe!!) that you keep us informed despite the pain, frustration and shit. You are one amazing lady.

And this is what you really need but they are expensive!

l'optimiste said...

ow - the wrist sounds sore. Glad it feels a bit better - massage can be amazing.

Have you thought about using the speech recognition thing on the computer? That way you can dictate your blog instead of typing it. Probably have a few errors, but who cares? Or just do the videos - we love 'em :o)

so glad to hear from you babe. Keep on keeping on

PS: that thing that POD mentioned - looks perfect! Ask them to give you one for free! You could give them great publicity?

coffeemaiden said...

Precious Jayne, I'm so sorry about the wrist and bone pain. You have an amazing spirit. I don't know how you do all you do. There are many of us that wait patiently for your post, and patient we will be. I just worry about you on a daily basis. I feel like I've known you for years and feel very maternal toward you. Keep us posted as often as your energy allows it. Love ya,

Mischa said...

Glad your wrist is feeling better! Hurray massage! Lynn and I have been spending lots of time in our acupunturist's office for overuse injuries too... they are quite painful.

Love to you and that George Clooney of yours!
- Mischa

Kia Taylor said...

How much do I love you and your hubby!!! Your strength continues to inspire me:)

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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