Cancer Pain and Medication....

Thought I would add some photos and a good video in this blog entry.  Blue Belle is just letting you know that she is sorry Mommy has not given anyone an update in a while.  Check out her cute lashes!  Her left eye has grey and white lashes and her right is just plain beautiful black lashes that never needs mascara like mine!  Yes, I am jealous of my dogs lashes!) What a life!)

Yes, I have been stuck on the couch a lot lately in severe pain from some tumors that the doctors have told me are inside my abdomen; there could be as many three; I am told.   I have been having to take up to 3 Neurontins (Gabapentin) a day and those do make me feel sleepy and very, very dopey.  I don't feel like talking or being around anyone because it seems that I am not myself being on those pills.   I haven't been calling my loved ones as much as I like lately because of how I feel on these medications.  Well that's also why I haven't been updating my blog as much as I would like.  They mostly just make me sleepy and I cry all the time too!  Not sure why; I think it is the medication and the fear of dying.

We haven't really been going anywhere lately because of my crazy intestines and having to be on those pain medications.  I have been getting lots of bone pain from the radiation and this is the only reason I am taking those pills is because it's better to not be in so much pain; so dopey and sleepy is how I will be!)   My left wrist, and my right ankle almost felt as if they were going to break and then my ribs were the radiation had taken place started to hurt like crazy so I got out of my stubborn ways and listened to my honey and our darling nurse (we love her to pieces and I'm sure she feels the same about us); and am now taking those pain pills. 

I do always have to pee and sometimes the poo factor is also put into effect before we take any kind of car trips (it is a good day no matter what if I can do both!); I'm must be getting that under some kind of control; just not ready to wear those big people diapers just yet although my size might even fit into some Huggies Pull-up Training pants diapers or Huggies Supreme little movers!); now that would be a trip!  My weight is being maintained between 119 - 114; so far, so good!).  

Oh; have I been hooked on Trix Kids Cereal (just a little-yes Trix are for kids!) with strawberry yogurt, lots of cut up strawberries, blue berries, and the most fattening spray whipped cream I could find; so much so that couldn't even see what is underneath the yummy looking breakfast, lunch, or dinner; as long as I can eat something and it can put some weight on me!)   Of course I have to do my ritual of a good joint before and after I eat so that it does go down; if not; I do end up puking everything up.  I hate that feeling so much! I have learned my lesson so many times that now it's natural to just do so.  Yes, the plant is keeping me alive and helping me to gain some weight or at least maintain.  I can't imagine if I lived in a state that prohibited me from using.  I do take the Zofran sometimes but it just makes me really drowsy most of the time.     I have been getting the munchies a lot more often lately (thanks to another good friend's donation) so hopefully we will get up to the 125 mark and I can finally get some more bootie for my honey to enjoy.  Yes, still kinda sorta built like a 9 year old; but hopefully some boobs will also pop out just like the bootie often does!)  It sucks when loosing weight on a woman; it always seems the boobs are the first to go and the last to return!

  I do trust this Administration so much more that the last but you never know in allowing me to use a plant to help keep me alive.  I would have to remind this President that his mother did die from this very disease with in 10 months as I was given and here I am more than 7 years later!  How can that be?  I can remember so many times when I just could not stomach anything; and then just a few little hits on the bong or the Volcano, or even a joint; then being hungry as hell and finally eating and drinking water!  I just felt all those incidents were pure miracles because I did feel that I was dying from being so sick and then being able to stomach eating and not feeling any pain.  Cancer is such a painful disease; sometimes there are still those who somehow believe this plant is evil even though I have heard that it is in the bible and has been used for medicine for thousands of years. Anyway enough of that. I'm sure I have discussed my love of this plant thousands of times!

I did call Cancer Centers of America and they do need a referral from any of my doctors; mostly my main doctor; an Oncologist; he is a good guy but I sometimes feel that he really enjoys the perks of prescribing the more deadly medication on me only if my body can take it from several of those Pharmaceutical companies; or just have me go on hospice care and prepare for my death in 30 to 90 days. I'm not ready yet and I will keep on fighting!  I have this pure love in my heart for my honey that is totally keeping me alive.   We just live our  days as happy as we can together one day at a time.  I have been facing some days thinking that it is sometimes it may seem impossible but I kept fighting through all 6 of my major surgeries and sometimes I still suffer in severe pain, I continue to fight.  I pray that there will be a cure one day soon!  

I do know that cannabis has been real blessing for me in maintaining munchies (my weight), making me really thirsty for more water or juice and even that nasty Ensure!  Most of all it is helping me to stay alive just like some of the other drugs that my doctor has been prescribing me for pain.  Pain could cause me to deteriorate so I don't deal with it so much; I just pop one of those pills when the level hits a 7 (scale of 1-10).

A good friend of mine did send me this most amazing video of "Britain's Got Talent". It's really amazing and just makes your heart turn warm just watching this (well at least it did for me!)