WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Cancer Pain and Medication....

Thought I would add some photos and a good video in this blog entry.  Blue Belle is just letting you know that she is sorry Mommy has not given anyone an update in a while.  Check out her cute lashes!  Her left eye has grey and white lashes and her right is just plain beautiful black lashes that never needs mascara like mine!  Yes, I am jealous of my dogs lashes!) What a life!)

Yes, I have been stuck on the couch a lot lately in severe pain from some tumors that the doctors have told me are inside my abdomen; there could be as many three; I am told.   I have been having to take up to 3 Neurontins (Gabapentin) a day and those do make me feel sleepy and very, very dopey.  I don't feel like talking or being around anyone because it seems that I am not myself being on those pills.   I haven't been calling my loved ones as much as I like lately because of how I feel on these medications.  Well that's also why I haven't been updating my blog as much as I would like.  They mostly just make me sleepy and I cry all the time too!  Not sure why; I think it is the medication and the fear of dying.

We haven't really been going anywhere lately because of my crazy intestines and having to be on those pain medications.  I have been getting lots of bone pain from the radiation and this is the only reason I am taking those pills is because it's better to not be in so much pain; so dopey and sleepy is how I will be!)   My left wrist, and my right ankle almost felt as if they were going to break and then my ribs were the radiation had taken place started to hurt like crazy so I got out of my stubborn ways and listened to my honey and our darling nurse (we love her to pieces and I'm sure she feels the same about us); and am now taking those pain pills. 

I do always have to pee and sometimes the poo factor is also put into effect before we take any kind of car trips (it is a good day no matter what if I can do both!); I'm must be getting that under some kind of control; just not ready to wear those big people diapers just yet although my size might even fit into some Huggies Pull-up Training pants diapers or Huggies Supreme little movers!); now that would be a trip!  My weight is being maintained between 119 - 114; so far, so good!).  

Oh; have I been hooked on Trix Kids Cereal (just a little-yes Trix are for kids!) with strawberry yogurt, lots of cut up strawberries, blue berries, and the most fattening spray whipped cream I could find; so much so that couldn't even see what is underneath the yummy looking breakfast, lunch, or dinner; as long as I can eat something and it can put some weight on me!)   Of course I have to do my ritual of a good joint before and after I eat so that it does go down; if not; I do end up puking everything up.  I hate that feeling so much! I have learned my lesson so many times that now it's natural to just do so.  Yes, the plant is keeping me alive and helping me to gain some weight or at least maintain.  I can't imagine if I lived in a state that prohibited me from using.  I do take the Zofran sometimes but it just makes me really drowsy most of the time.     I have been getting the munchies a lot more often lately (thanks to another good friend's donation) so hopefully we will get up to the 125 mark and I can finally get some more bootie for my honey to enjoy.  Yes, still kinda sorta built like a 9 year old; but hopefully some boobs will also pop out just like the bootie often does!)  It sucks when loosing weight on a woman; it always seems the boobs are the first to go and the last to return!

  I do trust this Administration so much more that the last but you never know in allowing me to use a plant to help keep me alive.  I would have to remind this President that his mother did die from this very disease with in 10 months as I was given and here I am more than 7 years later!  How can that be?  I can remember so many times when I just could not stomach anything; and then just a few little hits on the bong or the Volcano, or even a joint; then being hungry as hell and finally eating and drinking water!  I just felt all those incidents were pure miracles because I did feel that I was dying from being so sick and then being able to stomach eating and not feeling any pain.  Cancer is such a painful disease; sometimes there are still those who somehow believe this plant is evil even though I have heard that it is in the bible and has been used for medicine for thousands of years. Anyway enough of that. I'm sure I have discussed my love of this plant thousands of times!

I did call Cancer Centers of America and they do need a referral from any of my doctors; mostly my main doctor; an Oncologist; he is a good guy but I sometimes feel that he really enjoys the perks of prescribing the more deadly medication on me only if my body can take it from several of those Pharmaceutical companies; or just have me go on hospice care and prepare for my death in 30 to 90 days. I'm not ready yet and I will keep on fighting!  I have this pure love in my heart for my honey that is totally keeping me alive.   We just live our  days as happy as we can together one day at a time.  I have been facing some days thinking that it is sometimes it may seem impossible but I kept fighting through all 6 of my major surgeries and sometimes I still suffer in severe pain, I continue to fight.  I pray that there will be a cure one day soon!  

I do know that cannabis has been real blessing for me in maintaining munchies (my weight), making me really thirsty for more water or juice and even that nasty Ensure!  Most of all it is helping me to stay alive just like some of the other drugs that my doctor has been prescribing me for pain.  Pain could cause me to deteriorate so I don't deal with it so much; I just pop one of those pills when the level hits a 7 (scale of 1-10).

A good friend of mine did send me this most amazing video of "Britain's Got Talent". It's really amazing and just makes your heart turn warm just watching this (well at least it did for me!)

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Levi said...

This is such a beautifully compelling though painful post to read. I'm sorry you have to suffer so much.
The part about Huggies Supreme Little Movers cracked me up. I'm always concerned that i'd take one of those double wide coffins. (another good reason for cremation!)
My heart goes out to you, Girlie. Keep up the good work as long as your heart is in it and has this pure love you write so eloquently about.

Anonymous said...

Hugs hugs HUGS HUUUUUGGGGGSSSS! to you my friend.

You're on the right track with The Plant and your pain meds.

May you be comforted by those you love.

love always,
your friend in sac

Anonymous said...

PS Forgot to say how inspired I am, as always, by your strength and courage.

Rae Macklyn said...

It's wonderful to see an update...bless you woman, you are strong and awe-inspiring. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help!

coffeemaiden said...

Precious Jayne,
I worry so much about you when you don't post very often. You ought to ask your honey to post a line or two for you when you're not up to it. There are a lot of us that check your blog multiple times a day, just because we care. Love and hugs to you.

Shopping Kharma said...

My sincere apologies; he isn't too good technically but I will try to show him how to post so that you all don't have to worry about me. Yes, sometimes I am out worrying about me in many of those days. I will try my best to post more often and have less of these empty days! Peace and Love to all of you and thank you for your concerns about little ole me & lots of kisses from Blue Belle!)

Aroma Fields said...

Thinking about you, hoping the pain is under control and that you're enjoying some golden days.

Warm Wishes & Hugs!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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