Painful side effects after stint replacement surgery...

Well I did decide to take all of you on another one of many bike rides around my neighborhood; although I was in pain when I got on the bike; the bike ride I have to admit did make me feel much better although a nice soak in a hot tub would feel amazing if I could just do so!)

I noticed the next day when I awoke that my legs were so incredibly sore and I could barely get out of bed.  I struggled through out the day doing my usual chores like laundry, making meals for my honey, and house hold cleaning.  If I needed anything on the floor; it was a hard task of getting down on the floor where I comfortable and then trying to get up; I needed something to bear my weight on.  My honey had to help me off the couch.  I had decided to go on a bike ride thinking that might make my muscles feel a lot better but in reality it did nothing.  Well actually it did for my morale; it make me feel better just getting out.

I did feel good that I was able to get out and enjoy such a gorgeous day.  My honey and I had gone on a date in the morning hours (after noon) to a movie (Easy A).  I give it 3 stars and Rolling Stone had given it 2 and half stars; so that's about right.  Emma Stone is funny girl with a great sense of humor.  We hope to see another movie soon (Secretariat) with one of favorite actresses "Diane Lane".  What an amazing actress she is!

I'm still feeling the horrible muscle aches in my legs, arms, back, neck, even throat and tongue?  It's really weird and we may go into the ER this morning but we will see; it's still early yet and I'm still as hard headed as ever about going into the hospital for anything.  I hope that my Pain Pump wasn't touched in anyway  and it's scary to even imagine that morphine and something else? could be pumping out into my system to cause all this pain.

Hopefully things will get much better for me and everyone else suffering from cancer or other major diseases!)  Can't just wish for just me; there are so many others in this world in worse shape than myself.  Peace and Love to all of you!)

Here is the lucky horse of the day.  His name is Bess Nick and he was born in May 2007.  He has been gelded.  Here is more information on him: Nick is a big bold moving horse. He is the most amazing color, a red roan with lots of sabino markings. He is dirty in this photo (he likes to roll around), we can only imagine how he will sparkle with a good bath! He should do will as a riding or driving prospect. He grew up in Alberta, Canada running in a huge wooded pasture. We brought him to The Animali Farm because he was going to be sent to slaughter. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and such a beautiful horse. He is halterbroke only, but is going to be used in the Starter class at Monty Roberts School in September 2010 where he will get some good training.  If interested in this amazing horse; please contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes at animali@aol.com.

UPDATE: As the day is going on; the pain is getting more and more and bearable and I am able to walk up and down the stairs with more ease; still having problems lying down and getting back up.  The pain is not as great as it was and hopefully night time does not present another problem.  I do plan to take my bike out today and hopefully that will help the pain in my legs; perhaps some good old Vitamin D Sunshine will help as well!  We will see...

A New Medical Device to help keep me alive...

Bet you are wondering what that strange looking overs ized device this thing could be?   Well just knowing that I had it brought out the worst in me (just today only and don't worry; I totally learned my lesson!).  While I did get myself in trouble today; yesterday was much better.  Today, I have been puking quite a bit from trying to eat stuff that I really can NOT eat (chicken nuggets and fries).  That saying "Life is short" should never ever give me the excuse to try to eat what I want.  I had cleaned the unit last night and did not attach the vacuum pump exactly right so I was  just sitting on my couch attached to this thing ( when it's on, it sounds a lot like an aquarium) watching repeat movies on HBO while puking my guts out (& being hooked up to the dam thing through the tube in my tummy).  It wasn't vacuuming my system at the time (just running and making plenty of background noise) and I was so sick that I could barely move.  Finally, I forced myself off the couch and then cleaned out the unit again (just to see what up and why the little puke canister wasn't filling up?; OK it was just one of the tubes that needed cleaning and it was then that I discovered that it wasn't hooked up correctly (that entire time; must have been about 2-3 hours?).  I fixed the problem but am still feeling a bit sick, weak, and in some amount of stomach pain.

OK, I do have to say that Saturday was such an awesome day for me; had some visitors and then I had this huge device delivered to me from my sweet doctor.  He knew exactly why I wanted to avoid coming to the hospital (lonesome, bad TV, uncomfy bed, and being waked up at all hours of the night, no pets, etc.) I'm receiving home health care at home so that I can avoid being in the hospital; well it's not so fun there.  I haven't been able to eat for nearly 2 weeks and have been draining my stomach like crazy. I have also been smoking pot for the severe nausea and of course the pain  associated with the blockage in my tummy and then of course the most horrible side effects of the pot is the hunger and the thirst.  It's either that or taking hard core drugs like the constipating side effects of Dilaudid and Zofran.  Since the nausea and the heartburn have been out of control  (off the charts) and I was  also very constipated already; treating my condition involved more or less a roto rooter type thing in order to get my intestines working again; plus they needed some rest?

The best thing of all happened on Saturday and that was that I had a huge blow out!)  It was so freaking awesome!)  For most; one of those is really no big deal and a bit embarrassing to even admit to; but for me; it was a joyous celebration for my life!)  I'm still freaking happy over that!) 

Well having the severe munchies (its nothing at all like wanting to murder anybody (pot does not cause death or make anyone wish to kill anyone) it's not dangerous at all; its just wanting to eat FOOD); my honey had made himself a Dejorno Pizza which smelled absolutely amazing to me with those munchy tendencies of mine.   That is why I am so on board with reclassifying it (in the 30's they had no freaking clue about this plant).  I always get going when it comes to the medicine that has been helping to keep alive so long!)  I still get into reading "The Emperor Wears No Clothes".   I love that book!)

The device was exactly what I had experienced in ER (stomach pump) where my tummy was most often pumped.  Before the G-tube; I had to use NG tubes in order to pump  my stomach and the G-tube definitely makes it much easier and more tolerable.  I have NEVER been up for anything shoved up my nose so you imagine that the NG tube to me has always been a total nightmare and very, painful depending on the size of the tube.  It really gets annoying by the 2nd day so you can imagine after over a week or so!(

Well to get back to the device; its basically a medical device that can pump my stomach and boy did I use it after I had 2 small pieces of pizza (just the cheese and sauce = no crust for me).  I ate that (it was the first thing enjoyable I have had in over 2 weeks!); then immediately I hooked myself up to this unit in order for it to pump my poor tummy of stuff that it wasn't at all used to.  It was so amazing  just to be able to eat those toppings!  I loved every minute of it and savored those little moments!  Then for the next hour and half; I hooked myself up to that unit and  let it drain me of all those bad things I had just consumed into my poor little body!

TONTO'S CHAIR HAS TO GO

I know it's bad news for him.  We have to make room for this huge device and my honey and I decided that the broken old worn out recliner has to go and this medical device will go in this corner.  Tonto will have to go back to using his cat tree once again and I know he won't be very happy about that. He will just have to learn to sleep somewhere else.  Hopefully he won't protest too loudly as he sometimes does when it comes to him loosing more weight.  Yes, he needs a tummy tuck and he feels that extra skin needs to be filled with more kitty treats.

TODAY'S SPECIAL HORSE

Well here is the pretty big horse that needs a good home or some extra feed what ever we can do to help her out.   Isn't she just stunning?  Her name is Kiowa and  she was born in May 2003.   I think she is named after the Kiowa Indian Tribe in Texas?  She isn't halterbroke just yet but just needs someone to just give her some extra loving care that she deserves.  She is a Draft Mare and her adoption fee is $800.  I would love to give her a big hug and smell her!  Horses smell so good and I bet her nose feels like velvet!)  Just contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes at animali@aol.com.

 I still have hope in my heart that I'm young and that I can get myself stronger and that my insides will eventually heal!  I hope to be around a long time for my sweetie or that we are around a long time for each other.  I love how we take care of one another!)  It always gives me such pleasure to do the little things for him as he does for me.  He really makes my life so much more worth living and strengthens that will to survive even more than ever!  I did eventually get my lazy weak ass on my beautiful bike; didn't go the whole distance but did go around my complex a few times!)  I hope to take you all on another bike ride soon!)

Peace and Love to everyone and here's to all of you cancer survivors out there and everyone else having many, many good quality years ahead of you!)

Handling an Abdominal Blockage at Home....

                                                                                This photo (if you look closely) is a very small illustration of my G-Tube that is sticking in my tummy (little white tube under the bandage).   The G-Tube its self is about 2 feet long; so imagine if you will that you have 2 feet of rubber tube sticking out of your stomach and the most important thing is to roll it up and tape to my stomach.  If not; it is very painful for it to be accidentally pulled out and then having to go in and get it inserted again.  Bet you didn't think you would already feel how lucky you are if you don't have that or even if you took a dumpers today!)  I'm already jealous of you; not for your looks but because of the common miracles that occur inside our bodies!

Photo number 2 is what my G-tube looks like when it is closed and bandaged up.  I took a video of what it's like to have my G-tube drain.  It's now posted down below (I have to clean the nasty bag as much 5 times a day.)  My sincere apologies for the quality; hopefully I can get a better quality one in the coming days. 

  Photo 3 shows my healing radiation burn; it's still pealing and bubbling,  and also very itchy;  before it was horrible red; about the color of a lobster or crab.  You can even see the drastic drop from my stomach to my pelvic area.  It's actually a huge surgical dip; isn't that a trip? and I'm still alive and kicking despite all that crap!).  I think the surgeons had run out of skin after all these surgeries to open me up and fix my intestines and scraping me free of cancer; well the tumors had been inoperable so I decided later on to just fry the fuckers with some good old radiation.  I even have what looks like a 2nd belly button!.  Very weird; I've lost my bikini body for good and you know what; I would still sport a bikini no matter what.  I have the strangest body ever and my honey still loves me and finds me very sexy?  I'm just a walking medical experiment!)

I guess it has been nearly a week and half since I was last able to go number 2 (officially); it is an real abdominal blockage which we could go to the hospital for to deal with there or do exactly what we have been doing. I have been keeping in contact with my Oncologist and he has been advising that I keep my G-Tube open. We would also decrease input which is anything going into my system.  Good news is that my Feeding Bag got reduced so it's not as heavy as the 16 hour bag; (I'm on the 12 hour bag).  It seems I am also hooked up to some sort of bag for my typical body functions.  I am so glad I'm not shitting in a bag just yet; although I am open to it just to keep me alive longer.  I'm really desperate to take a dumpers!  

So many greedy people are wishing for more money when they already have it; a private jet, a million dollar Yacht and I only wish to go number 2; that's all I ask for and hopefully it's not too much to ask for?  Just a little poopers GOD? that's all I want!)  And many of us want more than what we already have and yet they can't be happy for just that.  I have learned my lesson long ago with this disease; while it is true that I wished that I had normal working intestines and insides; but I still have hope they will one day soon work.  I sure hope something (nice perfect poo!) happens today or tomorrow?.

I'm also tired of being so incredibly hungry, light headed, dizzy, weak and most of all bony.   I'm so sick and tired of seeing FOOD commercials, FOOD shows, and DIET commercials?  WTF?   I'm now down to 106.5 and I'm 5-7.   I wished that I didn't have to wear so much tape on my body; I wish I could swim in our beautiful complex pool!  I wish I also could get in the hot tub or just take a normal shower.  That would be so freaking awesome!  I'm so sick of having to take shallow baths and using baby wipes to get myself clean!)  See all those little things in life that so many of us take for granted while wanting more and more material things; for me they make such a difference  and really are miracles for some of us!)  I only wish I could do all that stuff but I don't let it get me down too much because I still have so much to be thankful for. (the love of my life!)

I had been having horrible heart burn right in the sternum area and it will burn and feel as if I am having a serious heart attack.  OMG it was miserable!  I would be sleeping on the couch  most of the time with some pillows placed to keep my head up but somehow that gastric juice would just come right up my esophagus and it would still would hit me and make me feel as if I were drowning and in such horrible pain.  It burned my chest and sometimes I had to just hit my chest to try and rid myself of it.   Oh it was so miserable; because it seemed to last and last and last.   It would wake me up in the middle of the night with this pain and I would just sit up and try my best to get rid of it.   Most of the time I would set up my vaporizer and do all that and this would help for maybe several hours but it would eventually come back.   Since I hate to puke; I always try to avoid puking at all costs if possible; but it wasn't at all possible.  It was absolutely painful and then add on top of that I had the very worst vomiting fest ever.  Sometimes while I was vomiting it would feel as if I were about to drown; it's burning acid from my stomach coming up and some would even come out of my nose so I couldn't even breath!  OMG did that suck?!

Here is a video (please excuse the poor quality) but it should show what I am talking about when I mean draining my stomach.  I have the Catheter bag and the tube that goes into my stomach.  Hope this answers many questions.

  I was like that kid in "Detroit Rock City" where he had filled up an entire empty pitcher of beer which his drunken puke prior to going on stage to shake his "wee wee" in order to get him some Kiss Concert Tickets.   I filled up my puke bucket several times over about 4-5 miserable nights in a row.  After doing so I would then have violent fits of dry heaves which felt as if they were tearing my insides apart.  As soon as that hell ended; it was over for the night sometimes.

My husband and I were on edge and I was so incredibly defiant about going into the hospital.  "I just don't want to go!"  I would tell him and he would tell me; "I know that, but do you really feel that you need to go?".   I didn't know for sure, but I did know that I didn't want to go there, at all!  Surely there must be a way we can do this at home (unclog me).  At this point; it could very well be the end of my life and I DO NOT wish to die in a hospital with limited TV programming, censorship of anything pot related, yet the nurses and my doctors are behind me 110% with my medicine.  It's the only thing I have been able to use to combat the horrible nausea but the side effects are not so good.  I get so incredibly hungry (not allowed to eat) and thirsty.  

In those days proceeding up to this horrible blockage; I wasn't even eating all that much; maybe a few tablespoons of mashed potatoes, Brown Cow Whole Milk Yogurt, Boost, Ensure, and icky baby food and this would be just per day.  Now I only would 1 thing at a time per day and at night that's when the misery would come about.   Can you imagine just eating a few tablespoons of food per day?  That's about less than a bird. 

 Now I did a search looking and looking for G-Tube like mine and never found anything. So finally the internet has a real drainage G-tube.   Do other cancer patients also have problems with their stomachs and have to get things drained out?  Well I know I do and it's very freaking disgusting and only my sweet loving husband would find something attractive about me; he tells me that I am beautiful everyday and hearing this makes all the difference in me having a good day no matter what.

I promise to give updates soon! For now we are staying out of the hospital; I finally got a good night's sleep last night (1st one in days), the drainage is slowing down drastically and I just start ed farting which I haven't done in weeks!  You better believe I am treasuring those as a sign that my intestines will start to work and that my life is not done here yet! 

And here is the lovely young mare who needs a home!  Her name is Nutmeg and she was born in May 2007 and is a Tennessee Walking Horse.  Not sure how much her adoption fee is but she is gorgeous!  I would love to just hug and pet a horse like this; can you imagine?

UPDATE: I was able to squeeze out a few little bee bee nuggets today or what appeared to be little rabbit shits; hey it's better than nothing and I counted out about 5 little silent but deadlies!)  I know my prayers were kinda sorta answered; (anything that can get out is a miracle; so I'm happy with just that?) here's to the levees breaking and getting rid of what ever else is backed up in there!)    I'm going to get through this!)
Peace and Love to all of you!)