My Teal Toes and more....

These last couple of days have been somewhat good days; I had some wonderful visitors on Wednesday, not Saturday (as I had previously thought; no wonder it seemed like just yesterday?) and I was feeling pretty good.  We had some good quality time and both my pets had a blast with them.  Tonto is starting to dig getting compliments from others now.  He always knows if we are talking about him and he digs being the subject of conversation.   He is really warming up.  The nausea I've had lately has been under control thanks to our visit with a friend on Sunday.  

We had been actually running quite low on cannabis and at times I had to take the Dilaudid for pain.   I smoked a few buds  (buds NOT the Dilaudid) right up in my water pipe and one in my Vaporizer.   Using the Vaporizer; it works so amazingly well for several hours just   in getting rid of the horrid heart burn pain.  It's been so bad lately.  Anything over the counter usually does absolutely nothing for this heartburn.  This heartburn almost feels like a heart attack almost.  It also feels like someone is pouring hydrochloric acid right onto my heart.  It freaking sucks and sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night with the worst case!

Then on Sunday we went to see a good friend of mine in Santa Cruz who helped me greatly in just giving me some very, very good quality medicine which has been working wonders on my horrible nausea and painful, painful heartburn.  I didn't think pot could be so strong enough to help with that?  My heartburn really is the worst and I hate when it comes because its so hard to get rid of.  Sometimes things work for it and sometimes they don't.  I have try different medications in order to get rid of it just for a little while, then it comes back again.  Each fight it's own battle.  That's kind of how we have to live our lives in getting out of certain predicaments. Lifes changes. 

As the days have been passing; the heartburn has unfortunately been getting worse.  Sometimes I have to pull out the heavy duty arsenal of medicines for that heartburn.  It's so miserable and for a plant to work on that kind of pain for me  really is a miracle.  It was like night and day for me using the cannabis.  I was so happy to go visit with my friend who also has  2 of the very cutest children and they are so incredibly well behaved.  Good, Good, Great parents!  Some people let their kids get by with murder and the kids can be very stressful for me to be around; but not these kids.  The baby was to die for!  Especially for Blue Belle.  She has a very, very hard time listening to me when it comes to babies. She just wants to give the baby a kiss or maybe lots and lots of kisses.   She just  loves children to peaces and its such a treat when my friends bring their kids and then the kids get to enjoy my sweet animals.  Its a good experience for the kids to be able to play with such a safe dog that you don't have to worry about biting. the kids instead the  kids biting the animals.   She won't even bite another animal or even protect here?.  She's totally passive; well kinda like me.  We are both just too nice sometimes.  

With children; knowing that my dog is in heaven, it makes me smile at their wonder as they give love to Blue Belle.  She's a little show off where she will walk up and do her little bow then she might go in for a quick kiss on the lips preferably.  She's so freaking soft and smells great (I brush her often and sometimes use conditioner/dander relieving sprays on her.   Kids could pull her hair, step on her accidentally and  still no worries about her ever biting.  She's that sweet.    Its  always fun to watch the neighbor's kids as they play with her.  She loves children and I wished so much that I could have been able to volunteer with her but I do share her with the world as I live it.   Sometimes I have to stop and share my dog when I take her with me anywhere, shopping, on walks or on my bike rides; her fur is so irresistible and that little Sheltie smile with the flippy ears back.   She has such a cute little foxy  face!  Many who have had Shelties; recognize immediately what she is.   They usually are drawn right to her.   I've even seen huge burley bikers dudes freak out on her cuteness factor.   I totally understand that need to just dig your face into that soft sweet smelling fur especially after she gets a bath or brushing.   I know how it is; I have seen many cute puppies that I just want to hug, hold and love on!  My dog happens to be one of them! 

Yesterday it definately felt like the end could be soon because trying to eat my favorite foods has increasingly become more than just painful for me.  The vomiting factor is making me question eating more and more?  I'm practically starving (the TPN sometimes just isn't enough to satisfy my cravings or maybe its the munchies from the good pot?) but as of right now I am absolutely terrified of having more heartburn that is so hard to control.  It's so freaking painful!  Sometimes the pot will work for it and sometimes nothing works or it takes forever to get rid of it?  I do know that the Vaporizer works the very best of this kind of pain for at least a few hours and then when the pain returns and by then I have no energy to fight it.   Sometimes I puke my brains out and try to drain out the acid in my stomach with my R2 where that seems to the root of the pain; its just so tiring to fight sometimes.  It's usually any kind of food that I eat.; even water?   I still crave pickles, and oh does that give me shitty heartburn!  I love pickles so much and sometimes my cravings are strong enough where I warrant eating pickles like I don't mind having to puke them right back up.

Today, I didn't eat anything because my friend treated me to a pedicure and it  sure felt wonderful!  I didn't dare want to sit there and puke my brains out as I'm getting my toes worked on.    It tickled like hell at first but it was awesome to get out and  even have some good old genuine fun with my friend.  I thought I had picked out a teal color but I think it looks more green than Teal?  The little flower cheers it up all the more but this photo really doesn't do my flat feet justice!  They are much prettier in person!  Oh God is that a hair I see on my big toe? Ewwww! sorry folks!)

Well the nurse I went with was my first home health nurse whom I have missed  so dearly.   We have created an unbreakable bond and will forever be friends.  I love her so much!  I love her kids too; whom I have never met and of her dog too!  What an awesome friend and she is always just a phone call away if I have any questions or if I want somebody to go to a movie with!)  What a wonderful nurse she is and how I wished I could have kept her for my nurse but I do love my new nurse.   We have also created a bond.  

I just love nurses!   There really seems to be a huge shortage in this country for them.  Maybe some of that stimulus money could go to educating more nurses here?   We sure need them!  If I could do it all over again, I would definitely be a nurse.    I think with all of those great nurses I have had the pleasure of having have inspired me more than anything with their compassionate love and care for me.  Oh I have had my share of bad nurses too, but those great nurses I have had make me forget the bad nurses I had.  Remember the one that farted in my room and she blamed me and I couldn't even shit much less fart yet after that kind of surgery; OH how I wished it had been me but she blamed me?  I really have  been blessed with the best home nurses and hospice nurses too!  They are all angels. 

That's another reason I don't understand why everyone seems to think that Obama's healthcare plan is so evil.? My own mother is benefiting so much more than before  and I surely am.   It takes a huge load off my shoulders to know that she's finally covered.  She is able to get her medications so much easier than before and so much cheaper; more affordable.  Imagine that?  I'm very thankful that I have been able to get onto Hospice care with my TPN.   Before I would more than likely have had to pay $2-3000 per day to stay alive?  How is that great?  Please someone answer me on that?  Now I don't have to?  There all kinds of benefits in his plans but everyone seems to be  so brainwashed into thinking its all bad.  If we can afford to fight a war with a country that never attacked us in the first place; we can afford health care for our own.   Hello, a death panel?   That turned out to be a total lie along with so many others.  How can people be so gullible to everything they broadcast in the news?  I always have to check sources and make my own opinion.  I can't be swayed that easily because of my bull headedness mostly.   I think it has to do with where I was born (MO = show me state!)  I have never read there was ever such thing as a death panel; maybe before there was; but not anymore.   My life is definitely worth saving along with so many others!)

I guess you can say that I am living on borrowed time even though I am only 40 years old.  Yes, hospice is usually against keeping someone alive; especially someone who is in my shape, artificially.   With out the food bag I might be alive for may another 2 weeks or less.   I am still  being questioned about when I feel that I need to turn off my food; I guess it will happen one day., but I don't feel it should be anytime soon.   I don't feel the need to just  yet, I just want to stay alive at least till next year or Valentine's Day or  maybe even my 45th?  Time is just going by wayyyyy too fast!  I think I need more time to be able savor some of these great days that I get to spend with my honey!)  He's really taking great care of me and just being an overall great husband.  I'm so proud of him!  Oh and he's so HOT!

Most days I take lots of naps and am able to do some small things here and there  around my home like a few loads of laundry, dishes and cooking meals.   I can't take those small abilities for granted.  I know one day I won't be able to get out of bed and I sure am thankful for every day that I am able to get out of bed.  I do get out everyday and am able to take Miss Blue Belle and sometimes Tonto out for a walk.  Yes, those two are responsible for getting me outside everyday; rain or shine!) 

I really love being able to make my honey a meal; it just sucks that I can't eat it  every time with him; how I long too!)   As long as I can stay alive and am able to put up with the pain that I have to deal with; I'm OK.  I just  love waking up each morning with my honey and every time that I do its always  a great day to be alive!  Life is a blessing to me and I cherish every day I can with my honey; I'm not tired of the pain just yet?  If I were to turn off the food, it is said that I may last a week or two, but so far I just don't feel up to it yet.  I still have some hope that my intestines will figure out how to deliver food to my poopers?    That would be so freaking cool!  I bet everyone takes that for granted; I sure as hell don't. It is such a fantastic day when I get one of those out!  It's happening on some days!)  Thank GOD!

As for my Pet Therapy Animals.  They always make me feel so wonderful!  Blue Belle  is so freaking sweet and such a nice little girl.  She always listens to me; Tonto does sometimes.  Blue Belle and Tonto are great, they have been so close to me lately; not wanting to leave my side.  Tonto  loves to sleep on his chair that is right next to me.  I took all kinds of photos of all precarious positions that I could have never dreamed up?  I still keep laughing and I think he loves it when I laugh at him because his face is just full of himself like he just did something great!   Sometimes he will sit up and look right at me, I noticed this after I awoken from a nap and just happened to look up at him to see if he was there and he was just staring right at me; kind of watching me sleep.   I know this is boring stuff but staying home and healing; I notice these little things that my pets do that show their love for me.   

Sometimes Tonto will get off of his chair and he will just sit on the rug that is right in front of me.   He has totally gotten out of his old shell of hating all company or just being very jealous of them., he really get jealous of the phone (he will scream and scream if I on the phone sometimes; its absolutely hillarious and cute at the same time for someone on the other end); sometimes he gives a visitor very dirty looks; mostly at children but he is starting to trust more people that he deems are good people which has been most of my friends who have come to visit.     He is much more friendlier than he ever was.   He doesn't like someone just going to grab for him; he's not a touchy feel kind of guy.   The only annoying thing is that he keeps telling me that he is starving to death (he has to loose 2 more lbs!) and his big fat butt keeps heading over to his empty bowl  (of course his butthole always seems to be winking right at me as if it were a single eyeball?) (no tail on this boy, hence "Bull Cat") where he will continue to lick his empty bowl.   Sometimes you can hear a little slurp? ick! but just as loud as he possibly can.  "I'm sooooo hungry mom!"  It is the most blatant "I'm starving" that I have ever seen!   It's as if he is giving me some sort of a hint, hint?.   So I have to deal with those kinds of little mind games (Tonto just hates being on a diet) that he often likes to play with me; its usually  a long 2-4 hours till dinner time when he starts his crap.  Some days he OK and he doesn't bug me about it.  Plus its been cold lately and the doggie door has to stay closed so that we don't waste electricity and boy does he go through that thing when it's open.  He will gallap through the house really fast with his huge heavy giganto feet; "thumpy, thumpedy, thump" he goes!., then bang right out the doggie door as it flaps, one, two and sometimes 3 times.   When the doggie door remains open, he may goes through it at least a couple hundred times during the day.  Each time it opens and closes, cold air now comes right on in.     Being the little skinny ass (102.5) that I am, at least I'm maintaining the weight), I get cold very easily.  Sometimes my temperature will get cold and that usually scares me.  But yes, Tonto always seems to make me laugh even in the most dire circumstances.  I might be sitting on the couch in horrible pain, crying sometimes (if its bad enough) and he will bring out a little hot pink feather ball toy.  He will sit up  and smack it right at me.  So then we get to play some kitty bad minton or he will fetch it and drop right at my feet.  I think he hates seeing me in pain; they know something is up. 

Anyway, I hope everyone is happy to be alive today! Peace and Love to you all!

How to teach a cat to walk on a leash?

From surviving cancer; to training therapy animals here I go!  I recently got a request that I write a blog post on how to teach a cat how to walk on a leash.  Yes, its a far cry from being a cancer patient but don't we have our needs for training our therapeutic animals? 

Yes, I have one of those strange Dog Cats that loves his outdoor walks, sometimes he  even fetches his favorite toys and will even play bad mitten with you (only if he feels like it).  He is always up for a walk outside but the trick is; he will only walk around around Town House Complex.   If I do try to walk him outside on the street he will do what others cats typically do and just lay down and give me dirty looks.  He is not a street walking cat but instead a Town House Cat.

When I first got Tonto he was exactly 180 degrees different from what he is now.  He was mean, scared of humans, and totally farrow.   I imagine he was abused because we couldn't get close to him at all; he even bit me several times and also bit my husband.  It totally pissed both of us off that we couldn't get this kitty gentle.  We were so ready to get rid of him because he seemed dangerous and totally anti social. 

We had Old Toonces and just wanted to get a kitty that he wouldn't be so jealous of.  He needed a buddy and for Toonces is was a buddy that he could boss around.   Toonce didn't have a tail and we figured if we got a kitty that had a tail he wouldn't get the idea of tearing up the tail.   Toonce was the total Alfa cat despite having had a sex change.  Well he got Crystalitis? not sure how to say or pronounce it but in essence they had to cut his penis off (it was completely blocked with urine crystals) and they even made him a pussy?  He could be pretty rough with a kitten which is why we chose an older kitten that may be able to hold his own.  Tonto was only 5 months old when we got him.  Toonce loved that Tonto didn't have a tail.  He had never seen another cat like himself.  It was cool!)

Check out my curly post chemo locks!)  This is a photo of Tonto after I had him close to tame. I can't believe how tiny he used to be!  What I did to gentle him was to keep him in his crate at first and locked him in the bathroom where I could spend some quality time with him.  After a few weeks he got more and more gentle.  We let him out before the 2 week span and OMG was he wild and crazy.  We no idea that we would have him become the cat that he is today.  He seemed set in his little ways that humans were all evil.  He finally did come around.  My mom had always told me that I have a way with animals and my honey believes that to be true as well.

It was such a slow process getting Tonto gentle and loving us.  He got to the point that he would follow me into the bathroom just to spend some time with me.   To this day he still does that?  It took him 2 weeks to fall in love with me and a total of 6 months before he trusted my honey.  What actually changed him was when a friend brought over her little 2 year old son.  The little boy had a feather in which he played with Tonto.   Tonto totally surprised me the even came out from under the bed upstairs.  He was sitting under a table in the living room when the toddler was playing with him.  We had only had him maybe a month when this happened but it was such a beautiful moment.  Tonto used to be this zip in the room.  He would run past us and you couldn't even make it out that this was a cat zipping by.  He was stealth fast and total blur when he zipped by.  It was like zip here and zip there and "what the hell was that?". 

Even as a baby; he loved sleeping on his back in so many different areas of the house!  You just never know!) I did everything I could to get this little manx gentle.  He finally  started to come out of his shell and he become this playful little kitten who loved to carry his favorite toys around with him.  He would fetch his favorite toys for what seemed like hours and it was pretty fun watching him grown up. 

I guess around 9 months or so when he was super duper gentle finally; 180 degrees totally different cat; I decided it would be time to teach him to walk on a leash.  I had done this with Toonce when he was young and he did walk on the leash pretty good for a couple of years until he got to be so fat and lazy.   Manx are one of the easiest breeds to train as they are very dog like.  They follow you around, they fetch, come when called,  loves to ride in the car and go shopping and of course  and then walking on a leash.

 

This little kitty had some giganto webbed feet and another characteristic about Manx are that they are drawn to water like a duck.   As a baby he was practically all legs and very clumsy looking.  He didn't mind getting baths at all in fact he would smack at the bubbles and purr as I shampooed him.  So he was very easy to bath and not like most cats.  He loved the water and still does!  Now he just talks to me as he is getting bathed.  Anyway here is a video of my next door neighbor's daughter bathing Blue Belle and Tonto at the same time!)


 

Anyway how did I teach this cat to walk on a leash? Both of my cats always wore a collar for ID purposes.  I decided to click a small leash on his collar to get him used to the leash.  Since he did follow me around the house; it  seemed it would be easy to teach him.  At first he thought the leash was this fun string toy and he would loose himself playing vigorously with that leash!  I thought he might accidentally choke himself so I had to watch him carefully when he started his crazy play games.    Well I got some kitty treats and I grabbed the leash for the very first time.  I called his name and had a treat ready for him.  He obliged and walked up to me as I tugged the leash gently to the side.  I told him what a good boy he was and gave him the treat.   That meant so much to him as I told him what a good boy he was  and praising him. 

Now I realized that teaching him to walk on the leash would involve gentle tugs to the side and not full on pulling him forward and of course some sweet encouragement.  He loves to be talked to and sometimes he talks right back.   Cats don't work that way if you tug them forward; I think it freaks them out!  You never tug a cat forward (at least I have never heard of cat that did?)

He was finally getting the hang of walking around with me as I guided him around the house with the leash; most of the time I just followed him as he explored with his leash on.  He became quite used to it.  I finally decided it was time to take him outside with the leash. We walked outside as he became quite excited to see the great outdoors.  He had to stop and smell all the flowers.  He liked walking on the side walk and it seemed he caught on to what the leash was all about and he seemed OK with it.   I think we must have hit a few snags as we continued our walk around the complex and each time a little Greenie and some encouragement did the trick each time.  He followed for a little while and then decided he wanted to lead the way and from then on it was all about his great walks outdoors.   

His big brother Toonces is now waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge used to walk good on the leash but he lost interest once we moved into our dream home.   While Toonces was still alive; he kept Tonto quiet most of the time because Tonto is known around here as the loudest cat on Earth!  He usually has so much to say but Old Toonce would not put up with Tonto's constant chattering and would often get on his back and dominate him much like dogs do to one another.  It was the strangest thing to see but it worked for those couple of years that Toonces was around. 

  

When Blue Belle arrived, both cats displayed lots of curiosity of her.  Toonces actually fell in love with her because she was so sweet to him  and she did everything she could to not get a beat down from him but none of them would ever sleep together like I've seen other cats and dogs do.   Blue Belle just hasn't been too crazy about Tonto because she knows he can be very dishonest and a bad, bad, bad boy for jumping up on counters and finishing up dishes  and it pisses her off that she can't dare reach to take over.  She knows that we don't want him on counters and he knows this too.  Sometimes she will bark and he knows that after she barks that he better get is ass of the counter before we catch him.  Sneaky little boy he is!  He just plays the sneaky game all the way.  When Toonces was around he was a better boy and  much more behaved.  Toonce would body slam him if he dared to be a bad boy.  So after we lost Toonce there was a significant change of attitude being the only cat.

Another thing Tonto does with his big feet (if we don't lock the doggie door after a rain, he likes to play in the puddles and then he brings in on my beautiful floor, big wet kitty prints and lots  of soggy leaves.  It's a nightmare to clean but just one the little quirks this big boy has!)  He has the best sense of humor!)

Tonto grieved for Toonces for at least 6 months and Blue Belle didn't seem to miss him at all.  She took on the roll of Alfa girl almost immediately.   She doesn't put up with Tonto's crap at all.  She does get jealous of him often but the two of them put up with each other pretty good.   Tonto gives her hugs and to her those are very annoying and she is always trying to lick his ass which drives him absolutely insane.  He hates that with a passion!   He makes the hideous sounds when she does that as if she bit a piece of his off.   Yes the two of them are great therapy for me and they make such a big difference in my quality of life.  

Hope you all enjoyed this post as much as I did in writing it!  Peace and Love to all of you!)

Well here is another gorgeous horse who needs a home or some hay; what ever we can do for him.  I love Appaloosas so I have this special place in heart for them.  When I was little we got this Gray Appaloosa and I couldn't say "Grey Appaloosa" so Graple is what came out and what a great name!) Anyway this one has blanket of spots and he is quite young; only a year old.    He was born July 17th, 2009.  He is 1/2 Thoroughbred, with a mix of Percheron, Shire, Appaloosa, and Paint.  He was actually born on the Animali Farm.  He is very friendly and amazingly beautiful.  His adoption fee with help other foals who were not a fortunate as he.  He did go to Monty Roberts Academy and he is halterbroke, you can pick up his feet and he will go into a trailer with out any problems.  His Adoption fee is $1800 and he will be a big boy once is all grown up!)   Oh and his name is Big Mac!)  If you are interested you may contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes at Animali@aol.com or (805) 938-0174

I'm back home from the hospital again!....Hopefully for good!

This morning I finally got released from the hospital at around 11am. I had awoken with severe nausea and pain in my abdomen (most likely from the chemo) so we dealt with that. I kind of just had to lie on the bed and stay motionless for just a little while. This feeling did keep me from packing things up as I had wanted to and I also wanted badly to go upstairs to floor 4 to say good bye to my new friend Anne and to bring back a DVD I had borrowed. I just didn't have the energy; I couldn't get myself out of bed. I was so incredibly lethargic!(

The doctors had come to see me shortly after 7am to remove the staples and to discuss my early release from the hospital. I was stoked but also frightened dearly of having to get those staples removed. Don't laugh, but I video taped the whole procedure this time for those of you who might be interested in that kind of stuff. I didn't realize it but the last two staples were actually blocked by my shirt; sorry about that (I was being a chicken monkey about it all and I videotaped the whole deal with my eyes closed. That's why I wasn't carrying on!); but I also got them taking off the bandage to my JP and then putting on those little steri strips (I think that is what they are called), but they basically hold you together and allows for the tummy to heal further.

I will never forget having those staples removed just the day before my wedding and then having those little steri strips that seemed to always get caught on my dress. (I had to go potty a lot because of the surgery on my bowels). My honey still wanted to marry me no matter what and he and I are still happy newly weds! Steri strips and all!)

Anyway my husband showed up this morning to pick me up around 10:15ish or so and was so incredibly accommodating to me. It's just those tiny little things that he does for me that I could never ever take for granted. In fact anytime anyone does something nice for me; I can't bring myself to always just expect that of them; instead I just appreciate it. It's just wonderful and just another thing in life to be incredibly thankful for. I just can't believe that incredible gift I have in such a wonderful husband. He packed up mgsy thin very nicely; just like a soldier would; all of my belongings were very organized; he even made a few quick trips to the truck so that we wouldn't have so much to carry back, he went to pharmacy and picks up my drugs, and then he even walked up to the 4th floor and took the DVD that I had borrowed from Anne back up to her. What an awesome, awesome man to be married too! I'm so thankful for everyday that I get to spend with him!)

Well, when my honey went upstairs to see Anne, she decided right then to come downstairs immediately in her wheelchair so that she could say good bye to me. The sweet nurse Terry helped wheel her downstairs and I got to hug both of them. It was so good to see her and I will be leaving my Skype on just in case she wishes to call me. It's great to make such an excellent connection while in the hospital like that. I have had hospital roommates before that were no where near that nice; well I take that back I did have one that was awesome; a breast cancer survivor. She was so sweet to me and treated me as if I were her daughter.

Riding home was easy enough as my energy level started to increase. I was so excited to be outside and riding in a car. I couldn't believe that I was outside at all; it was so nice. Today the temperatures were in the triple digits today and I stayed inside mostly. I finally went outside after 5pm when it just started to cool down just a little bit to hang out with some neighbors as Blue Belle played with her best friend Tess. Of all things I forgot my camera. They were playing so cute together and I got to hang out for just a little while with four of my neighbors. They all have missed me because I have been in the hospital for quite a while (over 3 weeks). Amanda even came outside with her mother. It was so good to see everyone. We finally went back inside as I started to feel some pains; I came inside and rested and then felt more energy once again. I didn't have much painkillers today only 2 applications of the liquid morphine (morning and night) and this medication is approved for every 2 hours.

Later on I got a surprise and 3 co-workers came by to visit me. I was so happy to see them and I had missed all of them like crazy over the months. In fact I was actually kind of looking forward to going back to work and seeing everyone again. Time just passes by no matter what anyway. I hope to have enough energy to go visit everyone at work soon.

I think today was good day to be released from the hospital; I definitely feel more ready despite having had chemo last night. I'm not in as much pain and I feel good overall. Can't get the smile off my face (I have so much to smile about today).

My chemo doctor called and talked with my husband about adding Carbo or Cisplatinum to my regimine and I'm down with it. My husband isn't so much but I want a fighting chance to kill this horrid shitty cancer! I promise to keep you all updated on our decisions on that. I feel very strongly that I can handle those severe side effects because I do have the best ever anti-nausea medicine and I don't have to worry about being arrested for using it. I don't have to say another word about it; I feel confident that I can handle the chemo ahead of me despite this 6th major surgery. It wasn't so bad (hopefully tomorrow I won't be writing that yes, it was bad after all!) Just kidding! I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that; but yes I am ready as ever to battle cancer!

One of my visitors has a severe phobia of all large dogs and Blue Belle does kind of fit into that category (she's a large Sheltie); she might even have those intimidating teeth and all. She was so convinced that she was going to get my friend over her fear of dogs and I think she did it. It was really cool to see. I think she could sense her fear and just felt "why would anyone be afraid of Miss Blue Belle"? I kept trying to tell her to leave my friend alone but she just kept on smiling at her and walking by her and smiling some more; she just wanted her to reach over and pet her and to tell her that she wasn't afraid of her. I have seen many get scared on the streets as I have walked by with Blue Belle but more often than none; most people are more willing to want to pet my beautiful Blue Belle. This was just another example of why I would love to push her into therapy for people with PTSD or wounded soldiers. She has that confidence that she can heal anyone. It's very cool to see.

My friend Anne called me via Skype just when my visitors were about to leave and of course Tonto had just been fed so he was over at my next door neighbor's getting his second dinner. Well he came back later on & so here we are! Tonto sends his Love to you Anne and I hope you are able to come home soon!

I'm so happy to finally be at home and my pain level to be under control. It was scary last week and am so happy that I survived it all. Thank you all for all of your prayers, positive thoughts, good vibes, and most of all Kharma! Peace and love to all you!

Happy 39th to me....

Well President Obama did tell me that I can celebrate my birthday all week long (he said we would be celebrating Flag Day all week)! I love my President! Well my birthday is on Flag Day and what a great birthday it was for me! I couldn't believe all the wonderful friends who wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook, then those who took the time to email me, the phone calls from all over, and of course all the friends who stopped by!) Thank you all!

I did get to have that Pizza Party that I dreamed of having all thanks to my good friend Nikki!)

Now the day did not start off quite so easy because I did suffer in intense pain several times in the beginning of the day, but I did manage the pain quite well with minimal medications (Vicodin and Ativan) and even used some pot the rest of day to manage the nausea and it did indeed kept me munching through out the day (in hopes that I am gaining some weight). (that's why we didn't get to the Farmer's Market till later) During the morning and then later in the evening the muscle spasms were pretty intense. My trusty vaporizer helped me so much in controlling the violent spasms (primarily the ones where vomiting was involved).

I started my day rather late, my brother and I didn't make it to the Farmer's Market until shortly before 1pm. We grabbed some fresh garlic, basil, bell peppers (red & green), red onions and what ever we could get then Nikki got all the rest. She got several choices of crusts, (regular cheese crusts, pita bread, Naan bread, tortilla, and plain crusts) cheeses (mozzarella, parmesan, ,& asiago) spaghetti sauce, garlic sauce, mushrooms, and tomatoes. She had stopped by an awesome store (Lunardi's) close by to her house near the Peninsula. She even picked up a beautiful decorated Carrot Cake (my favorite) birthday cake.

Here we are cutting up all the toppings and getting everything ready for the pizza party to start!

The adults who were well aware and wanted to got to use my very special secret sauce that I had made 2 weeks ago (with cannabis). Me and Nikki cut up all of the toppings and then placed them in different cups for all to choose from when making their own personal pizza. It was a blast to do!

After I had my pizza it was at least several hours that I did not have pains (it could have been because of ingesting the cannabis?) but I did get to spend some good quality time with friends and family while everyone just loved the pizza party idea!)

For those Adults who tried pizza with my special secret sauce, it was very, very mild but mostly just gave a small body rush of feel good energy. (very, very weak). Yes, we are in California and cannabis is not at all a dangerous plant for those who use it recreationally as consenting adults. So yes, there was plenty of laughter at my party!)

It was such peaceful, relaxing, and most of all wonderful party!) Now it wasn't a loud party like most, just very peaceful and the house was full of love. We even played some of my old lady music!) I usually don't have parties for my birthday and this was my first ever real birthday party! Can you believe that? OK many in the past but not like this.

My next door neighbors even stopped by for a few just to check out our new floor. The party was a blast. I had no physical pain for at least 6 hours!) during the party. I know it had to be my secret sauce because my intestines had calmed down completely (it was like they were stoned!). I got to move around and even go down to the hot tub to soak my feet with my friend and her son. Oh how I was thinking "GOD, please let me be able to soak in the hot tub again!" I really do hope that I can get rid of this nephostomy bag! I didn't mention the burning and itching on my back from the tube going right to my kidney? Well yes, this is also happening as I'm having fun too!) It's not so bad, but it would be great to be able to soak in that tub or swim in that pool! We are just changing the dressing on my back practically daily since the dressing from Thursday's changing came off on Friday, my tube has been exposed so it burns and it's leaking a little.

The spasms (anal and stomach?) did return shortly after midnight (vomiting and some diarrhea) and I was able to deal with them. I got through it!) Now they sounded a little scary to my brother but my honey had it covered. He got all that I needed to deal with them (painful spasms) including a glass of water to go with my anti anxiety drug (Klonopin). I actually remembered to take a Klonopin (well technically it was the spasm that helped me remember) and I was able to go right to sleep. My honey had run downstairs to go grab it and yes, he asked me "what can I get you honey?" !)

Now on for more adventures with my brother and father and my husband! We are getting the right equipment to groom my lovely girl so expect some pretty show dog photos in my upcoming posts!)

Floors almost done...getting ready for family..

Wow! It has been a whole week since I last updated and my apologies for the delay. I have been online for a few days but it has literally taken all of my energy to get the small things done (laundry, sometimes making lunches, putting small things away, changing sheets, etc.) The flooring is almost complete and I still have yet to download all the photos of all the excitement. My brother arrives tomorrow evening; technically Friday morning. (hint, hint, another break in updates)

The new floor is really amazing and that's all I can tell you right now. I was able to do a small amount of yoga last night and will try to will my intestines to work right. They just don't seem to know my asshole from my mouth from anything! I am still puking and shitting at the same time and that totally sucks!( I am making the most of it and have lagged at calling and leaving a message with the specialist. For some odd reason, I start thinking that I will improve just magically with out the specialist, surgeons and doctors. Call it hope or faith, and I still have tomorrow morning to make an appointment. My younger brother understands and just wants to hang with me here in CA!)

To be quite honest, I have been in so much pain (not all the time, but during part of the day and and part of the night / morning hours) these last couple of days and for a little while during the day, I can revert to some normalcy but it involves being stoned. I had a few days in between where I was OK but now it's kind of like I'm getting a little worse (time to call the specialist). As far as my natural medicine is concerned, I feel that it still calms my intestines but not right away. It takes a few minutes after the muscle spasms have had their way with me.

The first night, there was only about 4ft all the way from the living room to the dining room complete as Tonto used that small area to play on. It seemed his toys slid across that area much better than the concrete where the carpet was. It was time to get rid of that carpet and we will get rid of the rest eventually but this should be a good start.

I do know that this floor surface is much more fun to clean than the linoleum or the carpet. It just wasn't all that much fun using lots of elbow grease or vacuuming on the old flooring. I kept hoping that it would just mop itself but that never happens;?.

Oh and Tonto stayed with one of my sweet neighbors and tried to become friends with her kitties. It was a good experience for Tonto and getting used to other people. I think I will always be his favorite human; it took about 3 years for him to fully trust my honey. He still will not listen to him fully. My honey can call his name and keep calling it, but he won't fully listen; sometimes there will be a rare moment when he does but he mostly listens to me. I can call his name and most of the time I get a "here I am mom!" and he walks right up to me. There is always that chattiness about him.

I was able to take both of them to the vet today and wow! $450 later, and then it will also cost nearly $700 to have both of their teeth cleaned. I have to think about doing this eventually but I plan to seek another vet. It used to be less than $200 but now over $350 for each of them. Maybe my dentist can do it cheaper? Life costs money and these pets really help me through many of these troubled times. I have many happy moments where I can laugh at each of them or just smile. I guess they are kind of natural medicine for both myself and my husband.

I did get a kick out of the reactions from some of the vet techs as they talked about how awesome Tonto and Blue Belle are. I could hear the conversations in the back (I was in a small examining room) as they talked about each of them and how Tonto walked back into the office on his leash. He just wanted to be in the room with mommy and Blue Belle. The compliments on their names were the best. I have to admit that both of their names were well chosen for their personalities. The most important thing is that they are there for each other at a vet's appointment and it was as if I was a mom of two well behaved kids.

I had been scared that Tonto would puke all over my neighbor's home after his medications and trip to the vet. I was reading over the receipt and directions for his medications. I did see a CAUTION: that he may experience nausea from his shots. This was after I brought him over. I freaked a little bit worrying about this small thing. He had slobbed all over me on the way home and he even left a poopie stain on my pants from the fecal test I suppose. He has some Vaseline on his little butthole and it stained my pants a little when I took him to the car. It was on the way home that he had slobbed on me.

After I got home from taking both to the vet, I had to take a nap and then I got sick. I didn't think I would be able to make it to the Survivor's reception. I sure wanted to and I did everything I could to go. I did go and happy that I did! The Survivor's reception at the American Cancer Society in Campbell, CA. I met several survivor's and even found a potential team to join. I am still quite confused on that as I did sign up as an individual but we will see what happens. I got an email request and not sure how that went but what ever team I end up on; should be good! It's Relay for Life! I know now that I have 2 teams that wish to have me. On the team that I met this evening, I could get the shift I want (1am - 2am walking). I didn't eat anything while there; they did have the most amazing punch I have ever had.

I didn't bring Blue Belle to the event and I did have a small panic attack when I got there. I started crying and just couldn't stop. I immediately went into the bathroom; It was embarrassing to have to deal with. I think because of my nephostomy bag and the fact that I am going through these anxieties of not knowing what is going on with my intestines and to be at this event as a survivor; I was feeling like less of one (survivor) right then. Well the reasons for that is because this last surgery has been so hard on me to get stronger; sometimes I feel like I am not getting stronger and this is very frustrating for me. I didn't have my little buddy there to encourage me and cancer really is something that we need to find a cure for. I'm facing more chemo when I get stronger, but yes, I still have to take life one day at a time.

I met some really amazing women when I got there and I think that I may have been a survivor who has really been through the ringer quite a bit more than many. I also found out that I can indeed bring my service dog with me to walk and my husband and I are more than welcome to walk together with her. Right before I left I had told some of the women about my service dog and how I got there without her. I started crying again and those sweet ladies walked me right to my car. I think I'm just emotional from being scared for my life.

I got home OK and then went and picked up Tonto. My sweet neighbors came over to see my new floor and then I immediate got sick. Actually one neighbor came by right before I left for the Survivor Benefit? and then my neighbor who was watching Tonto came over (just for a few moments). Then after she left; I raced upstairs and did my usual ritual (Sitz Baths one after another = 5). I've been puking more so than number 2 but the spasms are very, very real. Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to come right up my esophagus. No, it's not at all pleasant, but I get through it each time. I will be calling the internist tomorrow morning with out a doubt (reminder on my iPhone). I hope to provide more updates but I do plan on being OK. Worrying will not do me any good, just prayers and good positive thoughts!) Hint...Hint...