Happy Birthday Miss Blue Belle!

Today Miss Blue Belle is officially 4 years old and it is raining like crazy outside.   Happy Birthday Miss Blue Belle!)  She is such a good girl and so patient with us as we got to sleep in to the sound of rain outside our window.  I love that sound; it kind of reminds me of getting everything all packed and ready to go to Tahoe; but definitely not this year.  My intestines and strength would not be able to take it.  I can't even take a trip to SF which is only about 45 minutes away.  

Blue Belle is kinda sad that she is cooped up inside and has to be towel dried when taken outside for pee pee or poo break.   Tonto somehow got himself inside this clothes hamper to relax and hide.  He cried to me and I had to grab the camera for this shot of him looking up at me as if to tell me "Look what I did!).

Well also this week; Blue Belle finally got all of her paperwork from Therapy Dog International including her tag, ID Card with gorgeous photo of her, a certificate and a bandanna.  All I need to do  now is to go to the hospital and complete my volunteer paperwork, get a TB test and of course show them all of Blue Belle's paperwork and we can then start volunteering.   I'm hoping that I will be able to do this and that I will have the energy to walk Blue Belle around the halls; I may have to be pushed in a wheel chair since I can't be on my feet for very long; (that's why I use my bicycle a lot to walk my dog).   My bike kind of acts like a wheel chair for me so that I don't have to stand and feel that horrible burning, pinching, cinging pain of my intestines feeling as if they are being stretched and pushed out of my ass.  

OMG does that hurt when that happens and most of the time it's my intestine relieving themselves.  (lots of pooping and needing to stay at least 5-10 seconds to bathroom!)   But life usually goes on and I get by!)  I also get the worst case of hiccups sometimes when those spasms occur and then the painful vomiting.  It burns quite a bit when it comes up.   Yes, that kind of  pain is so sucky and to have wouldn't you say?  Yes, it's embarrassing but I have to deal with it daily and my cannabis use really does help me quite a bit in dealing.   It is a blessing to have and to use!  I laugh a whole lot more and that is so important these days!  My kitty makes me laugh all the time!

Well back to that miracle plant, it is a God Send for me; I am so thankful for this plant in so many ways.  I don't feel I could live through this kind of pain and then to have relief in just smoking a joint; I feel I deserve that relief.    I'm so happy that finally this plant is just starting to become accepted in many states for other patients such as myself.  I love California just for that reason; we have a lot of compassion for people and I see so many people who are so giving to me and I'm very thankful to have so many around me for which I write about.  Their kindness inspires me in so many ways. 

Well, I'm also on lots of other types of pain medication because of all of these surgeries which I hope has not damaged my intestines for good (I really want to be able to go back to work; I  really miss everyone so much!( and I hope some of this pain isn't the cancer itself which it could very well be.  I just know in my heart that if I do have any ounce of energy it will be used to enjoy all the great things that I do treasure in my life.   
 

Well today we plan to enjoy the rest of this wonderful day and pamper our little girl since we can't do the play dates we wanted to with her friends.   I got wash my hair with this amazing shampoo!  Don't worry, I have my own brushes and Blue Belle has her own too!  Now we both have amazing hair that we can sport together!   Please don't worry about me and my pain; I am gaining weight slowly (I'm up to 115lbs!) Yeah!  I hope I can maintain it and with the heavy backpack and IV I weighed 121.5!  Wow!

Hope you all have a wonderful day!  Peace and Love to all of you! 

Happy Halloween!....

This will be a very short post; but the good news is that I am getting more and more energy. I think the antidepressant "Celexa" is making a difference. I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy being busy! (having much fun with my honey and spending lots of quality time together)

Well I'm not crying nearly as much as I was and I feel more focused on living. What a relief! How I hate crying for no reason at all; or to be dwelling on that horrible conversation I had with my doctor weeks ago. The antidepressants appear to be working and it didn't take that long for them to work in the first place (only a few days). I'm not feeling so depressed anymore and that's the beauty of it all!) My honey and I are getting along so good and I love you is said at least 20 times a day with lots of kisses. We are so sappy and we know it; hell we just love being sappy and lovvy dovvy together!) Who cares when we love each other more than anything! We just appreciate every day and every moment that we get to spend together. Each day is a gift when we get to wake up next to one another. He just looks so incredibly hot and handsome as I look over at him that I just can't believe that I married such a hot man. I haven't found one actor or man out on the street that looks anywhere as good as he does. He's like a young George Clooney (only more hotter!) to me with long beautiful curly hair. I'm so blessed!) His looks are not the only thing; he is beautiful inside and out!) What an awesome man to be married too and I'm so thankful for each and every day I get to spend with him!)

Well the bad thing is that I'm still having problems with horrible nausea and am having a very hard time getting some sort of an appetite for anything so therefore gaining weight has been more than just a challenge but nothing a little pot can't handle and that is working like a charm with getting me hungry enough to get that appetite stimulated; it's the gaining and keeping weight on which is very hard. I keep teetering on the weights between 110.5 and 113 and have been for days. God, I hope I don't have to go on the milk again! That medical company (Apria) has yet to pick up the TPN devices and the backpack. We have it plugged in and it makes this beeping sound that just brings back memories that I'm still on the bag; but I'm not; I'm teetering on having to. I just hope that I can find the secret and start to gain some more weight. Maybe that antidepressant will help me; it's not making me sick anymore.

We found another person who grows medicine and can't in their hearts charge me for it; so it's free. These kind hearted people (Feds would like to call them criminals) just want me around longer or would like to see my husband happy much longer. They don't want him to loose the love of his life. That is a sad thing to see anyone go through. That's what the FEDS never ever think about when they arrest someone for growing for medicinal purposes; that medicine that they are content with destroying is keeping many patients alive. For me, it all stems from treating others the way that you would want to be treated and its so sad that many people do not have that ability to do so. Come on, it's the GOLDEN RULE! Its as if many parents can't even teach their children this vital rule? I wish it was the law that people just do that (follow the Golden Rule); and that crimes could be based on that; even capital murder. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but we put good animals to sleep all the time in shelters that are more worthy of living a good life. Sorry to get off the subject a bit (yes; I am all for Capital Punishment). That's just my mode of thinking.

Chemotherapy is a very heavy duty thing to have to go through and to loose your appetite and to become as sick as possible; to be vomiting out of control till your stomach cramps up, you don't know if your heart is going to stop or not; it's just very scary. If government officials could just go through those experiences or even what I go through; I bet there would be less unnecessary arrests; laws would for sure change. They could actually witness and see that medicinal cannabis is not at all a dangerous drug or plant. I really can't get over how it is helping me now and I am so incredibly grateful that it's the one thing that is working for me. Sure I still take the Zofran for nausea (the bad thing about Zofran is that it constipates me) but it does NOT give me any kind of appetite or even make me nearly as thirsty as cannabis does. It does help me with the extreme nausea and I can take it with my cannabis. I really have to be thirsty in order to protect my kidneys from the long term damage that chemo can give me. Hell, I have a stint in my ureter to protect!) I have to drink water whether I like it or not and cannabis gives me cotton mouth that enables me to become very thirsty!) My life now depends on it and so do my kidneys!) I don't wish to be in the hospital again over another severe kidney infection so the cannabis therapy will continue for as long as it helps me!) I don't care what any government official has to say about my life; I'm going to fight to stay alive whether they like it or not!)

As it is now; if I am hungry for it; I have to eat it whether its a Twix bar or Taco Bell, or something organic. I have gotten a little better at not ordering more than I can possibly eat although kids portions are still more than I can eat. A kid's portion at Harry's Hoffbrau will easily last me 3 days. My tummy fills up really fast and now I'm quite the cheap date that I am!) Why on earth must restaurants waste so much food and money? My tummy could never expand like that; I would be in the worst pain ever if I were to eat a full sized meal.

Well my Dad will be here to visit me Nov. 3rd - 11th and my mother and sister in laws will be here on the 12th. Then I have to plan for my mom and her sister and then my brother's visit. My are we going to be busy making lots of memories. Tonight (Celebrating Halloween) we plan to go up to Santana Row and sport Miss Blue Belle in her Angel Costume and maybe even the mall.

We decided that we are not going to sit and wait for 1 or 2 trick or treaters. For some reason our neighborhood has gotten a bad rap and I guess parents are afraid that we are going to be handing out drugs and guns instead of candy. Oh well. Either way Miss Blue Belle is getting some much needed exercise and more socialization for her TDI (Therapy Dog International Test)= like she needs it; I do know she will pass with flying colors; but we want to volunteer at Kaiser and at Stanford. I must give back to all of those who have participated in saving my life. I'm so very thankful to still be alive and therefore I must share my well trained dog to make others feel better. Happy Halloween To All with Much Blessings and Peace and Love!

Last Day Hopefully with the Nephostomy Bag...Let's Pray!

Well last night was one long night indeed. I had diarrhea all night long and I might as well have just slept on the toilet. In fact I tried to at one point. My poor bum burned so intensively; I used the "Sitz Bath" that my honey got me each time. It provided some relief but once I got off of it; it felt like I had to go all over again. It was quite disgusting having to pour poo from the hot water into the toilet, clean it out and start all over again. I guess this is my experience of changing diapers, huh?

I took painkillers, anti anxiety pills throughout the hours and even anti diarrhea medication and it seemed that nothing helped. I could not get to sleep because my intestines seemed to be in overdrive. They were involuntarily moving around everything in my system. They couldn't stop moving things around and outside of my body. It was totally miserable and finally at 5am I had enough so I took some Vicodan and an Ativan and was konked out until 1pm today. I didn't have any wierd dreams or hallucinate; just slept soundly and wonderfully. Wow! I cherish those moments of not having pain whether I am awake or I am sleeping soundly!)

I decided today that I will not eat anything and just clean out my system (except for breakfast - must have food with Antibiotic). The diarrhea has continued today and is still going on. My poor bum is still burning and just doesn't want to hack any more stomach acid coming out of it; that's exactly what it feels like. Anything I eat spends maybe 1/2 an hour in my system anyway and then it immediately comes right out; so what's the use? I can just eat my Whole Food's Gummy vitamins. No I definitely not doing this to loose any weight; I don't need to loose any more weight but I don't have much of a choice right now. It is such a pain in the ass to eat anything right now; no pun intended!)

I did eat some Cream of Wheat with my Antibiotic this morning and that too came out shortly after. Hopefully the Antibiotic is able to work since my intestines are on the painful projectile functions?

It is an incredibly hot day today and I know I will be spending most of the day inside. I can't hack 100+ degree weather and "the Boogie on the Bayou" is totally out of the question for us right now. I can't be more than 5ft away from a toilet for pretty much all day long unless I don't mind walking around in hershey shorts. It's feeling so miserable but at least I am going; I have to look at the bright side, I could be going in a bag.

It sure doesn't feel good as I even have stomach stomach acids coming out and causing further pain. I can't think of anything that can help me with this pain right now. The Percocets, the Vicodin; all seem to do nothing. Will be trying some bong hits soon. I kind of feel that GOD thinks I am a shitty person? Is this why I am going through all of this? Why? Yes, it could all get worse, but for now it is very, very painful and frustrating.

So enough about all this pain and suffering; here is what my life has been about even with the Cancer and Prior to the Cancer. All about having fun! Yeah it's kind of hard to have fun on the toilet, but that's not what it has been totally about. I've had lots of excitement in life over the years. Now I get to look forward to hopefully loosing this piss bag!

Here's to (snowboarding) what I have to look forward to and what gets me by each and every day (also my honey, pets, family, friends, and all those praying for me) and of course my beloved Snowboarding Addiction (it is pretty much like a drug Addiction; it's only drug I feel I have ever been completely Addicted to). There's just something about it to me that makes me feel at one with God.

I had been looking for a CD Case of all the DVDs that I have made over the years since being diagnosed. I started making them in 2003 and ever year since I have made them and I always make plenty of copies. I keep all copies in this once CD Case and it's missing. I did find some others which is great when reminiscing. I found lots of really really cool videos of me ripping it up in Oregon and Tahoe so do enjoy as I have: (I already posted this one on my Facebook page) Check out the height of air!

As I was awake in severe pain; I decided to go through another old CD Book that contained old photo back-ups and some that I had not even included in my new external drive. I also found these Oldies but goodies from Burning Man 1999 - This really was an amazing experience for me but the lame part of it all was that my honey had chosen to go to a Ted Nugent Concert instead with his buddies and a friend who had been visiting from his home town.

I was missing him the entire time (even crying myself to sleep on some nights) and I had dudes trying to hit on me (which to me was totally annoying); I stayed completely faithful to my man and even cried a few times because I missed him that much. I was so deeply in love back then and of course still am more so than ever.

Burning Man can be a bit crazy for those not used to seeing some people prance around naked, some doing all kinds of drugs (for me it was just pot or an occasional beer = nothing else for me), lots and lots of art and of course no money allowed; it's strictly bartering. You trade (I traded my skills in handwriting analysis = brought my books, and a spray water for the day = it was hot) for what you need and I really liked this concept; in fact I feel we could all do quite a bit during this recession in this manner. It's about being creative and resourceful to survive.

WARNING: Some of these photos may be offensive to some, please scroll down at your own discretion. No scary surprises! I do consider myself somewhat of an artist when it comes to photographing in that I can view and appreciate all kinds of art; it's just the beauty of the world that I tend to appreciate so much!)

After the Event; it is required that everything must go; no litter left behind; everything must be cleaned up and left as if was prior to everyone arriving. No damage to the environment allowed!

It's kind of a hippy kind of an event; Peace and Love! I did have fun and I got all kinds of photographs. What I wanted was some special photos of me for my honey and there were so many wonderful photographers there where you could really get professionally shot photos and the backgrounds were absolutely amazing; like a work of art; it was and this event has always been a Photographer's Dream!
Hope you enjoy!



I hope to post more of these once the 10 year Anniversary (for me= Not Burning Man) is official (Labor Day). I hear it's not at all the same as it once was. I paid around $60 for my ticket and we only stayed 4 days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday).

I also found these great photos from Gay Pride in SF in 1999. My honey and I went and he got to take photos of me posing next to some the trannies and/or Drag Queens. OK, I did dress slutty for my honey (he loved it = at least I had on some sexy shorts under that dress!),- we were so incredibly crazy for each other back then; OH GOD we are now!) but we all kind of wanted to fit in for this special event. It was so fun to play dress up!

I have had several gay room mates and I still have many, many close friends and they have all been absolutely wonderful to me. Many, just loving individuals who have been genuine. They have never given me a reason to hate them. They are just normal human beings and they are living as their heart tells them to live and I see problem with that. Follow your heart. I have a heart for them and I do Love them.

Well this was back then (Aug. 1999 - I think) We all went with my Room mates from the "New Moon House" on 1516 Guerrero Street between 26th and 27th street. The house has since been sold but it was such a wonderful community living experience for me. I had never lived like that before in my life. We recycled, composted, used some trash to make art; it was very, very cool. We had people from all the world who were staying here, some visiting, but they each brought life into the house and of course had to leave 1 item of art on that house. It was my one experience with how to live in a communal household. It was very safe and I will never forget it. I had at one time 13 room mates and no it wasn't totally crowded.

This house well is 3 stories (It's wasn't totally Victorian, but it was an old home) and I had my very own room with a beautiful bay window overlooking the tea garden. The room itself was very beautiful and I loved all the paint schemes with in the house. Each room was different. A house of artists and some misfits but in all everyone was full of heart and soul. Some room mates would even rent out closets and they were set up pretty nifty; the bed was set up in the ceiling; drawers and everything needed below; some people don't really need a whole lot to live on. It seemed most were Art Students! My old kittie Toonces grew up there and even killed every single mouse and rat that resided in that house prior to us arriving there. He was very much loved there. So here are the photos from Gay Pride 1999!



Oh Memories! Of a life once lived and then of life to be lived!) I have so much more to accomplish in this life!)

UPDATE: The bong hits worked and now I am feeling much better and drinking water and then trying to make a conscientious decision about what to eat? I am able to eat and playing it safe with Chicken and rice. Now it's getting ready for this surgery tomorrow morning. Updates on the surgery to come! Here's to getting rid of the nephostomy bag for good!)

Not another Bladder infection!

Here is my handsome sexy cowboy! He is posing as an Alpaca Farmer. He is doing everything he can to take care of me and he even surprised me with some sushi (steamed rice, miso soup, CA rolls) last night. I couldn't eat that much for most of the day because I wasn't feeling good for most of the day yesterday. (infection)

Just when I have been gaining some weight; almost making it to 120, I get another set back; a bladder infection. I awoke 2 mornings in a row; both around 4:15am to having to pee really bad and then while peeing, it burned like crazy coming out. The annoying thing was; hardly any came out? I would pee a little and almost jump off the toilet once it came out; it was so darned painful. I also needed to empty my now stinky nephostomy bag. Now it's really starting to stink and I tried washing it and it seems to work some but then after a few hours the stink returns.

Well back to this infection; I took my temperature and it was a low grade fever of 99.6 which kind of worried me. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I just can't do it. I'm afraid of having to get more bags and even getting a shit bag (colostomy). It always seems like more bad news and set backs.

A few minutes after trying to pee; my tummy started churning. I had been stressed over the food choices I had made and it seemed that I was getting constipated. Well then the diarrhea started soon after and it was mostly water and hardly any substance which meant to me that I have a block somewhere that is causing everything else to not come out. There must have been lots of acid coming out of my ass because that burned like crazy too! It just was not at all pleasant. Yes, I am entitled to my joint after that dog gone pain!

I was having horribly painful spasms which made my sore on my stomach start to burn and then there was another pain that I felt while the spasms were happening. To tell you exactly how those spasms feel; they starts at my bottom and then goes to my stomach area. It's almost like an involuntary muscle reaction; while I am having the severe spasm on my anus, I am also getting a stomach spasm and then the heart burn; which with that stomach spasm almost feels as I am having a heart attack too; but damn does it hurt!

I took some Ativan and Klonopin both times but not at the same time (different nights); just to break up my medication so that it would definitely work on my spasms. So far it's been very helpful for right now; I just suffer for a little while until it kicks in; then I sometimes will sleep till noon or 9am. The Ativan for more instant relief and then a few hours after it had worn off; I will usually take a Klonapin if I start to feel like my system will act up; I did not want this to start up again. Too incredibly painful; and enough so that I had to take a Percocet too. Wow! Heavy Duty! I'm hoping this is just me healing and I pray that I am.

Yesterday I had written my Doctor about this and he suggested that I come in for a urine test. I brought Miss Blue Belle along in her vest and then on to the park for a quick game of frisbee since it was such a gorgeous day. I was slow moving and thought perhaps a quick walk for exercise might help me in my recovery. It felt wonderful and we walked up to this really nice lady with her small Ausie named "Bonnie".

Bonnie walked right up to me with her ball and just placed it right at my feet. I couldn't reach down to throw it because my back was kind of aching from the infection. The nice lady walked up to me as we talked and our dogs got romp and play together. She was amazed at what I had gone through as I told her my favorite love story after my 1st surgery. I love that true story always and I love others reactions when they realize that yes true love actually exists. Marriage can actually mean "in sickness and in health". I don't want to say the "till death do us part" just yet; I'm just not ready and he isn't either. We want to be happy together for many years to come.

Well, this morning was pretty bad with my infection, but I have it under control with controlled substances (Prescribed to me by my doctors). I really need to smoke some cannabis so that I can finally stomach replenishing my much needed liquids. That's one cool thing I notice with this plant is that it doesn't hurt me to use with any of my medications.

All of my prescribed medications do not allow for me to drink any alcohol so I'm not drinking any alcohol what so ever and haven't done so in a little over 2-3 months?

Well back to how the cannabis will help me. I always seem to get this horrible taste in my mouth (from the pain medications, or antibiotics) which in turn makes nearly impossible for me to stomach drinking any water right now. I feel that if I drink any right now; I will vomit. Hence; cannabis. I can actually tell that I am getting dehydrated and that's the only way I know that will help me. I know I have lost a lot and I don't even have an appetite. I also lost some more weight and am back down to 114.5.

UPDATE: My doctor called and told me that yes indeed I am suffering from a heavy duty infection. He asked about the Cipro and I told him "can't do that one". It made me so sick and I need to gain some weight. I am back on the Septra which worked for my last bladder infection. He also asked if Radiology had called to schedule trying to remove the nephostomy bag and replacing it with a stint. He also told me that he was concerned about these infections and my suseptablity of getting more fistulas. This really scares me and I pray that I can at least live a normal life in time for next snowboard season. I pray the end is not soon for me; it really scares me. I still have hope but I still have fear.

Here is where my medicinal cannabis will help to save my life. It's scary to be going through this but at least I am able to do something about it with out having to worry about going to jail like in states like North Carolina or South Carolina where they have a 0 tolerance for this age old medicine. For some reason these states have tons of money to toss in the toilet to arrest patients or peaceful individuals utilizing their own body to relaxation. Yes, that's exactly how I look at it. They have no right and this plant is on our Planet for a Reason; god gave it to us. It seems these very states stand by racism and lies for making this powerful lifesaving medicine illegal. I hope one day many other patients in my situation are able to save their lives too. I already know now that if I don't do something; I could die and that's scary to me. Why not prove to be Pro-Life and help the already living?

I am very encouraged that in my state that this plant could soon be legalized, taxed, and regulated. If only they would open the gateway for Industrial Hemp which would create much more revenue and jobs for the state of California. This could soon change too. I got to read some good news about my Govenator:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/05/11/MNQI17GMBR.DTL

To me, this is good news. Well the truth about me is that I'm not entirely religious (I have to admit that I am confused in that area), but I am very spiritual. (it's probably from some of my Native American background - I am still considered a Caucasian mutt!) I have this belief that there is a God in nature (not in huge Churches) and that he created this medicine for a purpose.

As for legalization, I don't see any problems. Many people right now are unemployed and some are very stressed out.; just watch the local news and it's a total stress out! Cannabis has a way of relaxing those who are stressed and I don't see any problem with those who need it. I feel so strongly that this plant can curtail the family feuds and stresses over money and allow for them to enjoy quality family time with out violence. Sure, mixing with different drugs or food have varrying side effects , like alcohol. I don't feel it should be mixed with alcohol just as many medications are. You never hear of anyone committing violence after partaking in cannabis (if you do; another drug is often involved); I feel it is needed and it could help states with their budget shortfall; particularly in California.

Industrial Hemp has so many uses and could create countless jobs; it is not dangerous at all and in fact quite the opposite. It is the strongest material known to man. Can you imagine if we utilized hemp for more than just clothing?

As for me in surviving this horrible disease; this blog helps me and is excellent for me get out my feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams; I do hope that I inspire many and perhaps help others to appreciate what they do have in hopes that they too will listen to their bodies when something is wrong.

This blog is very open and honest; because simply; I don't have much to hide nor do I feel like hiding. I'm Alive so hear me Roar! I'm so proud to have survived so much and I will keep on surviving. I just enjoy living as much as possible even though lately it has been on the couch and in my own bed, short walks outside, and even small trips to the grocery store.

My honey and I are still trying to plan a few days get away on the beach somewhere close by with our girl. Tonto may have to stay with our neighbors for those few days. He won't mind as long as he is fed, loved and talked to. Here's to making it through many more obstacles in life!)

Still more pain & hopes for relief....

It is now more apparent that I am suffering from another abdominal blockage. I did speak with my Oncologist yesterday as he told me that he didn't believe that I could survive another surgery and that we are running out of options. It's recurrent and its chemo right now and it will weaken my system. If we can avoid a surgery, that would be best and we can.

For right now, I can't take any pills for pain and that's OK with me. At this point he said it in so many words, (I like to read between the lines) But if I really need some comfort from the pain, I can do some meditation after I get the strongest weed I can get and to utilize for for pain relief because right NOW that is the only option I have at this point. It's working for me for now and for me, living in the NOW is the only way for me to live. After doing so, I like to just laugh at myself because it is so much fun to do once I am pain free.

I had a very good friend of mine stop by to help me clean my house yesterday just a little bit and she also had her kids take out my trash and brush my kitties. I was overjoyed!

I couldn't find any recent photos of both my kitties (I would take one but they are both preoccupied by their naps - one behind the couch= Toonces and the other watching birds and squirrels while making funny noises at them=Tonto), but just managed to find this one of Blue Belle and Tonto getting a bath together which I have to do from time to time. It's pretty cute. Tonto doesn't look very happy here (he was later on that he was a clean handsome kitty), but he is a very vocal kitty but the cool thing is, he really doesn't struggle at all and he even manages to gently allow me to clip his nails each time.

I gave both of her sons a lesson on how to clip the nails of the cats from my previous experience in working in a vet's office. I showed them with Old Toonces. Those were the good old days, but it was only a $6 an hour job which was all I needed for the NOW back THEN.

My friend then dropped me and Blue Belle off at my friend's spa where I did another Poo out of my feet. It was first a question of what to do with Blue Belle because she really wanted to join me up in the Pilot's Chair or so it seemed. My friend gave me a medium sized pillow for my lap while Miss Blue Belle sat most comfortably in my lap as the water in the tub changed colors.

Its always so fascinating to see the mystery colors in the little tub. This time the water had lots of foam which indicates Lymph Nodes and then it was kind of Greenish which indicates Bile and then it turned a sort of Turquoise colored with specks of metal. That's pretty trippy, but that suggests Kidney Function. I will take a picture of the sign next time so you can see for your self. This particular Detox session certainly helped significantly in the pressure that I felt in my abdomen. It relieved some pain; just a little bit. The headaches I was suffering from are now gone. The head aches returned 4-5 days after my other foot detox (Wednesday, Aug. 13th)

After the Detox, me and Blue Belle walked two blocks back home and then we went to the hospital for my X-Ray. She wore her red vest and when ever she wears her vest, she is working and that she did. She stayed right by my side even in the waiting room, I gave her a carrot which kept her busy for the entire 45 minutes that we waited. After my name was called, I had to undress into a gown then into the room for my X-ray. I told Blue Belle to stay right there by the door and she did. When we were done with the X-ray, I got dressed in the tiny dressing room and then we were on our way to the Lab for some Blood tests and then I also needed to do a fecal (wow just like Blue Belle and the kitties!) since my Oncologist was so concerned about internal Bleeding.

See I have lost lots of dignity while having to fight this dreadful disease, so much so that I have no shame and would rather others feel thankful for what they already have. Quit complaining about the silly stupid things in life and be happy for what you have; somebody out there has less and they are content. I don't like the feeling of jealousy and of wishing you were someone else. There is a purpose for why we are who we are.

My Pain Relief

Imagine if John McCain were President. If it were up to him, I would be arrested and put in jail and perhaps my Oncologist too who has saved countless lives or prolonged lives because of his knowledge and skills. There just is no sense as to why the Federal Government claims there is no medical evidence that this miracle plant really helps to relieve pain with out severe side effects such as constipation, or abdominal cramping. In other words, its whats keeping me out of the hospital.

I can still have a quality of life and am able to eliminate the pain and suffering even if it is only temporary; believe me those moments can be lasting. I don't see the harm in it at all; as I am not harming anyone while I am in my home relieving myself of extreme pain. I don't deserve to suffer in pain as the Federal Government and not my State Government, but the Federal suggests that I do. I just love life and I plan to live it despite. What works for me, works.

I still feel strong physically and was able to swim a few laps in a pool last night just prior to smoking a small bowl from my water pipe. I can relax, relieve the pain and keep on living!

And even more good news!
http://safeaccessnow.org/article.php?id=5559

Needless Pain sufferered with relief provided....

I do have to warn you that this post may offend some, but it is honest, real, and heart felt. It might even seem politically charged, but these are my true feelings.

Being a cancer patient, I do know what kinds of pain is felt. Does anyone really know for sure what that pain really feels like and that they can make an unknown decision that a cancer patient deserves to be jailed or put in prison for trying to relieve themselves of pain?

OK, what exactly does the pain really feel like?
Well here is the real honest pain that I suffer and not to worry, I live in California where I hope and pray that I can continue to relieve myself of this pain in the most natural way possible; a way that for thousands of years my ancestors were able to relieve themselves too. There are several ways and in combining those ways, pain relief is possible.

You see, I have had 4 major abdominal surgeries and each time, my intestines were placed on an operating table 4 different times. The 1st surgery was the painful cancer debauking surgery in which several organs were removed and cancer was scraped off. 1 surgery was paritonitus and the other 2 were painful bowel blockages of my intestines.

Do the intestines ever get back to normal after going through something like that?
No they don't, but I am blessed with an herb that has no side effects such as constipation, stomach cramping, and pain that returns with a vengeance. OK, you can count laughing, a case of the munchies, incredible thirst for water, and relaxation as side effects that are not at all harmful. In fact, that thirst for water is what gets the system running again.

How exactly does it feel when that pain is occurring?
Well, at times, I have a pin like pressure in my intestines and sometimes it feels as if there are beetles eating me up inside. Have you ever walked into a forest and heard crunching sounds? Those sounds are beetles eating up the insides of the trees. It kind of feels like crunching inside and those are the less serious of the pains.
Now if my bowels get kinked or twisted, then the pains that I feel become more serious, more like spasms inside my intestines that feel like a crushing pain. Those types of pains will come and go and sometimes I am on the floor crying because the pain is so great. My husband and I have sometimes felt like filming me in this pain in order to prove this point and to show how effectively and quick we are to relieve this pain naturally.

Those types of pain almost feel as if my intestines are going to burst through my skin. At times I have even felt like that scene in aliens when the alien was bursting out of Sigourney Weaver's stomach. The scary truth of it all is that feeling happens every once in a while and it is rare when that does happen.

I'm a tough cookie and I won't ever give up and not to worry, I am able relieve myself of this pain nearly instantaneous whenever necessary. Thanks to the California voters who d for Proposition 215 back in November 1996. It doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. I feel that I don't deserve to suffer in pain like this which is why I utilize the natural medicine when necessary. I am a good person and god provided me with this miracle drug for a reason. My oncologist also supports my decision. It helps keep me out of the emergency room (most of the time) and I am able to enjoy a good quality of life.

What I am talking about is medicinal Cannabis for pain. I know the government is against using it and has even filled the Supreme Court with justices who have no idea about the pain and suffering of cancer, AIDS, and other patients who suffer needlessly. This drug was legal for thousands of years and only because of a newspaper company was propaganda utilized to make it illegal. It isn't a gateway drug at all. I don't feel like a criminal at all attempting to help others with cancer. I am just being honest about my experience with the drug or plant.

Ok, what about alternatives for pain? Well, I could use Vicodin, which on numerous occasions caused a temporary relief for the pain, 45 minutes to take effect, 30 minutes of pain relief, then the pain returned with a serious vengeance. We also have morphine which is what I am giving when hospitalized with a bowel blockage for which Vicodin eventually will cause me. In Canada they have a spray that is supposed to work well and I will utilize it when it becomes available here in the US. I tried the pill Marinol which didn't work at all for me. It did cause a tummy ache, but that's about it.

What's really disturbing is a country that can't work together and it seems that this administration has done just that. We all need to work together to find a cure and to help those affected by pain. I voted in the primaries in California for Obama, not because he is a black man, but because I felt his heart was in the right place. He has true compassion and understands what is like to suffer. Hillary is OK too even though she isn't as in touch with the rest of us. McCain is more than willing to jail patients and is mostly interested in continuing war instead of peace. Please do look up each of the candidates view on Medicinal Marijuana and vote with your heart.

Here is McCain Views on Medical Marijuana and he does state that he will continue to uphold the current laws against Marijuana and that it continue to arrest patients. To me, that is out of touch with reality and placing politics ahead of lives.



Here is Clinton's view:



Finally Obama even more convincing and of course hope for those suffering. He seems more of realist in approaching this subject and he is right. There are far more important threats to tackle than arresting people for smoking marijuana.



To find out more on this subject, I am also working on my other Blog "Sex and Cancer" in touching more detailed on this subject in answering much unanswered questions about Medicinal marijuana. It's very controversial and the government is so against its use and for no particular explained reason other than it is a gateway drug.? This other blog is by invitation only and it is currently under construction. I plan to get other writers involved with various levels of expertise. Please email me if interested at sexandcancer@shoppingkharma.com.
Because life does go on after and/or with cancer.