Something else to look forward to....

A dream of mine has been to get Miss Blue TDI (Therapy Dog International) certified. Yes, I went to this website and saw exactly where the tests were being given. Since there is one being given on the 17th of March. I was able to place the Date, Time, and location into my new iPhone. It's such a trusty little device that I am able to make plans and keep them right there. I won't have an excuse of missing an appointment ever again. This is the very first step to getting your wonderful pet certified to do therapy work. It has to be satisfying because I will be sure to write about all the following subsequent steps involved.

I had a wonderful conversation with Toni Hyland who will be meeting me at the Camden Community Center with my CGC (Canine Good Citizen) where she will go through the test and do everything else involved for the TDI Certification.

I told her to look out for Green Prius, my Obama bumper sticker when we meet her on the 17th of March. (OK that elimates lots of Green Priuses in San Jose and then my Shetland Sheep Dog sticker (that will help) or my Sheltie looking out the window for her and Blue Merle Sheltie at that. I briefly told her (like any proud mom) how Miss Blue Belle helps me so much to drive my Prius!. Some drivers hate bad Prius owners. I happen to be a very good Prius driver (very considerate of others)!

OK sometimes I can be a butthole, but I am worth being a butthole driver and I mean that in best possible sense! OK enough about being a butthole driver!) I also told her about how many drivers don't like Prius Drivers and how sometimes I will turn on my left blinker and how some drivers will just speed up and be like "Pius People are not allowed in front of me! I wish to inhale toxic fumes and not your fresh air!"

Well anyway, if they feel that way I usually try my next weapon of choice. I still need to turn left and they try blocking me and they want me to miss my turn. It somehow makes them very satisfied for someone to just miss an exit? I will open the the left back window and will tell Blue Belle "left window please". She will get up, look out the window at this aggressive driver who wish not be behind a fresh air Prius. Blue Belle will look them right in the eye with her very cute face and then they will automatically slow down on the brakes because the signal is very clear. I wish to turn left! Thank you Blue Belle! Same goes for the right!

Well anyway, once she gets her TDI, we would be qualified to visit together in many facilities to bring her in for patients. She would also be my very own certified and not just Doctor recommended.

So what began this? My husband had told me about a TDI certification that was held held a few days ago near his job. It just sparked something inside my brain. I must make a dream come true; to get Blue Belle certified. We all have them (dreams) and sometimes in life you have to jump at these opportunities and this is an opportunity to be helping others; even if I am only able to do this just a couple of times. We will see.

Every since I was a child (just like the Sheltie things); I had this vision of a rest home in the country where many seniors are unable to take care of themselves and hopefully loving souls are helping them and me bringing a pet and visiting with them. I could finally go visit a place such as that with what better than Miss Blue Belle.

I watch reactions and there you notice so much more. Dog people are not all bad; we at least know how to share. I always remember those who have helped me get by so many years not having a dog. I have lost myself pet a cute little puppy or just a beautiful dog in general. I will write about my experience here in hopes that I will inspire my readers to do something fun and for helping others in your own neighborhoods. I'm a sick person in medical terms but dog gone it I can still live my life and follow my own dreams while I am still around?


UPDATE: I had sent that cone tumor photo from my previous post to my oncologist. He sent me an email back for me to go snowboarding and to call his office when we return to go over the scan. So there! I get to have fun tomorrow and Monday! I have Tuesday off to recover and get a massage! Yes, I will get one!) I'm treating myself anyway and then cleaning the house some more! So yes, we are going boarding in South Lake Tahoe so me not posting a new post will mean I'm only out have a blast and later on I hope to add a video or something hillarious!

Here is a nice lovely conversation with a painfree cancer patient:
I did go to Starbucks this morning and made a mistake. I got the Grande Expresso Truffle. God that read out to be very fantastic. I bet it would be so yummy I thought! I had the munchies for something good! I should try that! You only live once right? Well wrong! That was a completely and totally a nauseating experience for me. It tasted exactly like a greasy, greasy donut?

Expresso (what the hell!( How do you come up with a big fat greasy donut for an Expresso and Truffle? I didn't know that truffles tasted like big fat greasy and totally too sweet donuts. What a horrible experience! Ewwww! I was hoping for so much more than that! I'm only telling others that the "Expresso Truffle Latte" is not at all a good experience if you happen to go to Starbucks. I only had a sip for that horrible price ($4.05). No I did not go back and stress myself and the workers out by demanding my money back. The poor girl took the time to make me the nasty thing. Oh well we all make mistakes and have to move on! It was amusing enough.


I didn't post any photos because for some reason my blog is very slow with all these photos (I may not be able to resist!) and videos to enjoy while here!)

Overcoming chemo brain with new devices and knowledge...

My husband and I have been so incredibly close lately (actually we always are). We have these cute little spats that don't really last long and always end up with us laughing our asses off at each other. One example is that we have these pool keys which I sometimes will loose. I put them in a pocket but it always ends up "well which pocket did I put them in?" Sometimes he looses them and it always seems that I am the one who lost them in the first place each and every time because of this chemo brain.

I am convinced each and every time when something does go missing; it must be me that lost what ever it is. I love to put things in pockets (yes coats and pants), in purses (which ever purse that might be). Women do have so many accessories and I'm no different. They look great, and they hold all of the things we can't possibly carry in our hands all of the time!) Anyway back to the missing pool keys; I had to call my neighbor to let me and my friend into the hot tub. I must have looked inside each and every jacket of mine and my husband's, pants I had worn, purses I may have used. I could not for the foggy chemo brain remember where those keys must be. My poor patient husband is helping me look and of course nothing.

The next day, my husband goes to work and then finds those keys in a pocket in his jacket that perhaps I had never even known he had; his secret pocket. The problem is neither of us can remember or even know which of us is responsible for loosing those keys. It totally does not matter to either of us. Move on!) We just cracked up when he produced them and told me he found them in his jacket in his secret inside pocket. It was either me or him? We had no idea but didn't care. He had checked the mail one of these days and I did too. I wore his jacket one cold, cold morning to take Blue Belle out for her morning potty break (could have had the keys then, but don't know). His coat is so warm and smells just like him that I just can't resist wearing it sometimes. I just remember his outside pockets which I always use but who knows? We were just so tickled that we found those keys. What a relief!

Chemo brain seems to be a big thing for me and many other cancer patients like myself. It happens sometimes where you feel this fog covering up your brain when you are either telling a story, trying to remember where you put something, or explaining to someone something you did, etc. It happens and sometimes when you try to figure out and to learn new things it takes many times of memorizing for anything to really sink in. Don't get me wrong, I still feel smart at times, just frustrated when I forget things. Things do eventually come to me whether its seconds, minutes, hours, days, and sometimes months. You never know.

Well I am doing new things for this New Year to improve my brain skills and I already feel great about it. For instance, I am taking that Yoga class which I can tell is helping me in other ways as well. I also signed up for this Medical Terminology course which really excites me and will give me a great challenge. Maybe I can find out what's really ailing me; yeah its the cancer but hopefully I can fix myself, myself. Wouldn't that be cool? Yeah that's a dream, but I can also make myself more useful in this world by learning medical terms, what they mean, and more.

I also just got myself a new iPhone and its so far pretty fun and I can play with and learn how to use on the way to work! Oh boy! So far so good with the learning how to use; still getting confused with the menus but I have a feeling this will be a good experience for me. Oh,, it's a fun one!)

I just shipped my mom her new phone (my old phone). It will be so good if we can get back to talking to each other every day or every other day again. I hate doing the weekends or once a month. That will not work. A woman's gotta talk to her mom as much as she can or least every day , right?

TGIF! Don't get me wrong, I love each and every day and have found new purpose in going to work in that I do have fun, I get to work with some people who really do have hearts of gold, they do good things for others, would be more than willing to give the shirt off of their backs, and what ever they can do to help out. Their work involves creating drugs which can save the lives of those with debilitating diseases.

However lately, I have found it really sad when others at work tell me of how others make it really hard for them to deal with work (making them very miserable) and while it does make me sad to see others so sad, I just hope that my presence makes going to work so much better and tolerable. I just do my best to cheer others up with my problems. It seems to work with my mom and it makes me very happy to be able to do that for her and for others. I catch myself laughing so hard at myself that I get others laughing too. That always seems to make me feel wonderful!) There might as well be some positive in my seemingly constant bowel problems.

I decided after this experience in the hospital that I just want to just do my best at everything I do. Yeah, it was a close call!) I made it!) So now, I just give everything I do my all! Yeah I have been doing that all along, but never have I felt so strong about it; actually perhaps I always have. I really do like to make those around me appreciate their lives so much more than they do or just to feel great just being around me and maybe I am able to influence others that being miserable is no way to be or to live your life. Live a little, laugh a little, give a little.

I was at work early today and I only got around 3 hours of sleep; if that. I did have some very painful problems today (not until after noon) which honestly does worry me. It was good for me to be at work and to get things done, but in all actuality I was pretty scared today about my doctor's appointment yesterday.

Work actually helped me get my mind off of those problems, but once that pain started I had to sit it out for a little over 2 hours. Yes, I had a bad case of diarrhea which happens sometimes too often; I'm still very, very happy as can be that my butt hole still works!)

I almost felt as if I had dry heaves in my butt hole and that my intestines felt as if they might just come right on out (that I might shit out my intestines). How unpleasant that was and I for sure could not go home while this was all happening. I couldn't get it to stop a few times; like all the food I had eaten was now coming out. I didn't have any appetite for any food and was fearful that it too would come rushing out. That's another thing my doctor had been concerned about was my weight. I need to gain some! I'm still loosing weight but still within the 120lb range. With my clothes, jacket, boots, and a set of keys I had in my pocket; I weigh 129.

I still managed to get things done and all that I had promised I would get done. I felt great about that but was still in lots of pain. I tried some aspirin, then a few hours later some Ibuprofen. It was just like I had taken some sugar pills, so I just tried some breathing techniques, thinking about Blue Belle and what every I could do to rid myself of pain. I tolerated it quite well and NO that does not happen all the time. Just 1 day out of 4 which isn't that bad. No pain the rest of the week.

Finally, it (butt hole dry heaves) stopped, peacefulness but still quite painful! I drove home and then decided that I needed to go to Whole Foods to find me some stuff that could put some real meat on my bones. I called my mom on my new phone and my new hands free device with does not have one of those ear barrettes (torture devices for your ears) just to tell her that her care package is on its way.

How wonderful it was just to hear her voice and that I was indeed cheering her up. I was parked and ready for my shopping trip (all except that feeling of intestines coming out of my butt hole). She told me I needed to smoke a bowl and I did. Within 10 seconds; the pain dissipated. How amazing that felt and my mom got to witness all of this on the phone!) Actually she has witnessed it many times. I sometimes will call her in pain and she will always tell me "You need to go smoke a bowl". How cool is that for my mom to say that to her own daughter? She knows it works and it really does. I would be arrested if I lived in her state (South Carolina) and dared tried to get rid of that pain and uncomfort. Well now I could walk to and inside the store without any pain! What an awesome plant and medicine!) I guess my ancestors weren't at all stupid.

I got all kinds of great stuff at Whole Foods including some Aloe Vera juice, Fish oil (w/out mercury), stuff that had no gluten, soy, or dairy. Maybe diet can help me and perhaps this others stuff can help regenerate my intestines. I told the cashier of my hopes and dreams that I will cure myself one day. After she had bagged up my groceries, she walked around the counter and told me that she just had to give me a hug, so she gave me a good solid hug. It was very sweet. Here's to hope!)

When I got home, my dear sweet husband had fixed the water heater (actually he bought a new one and a friend of his helped him install it). Yeah! We have hot water!)

Feeling better & meeting with doctor...

That hot stone massage really proved to be a miracle in that the abdominal pain in my stomach slowly disappeared through out the week and my back and muscles are still feeling relaxed. Wow! Was that the best massage I have ever had? I really think it is!)

I had my yoga class on Wednesday and I had no problems with any of the exercises. I felt more limber and balanced and I know that too was due to that wonderful massage Aerial Ascher gave me on Sunday.

So what's next? Well I went to see my doctor today and he examined my abdomen for further complications and to see if there was much improvement. For now we are just going to enjoy every God given day I am provided with where I get to go pee and poo. It's the truth!)

NOTE: This is definitely not me, but kinda sorta where my tumor is located only I don't have any ovaries, omentum, fallopian tubes, etc. I'm more spayed than my dog!)

The tumor that is located just inside my abdominal wall and could very well grow and eventually obstruct my bowels once again and it would need to be removed but the problems with me is that this is an extremely risky surgery. It may need to be performed in the near future; we don't know when but intend on prolonging that as long as possible. He explained to us the consequences of having another abdominal surgery in the future and the certainty that I will need a stoma or a colostomy bag. This would be permanent because of the damage done to my bowels. I like anyone asked if there was such thing as an intestinal transpant or from a donor or man made.

Not sure which type of stoma I would get; one type is an iliostomy which disposes of digested food and the other fecal matter (colostomy bag). I wouldn't get the nutrition that I needed so I do plan to try my very best to get as healthy as I possibly can. It's so incredibly scary to think about and how I wished I had normal problems just like everyone else; oh, wait I do on top of all of this. I just don't focus on those other problems nearly as much. I just wish to live a happy life with my soul mate and of course I am; right now!)

That's exactly what I'm doing; is living for right now. It's all I can do and I can't just live in fear of the inevitable. I can still be active with one of those contraptions but in all reality of what I am facing is living with this terminal disease. I can still live; don't get me wrong and that I will!)

My doctor wants to do this type of scan where it takes about 8 hours to perform and this scanner is able to photograph multiple photographs of this solution that I will need to drink all day (no food or water and I'm getting pretty used to that). This scan will record with photographs all the processes for which my body deals with food and or stuff that I intake. It should be quite fascinating; however he is suspecting that my intestines are incredibly fragile and once I am opened up it might be it for them. They are closing in somehow or narrowing which evidently happens to lots of patients who have survived the recurrent cancer for as long as I have. We have had many who have survived for as long as 9 years and a patient with stage 2 alive much longer.

God it just gets me how incredibly deadly this disease is that I am dealing with. I need a miracle and lots of prayers and I just have faith in my heart that I WILL get through this. I have to get my intestines stronger. I will research and there has to be a way to get my intestines stronger and more resilient. It doesn't hurt to try because I know it does to not try:)

After the doctor appointment, my husband took a nap and I left to go to the AT&T store to get my phone working correctly and to get my mother's new phone (my old phone) working before I send her a care package. I included all kinds of great teas (green, ginger, black, and white teas), vitamins, popcorn, and more. Everything to make my mom feel good because I know she has been feeling very depressed about my state of being. I try my best to be as upbeat as I can with her and not to worry her.

My mother does suffer from severe depression which is another thing that I have in connection to our President. His own mother also suffered from severe depression. She could never be happy in one place and seemed to always be looking for happiness which unfortunately many people actually do instead of just enjoying the ride. It's right now is where your happiness is and it is a choice. You can either complain and feel sorry for yourself or you can just do your best and I always count my day in how many people I can get to smile or laugh.

I am very, very scared of my future, but that doesn't stop me from attempting to enjoy every moment that I can whether it's laughing at myself, my husband, having fun with my dog, talking to my friends or family or just writing right here, right now.

Sorry I got off the subject. Anyway, I'm sending my mom this phone and care package tomorrow morning. Miss Blue Belle got to hang out with me at the phone store and many employees did not even know she was there the entire 40 minutes it took to deal with SIM cards, multiple phones lines on my account, what phones for which, and getting all my phone numbers into my new phone. As she was walking out with me, that's when she drew a small crowd of smiles and pets.

I got home and my husband had freaked out because he awoke at 6:30pm thinking he had to hurry and get ready for work. Mass confusion and of course laughter!

An hour later, a good friend of mine stopped by to see me and she shared her problems with me and we also got a good cry out which you really have to do every once in a while. We got to soak in the hot tub and relaxed. We talked about all kinds of things and how I plan to research making my intestines stronger, more resilient, and perhaps they can improve and perhaps I can even focus more energy on killing that dam tumor and that darn cancer in my body that is supposedly growing inside me. Could this be possible? There really has to be a cure. We got back to the house and watched the rest of the Sharks game and also tried to figure out my new iPhone. Yeah, just got one and hope it can help stimulate my chemo brain.

My husband arrived shortly after the game and we all got to talk, and of course laugh right before she left to go home. I went to bed shortly after and then at midnight was awakened by my husband. The water heater had just bursted, water was leaking everywhere, in the walls (or so we thought). It was 12:30am and we needed to call our dear sweet neighbor Nick to help us shut off the water and to try to turn some bolts (I don't understand those things as well), we got everything shut off and then we turned on the water (not the hot water of course). I was wishing that today had been the day I was to wash my hair because I wasn't all looking forward to washing my hair in the sink with cold, cold, water.

On to choose to enjoy another day!)