Fun with Family...

I'm so glad that my husband has also been able to have some good quality time with my father who arrived on the 16th which was on Saturday.  Well, during most of the stay, I had still having been those spells where I get tons of energy in order to get things done around the house (can't handle very long of trips away from the house = because of my extreme bowel issues); we did get to take bike rides everyday except for Monday because of some really heavy rain that lasted for most of the day and week; but just skipping one day out of 4 isn't so bad and we made it up by going on 2 rides on one of the days (forgot which day; must have been Tuesday). 

The nice nurse had arrived on Tuesday and she did talk with me further about wanting to get on Transitions which is I guess sponsored by Hospice of the Valley; I'm mostly just interested in getting some Alternative Health suggestions and services such as Raiki Healing Art and regular massage. Many voluteers work here and it would be cool to volunteer as well with Blue Belle.  I could help them as they help me; I could help Kaiser as they have helped me.  What comes around goes around and I pray that this voluteer work will help me get strong and that perhaps good kharma will pursue and somehow a miracle could happen to me?  Could this be possible; well we shall see.   I am also getting signed releases for patients who wish to get their  photos taken with Blue Belle and used on my blog.  Of course all links would link to the Palo Alto VA Hospital or what ever hospital is offering dog therapy.  This will be fun and it will great to have that feeling of helping someone else as so many have been helping me lately.

When we went to pick him up; Miss Blue Belle  climbed up into the middle console of the Escape and then into his lap to give him kisses and looked gazingly into his eyes as if to say "I sure missed you Grandpa!" She sure did remember him and it was amazing to all of us at what she did. 

Now when my dad had arrived; my honey had 4 free tickets to go see the Sharks play Edmonton (they were nose bleed seats and he just got them just the night before late, late maybe midnightish); we started to go to the game but I started feeling very sick as if I were going to puke and poo at the same time.  My intestines are not feeling so great lately.

We stopped at Henry's High Life which is the lowest point in San Jose and usually gets lots of flooding, but it is also one of the oldest buildings in San Jose.  Since the bartender had given my honey plenty of tickets in the past; he did the same and gave those tickets to a family who would surely enjoy the game and they bought him a beer for that sweet gesture. What comes around goes around!)

 My dad had been taking Miss Blue Belle out for a walk every morning at 8:30am (that he was here) and she had come to love it and has even come to expect it.  She still has her hopes up that her Grandpa will be there at 8:30 am to take her on her morning walk.   Her first morning with out Grandpa was a hard one and the evening with out him was hardest on her because she kept expecting Grandpa to just come right in through the front door only it never happened all day long!(; so Grandpa if you are listening she would very much like to Skype soon with you or for you to move out here so she can see her Grandpa everyday!.  She is such a patient girl and will wait as long as it takes for us to wake up in order for us to  take her out but with Grandpa here; she was in absolute heaven. She could bring him any one of her toys and he would gladly play tug-o-war with her or toss it for her to go fetch.  Her grandpa was great to her and she misses and so do we!  We had a nice visit with him and now we are looking forward to my mom and her sister coming to visit with us on February 8th. 

I still love rain even though the rain has hampered us being able to have much fun outside; although; I will still go out and have fun in it despite getting wet (my honey doesn't want me getting sick out in it); well that's exactly what happened to him when he went out for Philly Cheesesteaks with my dad.  A waitress that was waiting on him was sniffling, sneezing and coughing on him and the next morning my honey awoke to the equivalency of swallowing chopped light bulbs. 

That is why it is so important for employees to stay home when they are infectious with a cold; especially food service employees! But unfortunately; the law doesn't cover them for sick days and the rest of the public has to suffer because they must come to work or they can't pay their bills.  My poor honey!  I almost don't like going out to eat this time of season and would rather make home cooked meals for my honey. I wonder if Grocery Workers are giving their employees sick days too?  It's very important for workers to recieve paid sick leave.  My company was very generous as many companies are unfortunately not.  You have to be thankful for what you do have.  I would pay extra taxes just so that these people for whom I have contact with would be able to stay home and not get my loves ones sick who is taking care of me.  Well now I am feeling a little sick.  He then gives me the sickness. We tried with washing our hands and he is so good with doing that.

I have also been trying to call the PA VA Hospital (left several messages to volunteer services) to see about having Blue Belle and me volunteer; but with all this rain it had made it impossible for us to drive down there and with my intestines going crazy we were barely able to squeeze any outside trips; my honey promises to help me get over there to get signed up and tested (TB test) and for Kaiser Hospital.  It is my dream to be able to help others with my gorgeous soft pretty dog.  There is something to be said over petting and loving on such a soft beautiful and cute dog!  I know she wants to help too; because even out in public; she feels everyone could use a little doggie therapy.

I always remember that laughter is always the best medicine.  I don't always enjoy such serious, violent, or scary stressful movies and for the last week or so haven't seen anything all that great to remember.  I did get to see Julie & Julia which was good (Amy Adams character is a bit winy & a bit annoying but Meryl Streep never ceases to amaze me even seeing her as a crack addicted mother trying to sell drugs in order to support her two sons after her husband passes away.  I can't for the life of me figure out the name of that film; it's listed NO where and I have seen it before.  It was so heartbreaking to see even parts of that movie (just couldn't stand to watch it not that she wasn't doing such a fantastic convincing job).  So I had to check my email and quickly got immerced into some great jokes and videos which made me laugh.  I need that more often than none!  Sometimes just checking my email is amusing enough for great jokes that can make you laugh hard so I had to share this one with all of you; it's kinda dumb but funny enough:

Nag, Nag, Nag

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.......

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!

  

Hope all is well for all of you and sorry to some of you for being a flake at phone calls; just busy enjoying my time with my honey as he takes such good care of me.  We have lots to do in order to prepare for the unknown.  None of us know when that time will be and I know my doctors and nurses don't either.  Miracles happens and what about the power of the mind and Good Kharma? 

Peace and Love to All!

Got me a broken feeder.....

I guess that would be the southern way of saying my TPN machine thingy is not pumping out milk like it should be. It is officially broken and I am sitting here waiting to see if this company can bring me another one or I just don't get fed intravenously.

When my honey came home today to unhook me; I was so proud of myself for making a pasta salad for him to die for and an excellent sandwich which included ham, turkey, and fresh bacon. I was very proud to have accomplished all of that but for some reason my back just ached like hell as I was too weak to be carrying around this heavy food bag. It just felt heavier than usual. I had to set the bag down on the floor and just work with the feed line and to make sure that I didn't get tangled in it which I did once and almost fell. (it got hung in the computer chair and scared the living shit out of me thinking I could have easily pulled that picc line right out of my arm).

Well when my husband got home at lunchtime, he wanted to unhook me right away since I had been on the feeder for so long (over 48 hours) I did have about an hour break last night when he felt was well deserved. He really felt bad for me and I had a cry fest most of the day yesterday. Nothing in particular; just feeling sorry for myself and having one of those days. I felt like I was just an ugly turtle with that stupid thing on my back. I felt much better today.

Well during that brief hour of freedom, I got to change my shirt and sponge off with baby wipes. It's a little hard to keep myself clean with the picc line. I'm not allowed to shower or get my arm wet. I'm dealing with it OK; no swimming at all but hopefully I will be able to ride my beautiful bike soon! Well getting back to our horror of checking the bag; only a quarter of the bag had been dispensed to me; so we were essentially throwing away nearly a full bag of food ($3000).

I called the company several times today to let them know that the TPN dispenser is broken and is not dispensing food to me. I am still gaining weight (from my Ganga Tea); I'm up to 113.5. I even tried on some pants and OMG! They were feeling rather snug on me. I even looked in the mirror and I saw a little bottom peering at me from under my t-shirt this morning. It wasn't sagging for once! Wow!

I hope I can discontinue this TPN soon and will be able to handle digesting regular food. I have been pooping up a storm and thank god both ends (pee and poo) are working (Thank god I'm not vomiting anymore!)! I'm so happy to be able to piss and shit! I can't even begin to tell you!) It's such a blessing to be able to do on my own. My body is finally starting to work and I'm so excited! I still get these horrible gas pain blocks that can get pretty painful because I can't just outright fart just yet. Oh the little worries that I have in my life probably pail in comparison to what many of you have to face in your everyday lives.

At least you don't have to worry as much if your intestines are working properly or that you can actually digest your food; take a lovely shit, or just being able to pee. I don't take those gifts for granted anymore no matter how much it might get on my nerves; being in a hospital with an NG tube takes care of those annoyances real quick. I'm thankful for what little bit my body can do. I can kinda sorta take walks but not long ones just yet; I can drive in the car on short trips.

Today is hopefully the last day I will have that feel like shit feeling from the chemo. I felt it more intense yesterday and just a little bit today. Here I am sporting my new hat that I got at chemo. Some very nice lady knitted a bunch of hats for us chemo patients and I was told I could pick which ever one I wanted. I picked this green one in honor of my honey and the Green Bay Packers. Maybe I can get a Packer patch for this hat. It's pretty styley!) It's good kharma and the kind of kharma I like to write about.

I hate to say it but I have to admit that I have been pretty stressed about the news lately. I'm so worried about my President getting killed by some of these psychotic terrorists. That's how I see them. I know they claim to be exercising their right to bear arms but at political rally? That's exactly what I feel they are by brandishing guns out in public; they are exercising their right to be stupid. George Bush would not even allow people with certain t-shirts inside his own political rallies and I highly doubt he even allowed anyone with a gun and now Obama has to accept those with guns and annoying t-shirts. It's really sad. I don't feel that's fair at all.

I can go around just fine in my own neighborhood which is still very sketchy and I still feel safe enough that I don't need a gun everywhere I go.. I feel if you are so paranoid that you feel that you really need a gun in order to go out in public then you must need some medication too. My mom is on some medication for paranoia and it works great for her; perhaps that's exactly what these crazy people need. I think these people are very crazed and are very capable of being cold calculated killers who would love nothing more than to murder the President. They seem to be very ready to kill our president and I see that this is their intention; particularly those who are wearing the T-shirt Timothy McVeigh wore when he was arrested. I know they are somehow exercising a right but to me I don't feel these people are right in their minds in how they are thinking and rationalizing their thoughts.

I'm brave enough to go out in public without a gun; I don't feel that I need one. Chemo is the only weapon I need!) I still believe in the right to bear arms; but when you are fighting a war, out hunting for food, or protecting your home from intruders; that's it. Times have changed and we should not have to worry about crazy people walking around with their concealed weapons. I don't trust them at all. A gun should be kept at home to protect your home and family; not out in public; it's too dangerous; especially at a political rally. People get crazy and many feel a life is worth loss over something that is said. If that gun were only left at home; many would really be safe to exercise free speech. Leave it to the police forces which are trained to protect us. I'm really worried about these wacko's and I pray he doesn't get killed each day; it seems I'm worried more about his life than my own sometimes. I know he wants to help our country and is in tune with those who are middle class and poorer. He grew up poor and I relate to him in that he too suffered from the evils of the health care system with his own mother's death of what is killing me. I hope this health care plan passes and things start to get better. I also hope everyone gets over it and we can all work together to make our country great again.

I hope and pray everyone looks within themselves and really questions what really is true and what is really better for all; not just themselves but for all of us. The sick and dying deserve health insurance too. This is why it's so important to treat others how you would want to be treated. There are so many people out there who have it worse off than we do and in this world we could all use some good kharma. Why not give it?

If you can do just one thing nice for others; it does come back and it also makes you feel better about yourself. I always appreciate when others do such nice things for me; like visits; bringing by books, magazines, cards, phone calls or emails. It's those little things that make all the difference. Sorry to get so political here but it is worrying me and I can't help it. I just don't want anything horrible to happen to him.

A snow storm is arriving....

Well it has been a whole 3 days and 2 nights since I last saw my honey. I've made it this far and only a few more to go till late Saturday night. Oh and I have been talking and texting him like crazy. I just love talking to my honey on the phone. It sure makes me feel great just to hear his sexy manly voice; it's just like my heart skips a beat and then it turns warm as I feed off the sound of his voice. Love is such a great feeling to experience and I'm so thankful for every moment of it!o)

I am slowly gaining more weight and have been utilizing some good vitamins from Whole Foods (Fish Oil (without the mercury) 1000mg, B-Complex, Vitamin C with Echinacea 500mg , and Graviola) in order to give my body enough ammo to get stronger. I am also drinking Aloe Vera juice twice a day and can actually feel that my intestines are getting strong (I hope and pray). Not to mention electrolytes and vitamin drinks, ensures, and High Protein Boost. Here's to a cure! Perhaps I will find it!)

I'm still suffering from insomnia no matter how hard I try to imagine my husband sleeping downstairs on the couch. I just miss him so much!

Now back to this exciting storm. Yes, my soul needs to spread its wings out on the mountain. There's just nothing like feeling the snow hit my face, looking out into a white wilderness as my board slides so smoothly through soft fresh powder!) The sound of the board when it scrapes some ice and then hits that fresh powder as it spays in both directions as I glide through it. I just love that feeling when my stomach gets lifted up and I leap with very little effort over a small natural jump. Oh how that excites me and makes me feel so incredibly alive! If ever there is a feeling of being in heaven; its in the snow!) I literally could go on and on and on!) Love it!

Check out these prime conditions.

Dodge Ridge Weather Forecast

Thursday, February 5th, 2009 Day Hi: 29° F Snow showers. Temperature rising to near 29 by 11am, then falling to around 23 during the remainder of the day. South wind between 14 and 16 mph, with gusts as high as 24 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possi Night Lo: 18° F Snow showers. Low around 18. South wind between 11 and 18 mph, with gusts as high as 28 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible. Friday, February 6th, 2009 Day Hi: 30° F Snow showers. High near 30. South southwest wind between 7 and 14 mph, with gusts as high as 21 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%. Night Lo: 22° F Snow showers likely, mainly before 10pm. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 22. Light and variable wind. Chance of precipitation is 60%.

Yes, I am considering going to Dodge Ridge. Originally I was considering Bear Valley but after being reminded of a friend's car accident and it could very well be heavy duty conditions; I just know that I need to play it safe since there is a good chance that I will be going alone. I've done it before a few times and my honey supports me fully me in my quest for a soul healing. It does heal my soul to do something so incredibly fun.

Now as for my planning; I figure it's going to snow all day tomorrow while I am at work. Inches and inches of good fresh powder will be falling through out the day for me to play on!) Dodge Ridge is only about 2 and half hours away and of course I sort of drive like a grandma. I have a grandma's disease; so I'm gonna have to drive just like grandma!) I will be safe. No dangerous driving; I just want to go up, enjoy, and drive back all in one peace.

The weather is storming as you can tell and I plan to leave around 5:30-6am Friday morning. I just had a friend of mine provide me with some good kharma. He gave me some boots (I was warned to wear them 30 minutes at a time through out the day). Gonna wear them at work; hell I hope people will laugh at me; I'll be sure to laugh with them!)

This photo was actually taken just a few months before my fourth surgery. My husband tore his ACL on this very trip. I was about 11 months after chemo, and about 4 months after my 3rd major abdominal surgery. You can see the curls coming out of my helmet. My skin was experiencing major breakouts from the chemo coming out of my system. I actually went snowboarding about 10 or so weeks after my third major abdominal surgery and of course here I am again. I'm wearing a girdle too here.. I still have my girdle after all these years and have saved it in case I may need it again. (gotta keep my guts together;)

So if you don't hear from me for a couple of days; please know that I will be having a blast out on the snow. Not sure how many more storms I will get to experience, but I know I'm going out to experience this one for sure! I'm taking my camera and will share with all! My honey is happy that I am going. He understands me like no one else!

Despite a very devastating day.....

Rest in Peace "Old Toonces". I certainly will miss this old Man. He was the dominant force in our household all these years.

Toonce the Poonce! R.I.P.
6/98 - 9/9/08

I had to make a very hard, hard decision yesterday to put this old man to sleep. I took him to the Silicon Valley Humane Society so that he could have a least a chance at a new home. It just wasn't fair for me to keep him if I can't give him the care that he needs. The girl that I spoke with, thought too that he might be suffering in pain.

The good thing is, that he isn't suffering anymore and its a shame that this form of humanity isn't performed on more patients who are miserably suffering in pain. Some people and animals are ready for their next journey and they certainly have a right to keep their dignity and to end their suffering. What are we to say, what is best for them when they feel it in their hearts?

This old guy is no longer suffering and I miss him so. I just wrote a really long good article in the Good Kharma Newsletter which is due out September 21st. A tribute to this old fellow for whom I will never ever forget and I'm sure so many others who have met him before won't. Rest in Peace Old Man!

I was able to go and get my Etoposide pills yesterday and took one last night. I smoked a bowl right after I started to feel nauseated and that nasty metal taste started coming up and hurting my throat. I no longer feel it and am able to drink some more water, cranberry, and MyraLax.

I also had a friend from work call me to let me know that everyone is thinking of me and that they are wishing for a full recovery for me. It does make me feel good that others are thinking of me so positively. I have others that tell me that I inspire them and I'm glad that I do! The better others feel about the life, the better I feel. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, just feel happy for what you do have and I assure anyone that I am happy for all that I have (not the cancer), but all the wonderful people and animals in my life that make me feel better.

RESULTS OF MY DOCTOR VISIT (Today at noon)

My husband and I walked hand in hand to see my oncologists today. He had some very good news for us to hear and what we so desperately needed to hear.
The chemo is working so far, so good. My CA125 was at 77 just prior to the chemo treatments and on August 28th, it was at 35. (These results were from the last blood test)
On September 2nd, I had a treatment of Avastin and yesterday, September 8th, I had my 1st Chemo pill of Etoposide to start my 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Before my next treatment of Avastin, I will get another blood test to see if the chemo has knocked the cancer count down some more!

We also looked at my most recent x-ray to find out if he thought that I would require another colonoscopy due to the blood in my recent fecal sample (I get to loose all dignity here). He showed us the x-ray to prove that most everyone has an intestine which handles digesting food much like and accordion; however mine is much different, just as everyone else's bends around in so many ways, mine takes a long time to move things around. The tumors blocked the movements needed for my intestines to actually digest foods. The simple foods like the smoothies are easier for my system to digest so I will have to continue to keep it simple. Just can't eat all that I want right now, but I am still alive! We can travel if we want to but we must be careful. I personally don't wish to fly without my pain meds for fear of the severe pain and of getting arrested for having to alleviate my pain. True I don't pose a danger to anyone, but government bureaucracy poses a serious danger for me. For now, my family will have to visit us.

The things that make you feel good....

I have been noticing in the mornings after taking my Etoposide pill that my insides feel quite battered and bruised. It's almost as if I did 1000 sit-ups and then getting kicked in the stomach and /or sliced up with a razer blades. It's pretty sore and then the intestinal block isn't helping matters at all. Quite painful indeed. Tonight I will skip the pill and allow my insides a whole day of rest from the pill that makes me bleed.

I have been loosing a few pounds here and there but haven't yet broken the 130lb mark just yet. I am big boned and I look best at around 140 - 145lb (look healthier). I can't for the life of me really eat anything with out feeling lots of pain and suffering afterwards. Nothing tastes good and the only taste of food that I am craving at the moment is popcorn which is a definite NO NO for me. How I love popcorn and how it doesn't love me or my intestines!

What Does My Poo out of Feet mean today?

Just take a look at the poo that came out of my feet today from my foot detox. Now keep in mind that my bowels are quite blocked and quite painfully at that, but I did feel some relief after this particular treatment.

There is a lot of foam and kind of a metallic turquoise color that just floats over the top. (I took this photo with my phone since I forgot to bring my camera.)

So this time it looked like Bile function and then Liver which is good to detox for me at this time. It's only been 2 days since my last Detox treatment. Miss Blue Belle got to sit on top in the Captain's chair which I promise to photograph next Tuesday (Aug. 26th).

I still remained blocked the rest of the day and when I returned home after the treatment, I got a message from my doctor on the results for my X-ray (taken on Wednesday, Aug. 20th) which had a significant amount of Fecal in both the lower intestine and the upper. My doctor feels that I need a serious Roto Rooter treatment for me! I need to double up on enemas and Phosphate sodas (yuck!)=rotorooter.

Still more poopie problems for me,! I hope you feel better about being able to take a nice dump today! The severe pain that I feel in my abdomen almost seems like what ever is in there is being stagnant like the chemo that makes me feel like I am digesting a stomach full of razer blades.


Miss Blue Belle was a such good girl again today and then we went to visit my friend in San Bruno (the one who cleaned my house on Wednesday) to let Blue meet her new kittens. These cute kittens didn't really know what to think of Miss Blue Belle. She looked so scary at first and each little kitten had a little mohawk equipped on each of their backs. They started out on the top bunk, then moved to the lower bunk watching Miss Blue Belle intently. Then they moved to the floor watching her every move. She hid








Here they are checking out Miss Blue Belle who was extremely respectful to the babies knowing it was their house and she didn't want to stress them out so she walked out of the room when she heard one hiss at her. The babies would climb up and then climb down a level on my friend's son's bunk beds. It was first time for both of them to ever meet a big scary doggie.

Since Blue Belle has her reputation with cats, we felt if there was one dog we could introduce to those kittens, it would have to be Miss Blue Belle. She give them the biggest chance of gaining confidence and not being so frightened of a dog!



When I got home this evening, I got another phone call from a stressed Florists who had tried desperately to deliver flowers to me just yesterday on the complete other side of town. The Street name and the address and unit number were transcribed wrongly so another attempt to deliver today. Within a few minutes I had this beautiful bouquet and an adorable teddy bear with a very sweet card from the entire department at my job! If that doesn't make me feel better, I don't know what will. Every little bit of good kharma makes me fight all the more for my loved ones!