Handling an Abdominal Blockage at Home....

                                                                                This photo (if you look closely) is a very small illustration of my G-Tube that is sticking in my tummy (little white tube under the bandage).   The G-Tube its self is about 2 feet long; so imagine if you will that you have 2 feet of rubber tube sticking out of your stomach and the most important thing is to roll it up and tape to my stomach.  If not; it is very painful for it to be accidentally pulled out and then having to go in and get it inserted again.  Bet you didn't think you would already feel how lucky you are if you don't have that or even if you took a dumpers today!)  I'm already jealous of you; not for your looks but because of the common miracles that occur inside our bodies!

Photo number 2 is what my G-tube looks like when it is closed and bandaged up.  I took a video of what it's like to have my G-tube drain.  It's now posted down below (I have to clean the nasty bag as much 5 times a day.)  My sincere apologies for the quality; hopefully I can get a better quality one in the coming days. 

  Photo 3 shows my healing radiation burn; it's still pealing and bubbling,  and also very itchy;  before it was horrible red; about the color of a lobster or crab.  You can even see the drastic drop from my stomach to my pelvic area.  It's actually a huge surgical dip; isn't that a trip? and I'm still alive and kicking despite all that crap!).  I think the surgeons had run out of skin after all these surgeries to open me up and fix my intestines and scraping me free of cancer; well the tumors had been inoperable so I decided later on to just fry the fuckers with some good old radiation.  I even have what looks like a 2nd belly button!.  Very weird; I've lost my bikini body for good and you know what; I would still sport a bikini no matter what.  I have the strangest body ever and my honey still loves me and finds me very sexy?  I'm just a walking medical experiment!)

I guess it has been nearly a week and half since I was last able to go number 2 (officially); it is an real abdominal blockage which we could go to the hospital for to deal with there or do exactly what we have been doing. I have been keeping in contact with my Oncologist and he has been advising that I keep my G-Tube open. We would also decrease input which is anything going into my system.  Good news is that my Feeding Bag got reduced so it's not as heavy as the 16 hour bag; (I'm on the 12 hour bag).  It seems I am also hooked up to some sort of bag for my typical body functions.  I am so glad I'm not shitting in a bag just yet; although I am open to it just to keep me alive longer.  I'm really desperate to take a dumpers!  

So many greedy people are wishing for more money when they already have it; a private jet, a million dollar Yacht and I only wish to go number 2; that's all I ask for and hopefully it's not too much to ask for?  Just a little poopers GOD? that's all I want!)  And many of us want more than what we already have and yet they can't be happy for just that.  I have learned my lesson long ago with this disease; while it is true that I wished that I had normal working intestines and insides; but I still have hope they will one day soon work.  I sure hope something (nice perfect poo!) happens today or tomorrow?.

I'm also tired of being so incredibly hungry, light headed, dizzy, weak and most of all bony.   I'm so sick and tired of seeing FOOD commercials, FOOD shows, and DIET commercials?  WTF?   I'm now down to 106.5 and I'm 5-7.   I wished that I didn't have to wear so much tape on my body; I wish I could swim in our beautiful complex pool!  I wish I also could get in the hot tub or just take a normal shower.  That would be so freaking awesome!  I'm so sick of having to take shallow baths and using baby wipes to get myself clean!)  See all those little things in life that so many of us take for granted while wanting more and more material things; for me they make such a difference  and really are miracles for some of us!)  I only wish I could do all that stuff but I don't let it get me down too much because I still have so much to be thankful for. (the love of my life!)

I had been having horrible heart burn right in the sternum area and it will burn and feel as if I am having a serious heart attack.  OMG it was miserable!  I would be sleeping on the couch  most of the time with some pillows placed to keep my head up but somehow that gastric juice would just come right up my esophagus and it would still would hit me and make me feel as if I were drowning and in such horrible pain.  It burned my chest and sometimes I had to just hit my chest to try and rid myself of it.   Oh it was so miserable; because it seemed to last and last and last.   It would wake me up in the middle of the night with this pain and I would just sit up and try my best to get rid of it.   Most of the time I would set up my vaporizer and do all that and this would help for maybe several hours but it would eventually come back.   Since I hate to puke; I always try to avoid puking at all costs if possible; but it wasn't at all possible.  It was absolutely painful and then add on top of that I had the very worst vomiting fest ever.  Sometimes while I was vomiting it would feel as if I were about to drown; it's burning acid from my stomach coming up and some would even come out of my nose so I couldn't even breath!  OMG did that suck?!

Here is a video (please excuse the poor quality) but it should show what I am talking about when I mean draining my stomach.  I have the Catheter bag and the tube that goes into my stomach.  Hope this answers many questions.

  I was like that kid in "Detroit Rock City" where he had filled up an entire empty pitcher of beer which his drunken puke prior to going on stage to shake his "wee wee" in order to get him some Kiss Concert Tickets.   I filled up my puke bucket several times over about 4-5 miserable nights in a row.  After doing so I would then have violent fits of dry heaves which felt as if they were tearing my insides apart.  As soon as that hell ended; it was over for the night sometimes.

My husband and I were on edge and I was so incredibly defiant about going into the hospital.  "I just don't want to go!"  I would tell him and he would tell me; "I know that, but do you really feel that you need to go?".   I didn't know for sure, but I did know that I didn't want to go there, at all!  Surely there must be a way we can do this at home (unclog me).  At this point; it could very well be the end of my life and I DO NOT wish to die in a hospital with limited TV programming, censorship of anything pot related, yet the nurses and my doctors are behind me 110% with my medicine.  It's the only thing I have been able to use to combat the horrible nausea but the side effects are not so good.  I get so incredibly hungry (not allowed to eat) and thirsty.  

In those days proceeding up to this horrible blockage; I wasn't even eating all that much; maybe a few tablespoons of mashed potatoes, Brown Cow Whole Milk Yogurt, Boost, Ensure, and icky baby food and this would be just per day.  Now I only would 1 thing at a time per day and at night that's when the misery would come about.   Can you imagine just eating a few tablespoons of food per day?  That's about less than a bird. 

 Now I did a search looking and looking for G-Tube like mine and never found anything. So finally the internet has a real drainage G-tube.   Do other cancer patients also have problems with their stomachs and have to get things drained out?  Well I know I do and it's very freaking disgusting and only my sweet loving husband would find something attractive about me; he tells me that I am beautiful everyday and hearing this makes all the difference in me having a good day no matter what.

I promise to give updates soon! For now we are staying out of the hospital; I finally got a good night's sleep last night (1st one in days), the drainage is slowing down drastically and I just start ed farting which I haven't done in weeks!  You better believe I am treasuring those as a sign that my intestines will start to work and that my life is not done here yet! 

And here is the lovely young mare who needs a home!  Her name is Nutmeg and she was born in May 2007 and is a Tennessee Walking Horse.  Not sure how much her adoption fee is but she is gorgeous!  I would love to just hug and pet a horse like this; can you imagine?

UPDATE: I was able to squeeze out a few little bee bee nuggets today or what appeared to be little rabbit shits; hey it's better than nothing and I counted out about 5 little silent but deadlies!)  I know my prayers were kinda sorta answered; (anything that can get out is a miracle; so I'm happy with just that?) here's to the levees breaking and getting rid of what ever else is backed up in there!)    I'm going to get through this!)
Peace and Love to all of you!)

A New Beginnng...Start of Chemo...

Today was a very life changing day for me. I went in to work today to announce my plans of going on Medical Leave in order to start my battle with this chemotherapy. Today while at work, I mostly needed to finish a few projects and to get my desk ready for a temp or for others who may be able to fill in for me while I am away. I had several concerned co-workers call and/or come over to see me because they had heard that I would be away and it was comforting to hear from them of their intentions of putting me on a prayer list or just that they were sending me healing vibes for a full recovery (I would be happy with just a partial)

What also made my day good was that perhaps many people today were thinking of me when they were doing number 2 because I must have gone a dozen or so times today. It always feels weird when I tell others of my problems with going to the bathroom and that they should consider their day a complete blessing (& I hope you are too if you are reading this:) if they are able to do a number 2 that day. I sometimes tell them that when they are able to next time, to make a wish for me that I am able to go too! Well I was just happy to be able to go and that made for a good day. But it could be the Pootie cookies that I just made.

I also just took my first Etoposide pill tonight with a huge 1 and half quart of water. Look at the size of that pill! Just kidding! No its not really that big (but not much smaller than that size), see I am full of shit! What a huge pill to take and I will see how I feel tomorrow if I feel like going to work. I have a few more things at work to complete before I am able to start my Medical Leave which should officially start next Monday. If the chemo knocks me on my ass, then as soon as Wednesday. We will see.

Check out the size of that pill and perhaps you can see some of those side effects from the warning pamphlet. (click on the photograph to see if you can read the side effects, if not here is another version)


NOTE: the chemo treatments that I will be trying out for a while (not sure how long, but I will post often) are Etoposide and Avastin. I will be taking 1 50mg Capsule of the Etoposide every day for 2 weeks (I have to take it around the same time every day), 1 week off and every 3 weeks a 30 minute drip of Avastin. Tomorrow will be the 2 hour very 1st drip of the Avastin.