Paritonitus killing cancer Cells part 2..& an update...

Yesterday I woke up in extreme pain as if I had a blockage and my husband and I both feared that I would end up in the emergency room. That evening I ran a 101 temperature and we were able to get the fever down; so you can just imagine the stress we have been going through. I have a special surprise planned for Saturday; so "Please No Weekend in the Hospital!"

We went through the rest of my morphine in order to fight the pain and then this morning, while I was making my husband's peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I found that any smell was triggering the worst nausea ever. Finally my mouth just started watering like crazy as I was adding the jelly to the sandwich and then I had to bolt straight to the bathroom. I puked twice and it seemed like large amounts of green shit; the same stuff that comes out when I do end up in the emergency room with an NG tube. With that; the pain in my abdomen has decreased for most of the morning.

I emailed my doctor because I knew exactly what had caused this blockage (confusion from medications). He emailed me later on that afternoon to tell me that I needed to monitor my temperature and if I puked 3-4 times and if the abdominal pain continued I would need to come into ER. I didn't want to do that but would if needed to.

I had to take some more morphine for the pain as the morning progressed because I was getting in my abdomen (it was some sharp stabbing pains) but only .4ml. for the entire day. I also smoked pot to get rid of the extreme nausea and the confusion from the medications was that I had mistake of taking Lotrimen rather than Zofran for nausea. Anyway I had ordered several medications which had refills including some Zofran for anti-nausea.

Well I had chemo on Sunday and almost didn't make it on time because of extreme diarrhea. So the nurse told the doctor about this and he prescribed Lotriman for slowing down my bowels. I didn't realize this and I picked up 3 prescriptions and not one was for Nausea (Zofran). The nausea medication also causes constipation and my doctor did tell me this in his email. Well, I didn't know this and took the Lotriman thinking that it was generic Zofran. Anyway that's why I was in the painful situation of yesterday and part of today.

My best friend Nikki came over for a few hours and helped me clean my house some; helped me make some more magical tea and even helped unhook me from the TPN. My husband would be needing to leave work early (2pm) so he wasn't able to get his full lunch break so my friend Nikki helped us out. We even went out to the pool for a little while. I just soaked in the hot tub for a little while and soaked up a few rays. I had her snap this photo of me in my new bikini for this year. I don't look too bad to have been opened up 6 times and still sportin a bikini. I did gain a few pounds and am up to 118.5 and then in the doctor's office with all my clothes on 121.5! That scar is my badge of honor!) It doesn't really look as if I have been cut open 6 times and I still managed to keep my belly button!)

We had a doctor appointment at 3:30pm today and it went well. Dr. Chemo is incredibly compassionate for a doctor. I'm protecting his privacy so he really is my chemo doctor. I could tell by the reactions on his face that he felt bad that I had so many surgeries and have survived all that I have. He did not like to hear that I was in the pain that I was and told me that I needed to be on top of the pain and to take medications so that I wouldn't suffer more than I needed too. I'm so hard headed sometimes. We also spoke of our chemo plans and that I will need to be on this chemo for another 4 sessions before we get a CAT scan to see if this chemo is working. He did educate us on the tumor that is growing on my rib bone. We can't tell yet if this tumor is shrinking but it does appear somewhat smaller. I did finally get to go poo and the block I feel is officially unblocked... Thank god! Now for a fun weekend!

Now continued from yesterday....

This is old Toonce who I feel helped save my life that evening.

I got to the emergency room at around 9pm that evening and I had a CAT scan and an x-ray which the next morning my surgeon who had inserted the Port later told me that in the process of inserting that port, there apparently was a piece of scar tissue that he had attempted to cut and while he was cutting it he accidentally poked a hole in my intestine. That's what was interpreted from the scans. All night long was a game to control the pain until I was to have emergency surgery the very next morning; because it was the worst pain I had ever been in. I thought for sure I was going to die and so did the doctors. I got into my room around 7am and was told that I needed to prep for emergency surgery that was scheduled at 11am. I hadn't been allowed to drink or eat anything and I also needed to do some enemas to help clean me out for the surgery.

Most of the nurses had been very nice but then one had given me an enema and then this overly friendly male nurse came into the room to help clean me up. I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up to clean myself or to even make it to the shitter. He asked if I would mind if he cleaned me up and I figured it would be OK; he was kind of nervous and excited almost to the creepy end of the spectrum. I figured that he must have seen it all being a nurse so I had complete trust in him. As he was cleaning me; I felt his fingers go inside of me several times. I really thought to myself this "I thought he was supposed to be cleaning my butthole and not in this area at all!" It was completely and totally shocking for me and I immediately froze up and panicked. I didn't know what to do and my adrenaline just pumped in my veins like crazy as I jumped out of bed despite all the pain that I was in and it was a complete adrenalin rush of fear that got me to move the way that I did. I couldn't believe that I got myself out of that gurney when I couldn't move prior due to the pain. I couldn't even breath from the pain. I didn't want another man touching me where my husband should and it pissed me off. He then followed me into the bathroom and somehow was able to remove my gown and then he started touching my breasts. I pushed him away and grabbed my gown and ran towards my bed. I told him leave right away or I would call for help. He must have figured that I wouldn't remember any of this because I was on so much morphine and about to have emergency surgery; but he was sadly mistaken.

I couldn't get any of it out of my mind even after waking up from that massive surgery. The doctor even had to remove the port during the surgery because I was not in any shape or form to continue on with intraperitoneal chemo. The surgery just didn't matter; what that nurse did to me pissed me off more and more; it's all I could think about and the more I thought about it; the more pissed off I got. At first I kept trying to give him the benefit of a doubt but I just kept going over and over again in my head everything that had happened and of course it was still fresh in my mind. I was shocked that I had to go through the emergency surgery and then this little shit nurse tries to take advantage of me. I just couldn't believe it just happened to me. How could this happen? Why? What did I do to deserve this? . The first person I told was my support group leader. Her mouth was left open in disbelief that I had to go through what I initially had to go through and now this? How could any human being do such a thing? She was so angry but she contained it and we followed the right procedures as I told the head nurse and patient relations about the ordeal. I felt so much better after I told everyone that I needed to tell including my husband. He was in total disbelief but was pleased that we were handling this right.

It wasn't until years later that I had seen a special on America's Most Wanted for a nurse doing exactly as he did to me. Could this be the same nurse? Those other patients described in great detail everything that had happened to them and mine was so similar. The photo of the suspect even looked similar. He had worked in Sacramento and other areas in Northern CA. To this day I still wonder if he is the same one.

I remember having to be on so many antibiotics to fight the peritonitis and all the pain that resulted after the surgery. I had so many staples in my tummy as I was concerned that it was September; could I still be ready to go visit my family next month in South Carolina? I had tickets. It was such a morbid week as John Ritter Died and then Johnny Cash on a Friday. I had tickets to see the White Stripes and then one of my favorite bands on the night that Johnny Cash had died. We gave our tickets to a close friend at heart and I do mean this. He told us that when he saw Social Distortion perform; it was as if Johnny Cash's soul was in the room. It was the coolest to hear about this show but I was hospitalized and unable to go.

We were released from the hospital after about 13 days (just shy of two weeks) and each and every weekend we were in the ER every Friday no matter what. All the food that I would eat would eventually get blocked through out the week and then that Friday it was blocked enough to warrant an NG tube and a whole weekend in the hospital and to be released on Monday. I think we must have spent about 5 weekends in the hospital before I needed to get surgery on the day we were to leave for South Carolina to visit my brother and my mom.

Well just before my second surgery that month; 2 police officers had showed up at our door which really surprised us; I had my bong just lying there on the table without any shame and they told me not to even worry about it. They supported me self medicating when ever I needed to especially knowing that it had saved my life with what I was going through (blockages). They were, very very cool to me. They had come to see me because it was common procedure to the police to follow up concerning the sex offender nurse. I was really stoked to see the compassion in each of their eyes as I told them in great detail exactly what had happened to me and what I had survived. These were good cops and I always appreciate cops that have heart like these officers seemed to have. They looked completely disgusted that a man would do such a thing to woman such as myself. My hair was just barely growing in and they could tell my husband and I were in so much love with one another. I was happy that the nurse had been placed on leave pending an investigation. I didn't want another woman to have to go through what I went through with that disgusting nurse. I didn't have to talk to anyone else nor would I need to face this suspect ever again. Well thank god I don't get hit on anymore; now my honey does.

Yes, I had 2 major abdominal surgeries in 2 months! Quite a bit to go through and to have survived Peritonitis. . Well it was about 10 weeks after that 3rd major abdominal surgery that I put on a girdle and went snowboarding and had a total blast. It was the best; I couldn't do anything crazy but just being out there in raw nature like that made such a difference in my healing. I went snowboarding that whole season long and my poor honey was out of commission towards the end of the month due to his ACL and Miniscus. Meanwhile my CA125 was at 2 and stayed low for first year, then it went up to 3 or 4 and then in 2006 it started doubling. I was thankful for 3 and half great years of fun and I even got to gain most of my weight back. I feel that I am a walking miracle to give other hope and inspiration that they too can fight hard at what ever they are facing in life. Here is to a month of hope and all of this happen exactly a year ago today. I was in there getting that emergency surgery on September 4th, 2003. Each year for me surviving this disease is a miracle and an answer to many prayers. Thank you all for all of your prayers, good thoughts, and love that I can get through this and perhaps a cure is on the way!)

Patrick Swayze.....

I really am treasuring being out of the hospital now more than ever. It's a miracle just to be alive.

Being in the hospital really makes you enjoy the right now moments. I got to enjoy a very good hospital moment Sunday night watching an interview with Patrick Swayze as he battles with Pancreatic Cancer. He didn't sugar coat anything as I try not to here in my battle. We are both living for right now and that is what matters most to us. We both really don't know exactly how much time we have and we appreciating the time of right now.

For Patrick Swayze and Barbara Walters for asking just the right questions, I must say he really helped strengthen me in that I was miraculously able to get out of the hospital so soon and to not need that extensive surgery. I got through 4days of being hooked to an IV, shitting my brains my out from CT scan fluid. Hell, I had diaper rash! Oh, I don't and can't have kids, but guess what? I get to treat diaper rash on myself!) Yeah! OK, I did laugh quite a few times while in the hospital and so did a nurse. My husband and I did too of course. We were the loving couple fighting this disease together hand in hand. He was strong for me and that got me through much of this.

I think it was the thin fiber glass toilet paper (it sure felt like it was!) that caused that stupid diaper rash. How completely unpleasant that was. I nearly thought I would need morphine for that pain. The nurse was floored when I said all those things about the cheapest fiber glass toilet paper that was put on the roll wrong (down not over). She laughed so hard, that we both laughed together! I give her that!

Thank you Patrick! and of course my honey boy as he was so kind to get me some real toilet paper!) I love you honey! I got through those next few days in the hospital with out any drugs (just tons of antibiotics). The very last day in the hospital, my husband brought me some diaper rash cream! What a feeling! I made it and those around me who helped me. Just look at that real smile! How could I not be feeling healed?

I'm trying some new techniques of healing my soul with my dog in that she is with me just like a family is with their loved ones. Right when Patrick was saying "Gotta have my dog!" When he said that, I was actually petting my dog in the hospital. "Oh girl you need it!" She had on her little vest and my doctor is approved. "Bring her in!" You must understand and I do, I have my dog! I won't bring her to work ever, unless permitted to do so. She does heal my soul in so many ways and gives me the strength I need and so many others. Yes, she was with me in the hospital healing my soul and giving me strength, doctor approved! Absolutely!)

Yoga is another treatment for in helping me deal with any kind of pain I feel and of course those deep relaxing breaths.

I am so happy to be off of chemotherapy! I was given another chance to live and I am so grateful for it! I can get a few uninterrupted minutes of yoga without my dog trying to lick me. She comes over to me to remind me to stop and take a moment to enjoy her presense and of course I do (can't really help it).

I hope to survive many more years with her and my husband. I am so grateful for those around me who are able to help me live my life happily. You gotta enjoy your life and to experience it for what it is. I know I have been the last few days. To live the rest of my life happily, would be to end wars and try to resolve things more peacefully and while not hurting or harming others. OK in other words make the moment count where its a happy feeling, like laughter. I saw many kids that made me laugh. Life to me and all lives are right now.

Not to get off the subject, My old sweet, neighbor, the sweetheart that he is called me while in the hospital as we talked movies and I told him of me enjoying a movie with my dog. He laughed as I told him that Blue Belle liked "Milk" over "Marley and Me". The reasons of course, "She hated hearing all those kids crying and being sad. You must be happy! Hell, I was just crying my eyes out in the hospital! She wagged her tail at the end of "Milk" while viewers were actually cheering (I think she could tell people happy and excited) and she walked by my side out as if on the red carpet herself! Slowly and gracefully. It was so good to talk with him. What a great life experience that was! What a loving, person to know. I think we both relate well to not knowing how much time we have.

January 20th is going to be a very magical moment for me surviving this cancer and heading closer to year 7 with this disease. I get to start my first day back to work. We will have our very 1st African American President. I'm actually proud of my president and he will give me the strength I need to get through this. I really hope he means change.

I'm so very proud of him as he gives me more strength to fight this disease (no its a Chronic Illness). His mother did die of this very disease as it took her within months. Here I am, it's years. It's a miracle just to be alive! I love just being a miracle and proving to others that Yes, Life goes on.

It feels great to survive and snowboard season is not over for me just yet! Heah, I'm only 38. I have another year and half till I'm 40. Please give me that and it all natural aging for me and it actually feel quite excellent to age! You gotta enjoy everyday that you are given no matter what. Make the best of every situation you are given.

Anna Nicole was only 38 when she died and I am not done with this earth just yet. Not even close! Yeah, these past couple of days have been tough, but I get through them with lots of love and prayers. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!)

From Doctor Appointment to Emergency Room

Well today was indeed an interesting one.I have to admit that in the morning I awoke and the pain nearly took me for a loop, but it was only for a few seconds as I struggled to get out of bed. I had to practically had to do a push-up, while most of the day my abdomen was off limits. I did take my temperature and it was 102.5; so going to work was definitely a NO!NO!

I just called my boss and my carpool buddies to let them know that I just was not going to come in today. I was so sorry that I needed to miss work again! Sometimes you just can't help your health even though I try my best to. It just doesn't work out that way.

Around 1pm my stomach was starting to really hurt. I couldn't handle it being touched. It was so incredibly sensitive. Well at least I had a doctor's appointment today and could finally find some reason to all of this mystery illness that I was experiencing.

Strangely enough I ate some cannabis buds throughout the day and it help me to relieve at least some of the pain. At least it did feel slightly less painful. My shortness of breath had caused me not to want to smoke or even use the vaporizer. I couldn't afford to cough with the pain I was in; at least that is what the shortness of breath caused.

My husband returned home from work just shortly before 3pm and I was already showered, dressed and ready for my doctor's appointment. We drove to the doctor's appointment as I tried my best not to cry. My husband is so good at calming me down when I do cry; he can be so positive and to lift my spirits even in most dire situations.

Once we got to the hospital parking lot, my husband was able to find a spot in the very back of the parking lot. We had a little walk to do. As we were walking across the parking lot, I felt a deep sharp stab of pain right into my abdomen that I stopped walking and tried to get a deep breath. I nearly dropped to my knees; but I stood still and gathered strength from within to continue our walk. My husband came over to my side and helped me walk over to the doctors' offices as we took the elevator up to the 3rd floor.

We checked in as I struggled in severe pain. I tried my best to compose myself as best I could. We only had to wait maybe 3 minutes and it was finally our turn to see the doctor. I was slow to get up and to get walking. Helen the nurse who has known us for the entire 6 years of being diagnosed knew us as a strong couple together. She walked us back to the huge scale and vital check area (I guess that is what you might call this area in the hallway with the all goods for doing that sort of thing). Anyway, she weighed me and then took my blood pressure and then proceeded to walk us back. My husband stopped her and told her that I have been running fevers. She then rushed to grab one of those ear thermometers and quickly took my temperature. It was a low grade fever of 99.6.

My husband helped me undress as I put on the blue cloth to cover me down below (no pants, panties and top OK) I laid down on my back on the table and we awaited for my doctor to enter the room so that we could discuss the situation we felt we were in.

Now our doctor is the one who has performed all of my surgeries. We told him everything that we had just been through this entire week. He gathered that information and then he proceeded to feel my abdomen as I screamed a little as he touched the very sensitive and tender spots. He felt something and suggested that we go downstairs, get an x-ray, blood tests, and a urine analysis. He called for a wheel chair since I couldn't walk and then ordered the x-rays, blood test, etc.

The volunteers took just 3 minutes to arrive and they wheeled me to Radiology in a different building downstairs. I struggled to stand up for the x-ray and when we were finally done with that, my husband then wheeled me in for my blood test (the same building as my doctor, but downstairs and down a long, long hallway). I grabbed a number and we waited to be called up for our blood test. Got the blood test and peed in a cup and then we proceeded back upstairs to my doctor's office.

It was almost 5pm when we went back to his office. He got the results of the x-ray which really didn't say much, but he assumed that I might be need another surgery judging from the pain I was in and the low grade fever. He did not feel that this was some flu bug; this was due to the chemo drug Avastin. The side effects can be severe. In fact he asked one of the nurses to take my temperature just to be sure about a hunch. We walked over to her office just to be sure and she grabbed that really cool ear thermometer (I want one of those!) and placed it in my left ear. 3 seconds later 102.5. I had a high fever which was what he (my doctor) had suspected. He felt I was getting perferations in my intestine and the danger was that they may need to perform emergency surgery on me.

The emergency surgery would be incredibly risky in that I would need to be opened up again and remove part of my intestine. For now, I needed to go to ER and get a CAT scan. I cried but of course we just kept thinking we should have come here much earlier. I was busy blaming myself while my sweet husband was blaming himself. My pain was getting worse by the minute. My husband hurried and wheeled me to the ER. I kept going over and over in my head "what the hell am I so incredibly stubborn?"

Well of course all of the rest of this week, my pain level was on a scale of 1 to 10; 10 being the absolute worst; it was at least an 8. I was crying just last night and perhaps the night before too and at the same time being incredibly hard headed and defiant. I just did not want to go to ER. So here are my reasonings for not wanting to go to ER:

• I did not want to go through the entire process of going to ER (what if it wasn't really an emergency?
• Getting stuck with all kinds of needles
• Not being able to eat or drink anything (only those lemon flavored large q-tips)
• Having an NG Tube more or less froze me wanting to go.
  
• Using that fiber glass toilet paper after they give me that CT scan solution to drink (that stuff makes you shit like crazy)

Well, all except so thankfully, no NG tube! We had to wait in the emergency waiting room at first, then we had to go into a little room for an assessment, then they moved me to a room all to myself as all of these children with such strong, strong lungs screamed and cried as we waited. Then finally I hear my name called as I struggled in severe pain to walk to the bed to lay on just across the hall. The nice nurse helped me up and got me some nice toasty blankets and covered me as I shivered. I then asked her how was she at finding a vein. I thought I had told her to save my old faithful (only vein that sticks out where I get blood tests often). She would need to find a vein somewhere else. I struggled and looked away and then I feel that prick. How I hate needles!!!! IV needles are bigger than those butterfly for taking blood samples.

I didn't even notice where it was; right then it was in and she was about to get me some morphine for extreme pain I was in. I was just happy that finally something would indeed be done about my pain! My husband was right by side as he had to hurry back to truck to get something for me out of the car. My husband told me and the nurse that I had itched the last time I had Morphine and I had thought it was the Delotted that had given me the itching. I could have been wrong so I agreed with my husband. We waited just a few minutes more as they brought into my own temporary holding room. I could still feel pain in my abdomen and it never got below a 5; even though I kept getting Delotted. It really didn't do too much for the extreme pain I was in.

Finally at 7pm, I told my husband that he should just go home and get some rest. All he had a plastic chair to sleep on and it. He did not wish to go home until we spoke with a doctor. He went outside to find a place to smoke a cigarette and to call his family when the doctor finally appeared. He was older man and mainly didn't tell me much but just assessed my situation and had me on the list for a CAT scan. He ordered me not to have anything to drink or eat. By then I was so incredibly thirsty. I was ready to go into the bathroom and just load myself up with water, but the surgery part scared me enough not to go into survival mode. He ordered me some morphine (instead of Delotted) and some benadryl to get rid of the itching caused by the Delotted.

My husband returned shortly after the doctor had left and I finally told him that he should just go home; feed the animals and get some rest. After my husband left, I awaited the morphine shot and benedryl. I sat on the bed and scratched and scratched. I grabby my IV bag and ran for the bathroom which luckily was close by. I had to pee so bad. I was so temped to drink water but I didn't. I thought about the possibility of having surgery and what if I died because I did this? No way.

I got back to my bed and rehung my IV bag. It was very hard to get out of bed, but I did it! Finally the Morphine and the Benadryl arrived and the nice nurse administered it. I look over and noticed that my IV was in the exact spot I thought I had told the nurse to avoid; my beloved Old Faithful. I have to admit, I was a bit bummed that my IV was right there. I thought this nurse had told me that she was very good? I dealt with it as long as I could which was most of the evening. Anyway, thinking too far ahead here, a young child was move right next to me screaming at the top her or his lungs for just a little over and hour. I tried to sleep with my ears plugged my index fingers. This child had some serious lungs. I was so very thankful when the child finally fell asleep.

A really nice woman walked in from Admissions, I guess I was just before 9pm and had me sign lots of papers and she asked some really scary questions that got me crying and scared. I feared death in this scary surgery that I might have to have. These questions were the type that made you wish you had drawn up a will. She asked me if I were to become unconscious and close to death if I would want them to do what ever it takes to save me and of course I said "absolutely". I then told her that if I were to become brain dead and like Terri Schiavo, then I don't wish to live like that the rest of my life; that's different. I couldn't help but loose it and start crying. I have so much to live for and I want to fight this!

The rest of the evening composed of nurses and doctors coming in every so often to check on me and to give me more morphine for the pain as I awaited the CAT scan.

More to come soon!