Things I have to complete before I die...

 I thought I would write about this subject since it isn't even thought of a whole lot even for normal couples.  It could actually happen to any one of us; but in my case its making more sense that we get prepared and get the messy paperwork and stuff out out of the way.  Death can be a messy thing in the beginning and having a stiff hanging around the house over night if you haven't picked out the right mortuary could be a bit nerve wracking.      

This week my honey and I are going to be looking at funeral homes, mortuaries, and /or places to hold a Memorial Service.  We were both initially very confused about  all the paperwork and thinking that I needed to sign some of the forms  and being in horrible, horrible trouble if we had not had the signed the paperwork while I was still alive?  Well we printed everything out because in all honestly we were both a bit stressed out like crazy about it all.

I'm glad that we were able to  speak with our Social Worker yesterday and thankfully we didn't have to worry as much as we had been.  It doesn't matter when those boring forms get signed and I certainly don't have to worry about signing  any of them either. All those forms are very confusing for anyone to have to fill out. I can see how scary those forms are for the survivor.

As for services we are trying to figure out what we plan to do; whether it be a party to celebrate my life or just a service for those who choose to show up; many can just come on up tell their own stories about me or sit and watch the slide shows for which I'm preparing for the service.   My slide shows contain tons of photos of me with all my favorite music.  Oh all the wonderful memories my honey have made together!) What ever happens, happens and I'm OK with it.  I just hope that no one ever forgets who I am.

I even started working on my own Obituary?  Yeah, the internet is very cool like that and there are bunches  and bunches of templates one can use to write a very good Obituary.  Oh and there is an awesome band that I saw maybe 20 years ago called Obituary!)  Wow they rock!   My honey just wants all this difficult stuff done so that he doesn't have to worry about having to do all that when the time comes; I plan to help him get it all done; what every it takes.    It sucks that sometimes my pains end up scaring him; especially when I'm having those add insult to injury butt hole spasms.  Why the hell do I have to suffer with those?  That's pretty strange, huh?


We are even trying to pick out Urns.  I can't believe how many beautiful Urns there are out there and all the ones that I end up liking end up costing over a grand?  Why do I have such exquisite tastes?  Not fair!  If it makes him happy to get all of this shit out of the way; I'm all for it.  It's going to be very hard on him and I can't even imagine how hard its going to be.   He deserves the very best and I'm going to help him no matter how hard it gets.   I just can't imagine the thought of loosing him so I imagine he's going through his own personal hell.  Cancer is so evil and I hope one day there will be a cure so that no as one young as myself or younger or even older has to deal with such grim realities.  I'm  really sad for him and it makes me cry to even think about how hard it's going to be for him to have to continue on with out me? How can a love story like ours end like that?  We are supposed to be together forever, right?  Why does this shit have to happen to us?  We are both good people right?  It would be cool if we could, but unlucky for me having the most deadliest form of female cancer there is; makes me quite unlucky like that. I love my sweet pumpkin boy!)  He is so amazing and wonderful!

I know these are all old photos of us and we have been through so many years of fun and so many years of sheer terror from this disease.  There have been countless times of not knowing that I was going to make it.  I almost feel like an immortal, a walking medical experiment; but I'm still alive and I'm going to keep on living despite the fact that we went through all that crap of researching all this death crap.   It's going to happen to all of us eventually and to have a mortuary already picked out is pretty important.  I'm happy that we have a checklist of things to complete and I also feel confident  that everything will go smoothly with my honey should the inevitable happen. 

Check out those lockets!  My hair was so freaking curly when it came back in!)  I'm doing OK for now and the Hospice care is helping me quite a bit with the pain and the suffering.   I think my quality of life is much better than expected!)  (the pot has been giving me the major, major munchies and of course I get so incredibly thirsty!)  I still have that will to live and it's strong.  I wish so bad that I could actually eat a real home cooked meal.  At this point I think most people are so lucky and they don't even see it.  My honey is allowing me to eat what ever my heart's content and after wards its always the same thing; lots of violent puking.  Then I end up using my vaporizer which has been the very best treatment for the nausea of anything I have including the Zofran ODT which I take about 3 times a day and just letting it sit on my tongue until it dissolves.   So I'm a forced Bolimic.  NO I don't think I'm fat; I think I'm too damned skinny!  I need some real meat on my bones.  Why is it that we can liposuction and we can't have lypersuckion?   But I do eat and pig out as much as I can which really isn't a lot of food but I end up puking or sucking it all out with R2 (my Gomco constant and intermittent stomach pump).  The Vaporizer works excellently on the severe heartburn I get from eating the most starchiest of food including french fries and fried chicken!)  I did get up to 106lbs by pigging out but I had to eventually get it all out before it messed up my seriously bad. 

I wish all of you Lots of Peace and Love!  Hope you enjoy this collage of photos that I took of Tonto enjoying his Captain's Chair!)  Actually I will have to try again later to upload this impossible video for YouTube.  They are having much trouble with this video? Hopefully later it will be uploaded soon!)

javascript:void(0)