Fun at the Park...and update

To be honest I had been feeling a little weathered this week. I stayed home and continued my vacation on Tuesday, healing myself of a cold (and cleaning up our pig pen!); not sure where I got it (was it=cold: from my honey or at work?). I thought I was getting a sore throat like he had on Saturday; mine was on Monday morning but it seemed to clear up just a little bit or at least it started but never finished; I got into some coughing fits on Monday, Tuesday, and some on Wednesday which really did not help my tummy at all. There was a little coughing today but not as bad. I had way more energy!)

I dragged myself into work on Wednesday (had a Theraflu the evening prior) because damn it I need to get to stronger and yes I am a hard head. I wanted to have fun, see my friends, get some heathy food in my system and just show everyone that just because I am going through the rough bouts of cancer that darn it Life goes on despite.

My moto to life; do your best and don't be lazy. Things have to be done right the first time and I learned this from my honey. He teaches and proves to me everyday and I'm always so impressed with his work ethic. I could never get tired of his stories!

I'm also very excited the family will be here tomorrow and I'm glad that he and I can spend time with them; and most of all with each other. All the many reasons I love him! He makes my tummy feel so much better!)

My poor honey is worried about me and I'm convinced that things will get better. We held each other one night this week and we cried together. We comforted each other and it just felt amazing to have that kind of strength with me to fight! We just let it out! You have to cry sometimes to feel better.

Check out this encouraging news which I have not seen in the major news (I guess they prefer to only report the bad news); well here is some good news!

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/88262/Cancer-cure-is-step-closer


Clinical Trials are supposedly 3 years down the road! I'm not watching the news (only the selective good news) because I don't need any bad news right now.

UPDATE: My tummy knot is still red and has been burning up for about 2 days (how weird?); so I am using some ice packs on it and that has been working like a charm. I should have been doing this at work but I forgot because I was so busy. No hot tub for me right now! I'm also drinking aloe juice, plenty of green tea, vitamin shakes, cooked vegetables, and soups (only things I know that will be easier on my system to try to digest). I already know that my system takes a good long while to digest anything (learned that from the scan!) and I just had a very green detox drink for lunch yesterday because I felt that perhaps the pain in my tummy could be because I have a block. I have lost some weight and am currently weighing in at 123 with my clothes on.

Well that certainly got rid of that! I had such a huge blowout and it felt absolutely wonderful to relieve some pressure off of my abdomen! In fact it was one of those that makes you go awwwwww!) We all have those (a good nice shit!) It felt so good and to know that I may have a limited amount of time before that right is taken away (surgery=colostomy bag); so believe me I treasured this one.

These photos that follow are different angles of the tumor on my tummy. Yes it will go soon (surgery)! The cool thing I have noticed about it; is that it can keep any pair of my pants on. Yeah that's looking at things from the bright side!) At least it can keep my skinny ass pants up!)

I had so much energy today and just felt incredibly amazing; I couldn't believe it. I had a good day and I got lots done. Now I have tons of housework to continue. That's why I'm not updating as much and of course my class! Yes, I dragged myself into work on Wednesday because of that Medical Terminology class which will save my life one day. I need to know what's going on and I seem to learn more and more each week or at least understand more and more. My grades may not be so good and I may not catch up as well but at least I am getting a few things out of the class. Knowledge is power!)

I'm also trying my best not to lift any heavy things and sometimes I can't help it but I do shift whatever I happen to be carrying to the most comfortable position possible. Every time I do any amount of exercise; I try to imagine those cancer cells dying.

So what exercises am I doing with that funky tummy? Well mostly Yoga stretches (gentle ones: tree, doggie, baby, lying on the ground breathing) and these particular evenings (yes ever since Sunday!)of throwing the frisbee at the park for Blue Belle. I have been taking her each day since it's now light. She loves it and so do I! My frisbee dog!) We almost didn't go on Tuesday (sick) but the look in her eyes made me not resist. We just went for a little while.

Well this evening after I dropped my honey off to watch his beloved Sharks (they have been having a serious loosing streak and just broke it the other night) We got to watch that game together at home as he was healing himself of his cold. Meanwhile, Blue Belle and I went to a different park (Mary Jane Park).

We normally go over to this dog park behind an Osh Hardware Store, and sometimes to this elementary school after all the kids are out and we get to play in a huge field. I feel that since we pay our taxes we should be able to use this field just for a little while. I always clean up after her (curb my dog) and also walk around the field and pick up trash. Yeah I know that sounds a bit insane; but it's the least I can do. The field can be littered with kid's trash. As we drove by the school; there were tons of kids in that field so we drove on by and I stopped at this little Mary Jane Park. There is a playground full of children having a blast, the dogs there were very sweet and I was surprised not one ran over to take away Blue Belle's frisbees. This happens often at this other park.

At this Mary Jane Park is this nice little field with some hills where I threw the frisbee for her perfect each time and she even caught quite a few. I did notice a few watchers.

We were playing with about 3 of 5 frisbees. Then Blue Belle walked up to me and looked like "I want my favorite purple frisbee PLEASE" which flies so perfectly and far too!) Well it certainly flew far and since there was this fenced in area right next to us with a 9 ft fence and no visible entrance (yes the frisbee flew in and Miss Blue Belle was devastated). She's going to have to loose another good frisbee! We have lost a few in back yards every now and then and in fences like this. It takes her some time to get over a loss like that. I had noticed these cute little kids ( a little brother and sister playing with a kick ball close by). The father was very sweet and was impressed by Blue Belle's ability to jump up and catch those frisbees. He could tell we wanted that frisbee back and there was no way in hell I would drag myself over that fence to get her frisbee. No way; not with that sore tummy; NO WAY! NO WAY!!!

With that, this sweet family goes over to where the frisbee had gone over and he picked up his 6 year old son over the fence gently as he climbed over and ran to get Blue Belle's favorite frisbee. We walked over when we saw this and thanked them as the children lost them selves in Blue Belle's fur. The little girl was about 4. We chatted for a little about my dream dog and my husband's dream dog (he always wanted a frisbee dog) and he told me how he had never seen a dog do that before. He thought it was amazing! I was proud! I wished them a good evening and thanked them once again particularly that little boy. I told him Blue Belle thanks you for getting her favorite frisbee back. The little boy was shy, bless his heart.

I got home and I dealt with my hot burning tummy in the best way that I could. Now I can actually tolerate this pain (red abdomen) as the pain level is only about a 3-4 while at work; but when I get off work; that pain just has to stop. I used the ice and relaxed on the couch this evening.

I also found some great thin, thin, thin paper in which to roll joints for my pain and I was able to breath in without coughing. It helps me immensely (saving my life) with the pain, nausea, and making me thirsty. I refuse to do any at work, but in my evenings and in the comfort of my own home; I now have a right according to the state of California!) I drank a whole vitamin shake that had lots of calories and I feel completely satisfied. These shakes are much better than Ensures and don't have nearly the sugar (feeding the cancer).

UPCOMING: Tuesday at 7pm; Blue Belle takes her TDI (Therapy Dog International). I have found her Canine Good Citizen Certificate and her test which was requested. She is much better with the distractions since she was only a pup when she took the test (there was circle but a check under that portion of the test.

On Wednesday, I get the results of my scan, my oncologists will get to examine that hot bump on my tummy and we can also talk about our options; get the surgery, more chemo, what ever; I'm actually getting better and better about the whole colostomy bag situation. At least I will be alive and there is no price for that!)

I can still function with that contraption if others can. After my surgery; I will plan to take more time off work to heal from that surgery and to get plenty of practice and experience on how to clean and do what I have to do with that thing. I'm so thankful for my job being so understanding of my situation. I live for right now and to make each moment count; no bad news, no stress; just doing my best which is the best I can do! Lots to life to look forward to!)

Living in the now in NO Pain.....

A very good friend of mine took this photo of me on Saturday. The blanket here was made by some wonderful ladies from the Breast Cancer Support Forum on Breast Cancer.org. Each square was made by a cancer survivor in the US and then sent to one centrally located breast cancer survivor who knitted all of the loving squares together. I plan to write about this wonderful group of ladies in my upcoming Good Kharma Newsletter due out September 21st.

Granted despite the devastating Cancer diagnosis I am cursed with, I do have plenty to be happy about. I'm very happy to be alive and I have lots of caring friends and family who also give me plenty to smile and/or laugh about. The love from my husband also gives me plenty to smile about.

My scars don't really look so bad and its quite hard to believe that I have been cut open 4 times in the same exact spot. This is why we know that our Oncologist really does care. He cared enough to sew me back up the same way each time I had to be opened up. Despite all of this, can you believe that I still find the times to laugh and I have plenty to laugh about.

In this battle for my life, my husband and I still struggle with my intestines still unable to digest even simple food without the roaring sound of pain.

I ordered these Protein shakes which don't really taste all that good until I'm quite stoned. Then my mouth is dry and I'm very hungry (enough to drink them). They have vitamins that my body needs to heal me and to get what it needs to survive.

Just recently, I have tried to eat food a few times and it does cause me great pain, but nothing that a little hash can't alleviate and that's the magic. Sure my stomach still roars and causes me great pain, however the hash is still working strong and helping to eliminate that horrible pain. Sometimes it even calms down all the noise in my intestines to the point that they are not struggling as much. The pain does eventually return and I have to deal with it each time, but those moments of being pain free help me to fully function; it gives me that quality of life that I so need.

So far I have gained 3 lbs in just a few days. We are scheduled to meet with my oncologist on Wednesday at noon to discuss the next plan of action.

Should we just cut to the chase and have a colostomy bag inserted so that I don't have to worry so much about my bowels and intestines actually working. What next for chemo? Do we continue, was it a mistake that there were NO refills on the Etoposide? Perhaps another chemo plan of action? I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the meeting and I often am. I am really scared of how much time I have and I don't want to know, I just want to continue to live in the now and believe in my heart that I will heal eventually or perhaps even be cured.

Documenting another journey...

I had my CAT scan two weeks ago this coming Monday and I still have a large bruise on my arm from that experiences. The dye which enabled those professions to see the banana flavored Barium that I had drank minutes before the CAT scan was very large compared to the butterfly sized needed that I often request for the many tests. The nurse couldn't seem to find a good vein so she had to prick me and dig around and it was painful but not the type of pain that I am used to on a daily basis.

It has gotten to the point that I have to face reality and that is not being able to digest regular food. Its now time for me to just stick with basics and consume yucky baby food. The cool thing is, I have so many good friends that are my family. I have one neighbor who is an excellent cook willing to bring me puree fresh food daily if required to do so, I also have another good friend who is the most amazing photographer I have ever met. The point is, I have so many great friends who are ready to do what ever it takes just to help me or just to be there for support. I love that I touch lives like that.

To get back to my next journey, I plan to meet with a Chemo doctor on Wednesday with my husband at my side holding my hand as we talk about the unknown. My oncologist seems to think that the drug Etoposide or VP-16. There are lots of possible side effects to this drug and almost assuredly my hair will fall out. I decided that I will document the whole experience and will update on my appointment on Wednesday and what we will decide. I have to do something soon since the tumors are still growing. There are about 3 tumors in my peritoneal cavity and pushing against my intestines. I have another tumor growing inside my right lung. It's scary that it has come to this being 14 months of no chemo. It was nice to have the break but another journey will start.

Not to worry, I will continue to live on. My husband and I are planning to see the Scorpions tonight and I've just been invited to get a pedicure in a few hours. Life goes on and I plan to celebrate it despite the pain I'm in.

For me, the miracle of cannabis does just that and it provides me with pain relief without constipation, no bad tastes in my mouth, and it forces me to drink more water.