Interventional Radiology and my G-Tube....

 Well last night, I got really scared because my G-tube was pulled almost to the point where it was about to come out.  My tummy will seal in hours if this happens and then I have to have another surgery to try and drill another hole in my tummy.  I did make an appointment today in order to fix it on Thursday, Aug. 12th.   I have another appointment tomorrow to check on my internal pain pump.  It seems that it's not working.   I did go to interventional radiology today to see about fixing my G-Tube, no it's not a G-String, but instead a tube; much less sexy; anyway they were swamped and I was really happy that we walked back with these older sisters.  One was in this amazing wheel chair which was almost like taking the lazy boy out for a stroll; it rolled, it almost went backwards and I would have freaked out and thought it was going to throw me backwards it was in it but the lady seemed so relaxed. She had 2 nephostomy bags which she was going in to try and internalize like I did my 1.  I got to give her hope; she was amazed that I had made it 8 years.  She didn't have the same Cancer I had, but it's always great to give another person hope.

 We waited and waited and finally had to leave because I do need to go on my feeding schedule which I did get to do today.  We made that other appointment for Thursday.  They did get a good look at my G-Tube and felt that I did a superior job in pushing it back in my tummy.  How did I do that?  Another amazing thing that has just happened to me!)  anyway here is my very, very, very choppy video.  Originally it was over 17 minutes and I had to cut it down to only 10 minutes since YouTube has the 10 minute rule so please forgive this video for its choppiness but it is real and what I am experiencing as I go through this Cancer journey of mine.  

   In this video, I do talk about a real thing that I have been experiencing and as hard as it is to believe; sometimes I feel guilt in surviving this disease much longer than expected.   With each passing month more and more stuff has to be done in order to keep me alive.  These huge white food bags  costs $3000 per bag and I have to go through one ever 24 hours. 

We had been preparing ourselves for the inevitable by speaking with a social worker every month about the possibilities that I may die sooner than expected but these days turn into weeks and then into months and Whala a year has nearly passed since my doctor came into my room to give me the news that I did not want to hear.  I think the guilt is the processes of keeping me alive like the expensive surgeries, hospital stays, drugs, artificial contraptions to keep me alive (G-tube, pain pump, Nephostomy bag and then internalization to a stent, drugs, etc.).   I even feel guilty for being on Disability for so long; I have worked my entire life (since I learned to walk= we lived on a farm).  I know it's silly to feel guilty for all those things beyond my own control; I even feel guilty for missing work for so long and wished so much that things could be normal again when I know in my heart they may never be.  Hope you enjoy this video labored with love for all of you.  I will try to make some more videos for upcoming blogs.

Peace and Love to all!