A day to give thanks...

I had originally been working on this other post about some cops that racially profiled my husband a few nights ago.  I'm still working on that post; so I just wanted to publish this first to let you all know how completely thankful I am for all of my family, friends, all of you readers and everything else liife has to offer me!   It just didn't seem right for me to publish the other posting on Thanksgiving because I know not everyone is like those San Jose PD Rookie power hungry cops.   

I would love to live forever with my honey; if I had it the way that I wanted; I would die a tenth of a second before my honey and my pets but you just don't always go when you want to.  I'm thankful for each and every morning that I wake up; no matter what; even if I happen to be in horrid pain; it's just a reminder that I am alive and with my soul mate who takes such good care of me.   He loves me no matter what!)

Well I just had the most wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday with my loving neighbors in the back of the complex.  What a wonderful cook my neighbor Sharon is and I'm still kinda enjoying her meal (lots of left overs) even though I'm eating, then puking, then eating again and continuing the endless cycle of eating and puking?   Even though I have this weird bulimia thing going on; it didn't matter; I just wanted to try everything out.   I know, how disgusting is that?  I've kind of gotten used to the puking and not being able to digest anything.  It just a way of my life.   The only thing is that I must also smoke a little joint which  really helps so much for  the heartburn (I'm not getting it as much anymore?) and it's so important for me to drink lots of water with my meal and boy does that little joint make me thirsty unlike the Dilaudid (which I quit taking a few days ago since a very good friend of mine provided me with this amazing miracle medicine) or the Methadone.  I still have to take it every day twice a day.  Now it's up to 2 and half ml twice a day.  It has to be increased every week or two. 

  Hope everyone else was able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and now it's Black Friday.  I can't partake in all that craziness; I might get hurt by being pushed around or knocked down by angry or excited shoppers.    Online shopping for me is the best way for me to shop this holiday season; I already have most of my shopping done that way (for my honey).  Many are offering free shipping which you really can't beat; so there's no looking for parking spaces (except on the couch), no standing in line; just searching for that credit card or using Paypal.  That's it and you get your receipt in your email and that's it!  

 I was so happy shopping at the Van's store getting my honey some replacement shoes since his others are getting pretty worn.  They really are fast!  I couldn't believe that I practically got them like the next day or the day after.  I still need to get some wrapping paper (across the street), I only wrapped one pair and I still had a larger brown box with another shoe box inside that bigger box.  Somehow Tonto got inside the bigger box but he wanted to get into the shoe box, but those damn new shoes were in his way; so he pulled out the new shoes and really enjoyed tearing up the tissue paper that also accompanied those new shoes.  Thank God he didn't tear up    the new shoes being that they did have some tempting shoes strings in there as well.  I heard some noise coming out of the bigger box as I was watching TV; it was kinda of shaking back and forth so I just knew Tonto had climbed in there and was up to no good.  I went to go check and Tonto was just having a blast sitting in that empty shoe box with the new shoes just strewn about inside the big box and of course the tissue paper torn to bits.   I was a bit mad but very understanding.   He looked up at me with his mischievous eyes and it was too darn cute!  I had to put a heavy towel on top of the big box until I can get the other pair wrapped.   

Since we are just starting to decorate the cat tree his is finally using the cat tree once again.  Yeah!  We are going to use the cat tree once again or our tree.   I just don't see bringing in a messy tree; maybe we will since this technically could be my very last Christmas on earth?  For now, I'm kind of against it; I like just decorating the cat tree and so does Tonto.  He freaking loves it!  He feels special with his cat tree all decorated and stuff!

Peace and Love to all of you!  I hope this holiday season is special for all of us and I hope and pray that Greed will once again be looked at more seriously as a character flaw in so many.  We must take care of one another; pay it forward!)

The Sad things that happen around Christmas time....

Well one of my favorite young actresses has died yesterday; Britney Murphy. I have always been impressed with her acting skills and just knew that she would be amazing as she got older. She had a talent in her that was rare where she could go deeply into her character and to the point where it almost seemed real. There are many actresses who don't even know how to that. She was great! I think I was most impressed with her in the drug movie about Crystal Meth called "Spin".

I've never done any nose candy in my life but I have always been fascinated with those that do; it's probably my fascination with psychiatry that got me there. "Spin" was a very trippy movie that almost made you; the viewer feel that you were the one snorting and going through the trip of being spun, loosing all of your belongings and then being a looser. Being that I never have done any of that sort (does Chemo count?) but the movie in the way that it was filmed showed the actors doing a line and then the camera would film going up their nose in a weird way where you could see the insides of their body pumping and such; it was very strange and realistic movie that made you never ever want to try to destroy your life with such a drug.

She really was an amazing actress; even in the movie "Girl, Interupted" and the comedy "Uptown Girls". Oh she was also in the movie with Drew Barrymore "Riding in Cars with Boys"; now that was a feel good movie that I had watched on DVD right after I was diagnosed but it really brought back to those old memories of my childhood friends and it just made me feel good; it took me to a whole new level; those are the kinds of movies I love to watch when I am feeling depressed. They are good at getting me out of my own reality if only for 2 hours. She's done dozens of movies, some flops but in all I feel she did a great performance in most and that's just my opinion. She died at the very same age that I was diagnosed and that breaks my heart. What a life this young woman had a head of her. My heart goes out to her family and friends.

Well despite loosing young great actresses; I have been having some very good days with my health lately; being able to go outside and ride my bike, cleaning the house, and even decorating my cat tree. It has the be the most beautiful tree ever and Tonto knows it! He loves it! He thinks we are talking about him when we look at the tree in admiration and talk about how beautiful it is as he just hams it up all the way with a stretch and winking his eyes at us!

I even rode my bike to Kohls 2 days in a row with Miss Blue Belle. The first day I rode alone and got my honey some Christmas shopping done; just getting him the basics of what most house wives do for their husbands; good jeans, socks, and underwear. Well 2 packs of the underwear had some packing tape holding them shut and most men; particularly my man won't wear used underwear or put his dudes in where another dude has done the same. Well I rode with my neighbor over there to return the used underwear and exchanged for new. Me and Blue Belle tend to do better riding alone most of the time because I am always worried about her getting hurt when someone else is riding with us. My neighbor was extremely careful but I couldn't decide if I wanted to ride in front of or behind because Blue Belle wanted to either follow her or look back at her and would get herself in danger pretty quick. I think she will learn her lesson eventually but it will take some pain on her part in order to learn; just like us.

She already got cracked by a pole yesterday. She was watching my neighbor and wanted to run and catch up with her that she didn't pay attention to a parking sign and he leashed got her caught between the sign and me. It didn't hurt her but it did scare her. Maybe she learned her lesson this time. It's the first it's ever happened. She does great we are alone; but I hate not taking her with me when stores are that crowded. I still needed for her to be by my side since I was having some severe abdominal pains and she was able to calm me instantly from those bouts with pain. We stood in 2 very long lines and each time everyone in line wanted to pet her and talk about her and about their dogs and the line just didn't seem so long after all; she does this each and every time; which is why I love taking her shopping during this busy holiday season.

The pains that I was feeling in my abdomen had been the result of one minor block yesterday caused some major blowouts which lasted through out the night (I think I had ODed on the Senna, Stool Softener P-Col-Rite with Docusate Sodium, and the Colace). Sorry about that but I am stoked that I did get to go. This keeps me out of the hospital (being able to go poo).

I have also had to use my bag of puke a few times too (Gastric tube) drain out pressure that builds up in my abdomen like gas (it can get quite painful as if getting kicked really hard in the stomach). Using the Gastric Tube and Bag is the same effect as using an NG tube only the tube is already in my stomach. I know it sounds creepy; but at least I am still alive! Tubes or no tubes; I'm so thankful to be alive. So what do I do when I am hooked up to that nasty puke bag? I spent most of the evening yesterday writing out cards for many of my neighbors and co-workers, I decorated Tonto's tree even further and he loves it, did some laundry and even burned more Christmas DVDs for my friends and family.

Well now Tonto has so many toys to bat at and the strings that hang off the tree are the best! He gets spun sometimes where he jumps off the tree and at full gallop can turn on a dime. I was running downstairs to get the phone and he had heard the phone too so he knew that I would soon be around to answer it so he galloped at full force from outside; in through the doggie door and into the living room; he missed my shins by mere centimeters. I could not believe he has power brakes inside his body!). He stopped on dime and then turned his body on that same dime continued up the stairs; it was amazing to see.

Here are a bunch more photos of my tree and my stairs!) Hope you all enjoy! It's kind of hard to get a good photo of our Kitty Christmas tree but I hope you all love it; it was made with love with lights that were made in China. (how that bugs me). I wish more jobs were out here and we didn't need all of this junk from China. Hopefully one day things will be fair and others will think twice about how they treat others or be faced with being treated the same way. Here's to greedy people finally getting a heart and a clue on how to treat others; learning how to share and to be nice to those who are less fortunate than themselves.

Here is nice little photo of Blue Belle wearing her antlers and getting ready to go with me to drop off Christmas Cards with my neighbors. She looked so adorable and she is wearing my old Santa skirt that I used to wear for my honey around the house; it doesn't fit her all that much; but pretty much anything looks good on her. One of my neighbors even bought her a Snuggie for Christmas which she feels is an insult. It covers too much of her pretty fur; she grew all that fur for a reason so why cover it up with a Snuggie in San Jose, Ca?

Peace and Love to all and may this be the best Christmas for everyone reading this blog. May 2010 be the year that Health Care is finally turned around for the people, by the people and not for and by the Greedy Health Insurance or Pharmaceutical companies that lobby to keep natural products or cures that have real hope of curing out of the hands of patients who have a chance of saving their lives. Do what feels right in your heart and soul!) Peace and Love to all! Always be happy for what you already have!

Merry Christmas to all of you! A friend of mine sent me this touching video which does prove that dogs also have their own drives to do things.