My Hero is my husband - The Best Caregiver I know...

This is my favorite photo of my hot husband!  You can see the love in his eyes for me.  It's absolutely beautiful and was taken by an amazing young woman just a few years ago.  

In this post I am going to talk about the man behind the woman who fights this horrible disease.  I wouldn't be where I am today if it were not for him and I certainly wouldn't be sitting here writing this post.   This amazing man is my caregiver and my husband.  He is my super hero with out a doubt!   He always continues to amaze me more and more with his courage and  determinations each and every day  as we walk these miles together; hand in hand.  We are talking about a man who chose to stay and fight this disease with me instead of run and complain like a lot of unfortunate boys I hear about when other women  are diagnosed similarly.   I feel all cancer patients deserve a good Jimmy by their side.   It's so sad for a woman or even a man to have to go through a diagnosis  alone and I have no idea how those who leave these souls can even live with themselves.  Would they wish the same is the roles were reversed?  How would they feel if their spouse /lover left them after such grim news?  How can they be so selfish?  I don't understand it nor will I ever.  I know my situation is bad in so many ways but I still feel so incredibly lucky each and every day to have the most wonderful husband /caregiver I could ever ask for.

I have actually read that some women have been left because their man at the time of diagnosis wanted children and cold heartedly left a woman after a cancer diagnosis because of this selfish needs.  Yeah, how would he feel having to go through all that alone and I'm sure he couldn't dare do it!  Not having kids is not the end of the world or even someone's life.  There is always adoption after 5 years of being with out the cancer.  I hope this post will make those who consider leaving think again.  Yes, it is a lifetime commitment and we do have many days which are hard on both of us.  I think all couples do even when it comes to raising children together.  What we have gone through together; I would never want to put a child through w; it's hard enough on our pets.

My wonderful man wanted to get married right away before I even started chemo.   Here we are signing our Marriage License at City Hall in Santa Clara County.  He knew we had no time to waste and because of his good job and my great job; the benefits of being married would help me greatly and it has!  I didn't get much of chance to grieve or be sad about the whole diagnosis (well I did cry and grieve but this amazing man was there for me to lift my spirits!) because I was busy planning my dream wedding.  We got married exactly 9 days after being released from the hospital; 1 day after getting my staples out and 2 days before my first chemo treatment.  We didn't have the usual wedding night that so many couples would dream about; we had to rise and shine early the next morning and be at the hospital lab at 9am for my pre-infusion blood draws.  There is so much about Cancer that most don't learn about until after they are diagnosed and it can be such a total nightmare and it was for both of us; but we got through it together with lots of love.  Love can get anyone through anything; it conquers!)

Well nearly 8 years later; we are still going strong and his pace has never dropped even once.  He has gone through so much training that he could make a very good nurse and does many things that nurses do even better.   He has mastered so many medical tasks such as  everything there is to know about caring for and flushing picc lines, giving Neupogen shots and other kinds of shots as well, change bandages, care for wounds, prepare meals, set up IVs and so much more!   What a hero, my man is!)  He is also my eyes and ears for all doctor appointments and he makes sure he is there for  each one of them, he asks great questions that I wouldn't even think to ask and even researches everything that we are faced with having to do.  When he found out what kind of chemos I was going to be on; he was up late into the morning hours researching them and finding out what kinds of side effects I would be experiencing and what we could do about those side effects.  I'm so incredibly proud of him and his wonderful abilities in taking care of all of medical needs at home; even better than most of the nurses and they too agree!)  They are just as amazed at miraculous abilities as I am!).

He has also spent countless hours in the ER with me and in the hospital sleeping in uncomfy chairs or cots and sometimes we have taken nice sweet naps on the bed together (at the hospital).  He would go home just to take care of the animals (taking Blue Belle out for a walk and so much more!).  He made those hospital stays all the more special as he would sometimes bring in Blue Belle or just himself.  He would make sure I had all the amenities I could ever ask for; he would bring me my special toilet paper and we would be on the phone as we sorted details about which facewash, shampoos, and moisturizers and face masks to bring.  At night he would always be sure to Skype me with both my kitty and my dog and of course he makes me laugh at so many silly things; yes, he brings me lots of laughter and just his ways about him just make my heart skip a beat because he is so incredibly romantic.  I couldn't ask for anything more of a man!)

Of course the dreadful night of my initial diagnosis (I hadn't woken up yet from the surgery); he went home and researched Ovarian Cancer and especially other survivors who had beaten the odds.   He spent many nights up researching this disease and the next mornings after his researching we would either be spending hours on the phone discussing all that he learned or in my hospital room.  There always something new and possitive that he would want to share with me so that I wouldn't cry.  He does hate seeing me cry and won't let some people even be around me if they make me cry too much!  AWWW! I don't think I could ever say enough about my amazing man and how much I love him so.

We both cried so much during first couple of months and he didn't dare tell me what that doctor had  told him (while I was in that first surgery) that I would be lucky to survive another 10 months to 2 years maximum; not until my 5th survival anniversary did he tell me this.  I made it past age 35 which was supposed to be impossible and now I am at age 40.  It doesn't even seem real.

How does this Caregiver do it all so well? How does he sets up his work space?  Because he used to be in the Army; he has the best organizational skills that I totally lack!?  He has brought so much to the plate and has given me everything I could have ever asked for in a husband and a caregiver.  He does inventory each week and makes lists of items that need to be ordered and seems to always be on top of his game (my care)!

His typical responsibilities for each day I am alive include all of the following:

He is the first person to give me my freedom from the TPN.  He hooks it up at night and then he unhooks me.  I know that's doesn't seem like much but I haven't even started on all the tasks just yet.  When I take the TPN downstairs and plug it in to charge for the next feeding; I always notice this nice little neat pile of syringes all ready for    the next morning.  After unhooking me from the TPN, he also needs to flush the picc line properly.   Then he goes to work; gives me a kiss and we have to tell each other how much we love each other before he goes to work.  I don't hear from him sometimes until he calls me around 3pm to remind me that I need to pull out the TPN bag so that it can sit at room temperature for 3-4 hours.  He will get home from work and immediately give me a kiss and then veg out on the couch for a few moments before taking Miss Blue Belle out.  Once he gets back from that; he begins the long process of getting the TPN ready to hook me up.  This is now my only way of getting nutrition.  The sad thing is that while it is feeding me; it   is also feeding the cancer and I have tumors that are growing in my bowel and causing blockages.  I try to use mind over matter that they are shrinking and then Meg Whitman on my back has been stabbing me pretty horridly.  My Volcano Vaporizer does do the job on Meg pretty good.  I am trying hard to stay clear of the dangerous drug medications that I am prescribed.

Cannabis just gives me the quality of life that I so need.  Having cancer sucks and I'm so thankful to have medicine that doesn't have to be so dangerous for my body.  My honey makes sure that I have my medicine and reading about caregivers who do just that gettting arrested is Unconstitutional.  Yes, I said it; caregivers do so much for those they care for and why the government or polititions who obviously have never suffered in such great pain could choose to end a life (putting someone in jail is the same as ending their life as they know it) should be a crime.  The only crime that these caregivers are doing is helping their love have a quality of life with out  the pain and horrible side effects.   That is why it is Unconstitution to keep this plant illegal from other patients who really need it.  I that is why so many die each year and the amount of pain they have to endure and only be able to use those dangerous constipating addictive drugs.  It really does provide me with a good quality of life even though I tend to laugh a lot while on it; but at least I'm not crying my eyes out and being depressed.   Life is too short for suffering in any kind pain.

Another thing my honey does is that he protects me from danger and will not stand by if someone does me wrong.  I can't open the door at night if he is not home and he will fight anyone that tries to hurt me.  He is very protective of me and the best caregiver I could ever ask for.  He even does healthy shopping at Whole Foods for me.  It's really precious because my lists often contains items that I may have researched on the internet and stuff that he might not know what it is but he can find it or call me and I can help him find what ever it is.  He's so cute when he does call me and very concerned about getting everything that I need!) Oh GOD he is so cute and loving; I just can't ask for anything more and am so very thankful I have him in my life.    What a team we make!  We are a Power Couple all the way and I do know we are not the only ones out there!

Another thing I love about him is that his bandages are the very best; he takes great pride in doing  the most excellent job in all that he does for me.  He takes great care in pulling off the tape and then cleaning the wound (making sure that I'm not hurting he does it extra, extra gentle!), and then the best bandage job every time.  I have never seen a nurse do a better job than he does with everything that he does for me!)  That's what a caregiver must do and he does all that and so much more!); My love also encourages me to get out for exercise in order to heal myself; "get off your lazy ass!"  I get lots of encouragement from him and I appreciate it more and more each day!)  I do my Yoga stretches and even ride my bike or clean my house and do laundry.  My pot is not dangerous to others and I only do so in the privacy of my own home.  Well enough about my excellent medicine and my love for my hero; my husband!  I love you honey with all my heart and soul and I appreciate EVERYTHING you do for me and I know everybody else does too!  You are a hero to all of us!)

Peace and Love to all of you!  If any of you can think of other things your caregiver does for you; please do leave a comment about it!) It's so romantic what they do for us!   It's ALL about True Love as we know it!)  Love Conquers All!)

A New Medical Device to help keep me alive...

Bet you are wondering what that strange looking overs ized device this thing could be?   Well just knowing that I had it brought out the worst in me (just today only and don't worry; I totally learned my lesson!).  While I did get myself in trouble today; yesterday was much better.  Today, I have been puking quite a bit from trying to eat stuff that I really can NOT eat (chicken nuggets and fries).  That saying "Life is short" should never ever give me the excuse to try to eat what I want.  I had cleaned the unit last night and did not attach the vacuum pump exactly right so I was  just sitting on my couch attached to this thing ( when it's on, it sounds a lot like an aquarium) watching repeat movies on HBO while puking my guts out (& being hooked up to the dam thing through the tube in my tummy).  It wasn't vacuuming my system at the time (just running and making plenty of background noise) and I was so sick that I could barely move.  Finally, I forced myself off the couch and then cleaned out the unit again (just to see what up and why the little puke canister wasn't filling up?; OK it was just one of the tubes that needed cleaning and it was then that I discovered that it wasn't hooked up correctly (that entire time; must have been about 2-3 hours?).  I fixed the problem but am still feeling a bit sick, weak, and in some amount of stomach pain.

OK, I do have to say that Saturday was such an awesome day for me; had some visitors and then I had this huge device delivered to me from my sweet doctor.  He knew exactly why I wanted to avoid coming to the hospital (lonesome, bad TV, uncomfy bed, and being waked up at all hours of the night, no pets, etc.) I'm receiving home health care at home so that I can avoid being in the hospital; well it's not so fun there.  I haven't been able to eat for nearly 2 weeks and have been draining my stomach like crazy. I have also been smoking pot for the severe nausea and of course the pain  associated with the blockage in my tummy and then of course the most horrible side effects of the pot is the hunger and the thirst.  It's either that or taking hard core drugs like the constipating side effects of Dilaudid and Zofran.  Since the nausea and the heartburn have been out of control  (off the charts) and I was  also very constipated already; treating my condition involved more or less a roto rooter type thing in order to get my intestines working again; plus they needed some rest?

The best thing of all happened on Saturday and that was that I had a huge blow out!)  It was so freaking awesome!)  For most; one of those is really no big deal and a bit embarrassing to even admit to; but for me; it was a joyous celebration for my life!)  I'm still freaking happy over that!) 

Well having the severe munchies (its nothing at all like wanting to murder anybody (pot does not cause death or make anyone wish to kill anyone) it's not dangerous at all; its just wanting to eat FOOD); my honey had made himself a Dejorno Pizza which smelled absolutely amazing to me with those munchy tendencies of mine.   That is why I am so on board with reclassifying it (in the 30's they had no freaking clue about this plant).  I always get going when it comes to the medicine that has been helping to keep alive so long!)  I still get into reading "The Emperor Wears No Clothes".   I love that book!)

The device was exactly what I had experienced in ER (stomach pump) where my tummy was most often pumped.  Before the G-tube; I had to use NG tubes in order to pump  my stomach and the G-tube definitely makes it much easier and more tolerable.  I have NEVER been up for anything shoved up my nose so you imagine that the NG tube to me has always been a total nightmare and very, painful depending on the size of the tube.  It really gets annoying by the 2nd day so you can imagine after over a week or so!(

Well to get back to the device; its basically a medical device that can pump my stomach and boy did I use it after I had 2 small pieces of pizza (just the cheese and sauce = no crust for me).  I ate that (it was the first thing enjoyable I have had in over 2 weeks!); then immediately I hooked myself up to this unit in order for it to pump my poor tummy of stuff that it wasn't at all used to.  It was so amazing  just to be able to eat those toppings!  I loved every minute of it and savored those little moments!  Then for the next hour and half; I hooked myself up to that unit and  let it drain me of all those bad things I had just consumed into my poor little body!

TONTO'S CHAIR HAS TO GO

I know it's bad news for him.  We have to make room for this huge device and my honey and I decided that the broken old worn out recliner has to go and this medical device will go in this corner.  Tonto will have to go back to using his cat tree once again and I know he won't be very happy about that. He will just have to learn to sleep somewhere else.  Hopefully he won't protest too loudly as he sometimes does when it comes to him loosing more weight.  Yes, he needs a tummy tuck and he feels that extra skin needs to be filled with more kitty treats.

TODAY'S SPECIAL HORSE

Well here is the pretty big horse that needs a good home or some extra feed what ever we can do to help her out.   Isn't she just stunning?  Her name is Kiowa and  she was born in May 2003.   I think she is named after the Kiowa Indian Tribe in Texas?  She isn't halterbroke just yet but just needs someone to just give her some extra loving care that she deserves.  She is a Draft Mare and her adoption fee is $800.  I would love to give her a big hug and smell her!  Horses smell so good and I bet her nose feels like velvet!)  Just contact Jennifer Johns or Cheryl Forbes at animali@aol.com.

 I still have hope in my heart that I'm young and that I can get myself stronger and that my insides will eventually heal!  I hope to be around a long time for my sweetie or that we are around a long time for each other.  I love how we take care of one another!)  It always gives me such pleasure to do the little things for him as he does for me.  He really makes my life so much more worth living and strengthens that will to survive even more than ever!  I did eventually get my lazy weak ass on my beautiful bike; didn't go the whole distance but did go around my complex a few times!)  I hope to take you all on another bike ride soon!)

Peace and Love to everyone and here's to all of you cancer survivors out there and everyone else having many, many good quality years ahead of you!)

A New Tumor called Whitman

I hope and pray that my blog posting does not offend any of you; I mean most of it in good humor and others are just wondrous .  As you do know I am all and for the legalization of Cannabis and feel that the drug wars must end. They are getting way too violent; even in my own neighborhood; I would love to take the seediness out of drug dealing and just make it boring and extremely unprofitable.  The drugs could be tested and regulated and not having people use battery acid and so many other kinds of deadly ingredients which are doing who knows what to our environment and not to mention the addicts.  Tax costs alone could pay for Rehab and Education.

I watched one of those documentaries on one of these cable stations about Meth.   It does make you feel that Prohibition back in 20's is exactly what this Drug War today is.  I'm all for making drugs legal for Adult Use by first  making drugs  safer and not so much of that aggro side effects which cause people to become dangerous and scary; many people on chemical drugs such as meth are very scary and I have walked by many which made me feel very uneasy and unsafe.  I'm fighting for my life and this crazy person  near me might be eying robbing me and seemingly on a very dangerous drug could very well over power me even kill me and not think a thing about ending an innocent person's life.   Yes,  I do love my neighborhood and I never have to drive any where but sometimes the Crazies will come of the wood work.  I found this video to be very interesting and why I question Prohibition on all drugs and of course this failed Drug War. 



Well; I personally don't feel that politics is at all in Good Kharma; especially here, but politicians are like cancer; many lie and cheat and steal; and they make quite greedy souls; not that any Hurst is equipped with a U-Haul for all their most prized possessions once they decide to leave this earth.   Many people act as if their possessions are worth more than a human life; like Money? OK that is something I will never even comprehend to understand. I hope my blog will help many prioritize what is most important about living and leaving a legacy.

Cancer is a disease for which I feel has united so many lives and has proved that when fighting in numbers; we can beat.  Each year these Relay for Life events bring communities together and honor those survivors and those whom we will never ever forget. This is the time of year for the walks and fun raisers for more cancer Research.  I would love to have Research on Cannabis and Cancer; I feel there is a key in there somewhere.  

I meet survivors from all over the world and it really does remind me that my life is affecting so many others in so many ways by how I fight this disease.  It also got me thinking about Conspiracy Theories that I have read and seen all over the internet; and that perhaps so many succumb to Heart Disease and Cancer (yet we don't really seem all that surprised that it's that many people dying in the US each year and in other countries; some countries don't even have it and I would love for us to study as to why this is true?  Is there really such thing as Population Control?  A circle of life for humans?  Maybe War is like Population control too?

OK back to my new tumor; (hope to get rid of it somehow); anyway its growing on my back and it does stab me in back quit a bit sometimes; it feels kind of like a dagger; tumors can be very painful for those who have them growing on them such as I.  I will show you  Meg Whitman (named after Backstabbing Meg Whitman is up in arms with the Nurses unions in fighting to take away mandatory breaks (I have been in a hospital and I for one know for a fact; that nurses do in fact work very, very, very hard.  I value nurses as I value my life.  (I'm not very trusting of many politicians) and I don't feel we should be drilling on our fragile CA shores; there are lots of Cancer Fighting plants growing in those areas that I don't feel we should taint. or kill with out researching them first to see if they really do possess the healing powers.    RESEARCH! RESEARCH! RESEARCH!  A cure is needed!)  

Her ads are very insulting and throwing many people under the bus; just tactics that I don't wish to see or hear for so many months of my life; many of her ads don't check out; maybe a few facts here and there; but stretching of the truth "why hell yeah!".   I'm not into the backstabbing in any one; I could never allow any of my loved ones to suffer in pain as I do; it's all worth it when I see what makes my heart flutter; this wonderful man who loves me no matter what; no matter what; he is there for me.   Anyway, onward with my fight of Whitman the tumor.  Here she is right now; just a baby back stabber as you will see in the video.

This photo is what I call "Love".  Here is my caring loving husband doing what he does to keep me alive for as long as he can.    He does so much each and every day.  We love each other more than life itself and as long as I am breathing; I am able to help him as he helps me; whether it be some light laundry, cooking, cleaning, and just loving him.

This has been a very tough time for both of us.  What we are facing ahead is the fear of the unknown; will my intestines heal?  If they don't there is a chance I might have a limited amount of time left.  This proves to all that you have to make the most of every moment in life that you can and think of it.

All married couples should be there for each other regardless.  Marriage is very sacred to me;  I for one don't feel that gay people getting married is going to hurt my marriage in any way.   What believe in for any marriage is Love, Respect, Communication, and Honor for each other.    In fact; love is stronger than what most people believe and I feel strongly that my love for my honey has kept me alive for much longer than what most doctors could have ever predicted.

I am also very happy that Prop 8 was regarded as Unconstitutional which it really is.  I feel that it is very, very wrong to mix Religion and Politics; in fact its very Sacrilegious to do so?  I don't trust the Mormon Church as all funding went to deceiving so many lives and I feel that those millions they spent in order to mislead many Californian Voters could have been spent on helping fund Research for childhood diseases, families who have lost everything, or those who are drowning in medical debt due to their lack of insurance, creating new jobs; so many things that could have helped others but instead is deceived.  How is that legal that they be able to raise money in order to deny rights to others?

I have met so many loving couples who I for one wish them many happy years together..  They deserve health insurance just as I do while I fight my battle.  It's sad that many of these couples are unable to cover each other on any insurance policy and I have met quite a few even in support groups that can't cover each other while the other works their tail end of and then is also the caretaker.  Some jobs do offer coverage for Civil Unions and I'm thankful to so many who are able to put themselves in the shoes of others and question "am I am being fair to this person?  Do I know this person that I am denying rights to?  Yesterday was a happy day for many.    I have met so many of these couples  in the chemo areas of the hospital and even in radiation.  I will never forget this

My husband and I we walk the miles (our wedding song "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin) of what ever we have to conquer together.  I'm so very proud of him and his abilities in taking good care of me.  Anyway, enough about my back stabbing tumor "Meg Whitman".  or maybe plain old "Meg"?  Please those of you with that first name; to be sure; we are not talking about you; those with hearts of gold and full of love!) Not any of you!   I can't just call it  plain old  "Whitman" because I know some very, very, very loving and peaceful Whitman's and backstabbing is the last on their agenda.  They are full of love and very good souls; another wonderful love story I got to see at my job.  I love all of those happy wonderful families who have all shown me how much love they have for me.

I recently lost a great internet friend who also was battling Ovarian Cancer; I had mentioned her on my blog many times before for giving me the strength that I needed to get through the humps of all    these surgeries and infections?  She had 2 Nephostomy Bags in her kidneys and was able to internalize one as I was too.  I still have a stint in my right ureter but she was so graceful about having to deal with what she had to deal with as far as the Canadian health Care System.  She was covered but the coverage didn't seem so great; she did get hospitalized and each and every time so much was done to save her life.  She had to endure so many scary things like clots in her legs (and deadly ones at that), she left behind a young son (about 5 years old) who was so sharp and he loved his mommy.   How I feel for this young family.  Her husband was another typical love story of another man who loves and cares for his wife through out and till the end.  God Bless Him.   Becky faught this disease long and hard for about 5 years and now she has her wings.  I sure hope she is smiling down at me.  May you Rest in Peace Becky!  I love you!

There have been some other deaths of other friends online from this deadly disease.  For some reason; this has been a very deadly month.  I almost lost it in the hospital last week.  I was so scared of dying there.   I am so glad to be out. It is amazing to be out; but the reminder that I am very sick is my weakness and the pain I feel when I try to eat. I'm still in need of weight gain but it's hard not knowing if my intestines are really working.  No more popcorn for me!

Meg is featured in the video portion of my Blog.  Tonto just got finished with his portion.   Each of my pets are also featured on my blog.

Peace and Love to all of you!  May there a be a cure in this lifetime!

 
OK AND this portion from Tonto!  Coming Soon!  Please come back to see Tonto in Action!